The Butterfly Device - A Grand Campagin
- Thread starter Actinguy
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I like it, I like it, I like it. Though this plot twist was not that surprising (after a while the mayhem is expected) 
I am wondering what is happening in the future. Are you close to the first future-update?
I am wondering what is happening in the future. Are you close to the first future-update?
Expected twist. Still good though. And indeed very morbid fans. Will she kill Robert or Humphrey? Or did she just disappear forever? Highly unlikely, that. Maybe...maybe she'll kill them all?
Agreed; expected plot-twist. No-one in this AAR is ever dead when they are supposed to be, nor are they alive.
No-one in this AAR is ever dead when they are supposed to be, nor are they alive. 
I'm kinda scared to come to a thread that houses persons and posts such as these.
phargle said:
I jump at slightest sound
@Snugglie: Haha, yes. I'm as bad as a soap opera. But I promise you, the plot twists in the future (I hope) will be far more shocking, and much less predictable.
@Qorten: No, she didn't pull a Quentis. Given that she is still on the boat...and there's no way off of the boat, and the boat itself can't go anywhere, and it's too far to swim...well. You can see where we are running out of options for a peaceful resolution.
@Slinky: I really hope to finally visit the future at some point next week...two weeks, tops. I do have a jaw-dropping plot twist for the future that I just came up with yesterday, and I'm really excited about it...but I don't think the first "flash-forward" will be the right time to drop it on you. Sorry!
@Exadas: Thank you, and welcome aboard!
@Qorten: No, she didn't pull a Quentis. Given that she is still on the boat...and there's no way off of the boat, and the boat itself can't go anywhere, and it's too far to swim...well. You can see where we are running out of options for a peaceful resolution.
@Slinky: I really hope to finally visit the future at some point next week...two weeks, tops. I do have a jaw-dropping plot twist for the future that I just came up with yesterday, and I'm really excited about it...but I don't think the first "flash-forward" will be the right time to drop it on you. Sorry!
@Exadas: Thank you, and welcome aboard!
Actinguy said:
We root for Robert, Osbern, or some other awfully-named Frenchie;
or we root for the recently-deceased black girl with the knife.
Damn! How could i have missed this? Just started reading and i couldn't stop! Unfortunately i have to stop at page 5 because of some problems with my grandparents (nothing serious) but it's bookmarked and will follow it for sure!
I'll bet Robert's wishing for the good ol' days, when you could trust a dead woman not to steal your knife and disappear. :rofl:
But, let me put this question before the readAARs: Do we have any proof this woman did it? Could there not be another malignant presence aboard the ship, who managed to hide from Robert, steal his knife, and drag the girl's dead body away with scarcely a sound? ........... Nevermind, the dead girl doing it is more likely.
But, let me put this question before the readAARs: Do we have any proof this woman did it? Could there not be another malignant presence aboard the ship, who managed to hide from Robert, steal his knife, and drag the girl's dead body away with scarcely a sound? ........... Nevermind, the dead girl doing it is more likely.
@Phargle: Not black. Just "dark-skinned." As for who you root for...well...I've now made it past the 1200-mark in the game...and I can tell you only one character you've met so far actually has a happy ending. And even that one is rather bittersweet.
@Deamon: Welcome aboard! Hope all is well with the grandparents!
@LordCowles: Having been born post-butterfly appearance, Robert knows nothing of the good-old days. ;c) As for if there could be someone else onboard, stealing cutlery and corpses...well...this is an Actinguy AAR!
And just a reminder everybody...we are still taking submissions for the contest!
The question: Earlier in the AAR, shortly after Ambroos' death, but before Reinel's, Annelies received a note...a cliff-hanger which has not yet been resolved. Who was it from, and what was the general content of the message?
The prize: A major character in the AAR will be named and, potentially, modelled after you!
Just PM me with your guesses. Only the first guess counts, but you're welcome to send more, as they've been pretty amusing so far.
Although nobody has correctly guessed the author or message so far...one person did manage to guess the outcome of the note! So...unless somebody can get closer before I reveal the answer (in about a week)...that person will win!
@Deamon: Welcome aboard! Hope all is well with the grandparents!
@LordCowles: Having been born post-butterfly appearance, Robert knows nothing of the good-old days. ;c) As for if there could be someone else onboard, stealing cutlery and corpses...well...this is an Actinguy AAR!
And just a reminder everybody...we are still taking submissions for the contest!
The question: Earlier in the AAR, shortly after Ambroos' death, but before Reinel's, Annelies received a note...a cliff-hanger which has not yet been resolved. Who was it from, and what was the general content of the message?
The prize: A major character in the AAR will be named and, potentially, modelled after you!
Just PM me with your guesses. Only the first guess counts, but you're welcome to send more, as they've been pretty amusing so far.
Although nobody has correctly guessed the author or message so far...one person did manage to guess the outcome of the note! So...unless somebody can get closer before I reveal the answer (in about a week)...that person will win!
I'm only around page five of this, but I felt complied to reply to say that I love how there's a seamless fusion between game-derived events and the author's subtle imagination. I'm sure this has been said many times before, but the style is novel as well. Not quite straight prose, but not quite a theatre script either. Personally, I'm a sucker for long, florid descriptions of surroundings, but the style in this story, when done well, is compulsively readable. The closest comparison I can think of is the fantasy writer Steven Brust in his Jhereg series, where lines of dialogue between characters go for paragraphs without any sort of attribution, simulating the rapid-fire nature of conversation.
The problem with this format, though, is the danger of getting your readers lost. This is relatively easy to prevent with some forethought. If your characterizations are distinct enough, readers will be able to discern who's talking simply judging from the way they speak. Likewise, people could, you know, refer to each other by name.
The problem with this format, though, is the danger of getting your readers lost. This is relatively easy to prevent with some forethought. If your characterizations are distinct enough, readers will be able to discern who's talking simply judging from the way they speak. Likewise, people could, you know, refer to each other by name.
@Bureaucrat: Welcome aboard, and thanks for the comments! As for the dialogue...when I go back and re-read my posts here, I cringe, because I think characters refer by name to each other too much in one conversation. So, it's a relief to hear at least one person thinks differently!
Errr.... What page does she get the note? (If you do model a character after me, make sure he's lazy. )
)(In honor of my very awesome day of birth, of which I will be spending all of it at work, I am going to give you no fewer than three updates today. Possibly as many as six! Alternatively, this might be the only one. Exciting? Probably not!)
Late Winter, 1085 - Mediterranean Sea
Robert heard the knife before he saw it.
He dropped flat on the ground, then swung out a foot, catching the not-so-dead woman behind the knee. She stumbled and came crashing down on top of him, still clinging to the knife.
He cocked his head to the side as the knife narrowly missed him. Grabbing her by the arms, he shoved her to the side and then came down on top of her, wrestling her hands above her head. She bit his nose, he pulled back on her hair, she spit in his eyes and then brought a knee up, catching him between his legs.
Robert reeled back, as she came at him with the knife once again. He ducked and twisted, drilling the top of his head into her stomach, and then lifted, tossing the woman backwards over his head.
She twisted in the air, but landed back on her feet, still holding the knife, and charged once more. Robert knocked the knife from her hands, then took the sheets he had gathered and draped them over her head before yanking back.
The woman fell backwards, struggling as Robert continued to encase her in the sheets, rolling them up, forming a sack around the woman. He lifted the woman-sack over his back, then swung it in the air with both hands above his head, while working his way over to where the knife had fallen.
Taking the knife between his bare toes, he kicked up and released, catching the dagger's handle with his teeth. Then he placed the sack against the wall and spit out the knife as hard as he could, piercing both the top of the sack and the wall.
Exhausted, he stepped back and looked at his handiwork. The sack...and the woman...hung, pinned to the wall, about four feet off the ground. Though she continued to struggle, she couldn't break free from the sheets.
"Now," he growled, "Start talking."
Late Winter, 1085 - Mediterranean Sea
Robert heard the knife before he saw it.
He dropped flat on the ground, then swung out a foot, catching the not-so-dead woman behind the knee. She stumbled and came crashing down on top of him, still clinging to the knife.
He cocked his head to the side as the knife narrowly missed him. Grabbing her by the arms, he shoved her to the side and then came down on top of her, wrestling her hands above her head. She bit his nose, he pulled back on her hair, she spit in his eyes and then brought a knee up, catching him between his legs.
Robert reeled back, as she came at him with the knife once again. He ducked and twisted, drilling the top of his head into her stomach, and then lifted, tossing the woman backwards over his head.
She twisted in the air, but landed back on her feet, still holding the knife, and charged once more. Robert knocked the knife from her hands, then took the sheets he had gathered and draped them over her head before yanking back.
The woman fell backwards, struggling as Robert continued to encase her in the sheets, rolling them up, forming a sack around the woman. He lifted the woman-sack over his back, then swung it in the air with both hands above his head, while working his way over to where the knife had fallen.
Taking the knife between his bare toes, he kicked up and released, catching the dagger's handle with his teeth. Then he placed the sack against the wall and spit out the knife as hard as he could, piercing both the top of the sack and the wall.
Exhausted, he stepped back and looked at his handiwork. The sack...and the woman...hung, pinned to the wall, about four feet off the ground. Though she continued to struggle, she couldn't break free from the sheets.
"Now," he growled, "Start talking."
- 1
Now that's one heck of an action-scene. He even nailed it to the wall by spitting the knife at it!
Lucky for the woman he is such a good spitter. With a little less force or accuracy he would have hit her head
Edit: Congrats on the birthday of course
Edit: Congrats on the birthday of course
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Hehe. Yes, yes, spitting the knife with such force that it could pin a woman-sack (fun word!) to a wall is unlikely...and perhaps he could have simply driven the knife into the wall with his mouth, and then hammered it with his forehead...
...but dammit, I liked the image.
Besides, it was fun to finally write a scene where the man gets the upper-hand. I was tired of all of my female characters running circles around the men.
...but dammit, I liked the image.
Besides, it was fun to finally write a scene where the man gets the upper-hand. I was tired of all of my female characters running circles around the men.
