Telling the truth, and telling it well. How herr Hitler drops dead.

[unmerged(90027)]

Ehehheh... This is going to be great. :rofl:

Reichstag morning of August 23. 1940 at 8:00.

Göring: Did zu hear zat herr Hitler himself called us to hear his differing politikal vievs?

Hess: ja, i heard, vho does he think he iz? Ze diktator?

Göring: Ja, i knov, but let's hear vat he has to say, and zen ve vill decide vat ve vill do vitsz him.



Hitler: How are you gentlemen?
...
All your base are belong to us!
You have no chance to escape, make your time!

Göring: VAT! VAT IS ZIS OUTRAGE!!?

*BANG*

Raeder: Mein gott, du totet Hitler!

Funk: DU SCHWEINHUND!


Göring: Relax Funky daddy.. I did vat i had to, it ziz klear nov, that Hitler was plotting against der vaterland, and vas going to turn all ze zoldziers into chickens..

Hess: Ja it vas klear to uz all ziz time! Hitler vas a traitor!

Göring: I am taking over and ze first think ve should do iz to krush zose crazy Luxemburgers! Zey have been assembling ze zecret veapon that i belive vill turn us all into mutant zombie demons.

Göring: Vell, zat vas fast..




To be continued...





​

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

Du liever Gott! Zer Führer iz getot!

Well, at least Luxembourg is out, I feel better now.

 

[unmerged(115311)]

Lol, herr Hitler was plotting to turn ze soldiers to chickens?

I'll be following this...

 

[Mico94]

:rofl: :rofl:
is the aar continues like it started it will be a great aar
i will follow

 

[El Pip]

Ahh this could be properly silly. Excellent!

 

[Avatar018]

Look's like fun count me in.

 

[unmerged(90027)]

Miniupdate:

Sept. 6. 1941.

Göring: I'm tired of hearing zat song TURNITOFFIMMEDIATELY!!

Some random SS guy: JAWOHL! Mein führer.



Few days later on a morning meeting of the cabinet in the eagle's nest...

Funk: Zoo... Imagine if ve still had Hitler up in here...
'Scattered laughs'

Göring: Ja, ve vould be in zat filthy Russia now making all kinds of hell.. And totally unprepared too. Ze fool had more zan a few zkrews loose.
....
But now, we can take care of zose limeys in zeir little island first, and worry of no furzer pain from zat directzion.

Hess: But vat about ze amerikans?

Göring: Bah, they, i mean zey dont care about anyone elzez azz zan zeir own. If we leave zem alone, zey vill zurely leave us alone.

Funk: And vat about ze Russians?

Göring: Ze Russians? Are you zeriouzly vorried about zose third vorld barbarians? If zey brought zeir tanks anyvere near our troops, zey vould most likely fall apart before our own tanks even had ze chance to fire at zem.

Hess: Ha Ha, all too true my friend, and dont forget about zeir mighty army either, they have millions of zoldiers and atleast one out of five must have zome zort of veapon.

'Hearty laughter'







​

 

[Chief Savage Ma]

Aw. Don't get cocky, Goring.

 

[unmerged(81979)]

This is great fun! I'll be following, and laughing, along...

 

[unmerged(87183)]

Lol.

Good fun, I'll subscribe.

Heil Göring!!!

Or Dönitz.......

 

[Raze]

All right! Let's go!

 

[Cohacq]

Made me smile a few times, so i'm following

 

[unmerged(90027)]

Another miniupdate.. I think these work better for me, so i'll just do miniupdates for now instead of really long artistically fine posts.

Q: Do you like ze monologue, or should i put up a little statistics fireworks instead?

April 4. 1942 Hitl.. err, Göring's office.

Göring: Ziz is outrageous! Vai do ze Jugoslavians insult us so? Ve only demanded half their country.. Hitler gave ze same terms to the Czechs in 1938, and they agreed.

Funk: I zont no mein fuhrer, but ze Wehrmacht alreazy haz a plan for zem. Zey are going to zend troops to pacify ze king of Jugoslavia. Zat Karadj.. Karadjo... Kardjad... Krodja.. Krotchy.. VATEVER! Vill have no zoise but zo zurrender in the face of zotal annihilation. In vitsz kase ve vill annex zem anyvay.

Göring: Wunderbar mein Funky freund. I can zee you vill make a great azzet to ze vaterland.


--- A few days later ---

Göring: Ja you asked vor me?

Hess: Ja, zat iz korrekt mein fuhrer.. Our troops have advanced as far as Banja Luka already in ziz zhort time. Also, the cities of Zenica and Rijeka are expected zo fall zhortly.

Göring: Ach, wunderbar. Vell, as you can see i'm a very busy man, so please, let me vork now.

Hess: Eh, mein fuhrer....

Göring: Ja vat iz it?

Hess: Ze Zoviets.... Zey....

Göring: Ja ja, zell me? Did zey finally run out of Vodka and die?

Hess: Vell, yes zat too.. But they didn't die...

Göring: Vat? Zat iz amazing, i musst vrite ziz into my diary. Now please, i'm a very busy fuhrer..

Hess: Eh.. Mein fuhrer. I.. Zey... I mean...

Göring: VELL ZPIT IT OUT YOU ZNIVELING LITTLE VEAZEL!

Hess: Ze Zoviets have launched zeir all fronts attack againzt ze Japanese!

---- Silence ensues with silent muttering from Göring, and fearful glances from Hess. ----

Göring: ZOSE SCHWEINHUNDS!!! I VILL ZHOV ZOSE MUTANTS VAT ZIZ VATERLAND CAN DO AND ZEN IM GOING TO DRINK VODKA OUT OF ZAT MONKEY STALIN'S SKULL!

Hess, inform ze Wehrmacht, that ve vill move when the snows of 1943 have melted!

Hess: JAWOHL mein fuhrer!


Göring remains in his office muttering into his glass of scotch.

Göring: Vere iz ziz vorld going to. Ven honest facist regimes kant even plot vorld dominashion in peace...

---- 2 days later... ----

Göring: Ach, anozer letter from ze kovard Du Gaulle...

The letter reads:" Èvèn zè trainèd monkèè can èchzechèut zat manovéur!
I fart in zè dirheczèun of your zmèlly panzèurs! "

Göring: Zat kovard! I vill krush him I VILL I VILL!!
​

 

[Avatar018]

Yes, war with the French and Soviets. This should be fun.

 

[unmerged(88983)]

I love this. I have a friend from Germany who speaks just like that :rofl:

 

[unmerged(90027)]

France was taken already in 1940. But Du Gaulle is just taunting from his African "resort".

 

[unmerged(90027)]

September 13. 1942. Reichstag building, Göring's office.

Walther Funk rushes into the room with big red letter.

Funk: Göring, Göring! Ze Zoviets have Zeclared ze war on us! But our Wehrmacht is advancing along ze entire front.

Göring: Zoo.. Zose fools finally lost the rest of their minds. Very vell. Have the Luftwaffa begin bombing their positions at once!

Funk: Jawohl! Oh.. Ze Italians have zeclared var on ze Zoviets, zey say zey will support out troops!

Göring: Ach, very goot! I shall draw up zome zort of vormal alliance papers right now.


Funk: Also, our transports are ready and vaiting for our troops to begin the invasion of the british isles themselves. Our intelligence divizion says zey only have a very light garrizon units in zeir coastlines. Zey vill be a pushover for our battle hardened troops.

Göring: Very vell very vell. Go on now, i vill leave zis matter into your very capable hands.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The americans sent a small navy force towards the British isles made up of 2 carriers, 1 light carrier a heavy cruisers 2 light kruizerg and a destroyer. They turned back when they saw my naval bombers. My naval bombers and fleet have grounded the entire british armada to their ports. I'll see if i can pick them off one by one when i take those provinces.





​

 

[unmerged(115311)]

'Zoviets' sounds really cool .. ze Germans really like ze letter 'Z'
We'll see how this Barbarossa goes.

 

[Avatar018]

Wow the Soviet army looks really weak. Should be a walk in the park. How many units do you estimate are defending the British Island's?

 

[unmerged(62674)]

Is now Germany Paternal Autocrat and ruled by Doenitz?