The Celts Unleashed: A Scotish AAR (1419)

[Braedonnal]

Along the Anglo-Scotish border, Wessex, 1448

"Wat on Earth is that I see?"

"Looks to be a great big Anglish army, it does."

"Jesus Christ! Well, I'm guessin' you and I can't take em."

"Whelp, maybe if we had Angus and Argyle with us."

"Har-Har!" I suppose we oughta ride to the Midlands and warn da army, huh?"

"Ayup, I think that what we are paid for."

"Aw hell, you get paid? What a load of shite! You ride then, I'll get Angus and Argyle and see what we can do."

"Okay, have fun killin' the Anglish!"

"I will!"

Glasgow, 1448

"You tell your king that if Bristol is given to us, we will have eternal friendship with Angland."

"And if I refuse?"

"Well, um, we'll wait until you move that huge army elsewhere and stab ya in yer back!"

"I see. Well, I'll tell him but I don't think he'll be very keen with his armies marching into your lands as we speak."

"What?! Guards, seize this man!"

"Why? This is Scotland and you are first among equals. Just kill em yerself if you be a true Scotsman!"

"Hmm, gettin uppity! But you have a good point." The king turned back to the envoy. "Sorry, but you have to die."

"But, but..."

"Right of an envoy? You forget, Anglishman, yer in Scotland now." *Swoosh, plop.*

Present day, Glasgow

"The Anglish had so many more men than the Scots but clearly they were fools and split their force into many different parts. The Scots rallied in Midlands and combined their forces and split them to crush the Anglish in Anglia and Bristol, leaving the bulk of the Anglish sieging Wessex. London was once again burned to the ground, three times in thirty years is alot. the defeated Anglish army of Bristol had retreated to Wales and besieged it but the Scots paid em no mind."

"Why's that, father?"

"Whelp, Wales is mountainous and the Scots had become a horse army. Then again, maybe they just dint care none for them Welsh. I think it might have been the former most likely though a Welshman would likely tell a different tale than that, you'd be sure o that!

The Scots moved to attack the Anglish in Wessex and in Kent, obliterating those forces and then besieged Bristol. Wales would fall under Anglish control however and the Scots likely were waiting for those Anglish to move from there. It didn't happen though and Bristol fell and the armies moved to Kent but then an offer of peace came offering 164,000 crowns and Bristol. So Wessex and Cornwall came to be connected to Scotland proper but in a far different manner than anyone thought."

"I beat no one thought Angland would attack us."

"True enough, lad. The surprise was total and yet, they squander their last chance for victory. Scotland would never be so unprepared again.

Angland remained as foolish as ever and declared war on France in 1456 and these were tense times in Scotland for Kent and London were easily captured by the French and every Scot prayed that they wouldn't demand Kent in peace. Angland was completely humiliated and lost Gascogne, Calais and Normandie to the ever increasing might of France which was made ever mightier with it's unholy alliance with Austria, Bavaria, Burgundy, Bohemia and Hungary. Quite honestly, this was an unstoppable force and though all Scots wished to unite Brittany with the realm, these plans had to be abandoned and Scotland took an isolationist policy though another war with Angland would be declared in 1468."

"Why did that war happen for? I thought they said Bristol was the last demand."

"I'd guess mostly because it was just a matter of time before someone declared war against weak Angland over Friesland and the Scots wanted no one but Scots on this island."

"That just not right!"

"No, lad, but that be the way the world was and in some ways still is."

"It's not fair!"

"Nope, and it gets worse later on but let me finish this war first before we get to the next. The Anglish had a pretty small army at this time and they were utterly destroyed in Kent and Anglia. They tried to levy more but the Scots swept the fields and new troops stood no chance against the mighty Scot cavalry. It was just a matter of time before London was torched again, five times in fifty years. Kent fell first though and the Scots found that even the Anglish navy was nothing. The Anglia (Scots) army boarded ship and landed in Friesen and Angland had no troops there. By 1470, it was all over and Scotland received Kent and Friesen plus 107,000 crown. Scotland wanted nothing to do with any land on the continent at this time and released Friesen as a vassal. Angland was left with only London and the surrounding farmlands and it would stay as such until the 1530's when developments in Angland would force yet another pair of wars.

Scotland after another dismembering of England

 

[coz1]

Great work turning the Isles blue and all. Not watch for the English to start colonizing too much before that pretty CoT pops up.

 

[Amric]

Well, London is now surrounded by a sea of Scottish territory! Very well done and soon enough there should be no more England! Very nice, and I am with Coz1...wait for the cot to show up and then take them out completely. That way you get a nice shiny cot to play with!

 

[unmerged(21523)]

First off, great update as per usual, I presume you're only waiting for the Anglia COT to show up before polishing England off. Regrading your Frisian vassals, I have the same problem with nations I force-vassalize/release as vassals, their neighbors have a nasty habit of ganging up on them (as will be apparent in future chapters of the Lithuania AAR) while the poor devils haven't even got an army (when I release, they don't have to build an army, when I force-vassalize I usually have kill all their armies first). I presume that's what became of Frieseland?

 

[Braedonnal]

coz1 and Amric: Thanks for reading! Things are going pretty well at this point, besides the 26 percent inflation. Money comes slow with so many wrong culture provinces (and later on, wrong religion). I am indeed waiting for the CoT and shipyard/barrack to pop up. Cheaty metagame knowledge but Scotland is poor enough! With all these beatings, England will have trouble colonizing too much, I hope.

Zach: Thanks, hopefully my writing skills are improving. About the vassalage, I honestly didn't care about Friesen at all, and the only reason I took them was to prepare England for the final war. But yeah, I released them and they refused to build anything to defend themselves with and I didn't even bother getting them into alliance as I was far behind the land tech race. I couldn't even tell you for sure who killed them off, I think Gelde though. My favorite though is when I am in a war and force-vassalize someone and then my allies annex my vassal!

 

[Braedonnal]

Glasgow, 1530

"Sire, there is dire news from the south!"

"Well, speak man!"

"It's those Anglish again, they've got all sorta stuff we din't."

"Stuff, you say? What kinda o stuff?"

"Oh, you know, the CoT everyone's been sayin to wait to take."

"Oh, yes, that. Well, we knew it was comin'"

"That's not all though!"

"What else, man!"

"They got some big spinning golden wheel on the wahter."

"Oh, that's a shipyard."

"Can't we build those, sire?"

"Nah. We can't."

The king's advisor moves out from the shadows. "Our naval technology is higher than Anglands."

"I know, but you see, Angland cheats and gets such things for free!"

"Bunch o' limp wristed nancy boys, dem Anglish. Need ta cheat to beat us!"

"True, true."

"Oh, oh, oh!"

"Gods, man! Out with it!"

"They also have some sorta crossed sword deal too."

"Aha! A weapons manufactory!"

"How did you come to know so much about these strange Anglish symbols?"

"You needs to know these things when yer king."

"Ah."

Present day, Glasgow

"The time between these Anglish wars were good times of growth and all Scotland prospered."

"So, aggressive wars are good for a country as long as you completely crush your enemy and barely take losses?"

"Er? No. Well, maybe in this case. Alcohol manufactories went up and even one in sheep country. Din't ask about that one, lad. Trust me, you din't wanna know what was in that alcohol.

Things were looking up for Scotland and rebellion had died away and become a thing of the past. Just when it seemed like there might be peace, the Anglish got all sorta stuff built and it was rumored they were working on some sorta secret weapon."

"What was it? A blanket with disease? A land dreadnought?"

The English secret weapon

"Ack, boy, no! It was the gun."

"That's not a secret weapon at all!"

"It was to the Scots. They stuck to the cavalry age when the rest of Europe was moving into the gunpowder age. The bad thing about these wars with the Anglish was that the wrong lessons were learned by the Scots. The Anglish were too badly broken to be able to win against the Scots, guns or no, and the Scots kept using the horse for years after a free Angland was but a memory."

"That's silly, everybody knows a gun is better."

"Well, when you fight armies using the gun and you are mainly horse and you win, would you change to the gun?"

"Hmm, probly not."

"Well, the Scots defeated Anglish and took London but found that the Anglish had been founding new cities over the sea but without London they had no chance. The first war ended with Scotland taking what cities were in North America.

No sooner was the ink dry on that peace agreement that Scotland declared war yet again. To many it must have seemed like the same war. Scotish troops hadn't even moved from London. It was over quickly and Angland was no more."

"Did we really do that? Break the peace as it was signed?"

"Fraid so, lad. A dark bit a Scotish history for sure. Fortunately, it gets better from here."

"I hope so, we Scots seem rather the bad guys..."

Odd European developments.

Nova Scotia, thanks to England!

 

[Semi-Lobster]

Hurray! Rule Scotland! Scotland rules the waves! What's your land tech and BB? Maybe you should get some allies now to! Also... Byzantium!?!?! Wow, a lot of weird stuff is happening!

 

[Braedonnal]

Land tech 6, compared to 11 for France and 12 for Austria. BB is at a healthy 22.8, oh noz! Thank god for islands but those French colonies scare me with the sharing of borders and the fact France has 220,000 troops that I can see (lousy cheatin' AI) and the fact that they hate my guts.

I think it's time for being nice and to work on some quiet expansion for a bit and hope that the world forgets that there is a Scotland until I become so economically powerful that I can crush all enemies, real or imagined! :rofl:

 

[Farquharson]

So what about religion? The problem with Scotland is it makes most sense to go Reformed once Calvin comes along, but then nobody much wants to be your friend, except people like the Helvetians, if they still exist. Well, you could go for a Catholic Scotland with some big powerful friends, like Austria or Spain. In any case I hope you eventually manage to turn some more of Europe that civilized Scottish blue - it's too good to waste on just those two wee islands...

 

[Braedonnal]

Weird, my maps work but my pics don't but they did earlier.

Eventually I will get involved in Europe but I've been pretty naughty so I must be punished by colonizing and dealing with Catholics, Lutherans and Calvinists for awhile. Calvinism and Protestantism really killed my income and there was also research that needed to be done as I needed inflation relief. o

I'll cover the religious situation in the next installment as not a ton of stuff happened for many, many years besides painting lands in pretty Scotish Blue.

 

[unmerged(21523)]

Things seem to be proceeding quite nicely for Scotland, with the British going down and all that. Portugal is huge and it appears Poland has been swallowed by the sort-of Christian Empire of Lithuania! (although I would've let Danzig become a CoT first).

 

[coz1]

I think that's a good idea. Work on your infrastructure and colonial endeavors while your BB wastes away. Weird looking maps, but I suppose it fits with this type of game - no England. And I doubt Portugal will stay so big for so long as long as the hold Rome.

 

[Braedonnal]

Glasgow, 1551

"First all these Protestants in Angland and then this John Knox fellow and now these Calvinists! What are we to do?"

"I din't know but I doubt the Queen does either, I'd wager."

"What is it that I don't know?"

Mary's advisor nearly jumped out of his skin. "Oh, nothing."

"I thought I heard that something about 'me not knowing what path to take over Calvinism?'"

"Ack, I guess you did hear. Whelp, what are you going to do?"

"I am going to leave things mostly as is, sir. I am also going to send word to Rome over these difficulties and pray for reform of the most Holy Catholic Church. I plan to keep Scotland within the Catholic fold yet I do not intend to burn people at the stake either. I do hope in time that people will return to the faith and to do this they need to be educated so they aren't so easily swept up into fervor just because some embittered preacher wants to make his way, 'The Way'."

"Seems you thought about this quite a bit then."

"I have indeed and have even read the works of these preachers. Luther, he has good ideas for certain reforms but I have a problem with a faith led by a man who says he fights with the devil and flings his feces at him and wishes to throw the devil into his anus where he belongs. He is just not right in the mind.

Then there are these Presbyterians and Congregationalists. Presbyterians want a church government led by representives elected by the masses. I suppose this has good and bad sides to it though church government and doctrine decided by popularity contests does not seem the best method to me though it allows more freedom and honestly, that is what all this uproar is about. I suppose presbyterianism is much better than Congregationalism. Every church would be self-governing? Every church would be it's own faith in that case and every Father would define his church's doctrines. It would not even be constant as a Father would die and his replacement would likely interpret "The Word" differently." The church of anarchy perhaps a better name for this movement.

"My Queen, these matters are far beyond me." To think, she is only nine. Scotland will do well under her rule.

"Well, freedom is what the people want and in time freedom they shall have."

"Free the masses?! You can't!"

"Certainly I can. I am the Queen, you know, but first I need to deal with a more pressing matter."

"More pressing than the current religious uproar?"

"Yes, more pressing than even that. Guards!"

The Queen's Guard moved quickly. "My lady, your command?"

"Please escort the advisor to the tower."

"The charge, my queen?"

"High treason."

Present day, Glasgow

"The Pax Scotia began roughly at the start of Mary's reign and continued up until the early 1700's. Of all these reigns, Mary's is most lovingly remembered and her policies of religious tolerance, or more accurately, passive counterreformation, which were years ahead of their time. She is also remembered for pushing for education for nobles and lower classes alike. Her isolationistic policies kept Scotland out of the religious strife of the continent and helped Scotland grow ever stronger. She took the government out of the hands of nobility, slowly, and instead appointed the best of the university students as governors throught all of Scotland and her colonial holdings.

July 15, 1567 : We went with Support the Queen in The Fate of Mary Stuart.

Economically, Scotland achieved economic domination in a time that concept was unknown. Scotish traders, mainly made up of the increasingly well-educated lower class, plied their trade in all known centers of trade. This money fueled greater achievements of research and improvement of Scotish infrastructure and new manufactories.

The army was reformed and became more an infantry force, thus the nobles lost even their hold over the army and Scotland had a standing army paid from the royal treasury. The navy expanded as well as no enemy could defeat Scotland if the navy remained invincible.

Scotland may have been completely isolationist in Europe, but not without allies and would support them via the Scotish Navy, but overseas, Scotish growth exploded. North America became basically a Scotish playground and Nova Scotia grew exponentially. The only interruptions to this peace would be a few minor Indian Wars which I'll come back too."

"You better, you know I love a good war, even if it's only against filthy Indians!"

"Filthy Indians? Who are you, Terrence and Philip?"

"Who?"

Good, at least he wasn't watchin' South Park. "Anyways..."

"So, Mary was a good monarch? A girl no less! Was she pretty?"

"Whoa, one question at a time! Well, I'm a cynic and look for every bad thing I can in people and try though I might, Mary was easily the best monarch of her time and likely of Scotish history. Scotland grew great under her guidance and her policies were wisely continued after her death. A girl, yep. Pretty? In her youth, certainly, blessed with the Tudor red hair and she grew to be tall and willowy."

"Willowy?"

"Tall and thin, slightly built. Willowy means like a willow branch. So, why all these questions about Mary, Queen of Scots?"

"No reason."

'Was he embarassed?' Shamus thought to himself and smiled, 'He really is growing up.'

"Don't smile like that!"

"So. you wanted to know about the Indian..."

 

[Braedonnal]

Glasgow, 1613

"Explain to me again what these Aztecs have done."

"Well, actually, nothing."

"Why should we war again with them?"

"If we don't, our Spanish allies will rob them blind and have those gold mines to themselves."

"Well, they are our allies."

"True but with the wealth of the Americas they would likely run rampant in Europe. We dun need no more wars in Europa."

"Very well, dispatch the armies and levy more in the Tobacco Cluster to replace losses."

"It shall be done, sire."

Somewhere in Mesoamerica, 1614

"Here they come again, lads!"

"Will you listen to the awful noise. That be no bagpipes for sure!"

"Close enough!"

"Listen, that's Anglish for shure!"

Since 1615, winds attacked and overseen,
now crawl amidst the ruins of this empty dream.
They're borders and boots on top of us,
pullin' knobs on the floor of their toxic metropolis.
So how you gonna get what you need ta get?
Tha gut eaters, blood drenched get offensive like Tet.
When the fifth sun sets get back reclaim,
tha spirit of Cuahtemoc alive and untamed.

Face tha funk now blastin' out ya speaker, on the one, Maya, Mexica.
That vulture came ta try and steal ya name but now you found a gun.
This is for the People of the Sun.
It's comin' back around again.
This is for the People of the Sun.

Neva forget that tha wip slapped ya back,
ya spine cracked for tobacco, oh I'm the Marlboro man.
Our past blastin' on through tha verses,
brigades of taxi cabs rollin' Broadway like hearses
Troops strippin' zoots, shots of red mist,
sailors blood on the deck, come sista resist
Tha new era of terror check this photo lens,
now tha city of angels does tha ethnic cleanse.

"God, that be awful!"

"Savages. Well, let's get to it. We've a prophecy to fulfil."

"We do?"

"Yep. Fire!"

Present day, Glasgow

"Now, Pax Scotia might be slighty misleading, Scotland fought some limited wars with her allies, Venice, Spain and Lithuania but just on the seas. It was the heyday of Scotish privateering and the seized gold and goods added to an already huge amount of wealth in Scotland."

"Arrr! I be a pirate! Fifteen men on a dead man's chest and I shot those suckas and I'll shoot tha rest!"

"Hush you and your Beastie Boys nonsense! This is serious stuff!"

"Sorry..."

"Right, well, war was declared against the Aztec Empire in 1613. They stood no chance at all and the only real fear was yellow fever. At was all over by 1615 and the massive wealth of that nation fell to Scotland. They would not be the last.

In 1633 it was the turn of the Iroquois. They lasted fourteen months, until 1634. Then the Hurons in 1635 and they were finished by 1636 after an eight months war. In 1650, it was the turn of the Mayas and they lasted a mere five months."

"Wow, Scotland didn't much care for Indians, I take it."

"Not at all. Scotland's isolationism ended in 1684 when Portugal got involved in a war with one of Scotland's allies. Scotish forces ran rampant throughout South America and Scotland received Goias, Marajo, Caracas and Mato Grosso and left bulk of the Portuguesse navy at the bottom of the South Atlantic. A repeat war in 1692 brought Para, Tiracambu, Maranhao, Parnaiba and Recife to Scotland."

"Showed those Portugalians good!"

"Portuguesse! When Flanders declared war on the Lenape, Scotland decided to seize it first in 1702. They lasted four months. Denmark declared war upon the pagans of Benin in 1703 and Scotland swiftly mobilized the Royal Army and blasted into Ivoria and Oye. By 1704, Benin sued for peace,giving Ivoria to Scotland and thus the very profitable African center of trade."

"Wow, that's an awful lot of wars in a short amount of time."

"True enough, lad. Scotland realized something they had forgotten."

"What's that?"

"That Scotland was strong and that they were no longer afraid to use force to gain their objectives."

"This is where the good part comes, right?"

"Ah, yes, Brittany..."

 

[Semi-Lobster]

Ooooh Brittany! Wow, you've been busy smahing the natives in the Americas! At least with Brittanty you won't have to convert them now

 

[Braedonnal]

Maps, maps, maps and even more maps!

Blobs, blobs and more blobs. Swedish Catalonia, btw.

Nova Scotia looking very Scotish for sure.

The Aztec and Mayan song proved prophetic as their people are no more though Scotish use them to mine gold and chop sugar cane rather than tobacco.

Portugal should know better than to fight Scotland!

Ivoria is too small to allow for a map but it's Scotish too.

 

[Braedonnal]

Semi-Lobster: I read your Siam AAR, was very interesting! I want HOI but I can't seem to find it anywhere. Guess I'll try Ebay. You posted too fast, btw, and missed these new maps!

 

[coz1]

Good Lord!! I have only once before seen the BWB as big as that? Where in the hell did the rest of Germany go??? And I do not see Russia either??

 

[Braedonnal]

Russia got repeatedly bitchslapped nearly every five years by El Gran Alliance of Spain, Venice, Lithuania and yours truly, Scotland. I admit, all I did was sink ships in these wars but Spain was very enchanted with romantic idea of sending armies to freeze in the cold northern wastes. Russia still exists but I believe the Tsar of All Russias has found a more mobile format. :rofl:

As for Austria, well, she decided to be lame with opportunistic wars with Russia, which had diploannexed the Empire of the Romans. Then with the Anatolia plateau in their hands they decided to kick around Lithuania. Sweden has been lame doing opportunistic strikes on Russia as well. It is well that Scotland isolationism is ending as Continental Europe really needs to be put in their place.

Portugal held up in Europe which surprised me alot.

Scotland has been much more interested in converting pagans and people at home and colonizing than fighting land wars (until now) though Techochlitan or whatever is proving very resistant and expensive! I am tempted to send more smallpox infected blankets to the area to reduce the 600,000+ population!

I do need to figure out what to do next, after Brittany and France of course.

 

[Semi-Lobster]

Semi-Lobster: I read your Siam AAR, was very interesting! I want HOI but I can't seem to find it anywhere. Guess I'll try Ebay. You posted too fast, btw, and missed these new maps!

Thanks Braedonnal You could probably find HoI on Ebay. Good work as Scotland! I always wonder why Scottish AAR's have such bizzare maps!