Edmund gets more odd day by day... he wont win this war... but it will be fun to see how he loses it.
The Blackadder Tale - An England AAR
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He will not lose it.
Baldrick will do it.
I wonder how Edmund will manage to get the crown and to avoid being deposed in his turn, with loyal "allies" so worth of praising as Phillip 'the Hawk' of Burgundy
Baldrick will do it.
I wonder how Edmund will manage to get the crown and to avoid being deposed in his turn, with loyal "allies" so worth of praising as Phillip 'the Hawk' of Burgundy
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Very nice, unfortunately you need an extremely cunning plan to win this war, not merely a very cunning plan.
Slinky said:
Exactly, as cunning as a fox who used to be profesor of cunning at Oxford University but now has moved on and is director of cunning plans at the UN high commisionate for cunning plans.
Ahh... classicSpencer_123 said:Exactly, as cunning as a fox who used to be profesor of cunning at Oxford University but now has moved on and is director of cunning plans at the UN high commisionate for cunning plans.
A plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it.
A brilliant stroke by the more-intelligent than we thought Blackadder.
A brilliant stroke by the more-intelligent than we thought Blackadder.
Ksim3000 said:Just caught up with this. I love Blackadder and already your AAR is excatly something that would happen off the show. Loved the part with the bandits running in to save the day. A 'cunning' plan that actually succeeded.
Well, it is known to happen every once in a while. The one that comes to mind is Edmund's cunning plan to frame the baby eating Bishop of Bath and Wells in the Second Series...hee hee hee, lord I love Blackadder.
I/C
~Hawk
Ksim3000: I'm glad you think I'm comparable to the plot of the show!
Wetew: Thank you!
Enewald: Oh yee of little faith. And certainly Edmund Blackadder as never been the most normal individual, so it should be expected he tends to stand apart.
Kurt_Steiner: I'm afraid you'll have to wait and see. Can't spoil anything!
Spencer_123: Welcome aboard.
Slinky: Oh really?
Estonianzulu: Don't tell me you doubt Edmund too!
The doors to the throne room opened with a resounding crash as the oaken doors clattered against the stone walls propelled by the unconscious bodies of two armored guards shoved backward by the oncoming rush of thieves and brigands.
"Come on," the lead criminal muttered. "There's bound to be something worth stealing around here." The pack of foul men eagerly scattered throughout the room, surveying everything that wasn't bolted to the ground for its worth. All the criminals were too busy planning their looting spree that they failed to notice the arrival of another man, clothed in noble finery and with a properly trimmed beard that contrasted sharply with the shabby and bedraggled appearance of the looters.
"You dare sully the throne room!?" the man bellowed, his voice booming along the stone walls. Every criminal whirled around, weapons in hand, and was suddenly cowed by the appearance of the man.
"Get out of here, putrid mongrels!" the man continued. Without the slightest hesitation, the criminals bolted, flooding past him and out the door and leaving him alone in the room.
His expression remained unflinchingly harsh, a scowl and furrowed brow seemingly carved into his face, as he stepped toward the vacant throne. As he drew near, he halted, poised as if preparing to take the final plunge toward the seat.
But at the last moment he was halted by a voice from behind: "Ah, Philip, I see you found the throne room on your one."
Philip was not like the criminals, turning slowly around to face the intruder. His scowl somehow deepened even more.
"Blackadder," he drawled. "You arrive at last."
Edmund, dressed in his customary black clothes, Percy in tow, smugly strolled into the room toward the waiting Burgundian, whose glare only deepened as the gap between them shortened.
"Let's get the introductions over, shall we?" Edmund said casually, ignoring Philip's visible anger. "This is Lord Percy Percy. Percy, Philip of Burgundy."
Percy smiled cheerily and tipped his hat, only to wilt under the man's virulent gaze.
"Spare me the pleasantries," Philip barked impatiently. "You know full well we're both here for the same thing: stealing the throne that isn't ours by right! You wouldn't have made it out of Exeter if it weren't for my help. You had better have a very good reason why I should not just take it here and now and use my army of outlaws to crush you like an ant."
If Edmund was intimidated, he gave no outward indication. His expression remained serene. The corner of his mouth crooked upward in a smug smile. "You always were the most friendly man I ever met, Philip." Percy opened his mouth to speak. "I was being sarcastic, Percy. Now be quiet," he added.
"I won't be leaving here without the crown, Blackadder," Philip declared warningly. "Pray I don't take your life as well."
"You're right," Edmund replied, clapping his hands together. "I certainly couldn't have done this without you or your little army. Even after William was humiliated at Oxford and all the nobles stood back, I couldn't have taken all the king's lands without your men. Of course, now that I have, I can finally tell you to stuff it."
Philip bristled at the insult and his eyes bulged, his jaw quivering with anger. "I'll let Percy explain for me," he continued, stepping back to give Percy room.
"W-well," Percy began, stammering before the furious Burgundian. His mouth hung open but no words came out, instead only a few thoughtful noises as he searched for an explanation. "Edmund's going to....going to give you a....a...turkey? To put stuffing in?"
Philip snarled, grabbing Percy by the collar and shoving him aside. "I'm warning you, Blackadder!"
Edmund turned to face Philip. "It's quite simple, Hawk. I command my lands' soldiers, the Scots, and the Welsh. You control the bandits. We fight, and there's a bloodbath. William's followers will waltz right back here and kill whatever's left."
"Or," Edmund stressed, raising his finger to emphasize the point. "I can become king, with the worst reputation since Pope Wendell the Rule-Maker banned the Order of Traveling Nudist Nuns and every vassal breaks free. I get the kingdom I want, and you and your low-life pals get anarchy."
For a very long moment, Philip was silent as he contemplated Edmund's words. Finally, the long-held scowl vanished and was replaced by a broad grin. "Edmund, you bastard!" Philip laughed heartily, embracing the Duke tightly. Edmund quickly squirmed free, brushing himself off.
"If your plan is to completely wreck the country," Philip continued, "I sure as hell won't stop you! Take the crown then, and I'll have my way in the countryside."
Edmund nodded slightly and smiled. "Glad you think that way... Philip."
Philip continued to laugh as he walked past Edmund and toward the open doors. Just before leaving, he turned around and yelled: "And if I see you again, I'll kill you!" before vanishing down the hallway.
Edmund and Percy stood and listened is his laughter slowly faded until it could no longer be heard. At length, Percy leaned in. "My lord?"
"Yes Percy?"
"Even I didn't fall for that one."
"What can I say?" Edmund shrugged. "You never know how people will react. It was the best excuse I could come up with on the spot."
"So you don't think the nobles will be mad at us?"
Edmund snorted. "Percy, are you kidding? Not only was William a bastard, he was a blubbering drunk, his wife is ugly, he has a gamey leg, and a son about as regal as a pig crossed with a slop bucket. After that, they would have accepted even you."
There was a commotion at the door, drawing the duo's attention. It was Edmund's wife Margaret, leading two of the Duke's soldiers who were dragging a man behind them.
Margaret smiled and kissed Edmund on the cheek. "I found this gift for you, dear," she whispered into his ear before stepping to his side. The two guards proceeded to throw the man to the ground at Edmund's feet.
The man, covered in sweat and crime, dressed in a soiled white undershirt with a bucket around his neck, looked up, revealing none other than King William, completely drunk.
"Edna!" William exclaimed, grinning slovenly, his breath reeking of alcohol. "W-what'r you doin' here? Suddenly, William heaved his head forward and vomited into the bucket.
Edmund simply rolled his eyes, snatching the crown off William's head and handed it to Percy, who obediently stepped behind Edmund.
"By the power invested in me by Edmund, I pronounce Edmund Blackadder King of England," Percy declared, before lowering the crown, only to miss Edmund's head. He quickly corrected his mistake and at last lowered the crown onto Edmund's head. Percy then stopped to Edmund's side and bowed. Margaret and the two soldiers bowed as well in deference to their new lord.
"As my first act as king," Edmund proclaimed, proudly puffing out his chest and holding his hands on his hips, "I strip William of Normandy of all his titles in the Kingdom of England."
William looked up from his bucket at the words, their meaning sinking through his drunken haze. "Wha?" he stammered.
"Your life will be spared and you will be allowed to live out your days in Vastergotland, the land you took from the King of Sweden," Edmund continued, finally gesturing to the two guards. "Get him out of my sight!"
"No! No!" William protested, struggling futilely in the grip of the soldiers as they dragged him away. "You can't do this! I'm the King! You'll live to regret thiiiiiiiiiis!" he cried out as he was pulled out of the throne room.
"I don't think so," Edmund scoffed indignantly, grinning proudly. "For I am Edmund Blackadder, King of England!"
Wetew: Thank you!
Enewald: Oh yee of little faith. And certainly Edmund Blackadder as never been the most normal individual, so it should be expected he tends to stand apart.
Kurt_Steiner: I'm afraid you'll have to wait and see. Can't spoil anything!
Spencer_123: Welcome aboard.
Slinky: Oh really?
Estonianzulu: Don't tell me you doubt Edmund too!
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
The doors to the throne room opened with a resounding crash as the oaken doors clattered against the stone walls propelled by the unconscious bodies of two armored guards shoved backward by the oncoming rush of thieves and brigands.
"Come on," the lead criminal muttered. "There's bound to be something worth stealing around here." The pack of foul men eagerly scattered throughout the room, surveying everything that wasn't bolted to the ground for its worth. All the criminals were too busy planning their looting spree that they failed to notice the arrival of another man, clothed in noble finery and with a properly trimmed beard that contrasted sharply with the shabby and bedraggled appearance of the looters.
"You dare sully the throne room!?" the man bellowed, his voice booming along the stone walls. Every criminal whirled around, weapons in hand, and was suddenly cowed by the appearance of the man.
"Get out of here, putrid mongrels!" the man continued. Without the slightest hesitation, the criminals bolted, flooding past him and out the door and leaving him alone in the room.
His expression remained unflinchingly harsh, a scowl and furrowed brow seemingly carved into his face, as he stepped toward the vacant throne. As he drew near, he halted, poised as if preparing to take the final plunge toward the seat.
But at the last moment he was halted by a voice from behind: "Ah, Philip, I see you found the throne room on your one."
Philip was not like the criminals, turning slowly around to face the intruder. His scowl somehow deepened even more.
"Blackadder," he drawled. "You arrive at last."
Edmund, dressed in his customary black clothes, Percy in tow, smugly strolled into the room toward the waiting Burgundian, whose glare only deepened as the gap between them shortened.
"Let's get the introductions over, shall we?" Edmund said casually, ignoring Philip's visible anger. "This is Lord Percy Percy. Percy, Philip of Burgundy."
Percy smiled cheerily and tipped his hat, only to wilt under the man's virulent gaze.
"Spare me the pleasantries," Philip barked impatiently. "You know full well we're both here for the same thing: stealing the throne that isn't ours by right! You wouldn't have made it out of Exeter if it weren't for my help. You had better have a very good reason why I should not just take it here and now and use my army of outlaws to crush you like an ant."
If Edmund was intimidated, he gave no outward indication. His expression remained serene. The corner of his mouth crooked upward in a smug smile. "You always were the most friendly man I ever met, Philip." Percy opened his mouth to speak. "I was being sarcastic, Percy. Now be quiet," he added.
"I won't be leaving here without the crown, Blackadder," Philip declared warningly. "Pray I don't take your life as well."
"You're right," Edmund replied, clapping his hands together. "I certainly couldn't have done this without you or your little army. Even after William was humiliated at Oxford and all the nobles stood back, I couldn't have taken all the king's lands without your men. Of course, now that I have, I can finally tell you to stuff it."
Philip bristled at the insult and his eyes bulged, his jaw quivering with anger. "I'll let Percy explain for me," he continued, stepping back to give Percy room.
"W-well," Percy began, stammering before the furious Burgundian. His mouth hung open but no words came out, instead only a few thoughtful noises as he searched for an explanation. "Edmund's going to....going to give you a....a...turkey? To put stuffing in?"
Philip snarled, grabbing Percy by the collar and shoving him aside. "I'm warning you, Blackadder!"
Edmund turned to face Philip. "It's quite simple, Hawk. I command my lands' soldiers, the Scots, and the Welsh. You control the bandits. We fight, and there's a bloodbath. William's followers will waltz right back here and kill whatever's left."
"Or," Edmund stressed, raising his finger to emphasize the point. "I can become king, with the worst reputation since Pope Wendell the Rule-Maker banned the Order of Traveling Nudist Nuns and every vassal breaks free. I get the kingdom I want, and you and your low-life pals get anarchy."
For a very long moment, Philip was silent as he contemplated Edmund's words. Finally, the long-held scowl vanished and was replaced by a broad grin. "Edmund, you bastard!" Philip laughed heartily, embracing the Duke tightly. Edmund quickly squirmed free, brushing himself off.
"If your plan is to completely wreck the country," Philip continued, "I sure as hell won't stop you! Take the crown then, and I'll have my way in the countryside."
Edmund nodded slightly and smiled. "Glad you think that way... Philip."
Philip continued to laugh as he walked past Edmund and toward the open doors. Just before leaving, he turned around and yelled: "And if I see you again, I'll kill you!" before vanishing down the hallway.
Edmund and Percy stood and listened is his laughter slowly faded until it could no longer be heard. At length, Percy leaned in. "My lord?"
"Yes Percy?"
"Even I didn't fall for that one."
"What can I say?" Edmund shrugged. "You never know how people will react. It was the best excuse I could come up with on the spot."
"So you don't think the nobles will be mad at us?"
Edmund snorted. "Percy, are you kidding? Not only was William a bastard, he was a blubbering drunk, his wife is ugly, he has a gamey leg, and a son about as regal as a pig crossed with a slop bucket. After that, they would have accepted even you."
There was a commotion at the door, drawing the duo's attention. It was Edmund's wife Margaret, leading two of the Duke's soldiers who were dragging a man behind them.
Margaret smiled and kissed Edmund on the cheek. "I found this gift for you, dear," she whispered into his ear before stepping to his side. The two guards proceeded to throw the man to the ground at Edmund's feet.
The man, covered in sweat and crime, dressed in a soiled white undershirt with a bucket around his neck, looked up, revealing none other than King William, completely drunk.
"Edna!" William exclaimed, grinning slovenly, his breath reeking of alcohol. "W-what'r you doin' here? Suddenly, William heaved his head forward and vomited into the bucket.
Edmund simply rolled his eyes, snatching the crown off William's head and handed it to Percy, who obediently stepped behind Edmund.
"By the power invested in me by Edmund, I pronounce Edmund Blackadder King of England," Percy declared, before lowering the crown, only to miss Edmund's head. He quickly corrected his mistake and at last lowered the crown onto Edmund's head. Percy then stopped to Edmund's side and bowed. Margaret and the two soldiers bowed as well in deference to their new lord.
"As my first act as king," Edmund proclaimed, proudly puffing out his chest and holding his hands on his hips, "I strip William of Normandy of all his titles in the Kingdom of England."
William looked up from his bucket at the words, their meaning sinking through his drunken haze. "Wha?" he stammered.
"Your life will be spared and you will be allowed to live out your days in Vastergotland, the land you took from the King of Sweden," Edmund continued, finally gesturing to the two guards. "Get him out of my sight!"
"No! No!" William protested, struggling futilely in the grip of the soldiers as they dragged him away. "You can't do this! I'm the King! You'll live to regret thiiiiiiiiiis!" he cried out as he was pulled out of the throne room.
"I don't think so," Edmund scoffed indignantly, grinning proudly. "For I am Edmund Blackadder, King of England!"
It would seem that our King Edmund has shifted away from Series I and has moved onto the cunning Lord Blackadder of Series II, with the wit of Series III. I am definitely loving this
I/C
~Hawk
I/C
~Hawk
Now that was a cunning plan. The only problem is that Edmund was probably right about having a worse reputation than pope Wendel. It will be a fun challenge to remain king of England.
I think it's a bit soon for the victory theme, unless off course Edmund dies at the pinacle of his power. Shockingly, I'm beginning to believe Edmund might be capable of much more. Well done.
I think it's a bit soon for the victory theme, unless off course Edmund dies at the pinacle of his power. Shockingly, I'm beginning to believe Edmund might be capable of much more. Well done.
At last a king who looks the part!
What cunning will come from the newly arisen king?
What cunning will come from the newly arisen king?
He . . . won?
I have a special place in my heart for Blackadder. My first fin in the K saga filked the Blackadder song from the first series.
I eagerly anticipate Edmund's cummupance.
I have a special place in my heart for Blackadder. My first fin in the K saga filked the Blackadder song from the first series.
I eagerly anticipate Edmund's cummupance.
Nwo, this was unexpected. I would have expected grave defeat and a banishment to the Shetlands.
...in a few ways, this should mean that this AAR is over now, considering you just managed the quest of the Blackadder-dynasty in just a few years, and even a few hundred years before their story was first told. Luckily, we know that is not the case. Blackadder, ho!
...in a few ways, this should mean that this AAR is over now, considering you just managed the quest of the Blackadder-dynasty in just a few years, and even a few hundred years before their story was first told.
Luckily, we know that is not the case. Blackadder, ho!
:rofl: loved the pope Wendell's reputation part.
I simply adore Blackadder, I think it is the funniest (and the most cunning ) Tv series I've ever seen.
This AAR is great.
Hmmm, now Edmund is king of england ¿what's next? ¿France? ¿Scotland? ¿The world?
I simply adore Blackadder, I think it is the funniest (and the most cunning
) Tv series I've ever seen.This AAR is great.
Hmmm, now Edmund is king of england ¿what's next? ¿France? ¿Scotland? ¿The world?
I notice the new king's prestige is rather appropriate :rofl:
So...Edmund...won? Amazing... Looking forward to what hijinks he gets himself into next!
So...Edmund...won? Amazing... Looking forward to what hijinks he gets himself into next!