Tea and Crumpets Worldwide: An English World Conquest Attempt

[eugene171]

Tea and Crumpets Worldwide
An English World Conquest Attempt

Brought to you by MSPaint

They say that the sun never sets on the British Empire, and that holds true to this very day. But what if they knew what history had in store ahead of time? What if their empire was commanded with the nation's health in mind, not just that of a given king or queen? What if their generals could go online and figure out how to win the Hundred Years War?

If they could, it's probably look something like this:

Table of Contents
Gentlemen, Start Your Englands (1444-1454)
The Iberian Massacre (1454-1465)
Fortune Favors the Bold (1466-1474)
West Coast Wrap-Up (1474-1493)
War and Peace Enforcement (1493-1507)
The Great Siberian Cockblock(1507-1513)
Probing For Weakness (1513-1528)
Great Conquests and Terrible Leaders (1528-1546)
Taming the Savages (1546-1559)
Out With the Old Kings, In With the New (1559-1568)
Spreading Civilization (1568-1585)
What Natives? (1585-1607)
The Bloody Dutch (1607-1634)
The Cheese Reveal (1634-1650)
What Regency? (1650-1662)
Stomp (1662-1679)
Fall of the Ming (1679-1692)
Who Says Feeding's Dead? (1692-1718)
Horde-tastic (1718-1735)
I Found a Bug (1735-1750)
The Calm Before the Storm (1750-1778)
Endgame Mega-update (1778-1810)
Final Thoughts


Thanks so much to everyone for your support! I couldn't have conquered the world without your help!
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[eugene171]

Gentlemen, Start Your Englands

I'm going to come right out and admit it, I used this guide to win the Hundred Years War. As you'd suspect, no plan survives contact with the enemy, but the gist is that getting Spain, Portugal, and Austria in on the war won it on the second attempt. This is how things looked when I finally got Provence to peace out:



Followed by the obliteration of the remaining French army, and some carpet sieges with minimal dudes




In the middle of the war, I was fortunate enough to get a half-decent heir. Now I'm one Henry closer to the optimal amount



During the "declare war on an Irish Minor" part of the HYW, I vassalized Connaught and snagged one of Scotland's provinces. This allowed for the "Vassalization of Scotland" mission to be allowed. The troops gathered at the border, freshly depleted from the HYW, but not so much that it was devestating. I only had to take one loan, and consolidate no troops



War on Scotland dragged in Tyrone (who was swiftly vassalized), but put Novgorod in charge. Crap.



Perplexed by Novgorod's boldness and supposed power, it was time to take a look at that part of the world while the siege of Scotland was happening.



Oh dear.



Well... Looks like Muscovy won't be a big problem any time soon. Time to try to end this war quickly, so those damnable Portuguese and Castillians can taste the wrath of the French-English tag-team. All in all, I'm surprised this are going this well.

So is Johan, it seems.


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[GreatUberGeek]

Subbed! Can't wait to see if you can conquer the world, though I have no doubts that you can. How do protectorates and colonial nations affect WCs now, I wonder? Will you count the colonial nations?

 

[blsteen]

Ah Global conquest, should be interesting as is crushing the French

 

[Laburnum]

Very good, I only see World Conquest with Holy Rome Empire thoughI once came close with a very lucky Burgundy. I wish you my luck.

 

[ef9283]

I wish you luck! England, France, Spain, and Russia are probably the best contenders for world conquest. And you can't do worse than the English in my game!

XD Go home England, you're drunk.

 

[volksmarschall]

"They died to save their country, and they only saved the world!" So I bid you haste and godspeed - save the world good sir, it is a mighty task of responsibility, courage, and resolve.

Cheers!

 

[Bierbrauer]

subbed.

 

[SiikFajitas]

Color me subscribed

 

[eugene171]

The Iberian Massacre

Thanks for the subs and the luck wishes. It's going to be an interesting game, for sure.

Subbed! Can't wait to see if you can conquer the world, though I have no doubts that you can. How do protectorates and colonial nations affect WCs now, I wonder? Will you count the colonial nations?

The rule now is that if you have every nation in the world under your control (PU, Vassal, and Protectorates), then it counts as a WC. I'll be holding to this rule, though expect to see PUs integrated and vassals annexed.

Very good, I only see World Conquest with Holy Rome Empire though I once came close with a very lucky Burgundy. I wish you my luck.

I'm likely to take over the HRE, as a big free chunk of Europe will speed up conquest considerably.


The issue of taking Scotland was resolved rather easily. I just got MA from Sweden, and took one of Novgorod's provinces while they recovered from the war with Muscovy.

Spoiler

The next step was to consolidate some holdings of Ireland and Scotland, and select an idea. I chose Offensive, as there's going to be a lot of war, soon. Exploration will be the second idea group, likely followed by Innovative for the -0.05 War Exhaustion, even while at war.

Spoiler

The nation was not fully healed from war, but the next war (to be against someone in Iberia) was not yet ripe for the declaring. Turning towards our subjects in France, we saw that Provence held some french cores, and few allies. They were swiftly defeated.

Spoiler

Portugal had taken the first idea in Exploration by this point, so it was time to strike before things got out of hand. Aragon seemed eager to help, so we forged an alliance with them and struck at Navarra. Portugal opted to stay on Castille's side, as hoped.

The plan was simple: The the Aragonese and French do the dying, and let the English mercenaries do the conquering. It went pretty well.

Spoiler

Our brave king Henry(0/0/0) bites the dust, allowing the glorious age of a better Henry(4/2/2) to begin! Henry the 7th's son, while not a Henry, is still pretty good(3/3/4).

The Conquest of Portugal goes smoothly, and their island holdings are taken from them. Full vassalization is at least two wars away, but we can wait. Aragon bails at the last minute, and we throw their alliance away as fast as possible. Castille gives up many of its northern holdings to us, but we allow them to keep Navarra as a vassal we can declare war on without the RM stability penalty.

Spoiler

Vassal feeding is not an option for newly released Galicia, so this is going to be really, really rough.

Spoiler

I've done what I must to crush the colonizers. Now, there's nothing left to do but to Hold on to your Butts

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[jdeska]

I'm eager to follow along. When I pick up the expansion, England is the first country I want to try.

 

[eugene171]

Fortune Favors the Bold

So my suspicion was that this was gonna feel like westernization. That wasn't far from the truth, at the beginning. Things started predictably enough, with many different kinds of revolts and stab hits. I opted to start vassalizing Scotland during this "downtime" as well.

Spoiler

I finally for the admin points to start coring the requisite amount to get out of this overextension hell I'd landed in. The day of redemption was to be Feb. 1, 1475.

The plan was to core the Castillian land first, then the Portuguese land. This was all done to maximize the prestige I had, as Prestige is the only thing keeping France from murdering me. Event choices reflected this.

Spoiler

As I clicked the choice to host a jousting tournament, I thought to myself "If I'm going to burn the country down, might as well go all the way". A little more morale can kill just those few more rebels, and a little more prestige can... be surrendered to those few more rebels. Time for a nice stressful sit.

Then suddenly, a beautiful thing happened

Spoiler

The royal marriage that was all a ploy to beat up France plus the MASSIVE prestige hit that Castille took in the last chapter combined into the best possible outcome. Victory was swift.

Spoiler

I quickly cancelled my cores on Castillian land, and sold it back to them. Keeping the importance of order-of-operations (lower OE, then raise stability) in the forefront of my planning paid off with this nasty event

Spoiler

And so, the last of the rebels were expelled from the country. Revolt is negative, OE is below 100%, Porto is coring, and we're fabricating a claim on Portugal for a fast strike while their only ally Aragon has a truce with us.

Spoiler

Hot damn, I think this just might work.

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[Laburnum]

Very good, can I ask, why you release Galicia?

 

[ef9283]

You are the luckiest man alive. You got a PU with Castille? XD That's not even fair. Well world conquest is certainly within the realm of posibillity now. If you let Castille colonize South America before Annexing them while you colonize North America, that's 2 continents in the bag. And a united France-England-Spain is WAY more than enough to crush anything in Europe. And an Expansion Idea later gives free CB's on all Asians... I call hax. Lucky nations OP

 

[unmerged(807733)]

You are the luckiest man alive. You got a PU with Castille? XD That's not even fair. Well world conquest is certainly within the realm of posibillity now. If you let Castille colonize South America before Annexing them while you colonize North America, that's 2 continents in the bag. And a united France-England-Spain is WAY more than enough to crush anything in Europe. And an Expansion Idea later gives free CB's on all Asians... I call hax. Lucky nations OP

I don't know if that will still work out that way post patch. I haven't played any European nations since 1.4, but it seems like Castile will mismanage its colonies and he'll be left with Castillian cultured, western provinces to core himself.

 

[Thobewill]

Colonial nations become independent upon their parent nation's annexation. I saw it in my game when Denmark annexed portugal, releasing Chile, Brazil, Colombia, and Haiti.

 

[unmerged(807733)]

Colonial nations become independent upon their parent nation's annexation. I saw it in my game when Denmark annexed portugal, releasing Chile, Brazil, Colombia, and Haiti.

This is what I was afraid of. Since you get the WC just for control now though, he could just keep Castile as a junior partner, with Castile in control of its colonial subjects. If one of them tried for independence, I assume England would end up being war leader and he could ensure they stay under control.

 

[eugene171]

Very good, can I ask, why you release Galicia?

At the time, I had two intentions: Lower my OE by as much as possible (which releasing them helped, even a little), and sell them some Castillian land. Before reading up on one of Johan's posts, I wasn't sure if it'd work or not. It didn't, and now I know why.

Colonial nations become independent upon their parent nation's annexation. I saw it in my game when Denmark annexed portugal, releasing Chile, Brazil, Colombia, and Haiti.

I'm told that this will change (read: be fixed) in the next patch. If this is the case, expect a pause in the AAR around 1520 until that patch happens.

Honestly, I'm going to try to annex the colonizers ASAP to avoid the colonial regions being split up into multiple nations

 

[jdeska]

Lucky you! With France and Castile under you, you're basically unstoppable. Take portugal's island provinces to prevent them colonizing early, and you're set.

 

[eugene171]

West Coast Wrap-Up

Muscovy will eventually become a problem to be dealt with: They've begun annexing Perm

Spoiler

The conquests of Portugal go fairly uneventfully. They'd begun colonizing in Africa, so I burned the colonies down. My economy still recovering, I opted to not keep the colony for myself. Conquest was done as OE would permit.

Spoiler

While waiting for the truce with Portugal to calm down, I opted to beat up on some European countries for money, Prestige, and one of my cores (Picarde). Austria was more than happy to join in the beatings.

Spoiler

Now that Denmark has annexed Norway, an opportunity to make our own Norway presents itself, starting with Orkney. The Danish Navy is small, so them invading won't be a problem. This war can be going on basically whenever.

Spoiler

Parallel to the Danish conflict, we attack Portugal again. Austria also asks for some aid, which we give them. Why not? There is little loss of life from myself or my subjects.

Spoiler

We unlock Exploration as an Idea group, though there is nothing yet in range to colonize. Not a huge deal, with Castille and Portugal under control

Spoiler

I'm terrified that some sort of heir troubles will screw me out of my hard-earned and lucky-as-hell PUs with France and Castille respectively, so prestige is paramount and heir deaths are terrifying. This string of events, though, ends well enough. Henry the 7th gives way to Henry the 8th , with Henry the 9th in line. H7 was all right, H8 is also OK, but H9 is looking kinda... weak. He'll be killed off as soon as I'm sure it won't ruin my PUs

Spoiler

Portugal finally submits as our vassal, and we sell them back their lands to preserve admin points.

Spoiler

Here's my area of operation:


Very soon, France's integration will begin, then probably Portugal's annexation, then Castille's. Upcoming priorities are taking Iceland from Denmark (and the rest of Norway for my Norway), and stopping Muscovy. Novgorod still exists and is about their starting size, so they'll likely be the key.

After that gets started, I'll find my way over to the Middle East. I need to get a Horde protectorate as my best friend in the whole world, so they can conquer under my protection for the next ~300 years. Kazan is ideal, but we'll see.


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