Of Pretzels and Mystery Meat
1471 - Bayern
The news rocked the royal Bavarian palace. But then again, since the palace was built on pretty swampy ground, a little wall-shifting was pretty common. Augustus II and King Albrecht de Weise were stunned by the news, and by the sloping floor.
The courier announced that Castille had annexed Portugal. This sort of thing just wasn’t done. From the Turks, one might expect it, or among the shifting nomadic North African nations. Even the occasional incorporation of a one-province principality COULD be excused, as the king had to remind Augustus with an aside reference to the recent Brandenburg fiasco, but never had so large a nation, with its own language and culture been erased from the map by a supposedly civilized nation. Even in Albrecht II’s “How to Rule as a European Monarch for Dummies” manual, the subject was conspicuously absent.
Steps would be taken, and once they finished stepping and were on level flooring again, they planned. Guarantees of Independence were proclaimed for all of Bavaria’s allies. Any attempts to emulate the erasure of Portugal would be met with stout opposition, and none were stouter than the Gluttonic Knights.
About this time a Radical Thinker emerged, promoting a concept called “Nihlism”. This theory basically traced all man’s worries and troubles back to desire, and desire, he postulated, was born in the Nile. Deep at its source in deepest Africa. Therefore, all things Egyptian should be shunned. Albrecht and Augustus let the thinker voice his ways, which led to many new and innovative designs, such as wherever possible, phasing out the use of pyramids. Rounded fulcrums and other blunders aside, no negative effects were noticed.
Over the next few years, taking further steps to consolidate their protective authority, the two Bavarian leaders vassalized Helvetia, and delivered warnings to their historically aggressive neighbors Poland and Lithuania.
It was during this time that a mysterious merchant made his way to the castle. Though his family had long been held in high regard, they had mostly diminished over the past few decades, and the parents of this specific merchant had traveled east long ago. In exchange for an audience and shelter, the traveler repaid the royal court with a mysterious meal, a type of Auroch meat, similar to what had been discovered earlier, but pleasantly different. We would not reveal the nature of the cattle, but said only that it was rare and that he spared it only because he dined with a King. Something about eating this meat deeply affected Albrecht der Weise, and Augustus would begin to notice many subtle changes in him.
The map of Europe would continue to change, as Prussia agreed to become a Bavarian vassal. There was a brief incident of Corruption as the Prussians agreed to use Bavarian currency, but were discovered to have simply minted tin with a thin golden gilding. Though expensive, the situation was resolved by Albrecht most weisely.
Austria, which had been somewhat diminished in recent years, in the shadow of Bavaria’s rapid growth, more than doubled its size in 1477, when through a dynastic annexation, it merged with the great western nation of Burgandy, and acquired territory throughout northern and western Europe. This sudden escalation into one of the largest nations on the continent set off all sorts of demonstrations of grandeur, not the least of which was the renaming of the monarch’s title to Grande Regis.
Not to be out done by this new larger Regis, and with many Bavarians suffering from Regis envy, Augustus was charged with a secret mission to the Pommern, and after some stiff opposition, Bavaria diplomatically annexed the Pommern.
Bavaria’s Baltic Sea coast was now wide and accessible, and this also led the king to pay more attention to the smaller nations to his west. One in particular intrigued him: the people of Mecklenburg maintained an active center of trade, and seemed to be in constant conflict with their neighbors. They fought under a tri-color flag of yellow, red, and blue, and such a flag flew from their capital. Yet many also paid homage to a different crest, a coat of arms of a mysterious black creature, an oxen or steer perhaps, on a golden background. The Mecklenburgers were curiously tight-lipped about its origin, and would speak little of it. It was clearly an issue of interest for the king, but he spoke little to Augustus about it.
Augustus II began to notice the effects of age, and his thoughts turned to succession of his post. Rather than throw some poor soul into the job without proper understanding of the true role and power of the Gluttonic Knights, he began evaluating his lieutenants, and selected one, a rather stout cavalier by the name of Gunter Mohlman, as his eventual replacement.
Gunter worked side by side with Augustus, as Bavaria sought a new ally to replace the Pommern. The nation of Hesse was selected and accepted the knights’ invitation. Gunter oversaw the fortifications of Vor Pommern and Hinter Pommern. His true test came during the Great Pretzel Crisis of 1483.
As part of his skillful promotion of the dream of Far Eastern conquests, Albrecht der Weise had sought to keep his people’s tastes from stagnating and was constantly working to promote new culinary experiences. There remained, however, a stubborn, conservative element, that favored traditional Bavarian fare. The king had been able, through control of the peasantry, to alternate which crops were grown, and also to import new and exotic foodstuffs. However, those resistant to the changes finally reached a point of rejecting these new foods all together. Banding together they rallied around the simplest of all Bavarian snacks, the pretzel. Morning, noon, and night, they dined on pretzels, in great disregard for their health. Some, when no one was looking, might sneak some condiment on top of the pretzel, such as cheese or mustard, but the purists remained committed, even when the king rationed salt trying to stem this peaceful protest. The situation escalated until the townsfolk of Bayern marched upon the palace, demanding an audience directly with the Lord of the Gluttonic Knights, seeking a Petition of Redress.
Throughout the young knight’s training, Augustus II had carefully instructed Gunter as to the hidden history and motivations of the Knights, but had always stressed the importance of keeping the dream of conquering Far Cathay alive. The Lord of the Knights now decided it was time to put his understudy to the test. Addressing the assembled crowds, he declared that Gunter was the future of the knights, so it was only fitting that in this historic decision, he decide the future of Bavaria.
“Choose wisely,” he cautiously whispered to the boy, “the wrong choice could lead to a life of suffering, or perhaps even instantly withering with old age and collapsing in a pile of dust.”
Gunter’s words choked in his throat, “What?!? Really?”
“Nah, I’m just screwing with you,” the knight replied as he stepped away, “but decide quickly.”
Gunter’s choice greatly upset the assembled crowds, and a wave of great instability (-4 stability) swept through the kingdom. Despite this, however, both Albrecht and Augustus were pleased, and this strengthened the authority of Bavaria’s central government.
In 1489, the Bavarians announced they had reached an agreement with the Prussians for a full merging of the two nations, or more accurately the diplomatic annexation of Prussia. Where this would have once been scandalous, the erasure of Portugal softened European attitudes, and just as there had been no permanent damage from the Bavarian incorporation of Pommern, this move also produced some shock, but nothing from which that Bavaria could not recover.
Also announced was that Lord Augustus II was stepping down, and in reward for his service would receive a generous title and estate in Prussia. Gunter assumed the Lordship of the Knights, taking the name Augustus III, as a way to honor his mentor, and since it was getting to be something of a tradition.
Not announced was a sizable gift made by the King to the Irish rebels in England. The mercenaries that had pledged their aid earlier had remained loyal through the years. The king would do his best to repay them as best he could.
