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Alfred Packer

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Way back in 2007, The Crovan Clan burst upon the stage in the AwAARd Winning The Adventures of the Crovan Clan, a CK+DV AAR! , which spawned a highly successful Sequel The Adventures of the Crovan Clan II, and memorable spin offs: The Adventures of King Kamehamea, A Vicky AAR and The Adventures of House Eurypontid, an EU:Rome AAR.

In the fondest tradition of Hollywood, rather than thinking up something new, the AuthAAR has decided on a gritty Reboot of the Franchise. So, we present:


The Adventures of the Crovan Clan, A CKII:Ironman Mode AAR​

An Ironman Mode Gritty Reboot
WinnAAR of the 4 May WritAAR of the Week AwAARd


Updating Weekly

Table of Contents:


Gudrod Haraldson Crovan: born 1049, ruled 1066, died ----

Episode 1: In Which Our Hero Introduces Himself (1066)
Episode 2: In Which Our Hero Goes to War (Sort Of) (1066-1068)
Episode 3: In Which Gudrod's Wife Has A Little Something On Her Cheek (1068)
Episode 4:
Episode 5: In Which Gudrod Makes Poor Administrative Appointments (1070-1074)
Episode 6: In Which Pocky Takes A Vacation (1074-1080)
Episode 7:
Episode 8: In Which Gudrod Is In A Pickle (1085-1087)
 
Last edited:

Alfred Packer

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In Which The AuthAAR finds out if he is still funny (1066)

Gudrod Haraldrson Crovan

King of the Western Isles, No Matter What That Placard Says






In Which Our Hero Introduces Himself

September 1066









Welcome, welcome. Let me introduce myself. I am King Gudrod Crovan, the Lord of the Western Isles. Or Soreyar. But that name is not so good. Here is my domain. Right there. Tracing the coastline of Scotland.

You may be wondering how I, a Norse King in this land of kilts, mumbling and red haired drunks can expect to hold on to power. Well, I have a secret weapon.









Princess Ragnhild of Norway.



No, she’s not like some ass-kicking ninja or Valkyrie or anything crazy like that.

It’s her dad.


Her dad is King Harald Hadraada of Norway. The scariest Viking who ever lived. And he loves his little girl.

I hope.










With his help, I will one day be an Actual Papal and Internationally Recognized King who is taken seriously as a powerful ruler by the rest of the world and not just as some schlub with a home-made crown.










To be fair, some of the wounds to the Prestige of the Crown of the Western Iles were self-inflicted.

I probably shouldn’t have gone with the lowest bidder.










Anyway, I was giving a tour here, so let’s get on with it. Here is my Royal Council. Mostly made up of cast-offs and losers, the one bright spot is my Spymaster, Count Fingal of Galloway. I love his name. I could say it all day long. It just makes me smile.

Fingal

Fingal

Fingal

Fingal

Fingal

See? Try it yourself

Fingal

Fingal

Fingal








Sir? If you please…








Shut up Fingal, you’re spoiling my fun.

Anyway, we should look at…









The vassals who matter. And why they matter: Godfrey is Fingal’s dad.

Fingal

Fingal

Fin…sorry.

Corngal is Fingal’s son.








So most of my lands are in that family’s hands. They will need watching.









I also have a half-brother: Donald “The Don” Crovan. He’s my current heir and with a nickname like “The Don” I know I will have to keep a close eye on him.









Oh, I have a half-sister too! I forget her name. I usually just call her Political Alliance.











So, it turns out Helga’s her real name. Anyway, she is betrothed to the son of the most powerful Scottish Duke, so she really lives up to my nickname.







Oh dear. So this is a thing again? I guess I’m on then. Now that The Exposition is complete, will Petty-King Gudrod make his first move for the Crown? Will The Don strike at our Hero? What about the Ivaring Family? How long before they realize they are much more powerful than their Leige Lord? Find out next time on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
 
Last edited:

DensleyBlair

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Can it be that I get the honour of the first reply to a work by such a prestigious author as Mr. Alfred Packer himself?

A very amusing start. I dare say this gritty reboot will prove a success.
 

Alfred Packer

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Can it be that I get the honour of the first reply to a work by such a prestigious author as Mr. Alfred Packer himself?

A very amusing start. I dare say this gritty reboot will prove a success.
First to post in one of mine is a dubious honor, but yours nonetheless :D There are some interesting twists ahead so I hope its a success as well!

One picture seems to be gone, try Imgur instead of Photobucket.
Thanks for the tip, but I fear I'm too old and lazy to learn new systems (even if they are objectively superior) ;) I hope the occasional missing pic isn't too off-putting. Also, missing image has been fixed!
 
Last edited:

Stuyvesant

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King of the Western Isles, No Matter What That Placard Says
Having recently reacquainted myself with the Theme from Shaft, I nod a hearty approval and can hear Isaac Hayes' deep, manly voice stating: "You're damn right!". :)

Let's see... You have a Gilbride, a Fingal, and a Corngal as your vassals. So that's one bride and two gals. I think your Duke (fat by his portrait, craven and slothful by his traits - an auspicious start to the Crovan dynasty) should taunt them for their girly names. Because the relations between you and your vassals aren't terrible enough as it is. :p

Having Harald Hardraada in your corner should be helpful. Not only is he a bad-ass Viking, he has a pretty good name to boot. Not quite up there with the Hardeknuts of this world, but that's neither here nor there (it's more of a Knytling-before-they-turned-into-Ylving thing).

Donald "The Don" shouldn't prove to be too much of a problem. I mean, he's a kid and he's got the trusting trait. Then again, he is Scottish, so it probably is safest to keep an eye on him. Well, you should be safe until he starts imbibing heavily and becomes bellicose - what's that, he's already thirteen? Oh dear...
 

Alfred Packer

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Having recently reacquainted myself with the Theme from Shaft, I nod a hearty approval and can hear Isaac Hayes' deep, manly voice stating: "You're damn right!". :)

Let's see... You have a Gilbride, a Fingal, and a Corngal as your vassals. So that's one bride and two gals. I think your Duke (fat by his portrait, craven and slothful by his traits - an auspicious start to the Crovan dynasty) should taunt them for their girly names. Because the relations between you and your vassals aren't terrible enough as it is. :p

Having Harald Hardraada in your corner should be helpful. Not only is he a bad-ass Viking, he has a pretty good name to boot. Not quite up there with the Hardeknuts of this world, but that's neither here nor there (it's more of a Knytling-before-they-turned-into-Ylving thing).

Donald "The Don" shouldn't prove to be too much of a problem. I mean, he's a kid and he's got the trusting trait. Then again, he is Scottish, so it probably is safest to keep an eye on him. Well, you should be safe until he starts imbibing heavily and becomes bellicose - what's that, he's already thirteen? Oh dear...
Ha! I totally missed that about their names...brilliant! That will have to make its way into the story and Harald Hadraada will have the chance to put his manly name to the test sooner rather than later. As for The Don: well...we shall see his part in all of this soon enough! (Maybe)

Excellent! Great as always, and we've only just begun!
Thanks! It seems to be off to a rousing good start!

-----

Also worth noting: if you like narrative AARs, the rejects (yours truly included) from the Paradox Alternate History Short Story Contest can be read here...most of them are really good, so I expect the winners to be fantastic and all of them could probably use some of the kindhearted commentary the good people of AARLand are known for.

(Click this if the earlier link blends in too well)
 

Alfred Packer

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Is Gudrod a Conjenital Idiot? (1066-1068)

Gudrod Haraldrson Crovan

King of the Western Isles, No Matter What That Placard Says






In Which Our Hero Goes To War…Sort Of

24 September 1066- 6 May1068










Well, I received a letter in which my father in law cordially invited me to join his war on England, you know, monarch to monarch. It was all very respectable and I will be sure to share the rather touching letter once I find it.

Of course, as a true Viking, I declared for him at once. As a true Realist, I knew if I took my demesne troops south, those treacherous Earls in Galloway and Man would rebel post-haste. So I decided to provide Moral Support instead, which is just as good really.









A couple of days later, I received another friendly letter from a fellow Monarch. King Malcolm III of Scotland asked for my support, as equals in Scotland, to increase the Crown Authority of his realm. As someone who expects to be elected King soon, I happily lent my good name to back his endeavor. I must have left that letter with the one from King Harald.


In my other tunic.


*koff* *koff*









Of course, once they knew that the “other” King in Scotland had backed Malcolm, the Great Lords fell in line pretty quickly.










I celebrated that moral victory by nominating myself as the next King of Scotland.









I also celebrated with the Missus, wink wink.









Oh for God’s sake Gudrod, you aren’t supposed to talk about that sort of thing in public!


It’s humiliating!









Not as humiliating as what we did that night, right sexy sauce?


Wink wink.









“For God’s sake Gudrod, you are disgusting.


And stop saying “wink wink” you sound like an idiot.”



Ragnhild storms out.









As he watches her storm off Gudrod muses to himself. “I’d say Ragnhild is on the rag, but that’s just not possible.
I need to remember that pun for nine months from now.”









My son was born! Raggy wanted to call him Harald, after her father, but I picked Ale.


I thought that would create much funnier situations.


For example, I can say “Servant, fetch me Ale…and my son!”









King Harald sent me a rather offensive message via Herald today. It seems he finds my “moral support” a bit lacking. Since his invasion has turned into a 2 year fiasco involving the Kings of Norway and England, the Dukes of the Netherlands and Normandy and a host of other countries, endless battles, invasions and counter invasions a grotesque waste of money, men and resources. Really the longer the Herald talked the happier I was with my decision.








So we learned nothing about the potential rebels, but we did learn a lot. Will Gudrod be shamed into participation in the war? Will he pick up a second vote as King? Will Ragnhild beat him to death? What about The Don? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
 

Stuyvesant

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Sooo... When you say that Gudrod goes to war, you mean that he cowers in place while actual manly fighting takes place, and compensates by starting a domestic conflict with his wife? Boasting of your 'virility' (even if his name is 'Gudrod' - phnaargh) is rarely appreciated by your significant other, and following it up by calling your wife 'Raggy' and dubbing your son 'Ale' is surely not the way to get back in her good graces.

I wonder if Ragnhild has a pet bear for a companion...

Anyway, right now I do believe that Ragnhild beating Godrud to death is the most likely cause of death for our hapless duke petty king. The blood of Hardraada courses through her veins, after all. But I bet she'll have competition before too long.

PS: Nice way editing the various bits of correspondence. The originals of which were sadly misplaced. ;)
 

DensleyBlair

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It seems that Gudrød is, in fact, one of the shining beacons of the mid-to-late 11th century military theory community. He's certainly grasped the idea that really good generals are meant to just stand and watch while everyone else fights. He's just being modest in not joining in the war so as to let some of the other, less skilled tacticians take centre stage. Yes...that sounds about right. :D

Reading this really makes me want to resume my own attempts at subjecting these forums to "comedic stylings". Great stuff!
 

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Look out, the Crovan clan are back in Business!
 

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Definitely subbed. :)
 

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yep, still funny

As Stuyvesant has commented, it does look as if Gudrod's model of helping out is to stay at home (where its possibly he is of more help?).

One can but hope that King Ale comes to pass ... said in a good Glaswegian accent that may sound a wee bit different ...;)
 

The Kingmaker

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Alfred Packer

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It's so good to see you bring the Crovans back, AP! I'm excited to see where this goes.
Thanks! It's good to be back. It is kind of funny, but the last Crovan AAR kind of spoiled CK for me...I couldn't enjoy playing any other dynasty quite as much!

yep, still funny

As Stuyvesant has commented, it does look as if Gudrod's model of helping out is to stay at home (where its possibly he is of more help?).

One can but hope that King Ale comes to pass ... said in a good Glaswegian accent that may sound a wee bit different ...;)
Oh, if only. His name is so ripe with potential!

Definitely subbed. :)
Yay!

Look out, the Crovan clan are back in Business!
Dun dun duuuuuunnnnn!

It seems that Gudrød is, in fact, one of the shining beacons of the mid-to-late 11th century military theory community. He's certainly grasped the idea that really good generals are meant to just stand and watch while everyone else fights. He's just being modest in not joining in the war so as to let some of the other, less skilled tacticians take centre stage. Yes...that sounds about right. :D

Reading this really makes me want to resume my own attempts at subjecting these forums to "comedic stylings". Great stuff!
Yes...I think you are right. It is decorous modesty which keeps Gudrod from the fields of war...not craven cowardice :D

Sooo... When you say that Gudrod goes to war, you mean that he cowers in place while actual manly fighting takes place, and compensates by starting a domestic conflict with his wife? Boasting of your 'virility' (even if his name is 'Gudrod' - phnaargh) is rarely appreciated by your significant other, and following it up by calling your wife 'Raggy' and dubbing your son 'Ale' is surely not the way to get back in her good graces.

I wonder if Ragnhild has a pet bear for a companion...

Anyway, right now I do believe that Ragnhild beating Godrud to death is the most likely cause of death for our hapless duke petty king. The blood of Hardraada courses through her veins, after all. But I bet she'll have competition before too long.

PS: Nice way editing the various bits of correspondence. The originals of which were sadly misplaced. ;)
Gudrod hasn't exactly done his best to win the wife over...maybe this chapter will work out more in his favor!
 

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In Which A Pestilence Causes Some Minor Issues For Our Hero (1068)

Gudrod Haraldrson Crovan

King of the Western Isles, No Matter What That Placard Says






In Which Gudrod’s Wife Has A Little Something On Her Cheek

01 September 1068 – 11 November 1068









Well that certainly didn’t take very long. Godfrey has already formed an independence faction and I suspect it won’t be too long before he has…









Sorry to interrupt this…whatever this is, dear.
I wanted to let you know your brother has stopped by for a visit and…


What?









What?









“What are you staring at? Have I a touch of hideous Scottish Foodstuff on my chin? Breakfast was a bit messy.”


Ragnhild wipes her face with Gudrod’s sleeve.









Oh.



It’s not really food, per se.









“It’s not?” Ragnhild gently touched her face. “Well, what is it then?”









More of a blemish?









“A blemish?” Ragnhild sucked in some air.









“Well…


Quite a lot of them really.


Quite unpleasant looking, I mean.”


Gudrod regarded her for a moment.


“I’m kind of surprised they don’t hurt.”









Ragnhild ran to a mirror and screamed.


“Oh God! It is Small Pox!”


She looked to Gudrod with fear writ across her face.


“What shall I do?”









Oh I don’t know. Maybe a nap or something. See if the cook can throw together a poultice. I’m sure it will clear up by tomorrow. Probably ate some bad figs.


Now, Back to Godfrey…









What the Hell do you mean ‘clear up tomorrow!’ It is Small Pox you great ass!









Gudrod was getting annoyed.


“I don’t know! Give it a week then!”


“Jesus, it’s not like you got the Plague or anything!”









Gudrod! Small Pox IS a plague! Your Marshal died of it just last week!









Great Scott, that is serious. I shall have to replace him. Earl Argyll should do fine.


And I shall have to stay rather far away from you until…









Until what?









“You know…until you…die…and stuff…or…maybe…get…better?”


The last words are fairly inaudible.












You Great Ass.









Godfrey AND Small Pox are on the move. Will Godfrey and his brood rebel? Which will kill Ragnhild first: Medieval Medicine, Small Pox, or an Apoplectic Fit? And what machinations has The Don been up to? Find out the answer to these questions any many more on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
 

Stuyvesant

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Yes...I think you are right. It is decorous modesty which keeps Gudrod from the fields of war...not craven cowardice :D
It can't be a coincidence that 'Crovan' and 'Craven' look and sound so alike... :p

Now, on to the new update. This:

“What are you staring at? Have I a touch of hideous Scottish Foodstuff on my chin? Breakfast was a bit messy.”
Followed promptly by this:

Ragnhild wipes her face with Gudrod’s sleeve.
:D

The first, a magnificent slur on Scottish cuisine (although 'hideous Scottish foodstuff' seems tautological). The second so intrinsically horrible that I shudder while reading it on my couch (and wishing to rip off my shirt and throw it in a furnace).

Oh I don’t know. Maybe a nap or something. See if the cook can throw together a poultice. I’m sure it will clear up by tomorrow. Probably ate some bad figs.
You know, I was impressed with Gudrod for the first three sentences. A poultice? That's pretty much the 11th-century equivalent of the CyberKnife. Of course, he kinda ruins the perception by then suggesting figs as the disease vector (did they even have figs in Scotland in the 11th century? Perhaps they are imported from the Middle East and, therefore, by definition bad by the time the Scots get their hands on them?).

The mighty Independence faction that can raise a staggering 500 men (half of Gudrod's power!) is a nice reminder of the backwater we're dealing with here. :)
 

Enewald

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Ah, the Crovan legacy lives on!

And looks like I need to check how the original one ended... :p
 

Alfred Packer

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Oh my! I just lost my save with the 2.1 update! Luckily, as we are just 4 years in, It should be easy to recreate these circumstances (for the most part). Plus, I went ahead and added The Old Gods, Republics, Rome and Sword of Islam (there was a Steam Sale)...so there is upside. Next update I'll address any continuity issues that appear as a result of replaying these first years. I'll go ahead and post the last pre-update post I had in queue.