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Alfred Packer

Off Again
45 Badges
Jun 3, 2007
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Hello and welcome to my Hawaii AAR. First off, I must note my disappointment. I did not realize there was another Hawaii AAR going on. Oh well. I guess there is room enough for both of us.

Second off, I must note that this game was an attempt by me to learn how to play Victoria. I did, in fact, learn many things. Most importantly, I learned that one should never, never play as a 1 province uncivilized minor if one hopes to actually learn how to play.

Third, the first picture in the AAR and its accompanying commentary are a direct homage to Phargle's delightful Knud Knytling, from whom I have stolen much.

That all being said, on with the show.
 
1836-1844

King Kamehameha IV (Johnny Tsunami)

King of Hawaii

b. 1816, r. 1836

The Big Plans of the Early Years, 1836-1844





H01-01.jpg





Hello. I am King Kamehameha IV.

I drew this myself.

My brother, King Kamehameha III was killed yesterday in a freak Coconut accident, so I get to be King, which is totally awesome. I picked the name Kamehameha IV in honor of my brother. Well, mom kind of made me. I’d picked out a totally awesome name – Johnny Tsunami – but she said that would disrespect the ancestors, so I don’t get to use it.





H01-02.jpg





This is my Kingdom, Hawaii. I know. It is pretty dumpy right now. Almost no one lives here. We don’t have too much going on. Well, I am going to change all of that. I’ve got big plans for this place.




H01-03.jpg





The Bureau of Fancy Statistics delivered me this report on my subjects. I think the idea is that I should listen to what they want. That is a pretty stupid idea if you ask me. They are all fishermen with no experience doing anything but skinning trout and leading tourists on whale-watching expeditions that never actually find whales, instead taking the tourists to some stupid island to hunt for sea-shells, like that makes up for shattering the dreams of little boys who want nothing more than to see a whale up close and personal. Like you couldn’t find seashells everywhere, we are just a bunch of islands, after all. Half the damn place is beaches. In any case, if any of these dolts actually did find a whale, they’d probably crash into it and get everyone eaten. I’ll let you guess what that would do to the old tourism trade.

But I digress.






H01-04.jpg






Here is our annual budget. Nothing comes in. A pittance comes out. This is going to have to change if my big dreams for this place are going to come true.




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And here is my big long-term dream: a Hawaiian Navy of my very own. With this and the army, well, big things are going to happen for us!





H01-06.jpg






I think Midway is a good target for us. I know. Real long term. We have to build ships first.





H01-07.jpg






Of course, since we don’t have a Navy to take us there yet, there isn’t much point in paying all this money to the army. They can live on hermit crabs and coconuts like the rest of us.





H01-08.jpg






I was under a bit of pressure, and I really wanted more than 100,000 people to live here – some 300,000 Americans had applied for residency on the condition I promulgate a Constitution and stop ruling by decree, so I did. Luckily, no one ever reads these things.

The Royal Constitution of Hawaii

Article 1:

I am the King.

Article 2:

You are not.

Article 3:

Ha Ha.





H01-09.jpg






The arrival of all these immigrants has allowed me to do something no other Hawaiian King has been able to do: collect taxes in actual money rather than in conch shells.





H01-10.jpg





I have decided to let the Nationalists take the blame for whatever mistakes happen in the next few years. The Royalists like me a lot and I figure I should keep them out of trouble.




So, Hawaii’s rightful monarch is struck down in a freak accident, leaving the throne to his somewhat less deserving brother. In 8 years, we haven’t seen much of these so-called “Big Plans,” but maybe they are just real long-term and slow developing. I guess we’ll find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of King Kamehameha!
 
Good luck. I'll keep my eye on this one. :D
 
lets hope you can live through I'm trying to conquer all with aar. so don't worry about we each have different perspectives. :rolleyes:
 
Patience is a virtue, or so they see. I guess we'll see if it an attribute Hawaiian monarchs have soon enough.
 
Hawaii! And it's the King Kamehameha! Looking forward to your Pacific Empire and... Navy! :D

Will there be a weapon like this?
Goku_as_SSJ_Goku_doing_super_Kamehameha.jpg

goku1.jpg


Sorry, can't help it. :rofl:
 
Hhéhéhé, nice AAR, I'm following it. :)
 
A funny AAR. I can't wait to see if the US tries to annex you.
 
Brilliant stuff so far :p

You think 300,000 Yankees would up the tax collection a bit more. But then again they're probably all just surfer-bums ;)

Good luck Johnny Tsunami may you're dream of a weekend excursion to Midway come ture!
 
Good luck with Vicky it truly is a great game!
 
Good Luck! drive forward, i'd love to see how far you can take hawaii in the next 50 years or so
 
Go Johnny Tsunami! Go! Great choice of countries Alfred! I like the constituion btw, I kinda feel like if the French one had been that funny the peasants might have ignored their starvation and sucked it up.
:D
 
:eek:

Wow, this is a very different response than I get on my CK AAR! What a lively forum. I even have a flame war going on and that is with just one post!
Okay, I will try to reply to all:

Force Change: Thanks! I will have plenty of time...oh so much time...and nothing to do with it!

likk9922: Thanks! I hope it is entertaning even if an Empire of Hawaii fails to materialize

sagimine1: I think I will consider survival a victory.

stnylan: they'd better...since all their plans hinge on building a Navy!

Raden Shaka: Yep...development will be ordered once the Steam Engine is mastered!

theusje: Thanks! I hope it continues to amuse you...I've enjoyed writing it

DerKaiser: I am too, he's such a happy, naive fellow

Dr. Gonzo: It's a shame you can't build Head Shops, Johnny Tsunami would have his Navy in no time!

Aethis: Thanks! And I agree, Vicky is very different from other Paradox games and it is quite fun. Strange as it may seem, with the very little that gets accomplished, I have learned a lot about Vicky from playing Hawaii and I think I'm going to go for a larger country next time (or at least civilized :p )

Dirked99: You will find out momentarily how far Hawaii gets in 50 years...I suspect "disappointed" could be an adjective you might use.

superskippy: Thanks :) I was hoping someone liked the constitution. It is elegent in its simplicity!

Spuzzter: Iz? Do you mean this Iz? He seems like an interesting fellow...if I had any talent for lyrics, that would be a no-brainer, but I may give it a shot! And, of course, thanks for the nice words about the Crovans. Of course, if you disregard the current Crovan Monarch, you can pretty well guess how things are going to go for Hawaii.
 
1854-1878

King Kamehameha IV (Johnny Tsunami)

King of Hawaii

b. 1816, r. 1836

The Striking Disillusionment of the Middle Years, 1854-1878





H02-01.jpg





We’ve been working on Naval Design Bureaus for almost 20 years now. This is not the “Progress” I was hoping for.





H02-02.jpg





I have fired the intellectuals and replaced them with intellectuals from the Navy!

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking “what Navy?”

Well, what better motivation can you think of for the Naval-Industrial Complex!




H02-03.jpg





As long as I am sharing my empty fantasies with you, I’ve given some thought to building a glass factory. Industrialization seems like a good plan and the glass factory seems to be the cheapest one to build.






H02-04.jpg






I have just purchased a pair of Clipper Ship flotillas. I am half-way to my new Navy (well, if you don’t count the grotesque amount of cash I’m going to have to come up with). Things are looking up for Johnny Tsunami! (Ha! See, I knew it would have been an awesome name!)




H02-05.jpg






I have decided to ban all public meetings. I’ve been giving this some thought and, well, since I haven’t actually been funding the police force for the last 30 years and since the people lack basic rights and often the necessities of life (ie: food), I think nothing good could come from these public meetings.





H02-06.jpg






I just bought another Clipper convoy…that Navy is so close I can taste it! Midway here we come!





H02-07.jpg






I knew letting the Naval-Industrial Complex take over would work…they have assembled a Naval Design Bureau!

The recommendations of the Bureau for the maximum development of our Navy, after seeing the proposed Naval budget, was to buy new Hawaiian flags for the Clipper ships. That was about it really. This was kind of a waste of 40 years.





H02-08.jpg






Well, now it is time to research something new. I’ve sent the Naval-Industrial Complex to design a working steam engine. With luck, I’ll hear back from them around the time the Earth crashes into the Sun.




H02-09.jpg






I’m so close now…all I need is 500 Pounds and the Navy is mine!





H02-10.jpg





I had a great idea for raising the 500 Pounds I’ll need for the Navy! I’ll just tax the rich…a 94% tax should bring those ducats right in!

What could possibly go wrong?




Well King Kamehameha seemed to be losing his optimism there for a while, but he seems to have recovered nicely. Or gone mad. Unless he already was mad. Will he get his Navy? Will Midway even be available? Is there something unfortunate about being an uncivilized nation that our hero is going to learn the hard way? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of King Kamehameha!
 
Alright folks, any further discussion about cheating, or making personal attacks on other posters, or their AARs, will end RIGHT NOW! There is no right or wrong way to play these games. The offending posts will be deleted.
 
The fun and joys of one-province unciv minor...
 
Nice update. Lol 20 years for a tech, with that tech you should be able to make some terrifying boats ... :)
 
There will be no more of this garbage. Next time there will be more drastic action. If you don't like the way an AAR is played, don't read it. Attacking the writer or other readers will not be tolerated.

Stroph,
AAR Moderator
 
Nooo! Don't raise that tax- it's suicide!! Just go into debt and buy the navy anyway!

I couldn't live myself if something bad were to happen to Johnny Tsunami...