Dear George,
Does the Colonel intend to do something about that god awful mess in China?
Does the Colonel intend to do something about that god awful mess in China?
-
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Men of honour
The Colonel had finally read young George’s report. It was amazingly coherent even if Mainwaring had decided to cut short some of the lieutenants interesting theories. After putting the report aside, the Colonel decided to visist his Club for an afternoon drink. Not a moment too soon it seemed. Sir Winston, the Colonels loyal pet bulldog, was anxiously awaiting his afternoon drink too. The little chap would get quite agitated when he missed his afternoon Scotch, a trait he had in common with his namesake.
Just a few minutes later did the Colonel arrive at his Club, or what passed as a Club in this barbaric country. The entire exiled upperclass of Ottawa was already present, mostly because most had nothing better to do in this country. You couldn’t even have a proper foxhunt without some particularly unsportsmanlike bear spoiling your party!
The Colonel at the Club
“Evening Jeeves, a brandy for me and a Scotch in a bowl for Sir Winston here please.”
“Excuze moi, monsieur. My nomme iz Pierre Artois. Not Djeevès”
“Like I give a damn Frenchie, just give me and my dog what we’ve ordered”
Agitated by all that gruelling Gallic gall, the colonel walked to the fireplace and seated himself in one of the seats. Most of his old chums where still on their way. Only his old chum Sir Winston Churchill was already there, smoking his trademark sigar. The bwave admiwal, Lord Halifax, and Sir Neville arrived a short time later.
Sir Winston Churchill, former First Lord of the Admiralty
“Sowwy we awe late, I was held up by Siw Neville on my way hewe. It seems that Siw Neville suspected Jeeves of being a syndicalist spy. Only aftew weceiving his medication did he calm down”.
Edward Wilson, the Lord Halifax. One of the most distinguished admirals of the Royal Navy.
“I DO apologise sirs, but you can’t be too carefull these days. Spies lie hidden behind every corner, French or otherwise. Syndicalists always strike when you least suspect it.”
Sir Neville Chamberlain, here denouncing the syndicalists in one of his firebrand speeches
That was Sir Neville for you. Ever after his exile, Sir Neville would get quite agitated when dealing with anything relating to either the syndies in general, or the syndie French Commune in particular. His fury at such times was legendary and had earned him the nickname ‘the great antagonizer’ in the Union of Britain. He was always quick to appease everyone after one of his fits though.
The four men started to discuss the recent news, and as usual they agreed completely that the country was going downhill. General ‘Jumbo’ Wilson got permission to expand his ‘mobile warfare’ programme, mechanising the cavalry. Mechanised Cavalry! Before you knew it Cavalrymen would have to take off their spurs inside these vehicles!
Another worrying tidbit was that the Royal Navy was now led by a Canadian! What do Canadians know about ships anyways. Peddling a canoe down the St. Lawrence doesn’t count as experience. Especially former First Lord of the Admiralty Churchill and bwave admiwal Halifax seemed worried with the prospect of having to invade Old Blighty with Warcanoes!
After their heated (but onesided) discussion did the men settle down for a drink. Sir Neville, started to read a newspaper. This was when tragedy struck. Young Lord Louis Mountbatten approached Sir Neville…
“Good afternoon Sir Neville. You appear to hold the only copy of the ‘Ottawa Times’, might I implore you to share the contents with me?”
“Share, you say. You wish me to SHARE?” Sir Neville started to tremble.
“Yes please, if it isn’t too much trouble”
“SHARE young man, you know who share…” Sir Neville started to turn red. “Syndies share boy, since they say everything belongs to everyone. Do I look like a syndie to you?”
“I didn’t mean it like that…”
“I REPEAT, DO I LOOK LIKE A SYNDIE TO YOU” Now Sir Neville started to foam from his mouth.
The Colonel and Sir Winston (the man, not the dog) had to intervene to prevent Sir Neville from strangling the startled young man.
“By the queens corset Neville, calm down. Save your rightful indignation for a moment when rightfull indignation is required”
“sYNDiEs, SYNdieZ eVeRYwHeRe. WE MUST STOP THEM !!!”
“Indeed Neville, and we shall when the time is right. Then we shall fight then on the beaches…”
######################
The next update will deal with the state of the British/Canadian Army and Navy, expect the Colonel to have his own thoughts about it.
By popular demand, Ask George will continue...
The Colonel had finally read young George’s report. It was amazingly coherent even if Mainwaring had decided to cut short some of the lieutenants interesting theories. After putting the report aside, the Colonel decided to visist his Club for an afternoon drink. Not a moment too soon it seemed. Sir Winston, the Colonels loyal pet bulldog, was anxiously awaiting his afternoon drink too. The little chap would get quite agitated when he missed his afternoon Scotch, a trait he had in common with his namesake.
Just a few minutes later did the Colonel arrive at his Club, or what passed as a Club in this barbaric country. The entire exiled upperclass of Ottawa was already present, mostly because most had nothing better to do in this country. You couldn’t even have a proper foxhunt without some particularly unsportsmanlike bear spoiling your party!
The Colonel at the Club
“Evening Jeeves, a brandy for me and a Scotch in a bowl for Sir Winston here please.”
“Excuze moi, monsieur. My nomme iz Pierre Artois. Not Djeevès”
“Like I give a damn Frenchie, just give me and my dog what we’ve ordered”
Agitated by all that gruelling Gallic gall, the colonel walked to the fireplace and seated himself in one of the seats. Most of his old chums where still on their way. Only his old chum Sir Winston Churchill was already there, smoking his trademark sigar. The bwave admiwal, Lord Halifax, and Sir Neville arrived a short time later.
Sir Winston Churchill, former First Lord of the Admiralty
“Sowwy we awe late, I was held up by Siw Neville on my way hewe. It seems that Siw Neville suspected Jeeves of being a syndicalist spy. Only aftew weceiving his medication did he calm down”.
Edward Wilson, the Lord Halifax. One of the most distinguished admirals of the Royal Navy.
“I DO apologise sirs, but you can’t be too carefull these days. Spies lie hidden behind every corner, French or otherwise. Syndicalists always strike when you least suspect it.”
Sir Neville Chamberlain, here denouncing the syndicalists in one of his firebrand speeches
That was Sir Neville for you. Ever after his exile, Sir Neville would get quite agitated when dealing with anything relating to either the syndies in general, or the syndie French Commune in particular. His fury at such times was legendary and had earned him the nickname ‘the great antagonizer’ in the Union of Britain. He was always quick to appease everyone after one of his fits though.
The four men started to discuss the recent news, and as usual they agreed completely that the country was going downhill. General ‘Jumbo’ Wilson got permission to expand his ‘mobile warfare’ programme, mechanising the cavalry. Mechanised Cavalry! Before you knew it Cavalrymen would have to take off their spurs inside these vehicles!
Another worrying tidbit was that the Royal Navy was now led by a Canadian! What do Canadians know about ships anyways. Peddling a canoe down the St. Lawrence doesn’t count as experience. Especially former First Lord of the Admiralty Churchill and bwave admiwal Halifax seemed worried with the prospect of having to invade Old Blighty with Warcanoes!
After their heated (but onesided) discussion did the men settle down for a drink. Sir Neville, started to read a newspaper. This was when tragedy struck. Young Lord Louis Mountbatten approached Sir Neville…
“Good afternoon Sir Neville. You appear to hold the only copy of the ‘Ottawa Times’, might I implore you to share the contents with me?”
“Share, you say. You wish me to SHARE?” Sir Neville started to tremble.
“Yes please, if it isn’t too much trouble”
“SHARE young man, you know who share…” Sir Neville started to turn red. “Syndies share boy, since they say everything belongs to everyone. Do I look like a syndie to you?”
“I didn’t mean it like that…”
“I REPEAT, DO I LOOK LIKE A SYNDIE TO YOU” Now Sir Neville started to foam from his mouth.
The Colonel and Sir Winston (the man, not the dog) had to intervene to prevent Sir Neville from strangling the startled young man.
“By the queens corset Neville, calm down. Save your rightful indignation for a moment when rightfull indignation is required”
“sYNDiEs, SYNdieZ eVeRYwHeRe. WE MUST STOP THEM !!!”
“Indeed Neville, and we shall when the time is right. Then we shall fight then on the beaches…”
######################
The next update will deal with the state of the British/Canadian Army and Navy, expect the Colonel to have his own thoughts about it.
By popular demand, Ask George will continue...
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Dear George,
Chamberlain's medication is clearly not working.
That should do the trick.
Chamberlain's medication is clearly not working.
That should do the trick.
Ask George
"Well, it seems the Colonel is as confused with the situation as I am, therefore he decided..."
"Hush George, a good storyteller knows when not to reveal too much information"
"Are we telling a story then?"
"Sigh"
"Not much, of course. Unless we run out of medication for Sir Neville, or Scotch for Sir Winston."
"Now that is a scary thought, I still remember the 'prohibition incident' quite vividly..."
"Capital idea good Sir, yet the Colonels cane seems to do the trick in an emergency too."
"Somehow I question the wisdom of hitting a mentally disturbed man on the head too much."
#############
To everyone else: thanks for your comments and welcome aboard
The next chapter in this Epic British Adventure will be called: Yokels led by lions...
"Well, it seems the Colonel is as confused with the situation as I am, therefore he decided..."
"Hush George, a good storyteller knows when not to reveal too much information"
"Are we telling a story then?"
"Sigh"
With such statesmen like gentlemen in charge how can anything possibly go wrong?
"Not much, of course. Unless we run out of medication for Sir Neville, or Scotch for Sir Winston."
"Now that is a scary thought, I still remember the 'prohibition incident' quite vividly..."
Dear George,
Chamberlain's medication is clearly not working.
That should do the trick.
"Capital idea good Sir, yet the Colonels cane seems to do the trick in an emergency too."
"Somehow I question the wisdom of hitting a mentally disturbed man on the head too much."
#############
To everyone else: thanks for your comments and welcome aboard
The next chapter in this Epic British Adventure will be called: Yokels led by lions...
Dear George.
Please refrain from using your bedsheets for Parachute Practise. The Colonel is not made of money.
Yours,
Mrs Carr. (Housekeeping)
Please refrain from using your bedsheets for Parachute Practise. The Colonel is not made of money.
Yours,
Mrs Carr. (Housekeeping)
Dear George
No need to hit him too much. Just once, with the proper strenght applied to the swing, and say "goodnite, sweet prince".
No need to hit him too much. Just once, with the proper strenght applied to the swing, and say "goodnite, sweet prince".
Is that Her Flick of the Gestapo from Alo Alo on the first picture (the man with the black hat)
Ask George
"But the Colonel claims I should work on my physique..."
"I am sure there are less destructive ways to train ones physique, George"
"By Golly, I always knew that Sir Neville was special, but I never knew he was a prince..."
"Thats because Sir Neville isn't a Prince. Have you got anything else to share with us? Oh good afternoon, Sir Neville."
"sHArE, ShaRe YoU sAy, aRe YoU a SYndiE aS wEll?"
Thud!
"It seems you were right after all Sir Steiner"
"I thank you Sir, without your wonderful Mod our adventures wouldn't be possible"
"What did I say about speaking with imaginary friends again..."
"It seems zat a Serbian spy has seen through my clever Abwehr-disguise. But I vill be back..."
"Did I hear a bespecktacled German in a black coat?"
"Must be your imagination again, George."
"But the Colonel claims I should work on my physique..."
"I am sure there are less destructive ways to train ones physique, George"
Dear George
No need to hit him too much. Just once, with the proper strenght applied to the swing, and say "goodnite, sweet prince".
"By Golly, I always knew that Sir Neville was special, but I never knew he was a prince..."
"Thats because Sir Neville isn't a Prince. Have you got anything else to share with us? Oh good afternoon, Sir Neville."
"sHArE, ShaRe YoU sAy, aRe YoU a SYndiE aS wEll?"
Thud!
"It seems you were right after all Sir Steiner"
"I thank you Sir, without your wonderful Mod our adventures wouldn't be possible"
"What did I say about speaking with imaginary friends again..."
"It seems zat a Serbian spy has seen through my clever Abwehr-disguise. But I vill be back..."
"Did I hear a bespecktacled German in a black coat?"
"Must be your imagination again, George."
How could I not know him. Alo Alo is one of more shown shows here (well it was until TV companies gained access to newer material), and in my opinion one of the best comedies out there.
Yokels led by lions
What a disgrace, what a total bloody disgrace. Attacking at night! Never before was Colonel Blimp confronted with such bad sportsmanship. Bloody Canadian yokels, those men weren’t born soldiers!
It all started just a few days before. When the Colonel travelled to a backwater called Winnipeg to inspect the lumberjacks-turned-soldier led by some Canadian named Crerar. The government, in their infinite wisdom, had ordered Blimp to travel to the far corners of the country to inspect all divisions the Empire could muster in these dark days. As expected, most of the troops where of dubious quality at best. Even the presence of British officers to lead them didn’t work. But the worst of all was the 7th ‘Regina Rifles’ Division, existing of Canadians only and even led by a Canadian general. That man had even given officer-commisions to men who didn’t attend a proper public school! Such a travesty couldn’t be allowed to continue!
The Colonel inspecting some particularly incompetent Canadian...
But as always did those bloody Canadians cover eachother. The Canadian government didn’t want to replace Crerar. They claimed that because most soldiers where Canadian, the officer corps should include more Canadians too. Those ungrateful politicians had gall for sure. Apparently the only hope the army had was for the Colonel to teach Crerar the proper ways of fighting a war. Therefore he had arranged a mock-battle between Crerars troops and a handpicked group of true British volunteers led by himself. The objective had been simple, Crerar and his yokels were to assault a position held by Blimp. After Crerars inevitable defeat the Colonel would teach the poor sod the proper rules of engagement. The plan had been brilliant, to be sure.
General Henry Crerar. A particularly unbritish man, even for a Canadian.
Unfortunately the Colonel had underestimated the incompetence of these people. The Colonel had his troops prepare for a proper bayonet assault, just as he had done in the Sudan. The best defence was a good offence. The Wussies of the Sudan didn’t like a bayonet up there, and since Canadians weren’t any more civilised he was sure it would work here too. The Colonel would strike after tea, surely even Canadians would respect this sacred Imperial custom. But tragedy struck, the brazen Canadians assaulted during teatime!!!
With his men busy drinking their tea, it was no surprise that the position was quickly overrun. Such an unsportsmanship like move was unforgiveable! The smug Canadian even had the gall to claim victory! Those yokels, even when lead by proper British officers, would not be ready for war for quite some time…
#################
################
- The next update will deal with the most British of all branches of the army, the Royal Navy.
- Perhaps poor Canada will find an ally abroad too.
What a disgrace, what a total bloody disgrace. Attacking at night! Never before was Colonel Blimp confronted with such bad sportsmanship. Bloody Canadian yokels, those men weren’t born soldiers!
It all started just a few days before. When the Colonel travelled to a backwater called Winnipeg to inspect the lumberjacks-turned-soldier led by some Canadian named Crerar. The government, in their infinite wisdom, had ordered Blimp to travel to the far corners of the country to inspect all divisions the Empire could muster in these dark days. As expected, most of the troops where of dubious quality at best. Even the presence of British officers to lead them didn’t work. But the worst of all was the 7th ‘Regina Rifles’ Division, existing of Canadians only and even led by a Canadian general. That man had even given officer-commisions to men who didn’t attend a proper public school! Such a travesty couldn’t be allowed to continue!
The Colonel inspecting some particularly incompetent Canadian...
But as always did those bloody Canadians cover eachother. The Canadian government didn’t want to replace Crerar. They claimed that because most soldiers where Canadian, the officer corps should include more Canadians too. Those ungrateful politicians had gall for sure. Apparently the only hope the army had was for the Colonel to teach Crerar the proper ways of fighting a war. Therefore he had arranged a mock-battle between Crerars troops and a handpicked group of true British volunteers led by himself. The objective had been simple, Crerar and his yokels were to assault a position held by Blimp. After Crerars inevitable defeat the Colonel would teach the poor sod the proper rules of engagement. The plan had been brilliant, to be sure.
General Henry Crerar. A particularly unbritish man, even for a Canadian.
Unfortunately the Colonel had underestimated the incompetence of these people. The Colonel had his troops prepare for a proper bayonet assault, just as he had done in the Sudan. The best defence was a good offence. The Wussies of the Sudan didn’t like a bayonet up there, and since Canadians weren’t any more civilised he was sure it would work here too. The Colonel would strike after tea, surely even Canadians would respect this sacred Imperial custom. But tragedy struck, the brazen Canadians assaulted during teatime!!!
With his men busy drinking their tea, it was no surprise that the position was quickly overrun. Such an unsportsmanship like move was unforgiveable! The smug Canadian even had the gall to claim victory! Those yokels, even when lead by proper British officers, would not be ready for war for quite some time…
#################
Current Order of Battle
“Hello Colonel, here is the current OoB. I kept it short to prevent waisting time actually reading the official version of all reports, just as you requested – Lt. George.”
“As usual, I have corrected some of George’s wilder theories – Capt. Mainwaring”
Royal Canadian Army (Ottawa) –Ironside
- Army HQ
- 1st ‘Kings Own’ Division (regular)
- 2nd ‘Lincoln & Welland’ Division (irregular)
- 3rd ‘Queens Own’ Division (irregular)
“This is our main force, led by general Ironside, chief of the Imperial staff. What can go wrong with a man with a cool name like Ironside in charge! And both the king and the queen have their own division, I want one too!”
“George, please don’t go judging people based on their name again. The same goes for divisions.”
1st Corps (Halifax) – Alexander
- 4rd ‘Prince of Wales’ Division (regular)
“Prince of Wales, like the sound of that. Like I’ve been Prince of Wales once…”
“Shudder the thought”
2nd Corps (Quebec) – Auchinleck
- 5th ‘Black Watch’ Division (regular)
“Ah, the proud Black Watch division, named after their identifying black watches.”
“How do you even come up with those strange ideas?”
Royal Canadian Mounted Police (Montreal) – Wilson
- 1st RCMP Division (cavalry)
“The famous Canadian Mounties, now led by general ‘Jumbo’ Wilson. Sadly these Canadians are the only Cavalry in our army. Still, I kind of like the uniform. Still, general ‘Jumbo’ Wilson must have a hard time fitting in one of those.”
“A scary thought, yet again.”
1st Royal Marine Corps (Saint John) – Carton de Wiart
- 1st RM Division (marine)
“Here we have the famous Royal Marines, led by a very cool general with a confusing name. General Carton de Wiart lost a hand and an eye during the Great War, making him look like a pirate! A fitting choice to led a group of swashbuckling men!”
“I honestly don’t know what to say…”
Carton de Wiart, the coolest looking general in active service
Princess Patricia Light Infantry (Vancouver) - Loyd
- 6th ‘Princess Patricia’ Division (irregular)
“A light Canadian division, probably made up of very skinny Canadians.”
“Sigh, I really need a new job. Perhaps something at a bank…”
Border Guard (Winnipeg) – Crerar
7th ‘Regina Rifles’ Division (irregular)
“George, a word of warning if I may. I wouldn’t mention this division to the Colonel ever again. The consequences could be very bad indeed.”
“How bad exactly?”
“Do you rember when Sir Winston went a week without Scotch?”
“Point taken, Captain”
################
- The next update will deal with the most British of all branches of the army, the Royal Navy.
- Perhaps poor Canada will find an ally abroad too.
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Those dastardly Canadians must be unbearably smug now, not even having the decency to be ashamed at cheating their way to victory over the colonel. He must retire to the club for a calming drink and discussion with the chaps.
This is awesome!!
Thank you and welcome aboard.
Indeed, attacking during teatime!!! But be assured, the Colonel and the chaps will have a relaxing trip to the sea in the next update
. I hope to post a new update tomorrow...
Dear George, just how much influence does he Colonel have on the Canadian Government?