So edmund marries. I also wondered how long it would take until Rutland Trees were metioned 
Keep up the good work!
Rob
Keep up the good work!
Rob
The Blackadder Tale - An England AAR
- Thread starter TC Pilot
- Start date
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“And I will call you my lord, my lord,” Baldrick replied.TC Pilot said:
More because of the delivery than the line itself admittedly, but cracks me up all the time.
I wonder if Edmund is about to discover a Scottish cousin or two?
Dunno why I feel that I know about this Scottish red-beared man...
Another BlackaddAAR goes forth! Let's see where!
Mine too. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!
Another BlackaddAAR goes forth! Let's see where!
General_BT said:
Mine too. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!
Blackadder! And somehow, this is even better than the medieval first season
Well... except the last two episodes, heh.
And somehow, this is even better than the medieval first season Well... except the last two episodes, heh.
Estonianzulu: It was an inevitable joke to at the very least reference. Sooner or later Edmund's going to need to go into battle, if only to prove how much of a man he is.
General_BT: Ah yes, that. That picture is actually taken a few years afterwards, so she's both much younger and much less pregnant.
coz1: Glad you approve!
Lord E: It's not as if he has anything to lose by actually marrying her.
stnylan: A McAdder, perhaps?
Kurt_Steiner: Are you then the author of the other Blackadder AAR everyone's been talking about?
jeffg006: Yes, I'm good. But am I that good?o
April 2nd, 1070
"I think I quite like this," Edmund Blackadder exclaimed as he looked himself over. The Duke of Cornwall was dressed in a bulky suit of armor, a protective black cloak draped over his shoulders and running down to his knees, topped off with a chainmail helmet.
"Very stylish my lord," Baldrick complimented him as he looked up from his work wittling away at a turnip with a dull knife. "Your enemies must have been blind not to have run away in terror."
"I couldn't have put it better myself," Edmund agreed emphatically.
"So we were fighting blind soldiers?" Percy asked, his curiosity piqued? "Doesn't sound very sporting to me."
"Shut up, Percy," Edmund snapped harshly. "I won't have you ruin my moment of glory by your stupidity. I finally proved my skill on the battlefield and shown that I am a man!"
"I would have thought your daughter proved that," Percy interjected. Edmund simply slapped him across the back of the head.
"And no thanks to that good-for-nothing King William," he grumbled darkly.
"Well...." Percy began to speak but trailed off under the angry glare of his friend.
"Quite right. It's a complete coincidence that just a few a few months after King William declares war on the Duke of Wales, the Pope excommunicates every single Welsh noble," Baldrick said matter-of-factly.
"They all had it coming!" Edmund responded defensively. "Every time a Welshman opens his mouth to speak you need a bucket to collect all the flem that comes flying out. Obviously the Pope thought they were all blaspheming."
"So we went to war to punish heretics?" Percy inquired eagerly.
Edmund frowned, his brow furrowing as he considered his response. "Percy... we were at war... on the field of battle and enduring long sieges for over a year, and you're only asking why we fought now, a month after we won?"
"I didn't want to sound stupid asking," Percy shrugged his shoulders and shook his head slightly.
"Lord knows we don't want that," Edmund mumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes. "But no, my thick-headed fellow. We did it...for power!" Edmund paused, relishing the word as it rolled off his tongue.
"And money," Baldrick added.
"Well yes, money too," Edmund conceded, nodding furiously in agreement.
"And fame," Baldrick continued.
"Yes, thank you Baldrick," the Duke impatiently replied. "It's all part of my cunning plan: for you see, King William hates the Welsh. Anyone who wants to endure campaigning in Wales for so long clearly must hate the Welsh. So I figured, why not grab some lands and titles while the Pope hates them. King William comes riding in, hopefully gets stuck by a volley of arrows or drowns in a bog, and I get my lands."
"And money!" Percy exclaimed, only to be quickly slapped lightly on the back of his head by Edmund's gloved hand.
"And once I squeeze these bumbling yokels of all their titles and lands, I, Duke Edmund Blackadder, will be one step closer to my final goal!" he breathed with great relish, balling his hand into a fist as he stared off into the distance.
There was a great moment of silence, with both Baldrick and Percy watching Edmund as he daydreamed, before Percy finally broke in to speak: "Well, don't keep us in suspense!"
Edmund slumped his shoulders and rolled his eyes even more than the last time. "...Which is to become King of England, you stupid twit!"
General_BT: Ah yes, that. That picture is actually taken a few years afterwards, so she's both much younger and much less pregnant.
coz1: Glad you approve!
Lord E: It's not as if he has anything to lose by actually marrying her.
stnylan: A McAdder, perhaps?
Kurt_Steiner: Are you then the author of the other Blackadder AAR everyone's been talking about?
jeffg006: Yes, I'm good. But am I that good?
o ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
April 2nd, 1070
"I think I quite like this," Edmund Blackadder exclaimed as he looked himself over. The Duke of Cornwall was dressed in a bulky suit of armor, a protective black cloak draped over his shoulders and running down to his knees, topped off with a chainmail helmet.
"Very stylish my lord," Baldrick complimented him as he looked up from his work wittling away at a turnip with a dull knife. "Your enemies must have been blind not to have run away in terror."
"I couldn't have put it better myself," Edmund agreed emphatically.
"So we were fighting blind soldiers?" Percy asked, his curiosity piqued? "Doesn't sound very sporting to me."
"Shut up, Percy," Edmund snapped harshly. "I won't have you ruin my moment of glory by your stupidity. I finally proved my skill on the battlefield and shown that I am a man!"
"I would have thought your daughter proved that," Percy interjected. Edmund simply slapped him across the back of the head.
"And no thanks to that good-for-nothing King William," he grumbled darkly.
"Well...." Percy began to speak but trailed off under the angry glare of his friend.
"Quite right. It's a complete coincidence that just a few a few months after King William declares war on the Duke of Wales, the Pope excommunicates every single Welsh noble," Baldrick said matter-of-factly.
"They all had it coming!" Edmund responded defensively. "Every time a Welshman opens his mouth to speak you need a bucket to collect all the flem that comes flying out. Obviously the Pope thought they were all blaspheming."
"So we went to war to punish heretics?" Percy inquired eagerly.
Edmund frowned, his brow furrowing as he considered his response. "Percy... we were at war... on the field of battle and enduring long sieges for over a year, and you're only asking why we fought now, a month after we won?"
"I didn't want to sound stupid asking," Percy shrugged his shoulders and shook his head slightly.
"Lord knows we don't want that," Edmund mumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes. "But no, my thick-headed fellow. We did it...for power!" Edmund paused, relishing the word as it rolled off his tongue.
"And money," Baldrick added.
"Well yes, money too," Edmund conceded, nodding furiously in agreement.
"And fame," Baldrick continued.
"Yes, thank you Baldrick," the Duke impatiently replied. "It's all part of my cunning plan: for you see, King William hates the Welsh. Anyone who wants to endure campaigning in Wales for so long clearly must hate the Welsh. So I figured, why not grab some lands and titles while the Pope hates them. King William comes riding in, hopefully gets stuck by a volley of arrows or drowns in a bog, and I get my lands."
"And money!" Percy exclaimed, only to be quickly slapped lightly on the back of his head by Edmund's gloved hand.
"And once I squeeze these bumbling yokels of all their titles and lands, I, Duke Edmund Blackadder, will be one step closer to my final goal!" he breathed with great relish, balling his hand into a fist as he stared off into the distance.
There was a great moment of silence, with both Baldrick and Percy watching Edmund as he daydreamed, before Percy finally broke in to speak: "Well, don't keep us in suspense!"
Edmund slumped his shoulders and rolled his eyes even more than the last time. "...Which is to become King of England, you stupid twit!"
And Edmund's dark goal is finally spoken... buckle up kids, we're in for a long, bumpy, and hilarious ride!
I'm interested in hearing how the battle against the Welsh went... did Edmund spend the entire fight either watching from afar, or relieving himself near a tree? :rofl:
I'm interested in hearing how the battle against the Welsh went... did Edmund spend the entire fight either watching from afar, or relieving himself near a tree? :rofl:
The goal has been revealed and what a surprising goal it is King of England, now that is always a good goal to have
Seems like Edmund actually did well in war this time capturing some Welsh provinces, I guess this means he didn’t behead some English noble/King then
King of England, now that is always a good goal to have Seems like Edmund actually did well in war this time capturing some Welsh provinces, I guess this means he didn’t behead some English noble/King then
So, Wales has been conquered, Edmund has moved a step closer to his goal... but...
Oh my gosh... You can't be serious here...
No, just a reader
You can be sure he tried that, at least...
Oh my gosh... You can't be serious here...
TC Pilot said:
No, just a reader
Lord E said:Seems like Edmund actually did well in war this time capturing some Welsh provinces, I guess this means he didn’t behead some English noble/King then
You can be sure he tried that, at least...
General_BT: What, you mean you don't think Edmund was leading from the front, hacking off limbs and half-submerged in the blood and gore of vicious armed conflict?
Enewald: William's actually not doing so well.
Murmurandus: Thank you. I appreciate it.
Lord E: Yes, he did "relatively" well, considering it was William who actually stormed one of the two provinces owned by the Welsh.
Kurt_Steiner: "So, Wales has been conquered, Edmund has moved a step closer to his goal... but..."
Not quite. There's still two Welsh Dukes left.
"Oh my gosh... You can't be serious here..."
I wish I were. Baldrick has a Diplomacy value of 10, most likely due to the traits I gave him boosting his stats.
Estonianzulu: The characters thicken? Are you saying Edmund's getting fat?
October 4th, 1071
Edmund Blackadder sat at the head of the long dining table in Blackadder Hall, looking gloomy as he lazily watched the servants clear away the night's dinner, a wide array of the best food and drink Cornwall could provide. Baldrick and Percy emerged from a side-corridor, Edmund's two fists propping his chin up.
"Where's all the food goin'!?" Baldrick protested as he snatched several turnips off a platter a passing servant was carrying. "This was supposed to be the great feast celebrating your new Duke title!"
"It's not every day you become Duke of Gwy...Gwe....Gthhhhhhhhhh," Percy stammered, unable to pronounce the Welsh word.
"It's pronounced Gwn...Gwrm...well it doesn't matter!" Edmund blustered, sitting up straight in his chair and slapping the tabletop with his palm. "No one showed up! Four earls under my vassalage and not a single one of them so much as says 'no thank you, my lord.'" His glare landed on the pair. "And where were you two!?"
Percy immediately smiled and produced several letters from his clothing, waving them for all to see before opening them. "I was busy receiving the responses to your dinner invitations."
Edmund's ears immediately perked up. "Well why didn't you say so in the first place? What do they say!"
"Let me see..." Percy mumbled quietly as he opened the first letter. "Dear Duke Edmund... this is from King William... so sorry I can't make it, but the mace wound is acting up again and I have to crawl back into the bottle I was in before your stupid war dragged me back to that wretched dung-infested morass."
"Typical," Edmund responded, rolling his eyes. "What do they others say?"
"Robert de Conteville writes 'So sorry Blackadder, but I have to meet with the King to discuss stripping you of your titles. Hope you understand.'"
"What!?"
"Robert de Courseulles," Percy continued oblivious, "Writes 'Sorry scumbag, I need to sharpen my favorite axe to lop your head off with.'"
"Well at least they have good excuses," Baldrick piped in.
"And the last letter is to Baldrick," Percy finished, handing the letter over.
Baldrick stared at the paper blankly for a moment, turning it on its side. After another moment he looked up to open his mouth, but Edmund suddenly snatched the letter from out of his hand. "I guess it was too much to assume you could read," Edmund grumbled. "'Dear Edmund, sod off.' Baldrick, hand me that turnip."
"Here you go, my lord," Baldrick said as he slid the vegetable over to Edmund, who immediately grabbed it and whacked Percy on the top of his head.
"This is a serious crisis!" Edmund yelled, pushing himself up onto his feet. "My vassals are turning on me. If I'm not careful I could be overthrown and killed, or worse!"
"What's worse than losing all your wealth and being killed, my lord?" Baldrick inquired.
"Being exiled to Scotland! I'd be eaten alive!" Edmund shrieked, his voice reaching a high and frantic pitch as he began to pace back and forth, wringing his hands furiously.
"Maybe this ain't so bad, my lord," Baldrick said.
"How could this possibly be good?"
"Well," Baldrick explained his in characteristically even tone, "Supposing your vassals do turn on you, you can just kill them and take their lands!"
Edmund stopped in his tracks and frowned thoughtfully. "That's... actually not a bad idea. They still fought for me in Wales. Yes, of course! Maybe I could convince them to fight each other!"
"Wait, my lord!" Percy interrupted his friend. "I have an idea too."
"Go on," Edmund replied after Percy was silent for several seconds.
"Why not..." Percy grinned, looking proud of himself. "Why not invite all your vassals to some kind of dinner party, a celebration, maybe, and poison them all at once!"
Edmund sighed and held his forehead in his hand. "Percy.... I already invited them to a party and they already all refused to come."
"Oh...." Percy mumbled sorrowfully. "I suppose you want to hit me for that."
"Later," Edmund quickly said back. "Right now I wonder..." he trailed off, turning his back to his two compatriots.
"Wonder what, my lord?" Baldrick asked.
Edmund suddenly whirled back around, a devilish smirk on his face and a wicked glint in his eyes. "If it's time to advance my plan to be.... KING!"
"But my lord!" Percy began to protest.
"No, Percy!" Edmund snapped back, balling his fist. "For too long I've been sitting on the sidelines, forced to live off the scraps the king throws my way in order to eek out an existence with disloyal vassals plotting behind my back! What right does that drunken buffoon William have to be sitting on the throne that I don't?"
"An army?" Baldrick suggested.
"Shut up!"
"Talent?" Percy ventured a guess.
"I said shut up!" Edmund yelled, stamping his foot. "Well I've had it just about up to here!" Edmund said, gesturing to his own neck hectically. "It's time I become king of England!"
"But how?" both asked simultaneously.
Edmund slowly turned and took a few steps away, before looking over his shoulder and flashing a knowing smile. "I have....a cunning plan!"
Enewald: William's actually not doing so well.
Murmurandus: Thank you. I appreciate it.
Lord E: Yes, he did "relatively" well, considering it was William who actually stormed one of the two provinces owned by the Welsh.
Kurt_Steiner: "So, Wales has been conquered, Edmund has moved a step closer to his goal... but..."
Not quite. There's still two Welsh Dukes left.
"Oh my gosh... You can't be serious here..."
I wish I were. Baldrick has a Diplomacy value of 10, most likely due to the traits I gave him boosting his stats.
Estonianzulu: The characters thicken? Are you saying Edmund's getting fat?
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
October 4th, 1071
Edmund Blackadder sat at the head of the long dining table in Blackadder Hall, looking gloomy as he lazily watched the servants clear away the night's dinner, a wide array of the best food and drink Cornwall could provide. Baldrick and Percy emerged from a side-corridor, Edmund's two fists propping his chin up.
"Where's all the food goin'!?" Baldrick protested as he snatched several turnips off a platter a passing servant was carrying. "This was supposed to be the great feast celebrating your new Duke title!"
"It's not every day you become Duke of Gwy...Gwe....Gthhhhhhhhhh," Percy stammered, unable to pronounce the Welsh word.
"It's pronounced Gwn...Gwrm...well it doesn't matter!" Edmund blustered, sitting up straight in his chair and slapping the tabletop with his palm. "No one showed up! Four earls under my vassalage and not a single one of them so much as says 'no thank you, my lord.'" His glare landed on the pair. "And where were you two!?"
Percy immediately smiled and produced several letters from his clothing, waving them for all to see before opening them. "I was busy receiving the responses to your dinner invitations."
Edmund's ears immediately perked up. "Well why didn't you say so in the first place? What do they say!"
"Let me see..." Percy mumbled quietly as he opened the first letter. "Dear Duke Edmund... this is from King William... so sorry I can't make it, but the mace wound is acting up again and I have to crawl back into the bottle I was in before your stupid war dragged me back to that wretched dung-infested morass."
"Typical," Edmund responded, rolling his eyes. "What do they others say?"
"Robert de Conteville writes 'So sorry Blackadder, but I have to meet with the King to discuss stripping you of your titles. Hope you understand.'"
"What!?"
"Robert de Courseulles," Percy continued oblivious, "Writes 'Sorry scumbag, I need to sharpen my favorite axe to lop your head off with.'"
"Well at least they have good excuses," Baldrick piped in.
"And the last letter is to Baldrick," Percy finished, handing the letter over.
Baldrick stared at the paper blankly for a moment, turning it on its side. After another moment he looked up to open his mouth, but Edmund suddenly snatched the letter from out of his hand. "I guess it was too much to assume you could read," Edmund grumbled. "'Dear Edmund, sod off.' Baldrick, hand me that turnip."
"Here you go, my lord," Baldrick said as he slid the vegetable over to Edmund, who immediately grabbed it and whacked Percy on the top of his head.
"This is a serious crisis!" Edmund yelled, pushing himself up onto his feet. "My vassals are turning on me. If I'm not careful I could be overthrown and killed, or worse!"
"What's worse than losing all your wealth and being killed, my lord?" Baldrick inquired.
"Being exiled to Scotland! I'd be eaten alive!" Edmund shrieked, his voice reaching a high and frantic pitch as he began to pace back and forth, wringing his hands furiously.
"Maybe this ain't so bad, my lord," Baldrick said.
"How could this possibly be good?"
"Well," Baldrick explained his in characteristically even tone, "Supposing your vassals do turn on you, you can just kill them and take their lands!"
Edmund stopped in his tracks and frowned thoughtfully. "That's... actually not a bad idea. They still fought for me in Wales. Yes, of course! Maybe I could convince them to fight each other!"
"Wait, my lord!" Percy interrupted his friend. "I have an idea too."
"Go on," Edmund replied after Percy was silent for several seconds.
"Why not..." Percy grinned, looking proud of himself. "Why not invite all your vassals to some kind of dinner party, a celebration, maybe, and poison them all at once!"
Edmund sighed and held his forehead in his hand. "Percy.... I already invited them to a party and they already all refused to come."
"Oh...." Percy mumbled sorrowfully. "I suppose you want to hit me for that."
"Later," Edmund quickly said back. "Right now I wonder..." he trailed off, turning his back to his two compatriots.
"Wonder what, my lord?" Baldrick asked.
Edmund suddenly whirled back around, a devilish smirk on his face and a wicked glint in his eyes. "If it's time to advance my plan to be.... KING!"
"But my lord!" Percy began to protest.
"No, Percy!" Edmund snapped back, balling his fist. "For too long I've been sitting on the sidelines, forced to live off the scraps the king throws my way in order to eek out an existence with disloyal vassals plotting behind my back! What right does that drunken buffoon William have to be sitting on the throne that I don't?"
"An army?" Baldrick suggested.
"Shut up!"
"Talent?" Percy ventured a guess.
"I said shut up!" Edmund yelled, stamping his foot. "Well I've had it just about up to here!" Edmund said, gesturing to his own neck hectically. "It's time I become king of England!"
"But how?" both asked simultaneously.
Edmund slowly turned and took a few steps away, before looking over his shoulder and flashing a knowing smile. "I have....a cunning plan!"
As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University, my lord?
But of course he has a cunning plan. He's going to stick underpants on his head and a pencils up his nose.... sorry, wrong series
Snugglie said:
If I remember right, Baldrick didn't become the lone source of cunning plans until the second season. So Baldrick has to wait to EU3... :rofl:
A new cunning plan, now this looks interesting… I guess the plan to become King will be interesting to follow, although I fear if it fails we shall soon hear more about the trees in Rutland….
Kurt_Steiner: More cunning.
stnylan: An interesting way to become King. Have you been hanging around Percy much?
Snugglie/General_BT: Baldrick didn't become incredibly stupid until the second series, and it was usually Edmund who came up with the plans. They had a nice balance going.
Lord E: That would make this a very short AAR, one would think. Edmund has a son, but he's much too young to be of any consequence right now.
March 24th, 1072
Edmund Blackadder stood atop one of the short, rolling hills, seated on his black war horse and adorned in his favorite suit of armor, exuding a confidence that radiated outward in stark contrast to the nervous apprehension of his assembled courtiers and vassals.
Further down the grassy hill, still wet from the morning dew that glittered in the rising sunlight, stood Edmund's army, a motley array of drafted peasants and impoverished knights, looking more like an armed mob than a military force.
Since Edmund's rebellion only a few weeks before, already the ranks had been severely thinned. Lord Somerset had hurriedly defected to William's side, and Lord Butler of the southern Welsh lands had followed soon afterwards. Against the combined might of the vastly superior royalist forces, many in Edmund's retinue were openly grumbling about the fight.
Yet, as Edmund was quick to remind his closest servants, Lord Percy and Baldrick, he had a cunning plan.
"My lord," Lord Percy announced as he road up alongside Edmund. "William's army approaches."
Edmund felt a rebuke rising inside him but stifled it quickly. With William's army in plain sight and advancing forward, berating Percy for stating the obvious was the least of his concerns.
"Lord Robert! Lord Baldwin!" Edmund yelled back to his retinue. Slowly, two armoured knights emerged and approached their liege. Without turning to either of them he spoke, "Right, now I know neither of you like me very much. But William's army is right on top of us and if he wins he's going to chop us all up into itty bitty pieces. Now go to your men and lead them in battle. My plan won't fail."
"It would be nice if you told us exactly what that plan is," Robert muttered sarcastically from behind his helmet. Yet the two men turned and headed toward their respective troops without further complaint.
"That wasn't very nice," Percy observed.
"Of course not, Percy" Edmund replied, sparing a brief glance at his friend. "Lord Robert was bought off by William last night. He's going to pull his troops back and let us get slaughtered."
Percy's eyes bulged at that. "So... we're all going to die, my lord?"
"Everyone dies, Percy," Edmund said distantly. "It's just a matter of when."
Percy nodded slowly and backed away, turning his mount and riding it away to Baldrick, who was perched on a mule, staring up into the morning sky.
"I think Edmund's lost it," Percy whispered quietly to the ragged peasant.
"Lost what?"
Percy hesitated before leaning back in again. "His marbles."
Baldrick smiled and reached into his pocket. "Oh, don't you worry, Lord Percy. I got them right here. See?" he said, revealing a handful of marbles.
"Oh," Percy responded, smiling weakly. "I'm relieved."
Meanwhile, Edmund continued to survey the landscape. William's army had emerged from a heavily wooded clump of trees, which concealed the road to Oxford, Edmund's goal before turning on London itself. Several other small patches of trees littered the hilly countryside, each one potentially hiding an armed force.
The Duke of Cornwall's attention was finally drawn back to the two armies. William's force continued to advance at a steady pace, the King's loyalist force easily three times the size of his own. What few archers Edmund had opened fire on the advancing enemy, doing little but egging them on.
"Lord Robert forsakes us!" someone cried out from the courtiers behind him. Edmund did not even need to turn to see Edmund's left flank evaporate as Robert withdrew to a safe distance to watch the battle.
"Right on cue," Edmund muttered under his breath, doing his best to keep his anger at the betrayal hidden beneath a calm veneer of detached confidence. Within moments, the two lines of men came into contact and the battle was on. Immediately, Edmund's soldiers began to buckle under the combined weight of Robert's betrayal and the size of the enemy army. A few less determined souls began to flee. Edmund held his breath, his mouth hanging open slightly as the anticipation began to boil over.
Then it happened. Materializing as if out of nowhere far to Edmund's left, a vast horde of men emerged out of the tall grass and heavy forests and charged toward the royalist forces, screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs, brandishing a wide variety of weapons and dressed in dirty, shabby clothes barely befitting peasants.
On the right flank of the new arrivals emerged a huge array of Welsh archers, filling the air with a lethal barrage of arrows that cut through the bewildered royalist battle lines with grim efficiency. On the left flank, closest to William's troops, rushed a wall of Scots howling for blood. At the center was a bizarre hodge-podge of Englishmen, nothing more than common criminals and thugs.
The right flank of Edmund's cunning plan
The Scots and English cutthroats collided with William's host like a tidal wave, smashing through the badly outmaneuvered soldiers with terrible effectiveness. Edmund's personal troops, sensing the danger of being caught alongside these barbaric warriors, hastily retreated up the hill.
Edmund smiled in grim satisfaction as the King's army disintegrated before his eyes. His thoughts drifted back to the night before. It had been several weeks before when he had declared his intent to overthrow the king and take all his possessions on the island for his own. He had spent those weeks not only fighting to defeat William 'the Bastard,' but also seeking out the most dangerous loathsome, and unprincipled villains of England to seize the crown for himself.
The most villainous men of England, notably Phillip 'the Hawk' of Burgundy
With a combination of persuasion and bribery, Edmund had successfully managed to gain the services of these seven men, who had in turn gathered up all the bandits and thieves willing to fight and die against the forces of law and order.
As Edmund returned his attention back to the field of battle, William's army, shattered and demoralized, was fleeing the scene, a great multitude already littering the grassy hillside. The traitorous Lord Robert was nowhere to been seen. Finally, with a smug smile of self-satisfaction, Edmund wheeled his mount around.
"Come along, everyone," he declared. "We ride for London."
stnylan: An interesting way to become King. Have you been hanging around Percy much?
Snugglie/General_BT: Baldrick didn't become incredibly stupid until the second series, and it was usually Edmund who came up with the plans. They had a nice balance going.
Lord E: That would make this a very short AAR, one would think. Edmund has a son, but he's much too young to be of any consequence right now.
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
March 24th, 1072
Edmund Blackadder stood atop one of the short, rolling hills, seated on his black war horse and adorned in his favorite suit of armor, exuding a confidence that radiated outward in stark contrast to the nervous apprehension of his assembled courtiers and vassals.
Further down the grassy hill, still wet from the morning dew that glittered in the rising sunlight, stood Edmund's army, a motley array of drafted peasants and impoverished knights, looking more like an armed mob than a military force.
Since Edmund's rebellion only a few weeks before, already the ranks had been severely thinned. Lord Somerset had hurriedly defected to William's side, and Lord Butler of the southern Welsh lands had followed soon afterwards. Against the combined might of the vastly superior royalist forces, many in Edmund's retinue were openly grumbling about the fight.
Yet, as Edmund was quick to remind his closest servants, Lord Percy and Baldrick, he had a cunning plan.
"My lord," Lord Percy announced as he road up alongside Edmund. "William's army approaches."
Edmund felt a rebuke rising inside him but stifled it quickly. With William's army in plain sight and advancing forward, berating Percy for stating the obvious was the least of his concerns.
"Lord Robert! Lord Baldwin!" Edmund yelled back to his retinue. Slowly, two armoured knights emerged and approached their liege. Without turning to either of them he spoke, "Right, now I know neither of you like me very much. But William's army is right on top of us and if he wins he's going to chop us all up into itty bitty pieces. Now go to your men and lead them in battle. My plan won't fail."
"It would be nice if you told us exactly what that plan is," Robert muttered sarcastically from behind his helmet. Yet the two men turned and headed toward their respective troops without further complaint.
"That wasn't very nice," Percy observed.
"Of course not, Percy" Edmund replied, sparing a brief glance at his friend. "Lord Robert was bought off by William last night. He's going to pull his troops back and let us get slaughtered."
Percy's eyes bulged at that. "So... we're all going to die, my lord?"
"Everyone dies, Percy," Edmund said distantly. "It's just a matter of when."
Percy nodded slowly and backed away, turning his mount and riding it away to Baldrick, who was perched on a mule, staring up into the morning sky.
"I think Edmund's lost it," Percy whispered quietly to the ragged peasant.
"Lost what?"
Percy hesitated before leaning back in again. "His marbles."
Baldrick smiled and reached into his pocket. "Oh, don't you worry, Lord Percy. I got them right here. See?" he said, revealing a handful of marbles.
"Oh," Percy responded, smiling weakly. "I'm relieved."
Meanwhile, Edmund continued to survey the landscape. William's army had emerged from a heavily wooded clump of trees, which concealed the road to Oxford, Edmund's goal before turning on London itself. Several other small patches of trees littered the hilly countryside, each one potentially hiding an armed force.
The Duke of Cornwall's attention was finally drawn back to the two armies. William's force continued to advance at a steady pace, the King's loyalist force easily three times the size of his own. What few archers Edmund had opened fire on the advancing enemy, doing little but egging them on.
"Lord Robert forsakes us!" someone cried out from the courtiers behind him. Edmund did not even need to turn to see Edmund's left flank evaporate as Robert withdrew to a safe distance to watch the battle.
"Right on cue," Edmund muttered under his breath, doing his best to keep his anger at the betrayal hidden beneath a calm veneer of detached confidence. Within moments, the two lines of men came into contact and the battle was on. Immediately, Edmund's soldiers began to buckle under the combined weight of Robert's betrayal and the size of the enemy army. A few less determined souls began to flee. Edmund held his breath, his mouth hanging open slightly as the anticipation began to boil over.
Then it happened. Materializing as if out of nowhere far to Edmund's left, a vast horde of men emerged out of the tall grass and heavy forests and charged toward the royalist forces, screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs, brandishing a wide variety of weapons and dressed in dirty, shabby clothes barely befitting peasants.
On the right flank of the new arrivals emerged a huge array of Welsh archers, filling the air with a lethal barrage of arrows that cut through the bewildered royalist battle lines with grim efficiency. On the left flank, closest to William's troops, rushed a wall of Scots howling for blood. At the center was a bizarre hodge-podge of Englishmen, nothing more than common criminals and thugs.
The right flank of Edmund's cunning plan
The Scots and English cutthroats collided with William's host like a tidal wave, smashing through the badly outmaneuvered soldiers with terrible effectiveness. Edmund's personal troops, sensing the danger of being caught alongside these barbaric warriors, hastily retreated up the hill.
Edmund smiled in grim satisfaction as the King's army disintegrated before his eyes. His thoughts drifted back to the night before. It had been several weeks before when he had declared his intent to overthrow the king and take all his possessions on the island for his own. He had spent those weeks not only fighting to defeat William 'the Bastard,' but also seeking out the most dangerous loathsome, and unprincipled villains of England to seize the crown for himself.
The most villainous men of England, notably Phillip 'the Hawk' of Burgundy
With a combination of persuasion and bribery, Edmund had successfully managed to gain the services of these seven men, who had in turn gathered up all the bandits and thieves willing to fight and die against the forces of law and order.
As Edmund returned his attention back to the field of battle, William's army, shattered and demoralized, was fleeing the scene, a great multitude already littering the grassy hillside. The traitorous Lord Robert was nowhere to been seen. Finally, with a smug smile of self-satisfaction, Edmund wheeled his mount around.
"Come along, everyone," he declared. "We ride for London."
Just caught up with this. I love Blackadder and already your AAR is excatly something that would happen off the show. Loved the part with the bandits running in to save the day. A 'cunning' plan that actually succeeded.
