Tales of the Gluttonic Knights

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Epilouge of Book II of the Sea Route

1600 - Bayern

King Maximillian danced around the throne room, and you haven’t seen ugly until you’ve seen this fat man dancing. However unsettling the sight, though, Lord Augustus and Sir Connery endured their Lord’s celebration, for today was a day that would live throughout Bavarian history. Or rather, today was the day that Bavaria found out about a different day that would live throughout Bavarian history, they day that Bavarian Explorer (Yes, he was really Dutch, but that detail was lost to many Bavarians) Duke JH discovered China.

As he danced the king sang out, composing songs of “Glorious King Max” the first Bavarian King to set eyes on China. Think “Sound of Music” meets drunken football fan (American or European variety).

“Pfeh! First king to ever see Chiner on a map,” snorted Connery. Though quite boastful himself he greatly disliked it when people took credit for the deeds of others.

“Actually,” confided Augustus, “a Bavarian king HAS seen China. And not just on a map.” He left the king to his celebration, and took Connery aside and unrolled the letter he had received.

The letter was from a member of the Duke’s crew, allegedly a mate named Billy. However, the letter itself revealed that “Billy” was the former king, Wilhelm V, who had abdicated the throne in search of a life of adventure. He had apparently found it. He had taken Lady Emma for his bride, though their union had not been formally acknowledged by any church, and had laid claim to a fine parcel of land in the Cape Colony provinces. He had signed aboard the Duke’s expedition and was one of the first to set foot on Chinese soil.

He relayed all of his observations to the Lord Knight in his letter:

The Chinese army seemed quite competent. Perhaps equal in skill to the Bavarians. Yet this land, Irawady, was so far removed from where the Chinese capital of Hebei was located that China must indeed be a vast and powerful empire. The Chinese navy, however, seemed to be quite primitive, and nothing to threaten the Bavarians.

It was unknown how much knowledge of the west was held by China. However, they seemed to be aware of the Bavarians’ identity, and the brief encounter Wilhelm had had with the Chinese revealed quite hostile feelings. Diplomatic overtures would be quite expensive as the Chinese seemed to live in a land of luxury, with rare spices, silks, teas, and fine porcelain. Bavaria could offer little of comparative value.

Full maps of the Sea Lord’s discoveries were sent with Wilhelm’s letter, and are displayed HERE:


UPDATED MAPS: CHINA, CAPE COLONY, BAVARIA

...following the maps from 1550.

“I hope yer ready for a long boat ride,” Connery offered, “because it’s a long, slow boat that’ll reach Chiner.”

“Funny thing,” replied Augustus, “I’ve had this strange foreboding feeling lately, as if I was about to be whisked away. Yet, it seems somewhat familiar, like something that happened long ago or. . .”

Lord Augustus IV and Sir Connery vanished, leaving only a slight green haze.

 

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Bases for Conquest

While Luzon is the most desirable, perhaps a few colonies in Siberia would serve your purpose as well. While each individual colony may not provide much manpower, together you could gather a decent army in a year or so. I still think you need to take Nippon first. They are much easier to conquer, and there manpower would be very valuable. Plus they would provide further bases close to China where you could strike from. Plus you could bring the king back some fine sushi and sake.

 

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I know this sort of response isn't hugely productive, but:

I love this AAR!!!

I'm looking forward to the land section...but perhaps if you could post a very brief summary of the world before you start, just to save little old me having to re-read all the earlier posts to find out whats going on...

 

[HJ Tulp]

"whe made it! we finaly made it!
After all those duke's of Houchenzaufen and Texel, we made it.
We celebrated it last night, big party.
But i'f heard that you'r coming here, great!


Duke JH of Houchenzaufen and Texel
**********

Hip, Hip,
Hooray.

Congrateulations heagerty.
But why should you want to improve your relations with China?

 

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Good golly, he's done it! (well...discovered it anyway). And by 1600! That gives you another 219 years for conquest.

Amazing heagarty. Simply amazing...

*faints*

 

[Storey]

Congratulations heagarty! I never doubted you could do it. Well there was that time in 1537 but that doubt only lasted a moment or two. Of course if you had walked there like I suggested you would have been there 50 years ago.

Joe

 

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Thanks for the tip about Luzon! Australia seemed to be a pretty safe prospect, but rather slow for producing the manpower I'll need.

I've played ahead on the land strategy and am in the process of writing it up. Quite a lot to write. The first installment is coming up.

But as requested, let's recap where we are as we return to the Book of the Land Route....

 

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Prologue: Book V - Resuming the Land Route

Book V
Bavaria's quest to reach China by land has led them into several wars in the east, against the Ottoman Empire, Russia, and an alliance of Nordic nations.

They have sent explorers west and have charted the coast of Norht America, though they have little interest in oversea colonies. Their focus is the long eventual conquest of a land route to China.

Other notable items are included in the summary below.

We now return to the story.


1544, Bayern

Book II of the Land Route

“Funny that,” thought Lord Augustus IV, stirring himself from a daze as he stared out into the night sky. He was disoriented, as had happened before, but calmly checked off a list of facts in his head:

For a quick check of your own, please check:

LAND ROUTE MAPS circa 1550

1) He was Lord Augustus IV, Lord of the Gluttonic Knights. It was the mission of the knights to conquer Far Cathay and bring back exotic foods for the king and the Bavarian people.

2) Though it was a daunting task, the Knights would reach China by land, carving a path through the dangerous eastern lands.

3) Somewhere to the east, he suspected, was hidden the mysterious and powerful artifact called the Lost Wlak. Unfortunately, he suspected that Bavaria was not the only seeker of the Wlak - that Russia had somehow learned of it, and sought to acquire it first.

4) New lands had recently been taken from the Ottomans, on the Black Sea, but due to the heretical beliefs of these people, it was taking some effort to assimilate them into the culture of Greater Bavaria.

5) Sir Connery O’Sean, an Irish mercenary was his second in command, and owed him 10 ducats from last week’s game of cards. He would have been owed only 5 if not for Connery’s insistence on going “double or nothing” on whether he could slice the bottle of beer in two with his sword. Though Connery protested, all present agreed that “shattering” and “slicing in two” were two distinctly different concepts.

6) He served King Wilhelm IV, known to some as Wilhelm the Immense.

7) The nation had just endured many years of war, in which their former ally Eire became a vassal of England, in which they defeated the Scots, the Danes, and the Swedes, and claimed the Swedish land of Holstein as a new province.

8) Some time ago, actually an unnaturally long time ago, once he considered it, he and Connery were assaulted in Mecklenburg by mysteriously costumed men. Since that time both he and his lieutenant would find themselves illumed by a faint green glow, and both would suffer from brief cases of disorientation. They didn’t seem to be aging, either.

9) It would take a great effort to reach China by land. Yet, despite the pressing need to make progress, recent wars had made Bavaria a bit of a pariah among the other European nations. Time was needed to rebuild Bavaria’s armies and to let recent military actions fade from Europe’s memory before the next advance toward China was launched.

10) He really, really, really needed a beer.

And with that, he decided he could sleep later, and headed into the heart of the city for a pint, or a quart.

 

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Pudding things in Order



1544 - Bayern

“Connery,” said Augustus IV, “I had the dream again last night.”

“Aye,” answered Connery, “I had it too.” He continued, “Rolling around in fields of heather with the two bonnie lasses from Cork. Young, nubile and . . . curious.”

“What?!? No, you stupid git,” said Augustus, “the dream where we’ve lived before but have been forced to go back an relive the events. You do remember us speaking of that before, don’t you?”

“Well, yes,” but Connery was quick to add, “and I did have that dream as well, but if you had it than surely you’d much rather talk about my dream of the . . .”

"Did you say 'THAN surely'? Where were you raised? Didn't you mean 'THEN surely'?" Augustus burst out.

"That's what the hell I said! Are ye deaf as well as oogly? I said 'THAN'. T-H-E-N. Than!" fired Connery right back.

"Feel free to lose that clumsy brogue at any time, Connery" said Augustus, growing irritated.

"Saint's preserve me! I get this kind of criticism from YOU of all people? That's a mighty anglicized version of the king's Deutsch that yer speaking!" rebutted Connery, unwilling to give any ground.

“Later Connery,” interrupted the Lord of the Knights, “I sense that our king is in poor health, and that trouble will follow with his successor - decades of war with most of Europe turning against us, betrayal by the Austrians, incompetent leadership. We must do what we can to prevent these wars if at all possible.”

“Aye, m’lord,” answered Connery, “but, tell me this, how then do we reach Chiner without taking lands in the east? And what of the Lost Wlak?”

The Lord Knight mused on this, “I didn’t say it would be easy. Somehow we’ll have to make opportunities for ourselves, but try to avoid the entanglements of European diplomacy. It will take a great amount of skill, and more than a little luck.”

“Then I’m off to get a little luck,” said the Irishman, heading to the tavern still thinking of the girls from Cork.

Lord Augustus IV maintained his role as the king’s primary advisor, deferring only some eastern foreign policy and economic matters to the king’s advisor Duncan Heinz. Augustus had a suspicious feeling about Heinz, but he couldn’t justify it. Heinz had come to work for King Wilhelm IV at a young age, back in 1525, and had always proven himself to be loyal.

Turning his attention to administering the kingdom, Augustus ordered the army rebuilt after the war with the Ottomans and Danish alliance, just in case. The bond between Bavaria and Austria was resealed with another royal marriage. Another royal marriage was arranged between the House of Wilhelm and the ruling family of Poland. Poland was later invited to join Austria, Mainz, and Helvetia as allies of Bavaria. Tiny one-province-Poland accepted, though its defense was somewhat secure even without allies. The following nations had all banded together to guarantee Polish independence: Russia, Sweden, the Ottoman Empire, Hannover, Hessen, the Holy See, Saxony, Wurtenburg, Magdeburg, and Lithuania.

Despite Bavaria’s cautious diplomacy, her traditionally meek ally, Helvetia, stunned many in Europe by canceling her treaty of military access with neighboring Wurtenburg. A sign of future aggression?

The year 1545 saw little change, Augustus continued to rebuild the army, there was unrest in the Black Sea provinces. The colony in Micmac was expanded. It was nice to have a year of relative stability.

By 1546, however, King Wilhelm IV grew bored with Lord Augustus’ conservative policies, “MPPHAH! Guglugmp, ug eelmhmp, skywalker” bellowed Wilhelm the Immense, understandable to no one. But sensing his master’s general feelings, Augustus issued a stern warning to Lithuania. Though he felt the Gluttonic Knights, and Bavaria, were not yet ready for another war, he would accept any opportunity for eastward expansion to satisfy the eastward, westward, northward, and southward expanding king.

The Lithuanians took this warning from Bavaria quite seriously, and did nothing untoward or remotely controversial. They even remembered to send token gifts on all the traditional holidays, including the new Pudding Day, established by Wilhelm IV for several colorful reasons best explored in the work ”Heinrich’s History of Obesity: Bavarian Blockage”, published 1884.

The Ottomans, however, continued their expansionist ways, annexing the rebellious provinces that had declared themselves Free Crimea.

The year 1546 also saw the beginning of a troublesome new movement in the Upper Baltic region of Bavaria. Ever since the days of the Eye-Dwellers (see earlier chapters for a refresher on their history), the region had spawned many ill-fated revolts, for various and sundry reasons. Now, with the seizure of Estland, a growing Baltic Nationalist Movement, called by some the Bal’ Movement, began to emerge. The movement originated in Estland, where the citizens rebelled openly against the Bavarian Knights, obstructing important traffic routes and preventing the passage of important resources. Within a month they were subdued, but tales of the skirmish would spread along the coast and inspire others.

The years passed, and Lord Augustus began to believe that perhaps he’d avoid the strange visions of his dreams, while Connery prayed nightly that he’d somehow relive the more pleasant visions of his dreams. In 1547 Spain allied with Munster and Kleeves. Kleeves was a force to be reckoned with, though Augustus had no desire to test them, and luckily the king had little interest in that part of Europe.

The Black Sea provinces taken from Turkey continued to revolt. A general unhappiness among the peasantry exacerbated these revolts, and they occurred more regularly. Why were the peasants unhappy? Perhaps because they were peasants: poor, dirty, undernourished and without proper health care. Also perhaps because of Annual Peasant Hunt, an archaic tradition still practiced by some elder Bavarian nobles. The Black Sea revolts happened every year, 1547, 1548, and 1549 before Augustus finally broke down and took a loan to finance a team of Catholic missionaries to bring the people of Dobrudja to the Christian church. Perhaps as good Christians, they’d be more peaceful, or at least wouldn’t react so violently to the forced tithing imposed by the kind. Augustus knew the mission’s success would be a long shot (Connery gave 1 in 4 odds), but decided to gamble it.

More unrest, despite the seemingly contradictory feeling of general stability throughout the nation, emerged in Ansbach and Bayern. These rebellions were quickly suppressed. However, rebels in Dobrudja captured the missionaries there, and though the rebels were defeated, the fate of the missionaries was unknown.

Connery and Augustus argued before the king as to what was the best course of action.

Connery: “Surely we must act now, the priests may yet be saved!”
Wilhelm IV: “Uggl, mphyulgug,”

Augustus: “What can we do? Short of starting a bloody purge of the land, eliminating all Muslims, which, as it turns out, make up most of the damned population!”
Wilhelm IV: “Pulpmlp, Mmflsugsu.”

Connery: “If that’s what it takes, then I’m quite prepared to . . .”
Augutus: “You will not risk my men and my horses in a senseless quest! This is not the job for a large military force, rather . . .”
Connery: “What other options do we have? Asking ‘em nicely? I swear sometimes, Augustus, ye’d best. . .”
Augustus: “I’d hold my tongue if I were you Connery, before I said something I regretted!”
Wilhelm IV: “Urk!. . . .too...much...pudding (gasp)”

Connery: “With all respect due to ye, then, yer majesty Augustus!”
Augustus: “Why you impudent little . . .”
Wilhelm IV: (Thud)

Connery and Augustus: “Your highness?”

Once some oxen could be driven to the throne room, the body of King Wilhelm IV was carried away to be prepared for interment. News came that Albrecht V would assume the throne. Not much was known about this young noble of Bohemia descent, other than that he had spent many years being schooled outside of Bavaria. Lord Augustus had an unexplainable feeling of foreboding.

 

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Incense and Peppermints




1550 - Bayern

The new king walked into the throne room, to meet for the first time the Lord of the Gluttonic Knights and his second in command. Clearly, Albrecht V was not what they were expecting, which is quite significant because Connery expected another ruler in the mold of Wilhelm the Immense, while Augustus for some reason expected him to be thin and bookish, yet attractive in a light-weight son-of-royalty kind of way.

Instead Albrecht V walked in wearing a flowing white robe, featureless in its design. A flower behind his ear was the only thing which adorned his head, including (or perhaps excluding?) hair. The young king was shorn bald. Behind him a company of diminutive minstrels played an airy tune, until he held up a hand.

“Greetings loyal subjects, I bring you peace, love, and joy. I am Albrecht V, but I frown on titles. I would much rather you think of me as your guru than as your king.”

Connery and Augustus stood still, unanswering. Connery’s mouth remained open, gaping.

The king slowly walked, or more accurately glided, around the room.

“I see you have assembled my ministers. I thank you for your thoughtfulness,” the king said wearily. He stopped in front of Duncan Heinz, “You there, you look somewhat familiar? Have we met?”

Heinz stepped forth nervously. He had met the king before, briefly, at Sturnundrang, an academy Heinz had considered attending before he secured his job with King Wilhelm. Not long ago he had visited the academy, considering leaving the king’s service to attend the school. Had the noble Heinz attended the school, he would have been much older than Albrecht V or many of the other students. Yet he had met the then-future king at the academy during that visit. How he had changed! The younger Albrecht V had been quite stunning in appearance - tall, handsome, flowing locks of hair, and extremely fashionable clothing. This man, the current-king, looked more like a holy man from one of the heretic eastern religions. Duncan Heinz held his tongue.

Albrecht V examined the nervous minister then dismissed his vague sense of recognition and moved onward. “It may surprise you to know that I am quite well educated in the ways and secrets of many cultures. I have studied Bavarian (ahem) culture, and I am quite shocked at how barbaric my native people have become. We seem to be obsessed by luxury, gluttony, and an intemperate passion for violence. I had been like that, back in my early years in school. However, I changed, after being dismissed from Sturnundrang”

The minstrels following him began to play lightly as he spoke. “I suppose with more guidance, with someone to have helped me take my academic responsibilities more seriously, I could have ended up like that even now,” the king mused looking off into the distance as we walked, “But since fate left me with no mentor my wild nature eventually led to my being expelled from the academy, I have studied on my own. I have studied the ways of the East and know all about the knights’ mission to find enlightenment in Far Cathay.”

Augustus looked at Connery and Connery at Augustus. Neither said a word.

“Do not be alarmed, my knights,” the king continued returning to stand before them. “Though I understand and encourage the ways of peace and understanding, I know that the diamond cannot be created without applied force. Thus, you must continue to be my fist, crushing the lumps of coal that get in our way until only diamonds remain. However, you must not crush the diamond, but shine it and hold it up for others, to light their way toward our path, as the crane leads the oxen to the lotus.”

Connery opened his mouth, as the king turned away, and Augustus slapped a hand over it. Nothing new here. The king of Bavaria was quite mad. It was a new king and a new kind of mad, but it was still insanity.

In the months that followed Lord Augustus tried to carry out his plans for Bavaria while deciphering the cryptic decrees of Albrecht V. Augustus never quite understood what the king wanted, when he would refer to “yin and yang” and “the tao” and “cosmic balances” or when he seemed obsessed with making the knight try to snatch a pebble from his hand. But rather than being offended by the confused and bewildered looks Augustus gave him, the king seemed to be pleased. Even when Augustus would lose his temper the king would raise an eyebrow or smile wryly and answer him with some question like “Is it? Or is it because you think it is?”


“This,” thought Augustus, “could get quite tiresome.”

 

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Breaking a Bad Habit - Austria



1551 - Bayern

Augustus tended to the affairs of state while King Albrecht V would tend to new states of consciousness. Augustus practiced deft diplomacy while Albrecht V practiced yoga. But the peace was maintained and the alliance of nations united against Bavaria, that Augustus had feared, had not come to pass.

There were occasional revolts, but no serious unrest. Augustus continued to issue warnings toward Lithuania, looking for an excuse to ride eastwards or to seize territory to unite Greater Bavaria with the Black Sea provinces.

The North American colonies expanded and minor events of state were tended to by Augustus or Duncan Heinz, such as providing aid to noble families. Of course, the assistance was not without a price - often the recipients of royal aid were treated to the wisdom dispensed by the king, whose minstrels would play in dramatic fashion to accentuate key points of his proclamations.

In 1552 Russia declared itself sole defender of the Orthodox Faith. This troubled Augustus who wondered why a nation that had seemed so backward could now take on such a bold position. Had they stumbled upon some secret, some great new power? Had the found the Lost Wlak? Despite his concerns, there was no evidence to indicate they had, but more spies were sent into the Third Rome.

Augustus was surprised to receive a clear order from the king: to give a substantial gift to Poland. When he sought, reluctantly, an explanation from the king, the answer was much more clear than he had expected.

“The Hapsburgs, they are full of negative karma. They are a disruptive force. How much has Bavaria suffered for their folly? So, why should the Austrians enjoy more good will and respect among our peers than noble Bavaria? If it takes such gifts to earn respect and attention, though it is certainly shallow on behalf of the receivers, then so be it. If we love Bavaria, then we must seek for others to love Bavaria, and the locusts and the clouds may yet be one.”

At last, something the king said made some sense, thought Augustus, at least until that part about the locusts. Royal weddings were arranged and gifts were given, and Bavaria was viewed much more favorably throughout Europe, despite a somewhat bad reputation.

In 1553 England shocked Europe by reinstating Papal Authority. Things seemed to be somewhat unsettled in England, and King Albrecht V did not seem enthusiastic about dealing with a monarch dubbed “Bloody Mary”, but a royal wedding between the two nations was arranged. Some members of the Bavarian clergy were unhappy about this union, but the king ignored their concerns, spouting some convoluted argument about religion being the sweet custard of the masses. Letters of “clarification” to all the Bishops were delivered by rider the next day by Lord Augustus.

Connery, it was decided, did not need to spend any time with the king. While Augustus trusted Connery with his life, he did not trust him to respond properly to the strange ways of Albrecht V, and on the few occasions where Connery had an audience with the king, he was often hastily dismissed before some untoward comment was made. Instead Connery worked with the army, and through thorough drills and training, the skill of Bavaria’s land forces improved (13).

While Connery understood that Augustus feared an anti-Bavarian alliance striking against them, he also knew that, without a conflict to unite the allies, the Bavarian alliance would expire within a year. The Lithuanians, it seemed, would not be goaded into conflict, nor would act recklessly giving Bavaria an excuse to move against them.

After many quiet years, the year 1554 brought a number of interesting events to the land of the Gluttonic Knights. It started off tediously enough, minor revolts to put down, loans to repay, nothing new. But when the Bavarian alliance expired, the king issued an edict: Poland was invited to form a new alliance. Helvetia was invited to join. Mainz was invited to join. These nations accepted. Austria was not invited to join.

It was important, the king explained, to separate the wheat from the chaff, the diseased flesh from the healthy, and the mad Hapsburgs from pure Bavaria. The Austrians, though their relations with Bavaria had been steadily declining, were surprised by this move, but recovered and join with Strassburg and the Palatinat in an alliance of their own . . . or actually of Strassburg’s own.

Apparently the unrest in England resulting from the reinstitution of Papal authority over the Church of England was not well received and many of England’s New World colonies revolted. Some of these enterprising colonials spread their revolt into Bavaria’s colonies, and the Bavarian colony of Micmac was lost to rebels. Connery assembled and dispatched an expeditionary force to retake Micmac and to protect it and Acadie from further trouble. Before the troops could arrive, Acadie also fell to rebels, but the expeditionary force successfully restored order in the colonies and set up permanent residence to defend these lands from internal or external threats.

But it was in the east where the most significant events transpired that year. Russia annexed the former Horde controlled province of Astrakhan, which had enjoyed a brief period of independence. Meanwhile, the missing missionaries that had vanished from Dobrudja resurfaced. In a missive from the missing missionaries, they explained to the king how they went underground during the last revolt, being captured by rebels, but after converting the rebel leader away from the Islamic faith, the people enthusiastically embraced the changes. The missionaries were returning to the capital, but were eager, once funding could be arranged, to take their holy cause to Rumelia, and win that land back to the mother Church.

The king was happy that the mission succeeded, in that it might slow down the annual rebellions that had plagued Dobrudja and caused much of the “disorder” that seemed to disturb him so greatly. However, Lord Augustus was happy because the forced annexation of Astrakhan was seen by so many in Europe as barbaric and unnecessary. This was the justification for war that he was looking for.

In the year 1555 Augustus and Connery raised their armies. In the year 1556 they declared war on Russia, and the Gluttonic Knights rode eastward into battle.

 

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And we'll be right back!

Eye On Hollywood


Talk Show Commentator: Welcome to another episode of “Eye on Hollywood”! I’m Tonya Legie. Tonight, we go behind the scenes for an exclusive back-stage interview with the characters from “Tales of the Gluttonic Knights”, the newest in a series of alternative fiction blockbusters from Twentieth Century FAARce. We begin our program with our movie insider and friend to the stars, Roy McClure.

RMC (Roy McClure): Thank you Tonya! Can you feel the excitement? We are live on location at Pilgrim Forge, California. These dusty, rocky California highlands seem calm and tranquil right now, but days ago they were transformed into the treacherous Russian Steppes, where men of valor tested their mettle with steel and gunpowder. It’s all part of the production magic behind Tales of the Gluttonic Knights: The Land Episode. I’m here with the story’s leading man, the rugged, but enigmatic veteran of such box-office hits as “Crazy ‘Bout the Gun” and “The President’s Nose is Bleeding”, Australia’s Curtis Rowe. Good evening Curtis, or should I say “Sir Curtis?”

CR (Curtis Rowe): Right then. Ya don’t need to be calling me Sir Curtis, as my name in the movie is Sir Augustus, Augustus the Fourth to be precise. And we weren’t supposed to be on the Russian Steppes, but the plains of western Russia. Historical accuracy’s important, leastways the bloody director seems to keep harping that it is.

RMC: And that it is. So, can you tell us why the Gluttonic Knights were at war with the Soviet Union? Was it some secret Cold War mission?

CR: Well, . . .no. The movie covers a span from the 1400s to the 1800’s, well before the Soviet Union even existed and definitely before the Cold War.

RMC: Interesting. So they went back in time to stop the Soviets? Sounds like a real hit! So tell me all about the battle scenes, but first, can you tell me a little more about your character?

CR: Look Roy, I’ve got twenty minutes tops with you, and we agreed no namby-pamby interview stuff. I’ve already done character development stuff for Entertainment Zone, Hollywood Buzz, and the Joe Schlokely Show, and I’m not going to . . .Aw cripes! Ya made me spill my bleedin’ Aquafina! I can’t believe my agent is making me do this. Here’s the scoop. . .

The installment of the story we’ve been filming out here in Pilgrim Forge is a dramatic turning point in the quest of the knights to reach China by land. There were all sorts of layered sub-plots and deep conspiracies surrounding the knights’ war against Russia, concerning the search for the Lost Wlak, the information innocently given up by hapless Sir Bartleby, and setting up a dramatic question of a key character’s loyalty.

Unfortunately, most of that got left on the cutting room floor, seems it didn’t test well with the focus groups. So I believe the stated reason for the war is that Sir Augustus, my character, thinks the knights need to expand to the east. There was some convenient plot device; I believe the Russians annex a tiny Muslim nation, which gives the Bavarians the excuse they need to declare war in 1556.

Four grand armies are built that ride into Russia consisting of 12K men from Estland invading Tyver. 12K men from Livland invading Pskov.

RMC: Gesundheidt!

CR: What’s that? No, the land of Pskov. Then the final two regiments are led by myself and my second in command, Sir Connery.

RMC: Played by Darby O’Fallon, is that correct?

CR: Yes. As I understand it, he wasn’t the first choice, but the director wanted to go with authenticity.

RMC: Like casting an Aussie to play the Lord of the Bavarian Knights?

CR: (long, pregnant, pause) So anyway, I lead 17K men from Kurland to Moscow, also known as Moskva, while Darby’s character leads 15K from Memel and Prussia against Novograd.

RMC: So was it a stand-up blood and guts series of battles?

CR: Quite the contrary. The campaign had many glorious victories by the Bavarians who were far more advanced in military skills than the Russians, and the Bavarians often won though mightily outnumbered. However, the challenge of the Bavarians was to raise troops close enough to the war front, for their eastern lands were quite poor and couldn’t muster many troops. That was coupled with the infamously harsh Russian winters. The Bavarians would wipe out the opposition only to see their numbers dwindle by attrition in the hazardous climate, and reinforcements were slow in arriving. The whole series of battles became quite a chess game, with the mighty Bavarians besting the Russians in battle after battle but losing the long-term campaign against the weather. Yet, the most compelling of all these battles came when . . .

RMC: I’m sorry Curtis, we’re out of time, let’s go back to our main studio!

Talk Show Commentator: That was Curtis Rowe, a truly interesting fellow. Amazing how he’s been able to put his life back together after rehab. Now, for another side of this fascinating story, let’s go to Pamela Portee, who’s taking in a cocktail at the Gigi Lounge with Rowe’s co-star, Irishman Darby O’Fallon.

Pamela Portee (PP): Tee hee! Hi everyone, we’re having a wonderful time down here at the Gigi Lounge with the co-star of the new Gluttonic Knights movie, Darby O’Fallon, and girls, he is a sweetie!

Darby O’Fallon (DOF): Thank you Pammy. Hello everyone.

PP: So, Darby, we all know the story, big war with the Soviets. So, what happens? You can tell us, because this won’t air until after the movie’s released.

DOF: Okay then Pammy, my character is to lead a regiment of knights against the Russians, I believe they were Russians and not Soviets my dear, but meanwhile the knight’s homeland has been struck with waves of obscurantism, touching off a series of revolts in an already unstable environment.

PP: But we all know that we need to protect the environment, right? But how do you get waves in Bavaria?

DOF: I suppose that’s a bit confusing, that’s the director’s fancy way of saying the country was rocked by some scandal, heresy, or intellectual cover-up, I think. In this case the king of the Bavaria at the time, played by Dennis Andrews, has some pretty far out ideas, sort of a like a flaky new-ager, but about 450 years ahead of his time. Anyway, I don’t know much about Andrews, I had heard they were trying to get Dennis Hopper, but the producer thought he was too old for the role.

Anyway, this long war goes on for years, with the Bavarians dominating the Russians but unable to take advantage of their victories due to the harsh winters killing off the troops trying to siege the Russian cities. Eventually, the knights change tactics and try to simply assault these last fortifications, hoping that the losses they take in a frontal assault would be less than those that didn’t survive the blizzards. But these experiments fail in some of the more graphic battles of the movie, the Russians valiantly hold off the assaulting knights and inflict heavy losses on them.

But in addition to the battles on the fields, there is a significant battle of minds and wills going on between the character of Augustus and the king, Albrecht V. The Russians offer many attractive settlements for peace, which the king is inclined to take, but the Lord of the Knights is intent on sacking Moscow and seizing whatever maps can be plundered that might illuminate a land route across Asia by which the knights can reach China. Augustus is also driven by the desire to find out what the Russians know about the Lost Wlak. But fate and the elements are against him, and Moscow never falls. Eventually he backs down and the king accepts some far away lands as reparations, Pskov, Arkhangelesk, and ironically enough, Astrakhan, the land the Russians conquered which the Bavarians used as an excuse to attack them in the first place. Quite a twist, I’d say.

PP: Sure, but what about those hunky knights? What do they look like?

DOF: To be honest Pammy, I’m not so sure you’d find them that attractive. Curtis Rowe and I were picked for lead characters, but the Gluttonic Knights in general were written as rough, overweight, and with voracious appetites. In fact, I was lucky to get this job. There was a lot of debate about the Connery character, and at one point the studio had agreed to go with a dwarf! Luckily for me, the focus groups wanted a more presentable face for the second in command of the knights. The Connery character is supposed to be much older than I am, but for purposes of the movie, I was the right fit. Since my boy-band broke up in the mid 90’s I’ve been doing mostly dinner theatre, but I did have a critical breakthrough with “Down the Drain: A Bulimic in Love” on the Lifetime Women’s Movie Network.

PP: I know I’d get sick for you! Good luck on the movie Darby!

Talk Show Commentator (TSC): And we close our show with a rare interview with Tales of the Gluttonic Knights director Ron Germane, who joins us live via remote. Can you hear me Ron?

Ron Germane (RG): Yes, I’m here. Good evening, Tonya.

TSC: I’m sure you’ve been watching our show tonight. Is there anything you’d like to add for our viewers, to help them understand and appreciate this segment of your movie?

RG: I’ll have to admit, I honestly haven’t been watching the show, but I do want to dwell a bit on the sub-plots that are developing in the background of this war. At this point in time the Bavarians have abandoned the Austrians, the first time since the birth of the Gluttonic Knights that the two nations weren’t allied. While the Bavarians are busy fighting the Russians, the Austrians ally with the Lithuanians, sandwiching Bavaria between two large Catholic powers that, if they decided to work together, and that’s usually what happens when there’s an alliance, they could make things very difficult for our favorite gluttons. Genoa also joins this alliance, and the Genoese control some strategically important lands on the Black Sea, of interest to the eastward looking Bavarians. An interesting counter-weight develops though. Kleeves, which happens to grow much more powerful in the story than they did historically, allies with Spain, and as Spain suffers internal unrest and turmoil and lose lands to rebellion and independence movements, Kleeves ends ups coming in and reclaiming the lost lands. Why is this important? Because one break-away nation, Sardinia, resists Kleeves and Spain, and joins the Austrian alliance, setting up quite a potential showdown.

TSC: Yes. So anyway, can you say a little more about things that people will understand?

RG: Huh? Oh, sorry. I forgot your show’s target demographic. Let’s see: Rebels continue to plague the land, some are just unhappy peasants, some are part of the Bal’ Movement, referred to in earlier episodes. But unrest comes from the nobles as well. One of my favorite scenes is when the nobles march on the capital to demand an increase in pensions for, you know, lederhosen, puff pastries, whatever the Bavarian nobility would want, while Augustus leads a weary and wounded pack of survivors back to the capital to beg for more reinforcements. The two groups encounter each other and the nobles make an impassioned plea for an end to their suffering, while Augustus has men falling dead from their horses. Without spoiling anything, let’s just say Augustus was not amused, and we’ll have the new popular catch phrase of the summer when he utters “I am not the man you want to see” before all hell breaks loose. Great stuff, really. For the whole family.

The lands claimed by the Bavarians set the stage for more expansion eastward. The Golden Horde and the Ottoman Empire continue to collapse, but unfortunately the new nations of Georgia and the Ak Koyunlu aren’t friendly and won’t give them any military access. So how does Bavaria reach these new territories that are cut off from their borders? That’s answered in the next epidode.

TSC: And that’s all the time we have on “Eye on Hollywood”. Thanks for tuning in! Please join me, Tonya Legie, and our reporters Pamela Portee and Roy McClure next week as we talk the cast of the new super-hero action adventure movie “Spastic Colon Man”. Good night!

 

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The Post Game Report


1561 - Bayern

Lord Augustus and Sir Connery discussed the war against the Russians and the impacts of recent world events. Since the war began, Bavaria had mustered, and lost, a significant number of troops, and taken out a loan or two to finance the war. The Santee Colony had been lost to marauding rebels in the Americas, probably of English origin. Flanders had become a vassal of France. The effectiveness of Bavaria’s navy had improved, and more emphasis was put on troop quality over quantity of troops.

Bavaria had gained three new lands from the war, even if Moscow had never fallen. Augustus regretted the lost opportunity of what might have been found in the capital of the Russian Empire, but there was nothing that could be done about that, at least, not for a while.

Pskov was easy enough to control and administer, though it also was susceptible to the Bal’Movement and the rebels’ efforts to secure more freedom for the Baltic States. However, unpleasantness resulting from the Bal’Movement was minimized by simply leaving one of the Russian campaign regiments stationed there until the people finally “felt acclimated” into the Bavarian culture.

The two more distant lands of Astrakhan and Arkhangelsk presented real problems. Both lands were each a solitary isolated province, and should combat come to those lands, the Bavarian armies would have nowhere to retreat and would probably be annihilated. Further, in the mental fog that accompanied the end of a hard-fought campaign, Lord Augustus didn’t take advantage of the concessions of passage recognized by all governments during the surrender of Russia, and didn’t use them to send troops to these distant lands. Now the lands were cut off, and could be protected only by whatever troops could be built from within.

“Archangel”, as Connery called it, wasn’t much of a prize. It was a poor, almost colonial land on Russia’s frozen frontier. The people there practiced Orthodox Christianity, which was not well tolerated by the Bavarians. Perhaps with enough time and money, the incredibly hostile relationship between Sweden and Bavaria could be mended? Only through Sweden, or Russia, could Archangel be reached. Theoretically it could be reached by the White Sea, but how to navigate into those frozen waters was something unknown to Bavaria’s sailors.

The capture of Astrakhan represented a significant breakthrough for the campaign for a land route to China. It extended Bavaria’s reach from the Black Sea all the way to the Caspian Sea. However, like Archangel, it was cut off from reinforcements or ready Bavarian access. It could be reached only through Russia or the Ottoman Empire, or possibly via the Golden Horde, if troops could be ferried across the Black Sea.

Holding Astrakhan was vital to Bavarian interests, so much so that King Albrecht V, who had some predisposition to eastern ways anyway, announced a greater tolerance of the Muslim religion. Troops were built immediately in the territory and would keep being built until a large garrison could be established. In the worst case scenario, Lord Augustus postulated, if rebels took over Astrakhan it could be set free as a vassal state, which would still give us access through their lands and a nice income bonus. However he would avoid facing that situation if at all possible.

Though Russia’s army had been thoroughly beaten in the war against Bavaria, their ability to exit the war without much loss of territory seemed to harden their resolve. Though they lost access to the east with the surrender of Astrakhan, the Czar made official Russian claims on the Eastern Steppes - territories the Bavarians eyed as well.

Further, the Russians encouraged unrest in Archangel, and with only a small army to protect it, the province fell to rebels early in 1561. Lord Augustus could only hope that the people loyal to Bavaria would survive the winter and that perhaps the rebels would not. A large gift was made to the Swedish royal family, but it seemed to have little effect. Little effect other than costing the Bavarians a lot of money, that is. No noticeable improvement was seen in Swedish-Bavarian relations.

By 1562 Europe was looking more and more like a powder keg. Though Flanders had become a vassal state, Dutch nationalists were causing frequent revolts against the Austrians, English, and French in the Low Countries. Spain continued to let its empire slip away. Sicily joined Sardinia as the latest Italian province to break away from Spanish rule. Portugal reemerged again as a free nation with the Portuguese people in Algarve declaring their independence.

Bavaria became one of the first nations to formally recognize the new Portugal and sent a generous gift. Portugal was appreciative. Bavaria inquired whether they’d be willing to share maps with their new benefactor. Portugal wasn’t that appreciative.

Fighting was sporadic between the Spanish alliance and the Austrian alliance. Better they fight than join forces, Augustus thought, as he watched from a safe distance. He still had a feeling of foreboding that his dreams of an alternate history had somehow planted in his mind. However, despite King Albrecht’s quite unconventional ways, he did not appear to be the sociopath Augustus had feared. A madman, yes, but not a sociopath. Despite this little foray into Russia, Augustus wanted to keep a straight course of avoiding conflict in Europe and heading eastward. He spent the next year rebuilding the army, especially in Astrakhan and the Black Sea territories, and trying to curry favor with the Swedes.

So far things had remained stable with Astrakhan. Though Archangel was looking to be lost - Sweden was not being moved very quickly by Bavaria’s gifts - Astrakhan had not revolted There might be hope yet, Augustus thought.

“Top of the morning to ye, Augustus” called Connery, striding into the room with a grin.

“You look like the cat that swallowed the canary, my Irish friend. What do you know?” answered Augustus.

“Your ‘Irish friend’? What does that mean,” rebutted Connery, taking Augustus by surprise, “Do ye mean that to say that ye’ve got regular friends, but that yer Irish friends are a special lot, cast off from the rest? Well that’s just bloody sad!”

“What? No, no. Wait a minute. That’s not what I meant at all. It was simply a term of reference, of distinction, not any sort of. . .” Augustus tried to explain.

Connery cut him off, “Pfeh, tis not important anyway. We’re at war again. Damned Turks have attacked.”

 

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Turks, and Saxons, and Wurtenburgers, oh my!


1563, Straits of Bosporus

He stood staring out over the sea toward the land beyond, to the land where the sultans of the past had moved the Ottoman capital. His colorful robes were swept by the sea breeze and on his arm a hooded falcon was perched, oblivious to the elements and his master’s shouts.

“Look upon me men of Europe and fear! The injustices of the past shall not go unpunished! Hear me oh knights of Bavaria, for you shall pay in flesh and blood a weirgild, a wierguild, a we. . you shall pay a blood debt that I shall collect, that I shall collect with interest! For I am Lord Schokora Khan!”

A voice came from behind him, “With your permission, Lord Khan?”

The robed warrior turned and stared at his much smaller aide de camp, a tiny minion, dressed in equally colorful garb, but hunched over and with arms full of books and parchments. Lord Schokora Khan gestured for him to speak.

“As you have commanded me to follow you and record your words for the ages, and when necessary provide editorial input, I must say, with all due respect, that the imposing pillar of strength, Lord Schokora Khan, Scourge of Macedonia, Terror of Taurus, and Paragon of Men, could probably use a better analogy. I’m not sure usury laws, not matter how strict, will convey the level of vengeance that you hope to enforce.”

The fierce Turkish warrior paused and stroked his black moustache, pondering this, then responded. “But we are talking about a blood debt. Blood. That’s striking, isn’t it al’Falpha?”

“My lord,” answered the loyal al’Falpha, “I would not dare question you if there were a doubt in my mind. It’s the collecting with interest which diminishes it for me.”

“Hmm. Here take the bird,” Schokora Khan placed the falcon on his aide’s bare arm, oblivious to the shrieks of pain and the blood drawn by the falcon’s talons. “How about this? You shall pay a debt of blood, the blood of your finest warriors which will stain your fields red!”

“Better, better,” said al’Falpha hurriedly, his arm going into spasms beneath the falcon.

“Then let the word go forth! Our men shall ride against these Bavarians who dare soil the lands of Islam! They steal the lands stolen from us and our brothers by the equally barbarous Russians! To Rumelia! To Astrakhan! Summon the ministers of the Golden Horde and Ak Koyunlu, for they shall join us in our crusade! Thus speaks Lord Schokora Khan!”

“Yes m’lord!” cried al’Falpha, running away as the falcon began to beat its wings and dig deeper into his arm.

For Bavaria, it was a grim situation. The army had not been rebuilt to full strength following the war with Russia and though some loans had been repaid, Bavaria still was paying off debts incurred to finance that war. Further, there were new and isolated territories to protect.

King Albrecht V, not known for his financial acumen and having been expelled from Sturnundrang for poor academic performance, among other things, ordered that all funds collected be routed to the treasury to finance the war effort, forsaking investments in infrastructure, trade, and improvements to the military. Lord Augustus IV argued that significant inflation would result, and the provincial governors that he had hoped to appoint were not ready to counter such inflation. But the king dismissed his advisor’s worries with some arcane references to eastern philosophy and the notion that “only through inflation can we grow and expand”, which, had Sir Connery been present, would have resulted in a fairly insulting retort.

But despite the inflation, new money was needed and a loan was not the answer. This war was crucial. Not only did the knights have to protect Astrakhan, they had to keep it strong enough to resist any revolts from within. Should Astrakhan be lost to the Turks, the Horde, or rebels, it might never be retaken. Further, money was needed for his desperate bid to convince the Swedes to allow Bavarian passage across their territory so that the rebels in Archangel could be put down.

However, the war also allowed new possibilities. For one, it provided a good opportunity to march troops across Turkish lands to garrison Bavaria’s isolated eastern provinces. Further, it might allow for further eastern expansion, especially at the expense of the faltering Golden Horde. Though Duncan Heinz seemed reluctant to talk about the Horde, it was clear that he thought them to be an easy target. Lord Augustus advised the king not to invite Bavaria’s allies into this conflict, seeing little role for them and questioning whether they would honor their commitment. The king concurred.

The knights mounted their trusty Bavarian steeds (Though I suppose it would have been difficult to prove their trustworthiness. They seemed to perform well enough in battle, but no one ever tested their honesty.) and rode south and east.

Before they could arrive to assist their vulnerable territories, the Turks struck. Though the Bavarians in Rumelia fought bravely, they were outnumbered 10K to 25K and fled to Dobrudja escaping the overwhelming forces of someone named Lord Schokora Khan, who had many other titles according to the press release that arrived in Bayern after the battle.

The Bavarians in Astrakhan, and their army of native regulars, repelled the Ottoman assault, however, taking few losses and inflicting a fine number themselves.

By 1564, Bavaria’s mighty invasion force had almost reached the Ottoman border when news arrived that forced them to stop. Saxony, and their alliance partners of Georgia and Wurtenburg declared war.

This posed a serious problem. Most of Bavaria’s provinces were already mustering and training men, but these men were needed to fight the Turks. It was a long treacherous journey south, and far too many of these recruits would not survive the trip - thus, large numbers were needed to ensure that those that arrived would be strong enough to withstand the might of the Turkish cavalry they would face.

Seeing no other option, a plea was made to the other members of Bavaria’s alliance, and fortunately all of them honored their commitment. The royal guard protecting Bayern was ordered to meet the threat of the invading Saxons and Wurtenburgers. Further, Augustus calculated how many of the troops being raised could be spared. Sir Connery was sent back to the capital to organize Bavaria’s western defense.

When peace was then offered by the Turks of the Ak Koyunlu, Lord Augustus advised the king to accept. He couldn’t remember if these were the black sheep Turks or the white sheep Turks, but so long as they tended to their flocks and left Bavaria alone, he saw no need to fight them. Their lands were not needed in the long campaign toward China. Thus the king accepted their offer to return to the status quo.

Duncan Heinz wrote that the Golden Horde were also offering a white peace, but Lord Augustus saw war with the Horde as a greater opportunity than a burden. Upon his request the king refused.

To the north, the Saxons rode into the Sudetenland, and Wurtenburg’s forced marched into Baden, a province of Mainz. On the heels of the invasion, Mainz announced their bankruptcy, sending their troops into a panic as many saw little need to fight in a war if they were not getting paid. King Albrecht V wondered why they had not approached him for money, but after he launched into a two-hour soliloquy about the importance of being frugal and not wasting resources on material possessions, all of the king’s advisors came to secret agreement as to why the king was not approached.

Meanwhile, the people of Pskov revolted again, fueled in their efforts by the growing Bal’Movement, an underground political movement seeking independence for the Baltic States. However the northern Bavarian regiment had remained in this newly acquired land, and put down the rebellion. A similar revolt took place in Estland, but this one was also put down. Before year’s end, a second Estland revolt would occur. This Bal’Movement could be a problem.

More peace offers from the Golden Horde were turned down.

The break-away Spanish land of Sardinia was recaptured and annexed by Kleeves. But the disintegration of Spain continued and only a few months later Tripoli declared their independence from Spain.

Upon his return to the capital, Sir Connery organized two divisions of men; one was sent to Sachsen and another to Wurzburg, a Saxon territory. Upon the invasion of their homeland, the Saxons abandoned their siege of Sudeten and fled toward home. These troops met Sir Connery and his men in Wurzburg, but were defeated decisively by the knight’s regiment.

The victory that eluded Saxony on the battlefield was found in the halls of their diplomatic corps. With Mainz bankrupt and their army abandoning their posts, the small nation was easily convinced to pay a hefty reparation, 200d, to exit the war intact.

Augustus’ men also found success. Since Rumelia seemed to be adequately resisting the Turkish siege, and Dobrudja seemed adequately defended, his men stopped to engage a small Turkish regiments in Wallachia, then proceeded to besiege that land, which still held some interest for Augustus. We was becoming convinced that the Lost Wlak would not be found in “Wlakia”, but the land could be of vital assistance supporting the Bavarian Black Sea provinces (BBS) in future conflicts. His men were encouraged in their efforts by news from Astrakhan, where the defending forces twice resisted new assaults by the Ottomans. The Saxon ally, Georgia was unable to cross the Muslim lands, and so far the Golden Horde had not moved against the territory. Only small bands of raiding Ottomans moved against the prosperous land, and they were bested each time.

Newly raised armies made their way south from Bavaria to Bujak. No sense in allowing an attack from behind the battle lines that were being drawn. Besides, this province, too, could be useful if captured as a spoil of war, reasoned Augustus.

Back in Bayern, the royal minister Duncan Heinz seemed to be extremely nervous and distracted by the conflict with the Ottomans and the Golden Horde. He turned his attention to other matters, and succeeded in pulling off a major diplomatic victory away from the war front. England had been making hints of ancestral claims to western German lands seized by Bavaria in recent wars. By allowing generous concessions to the English-related land-owners in those provinces, this dispute was peacefully settled. This was met with mixed reaction in England. A new spirit of cooperation with “fellow Catholics” was announced by Mary Queen of Scots, and Eire was liberated from its status as a vassal. This was too much for the Protestants - though to be fair, the beheading of Anglican Bishops and violent religious oppression also contributed to their discontent - and Mary was removed as the head of the English government. Mary’s head was also removed as head of the English monarch. England became Protestant.

An offer was made to Eire to join the Bavarian alliance, but the Irish parliament, which could agree only that now was a good time for a beer, could not come to agreement on the offer.

Other lands were seeing significant changes in government. The Dutch nationalists, who had been struggling against Austria, France, and Spain finally achieved victory by overcoming the “Old Man of Europe”, Spain, and establishing the Free Netherlands in the province of Holland as 1564 came to an end.

 

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Helvetia 1, Wurtenburg 0

1565 - Rumelia

“Look upon my works, you pale skinned infidels! Look upon the mighty army of Lord Schokora Khan and despair! We have defeated your warriors! We have encircled your provincial capital! Your defeat is assured! Surrender and my mercy shall be swift and deadly! Resist and prolong your painful struggle!” shouted the tall, imposing Turkish field commander. No reply came from behind the walls.

He stroked his moustache and spoke to himself, “Perhaps that was not my best work. I liked the ‘look upon my works’ and ‘look upon my army’ bit. Nice poetic balance. But I’m not sure about my terms of surrender, they seemed a little lacking. Where is my scribe? Al’Falpha!”

“Here my Lord!” called the small, colorfully dressed aide, limping toward his master with an arrow in one shoulder and another in one thigh.

“Why al’Falpha! You’ve been injured, let me remove that for you,” offered the Turkish commander reaching roughly for the arrows.

“Not necessary, not necessary,” pleaded the scribe, quickly back-stepping. “I bring news from our spies. To the north, the Saxons continue to divide the forces of Bavaria. We face only half of their might. After suffering defeat in Wurzburg, the Saxons rallied, and freed their capital province, breaking the Bavarian siege. They demanded reparations in exchange for peace, but the proud Bavarians would not accept. Already Bavaria’s allies find ways to bow out of the war.”

“Excellent, excellent!” said Schokora Khan. “And what can you tell us of our other diplomatic missions?”

“Our attempts to counter Bavarian influence with Sweden waxes and wanes,” said al’Falpha, “They continue to refuse to grant Bavaria military access, though that point may be moot. I’ll return to that in a moment. However, the Swedes have agreed to a trade agreement with the Bavarians. They may be simply playing us against them, searching for the best deal. However, I am happy to report that our other missions have been quite successful. Though the Russians are untrustworthy, they recognize a common enemy. They have covertly funded rebels in the land of Arkhangelesk, which they recently surrendered to Bavaria. Those rebels have successfully captured the province and it has defected back to Russia. Thus, Swedish refusal of military access is no longer an issue.”

Al’Falpha raised an eyebrow then continued on with a sly smile, “and I am extremely happy to report, Lord Schokora Khan, favored of the Sultan and defender of our people, that our secret initiative has been well received. I expect action within the year.”

“Again, an excellent report my friend,” said Schokora Khan. “Are you sure you don’t want me to tend to those arrows?”

“No my master,” said the scribe bowing low, “and I would not be doing my duty to you if I did not report the less favorable news. The good news is the after four assaults, and some aid from our allies, the Golden Horde, we have defeated the Bavarians in Astrakhan, however they hold out, and we have not been able to maintain a siege. The rest of my news is worse. Wallachia has fallen. The Bavarians there are led by Lord Augustus IV, the Lord of the Gluttonic Knights. Perhaps in him you will find a foe worthy of your mettle? He rides with a host of warriors toward Rumelia. However, I feel the assault may be a ruse. While another force of Bavarians besieges Bujak, our scouts have identified a large number of horsemen riding through our lands, stopping only to pillage and forage off the land. We feel they may be riding straight for our capital!”

“Ah yes!” mused Lord Schokora Khan, “Constantinople. Or is it Istanbul? I wish these bureaucrats could keep things simple. I miss the old days where justice was meted out on the blade of my scimitar, when our capital was in Anatolia, and I could enjoy summers in the captured enemy capital of Egypt!”

“My lord,” al’Falpha asked weakly, the blood loss was making him dizzy, “of course, I can go back and edit your remarks later, but the capital was moved to Thrace long before you were born. Some might criticize you for such a claim. And while you have led us to many dramatic victories of the Shiite Mameluks, their capital has unfortunately never fallen to us. But if you like I can research some comparable deeds from your. . . whoa, nearly passed out there, from your long and illustrious epic accomplishments.”

“Then make it so, loyal scribe,” answered the mighty Turk, “for I must prepare for this fool Augustus IV. I want to utterly defeat him. I want to hear the wailing of his children and the lamentation of his women!”

“Again my lord, though I am loathe to question you, I must remind you that. . . ow, this really hurts,” al’Falpha offered, “I must remind you that the Catholic Bavarians are monogamous, and that Augustus would have only one wife, though our spies report nothing about a family for him, only that he seems to be unusually well preserved for a man of his age. And also, should you engage him, the army speeding to Thrace may do so unabated . . .I really must lie down.”

“Then go my loyal aid,” said Schokora Khan, turning away as al’Falpha swayed and stumbled, “tell the Sultan that I, Lord Schokora Khan, will humble the leader of these Gluttonic Knights! And that it will so dispirit them that they will flee with their tails between their legs. The tales of their dishonor will shame the invading army, and they will flee our land in fear of equal treatment. Go and carry these words to our Sultan!”

Al’Falpha fell face forward and was carried off by two holy men.

The words of their field commander were in fact carried back to the Sultan, who considered them carefully, then offered the Bavarians 250d in reparations if they would forget this little incident and return peacefully to pre-war borders. Albrecht V refused the offer with a terse note that he was not easily swayed by earthly goods, though he would keep the strange but delightful herb the Sultan sent as a gift, along with the beautiful water pipe.

A regiment of the Gluttonic Knights reached Thrace shortly thereafter, having left a trail of burning lands in their wake. They defeated the small militia that had been raised against them and encircled the great fortress, formerly of the Byzantines, then began their siege. They knew they didn’t have enough men to take the capital, but by holding it in check they could intercept any reinforcements heading from Asia Minor into the Balkans, and their continued occupation of the capital province would slowly break the will of their enemy.

The knights of Lord Augustus rode into Rumelia and quickly overwhelmed the Ottoman forces. Strangely, upon hearing their approach Lord Schokora Khan became ill at breakfast and declared that spies had poisoned him, he fled “in search of a medical cure” before the Germanic knights routed the Sunni warriors.

To the north, the battle between Connery’s knights and the Saxon alliance continued. Bavaria’s ally, Helvetia, seized and annexed Wurtenburg. The Saxons themselves, having defeated the Bavarians in Sachsen, returned to Sudeten, re-establishing their siege of the land.

King Albrecht V, who loathed any conflict, offered the Saxons 150d to settle the war, so that his army could concentrate on a “common infidel” in the Ottomans rather than continue to pit “brother against brother”. The Saxons, however, were unsure what he was offering in his eighty-six page letter, and did not have the eastern literary works referred to in the letter’s bibliography, and turned him down.

Then a strange thing happened. Mecklenburg was attacked by Magdeburg. This surprised the king. It surprised Duncan Heinz. It surprised Lord Augustus and Sir Connery. No one had noticed that they were at war with Magdeburg. Heinz speculated that perhaps Magdeburg had joined the Saxon alliance after the beginning of the war, but no record was found. It must be noted though that little effort was put into the search. The small invasion force from Magdeburg was defeated, and no blame was laid on any of Bavaria’s diplomatic corps - though King Albrecht did require Heinz to join him in meditation exercises to “increase his awareness”.

Meanwhile, Kleeves continued to act as Spain’s enforcer, easily defeating the nearby Dutch. While the Netherlands were allowed to remain independent, the Counter-Reform Catholics of Kleeves forced the tiny nation to renounce their allegiance to the Reformed Christian Church and re-embrace Papal authority.

This flexing of Catholic muscle, so close to Protestant Saxony, perhaps caused a change of heart among the aggressive Saxons. They offered Bavaria peace requesting only 25 ducats, to which King Albrecht readily agreed.

 

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Having now delighted myself by reading through your latest eight (!) instalments (well, seven and a recap really) I don't even know where to begin...

There are so many great lines that had me rolling on the floor that (a) I can't possibly enumerate them all, (b) I wouldn't want to spoil the fun for anyone who hasn't read them yet and just happens to be reading my reply at the moment, and (c) I might forget some. In particular, though, the terminal diagolgue section with Wilhelm IV, portions of the "interviews", the demise of Bloody Mary, the...well, I said I couldn't possibly list them all. But al'Falpha? LOL!

The loss of "Archangel" must have been disappointing (though not crippling unless you plan on marching across the North Pole) but I'm glad that you still manage to retain Astrakhan. Don't lose it or you'll lose access to the Siberian corridor.

Overall I'm really impressed...both at what you're trying to achieve (and it looks like you're making headway in both halves) and at the flair with which you're writing about it.

Looking forward to more with great antici...............

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Bad Things Come in Threes, or Fours

1566 - Rumelia

Lord Augustus was heartened by news that the war with Saxony had ended. Reinforcements from the Saxon War would soon arrive to refresh his depleted regiments. Augustus was given the resources to hire a band of mercenaries in Rumelia until these new troops arrived.

It was reported that the people of Ukraine had declared their independence from the Ottomans, but there was no sign of the Ottomans’ army faltering. The Gluttonic Knights that had been encamped around the Imperial Capital were dispersed by Lord Schokora Khan, whose daring selfless actions saved the lives of many Turkish soldiers while driving his enemies before him, some fleeing based on his imposing presence alone. Or at least that’s what the flyers distributed in the Ottoman’s European provinces stated.

The retreating knights rode across Asia Minor, pillaging along their way, heading for Astrakhan. They met no resistance until they reached Kouban, a rebel held province of the Golden Horde. The Horde had sent troops to the land to try to subdue the poor dirt farmers and nomads who resisted their rule. They found instead some very determined, very angry Bavarians who knew they wouldn’t get to have a beer until they reached Astrakhan. What became known in Bavarian history as “The Short Battle” was indeed short and decisive, and the knights rode on to Astrakhan, which was in danger of falling to the Turks.

Perhaps because they had ridden too far too quickly and tried to fight a pitched battle so soon after their skirmish against the Horde, but the knights were turned back from Astrakhan, though they did inflict heavy casualties on the Turks.

The common political phenomena known as “revolts” continued to appear regularly in Bavaria during this time, and in the enemy territories that Bavaria had conquered. Bujak revolted twice, allegedly to get more letters added to the name of their land, like that of their rival neighbor Dobrudja. Pskov revolted again. Whether the Pskovians really believed that this would be the time the occupying Bavarian army would lay down their weapons and run from the province screaming like little school girls or whether they simply wanted to be martyrs is unknown, but, as had happened time and time again, the revolt was brutally put down.

Gifts were sent to all the Bavarian vassals and allies, to keep them in the fold. Further, Holstein was fortified. If Bavaria could shore up its western defenses, it could concentrate almost exclusively on the east.

Once spies reported that the Turkish commander Schokora Khan had returned to Europe for a new offensive, the Bavarians launched an attack against Thrace, which succeeded and the Ottoman capital again came under siege. The knights that had been defeated in Astrakhan waited in Kouban, rebuilding their strength. The people of Astrakhan revolted and the rebels engaged the Ottomans, inflicting even more losses on the Turkish occupying army.

The Ottomans launched a surprise naval attack, much like the one they had launched several years ago, so perhaps it wasn’t that much of a surprise, against Mecklenburg. The Bavarians easily won the battle. In fact, the Bavarians were winning a series of battles in succession. Things looked good for a change. That made Augustus suspicious.

And sure enough, he had good reason for his doubts. On the first day of summer, the alliance of Denmark and England declared war on Bavaria. This was entirely unexpected and unprovoked. However, given the way bad things tended to find Bavaria, Augustus simply accepted the bad news and redrew his battle plans.

In the New World, 4K Bavarians invaded the English colony of Nova Scotia, captured it, then offered England peace in exchange for a return of the colony. England refused.

So once again Bavaria faced a two front war. The Danes moved south into Holstein, and defeated the Bavarian troops and laid siege to the province. Simultaneously, the Gluttonic Knights encountered Turkish resistance as they marched through the Balkans, losing in Banat, winning in Serbia, and losing in Bulgaria. But the Ottomans were unable to capitalize on these victories, and their forces were split, with one division invading Rumelia and the other returning to free Thrace.

The shady memories of a Europe united against Bavaria returned to Augustus, and he feared the worst. Though no evidence had been found of a conspiracy, he could not discount the theory. Reaching deep, the Bavarians offered 125d to Denmark to end their war, and the Danes accepted. With such an easy concession, the rumors that the Danes had been paid off by the Ottomans seemed more valid. After consulting with the king, the Lord of the Gluttonic Knights decided it was time to end this war with the Turks and reduce the Ottomans influence in Europe for good.

A large army of 26K was assembled in Bayern, and from there it marched south to Banat to wipe out the European regiments of the Ottoman army.

Meanwhile one of the regiments already fighting in the Balkans diverted to the north and put down the escalating rebellion in Bujak.

With all the distractions now disposed of, a grand strategy for ending Turkish power in Europe, extending Bavaria’s reach into Asia, and securing passage between Europe and Bavaria’s distant provinces was being formulated.

Does this seem too familiar? Does the fact that things seem to finally be working out seem odd since, every other time things have looked positive some disastrous event or misfortune has occurred? Is it obvious that the other shoe is about to drop, hard, in a pile left behind by one of the knights’ horses? If you answered “Yes” then congratulations, you have been paying attention and have noticed the curse that has followed the Gluttonic Knights through various alternate realities and save-game scenarios.

At the close of 1566, mere months after Denmark accepted peace with Bavaria, the mad Hapsburgs of Austria declared war on Bavaria, bringing their allies of Lithuania and Genoa into the battle. Two large Catholic powers loomed on either side of Bavaria, while most of the Bavaria’s armed forces were fighting in the Balkans and Asia Minor. This could easily have been the last chapter of the Tales of the Gluttonic Knights.

Remember that Albrecht V had an intense dislike for Austria. He had tracked their irresponsible actions through history and blamed them for most of Bavaria’s international misfortune. Between the Austrians and the Turks there was more Bavarian hatred than could be spread around. One of these wars would have to end.

The Ottomans were offered peace in exchange for military access across their empire. The sultan refused. The Austrians were offered 100d to end the war and go about their business. They refused.

Thus, the 26K men Sir Connery was leading from Bayern to Banat changed direction and marched instead to “Wien” which Connery called “Vienna”.

It appeared that Bavaria might not reach China. In fact, it appeared that Bavaria might not reach the 17th Century. But they weren’t going out without a fight.

 

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Breaking the Winds of War


1567 - All Over Bavaria

Every available source of manpower was tapped to defend Bavaria from enemies to the east and south. Lithuanians invaded Kurland and Galizien. The Austrians were assembling an army to march north. The Turks were regrouping for another attack against the Gluttonic Knights in the Balkans. The winds of war were blowing, and threatened to sweep the Gluttonic Knights from the face of Europe.

The Bavarians needed a miracle to survive.

That miracle arrived in the form of the Polish Act of Union.

Tiny one-province Poland succeeded in not only merging with much larger Lithuania, but in assuming control of all of Lithuania’s lands under the mantle of Polish leadership. Thus the massive armies poised to strike Bavaria’s vulnerable eastern border were now converted into allies. The king sent a GENEROUS gift to the new, much mightier Poland, and hoped that they would remember their recent kind treatment by Bavaria and not dwell on the fact that most of what was once Poland was now part of Bavaria.

This shift in the tide of battle rejuvenated the moral of the Gluttonic Knights. Though they lost to Lord Schokora Khan in Transylvania, they succeeded in capturing Wallachia. Another regiment of knights rode on to Thrace, pillaged the land and defeated the small militia there, then rode east to join the knights in Kouban so that an effective assault could be mounted against the Ottomans in Astrakhan.

The Austrians were stunned, but much less than one might expect. Remember they had survived about 150 years being led by mad men. They accepted the loss of their massive eastern ally and pressed on with their attack. The Austrians marched into Galizien, behind the retreating Polish-Lithuanians. Poland was still an ally of Bavaria, and involved in the war effort, but dumb Pollock jokes aside, none of them were going to miss the Act of Unification parties that were sweeping their nation.


The information flooding King Albrecht V changed hourly, with new reports coming in from every border. This displeased the king, who sought balance in all that he did. Thus, he came to accept his briefings only in defined presentations, such as follows:

Report from the “Far East”:

Exotic Treasures,
The True Path to Far Cathay
Protect Astrakhan

(the ringing of wind chimes at this point was obligatory)

In the far east, or as far east as the Bavarians could map, the Turks finally defeated the rebels of Astrakhan, but took heavy losses.

The Gluttonic Knights that had been initially repelled in their attack on the province bided their time. They defeated Turkish reinforcements in Georgia, a land which, though nearby the nation of Georgia, was actually part of the Ottoman Empire, the besieged Kouban. Meanwhile the Turks in Astrakhan continued to suffer attrition losses through their doomed siege. Kouban was captured and the Knights rode for Astrakhan.

Though Genoa is not located in the far east, the Genoese controlled a number of strategic Black Sea provinces. After losing Lithuania as an ally and seeing the Bavarians claim Kouban, the merchants of Genoa decided that the risk of losing their eastern lands outweighed any potential gain from continued warfare. They offered a white peace and the Bavarians accepted.

Additional reinforcements from the siege on Thrace arrived in Kouban as the original force rode for Astrakhan. The battle worn Ottomans put up little fight and disbanded rather than flee into the path of the advancing second regiment. Astrakhan was liberated. The reinforcement troops then began the long awaited offensive against the Golden Horde, riding for Uralsk, a mountainous land north of Astrakhan.

Astrakhan revolted, thus the original liberating regiment had to remain in the province to maintain order.

During the time of this campaign the Ottomans offered 235 ducats for peace which was refused. However, due to the two front war, the Bavarians did offer to end the war with the Ottomans in exchange for valuable military access. The sultan refused the offer.

Thus the attack on the Horde continued. The Gluttonic Knights made short work of the riders of the Horde. Most of the Horde officers seemed dispirited and the actual soldiers almost melancholy. Captured horseman could be heard sitting around commenting about how things were so much better in the good old days, and they would swap stories of places they been, things they had defiled, people they’d eaten, etc.

Uralsk fell before within a year, and the Bavarians rode north to Samaria, the capital of the once proud Golden Horde. Simply put, there was no fight left in the Horde, it was as if they knew defeat was assured. The Bavarians then began the long process of taking the capital.

Meanwhile, Kouban revolted and the rebels emerged in time to defeat the Turks advancing on Astrakhan. The small Turkish force was defeated. Bands of mercenaries were assembled in Astrakhan, and these were ordered to Kalmuk in pursuit of the fleeing Turks. En route the Turks were defeated and fled into the hills.

By 1568, the Astrakhan was free of any Turkish control, while Kouban and Urlask were controlled by the Bavarians, and Samara and Kalmuk were under siege.

Report from the Home Front:

Save Bavaria
That Above All Other Cause
There’s No Place Like Home

(at this point, the king preferred the harpsichord)

The poor eastern province of Galizien could not resist the armed might of the Austrians and it was soon captured. The Austrians immediately demanded it in exchange for peace, which was not forthcoming. After their siege, however, the armies of the Viennese Hapsburgs did not press further into Bavaria, but rather retreated back into their nation’s borders. It was not difficult for a small division of Bavarian infantry to liberate the province.

Strassburg, an unlikely member of the Austrian alliance, took the liberation of Galizien as a cue to exit the war, and King Albrecht sent them a small sapling to contemplate, along with his acceptance letter.

Say what one will about the administration of Austria, the Hapsburgs did maintain a large army and one that was well trained. Combing many smaller regiments they launched a counter attack on Vienna, but Sir Connery’s men fought bravely, and though his forces took significant losses, they held on to their siege of the capital province.

Regrouping the Austrians sent a splinter group into Bavaria’s heartland, and began to besiege the province of Ansbach. They led a fierce assault against the land’s fortified towns, but though they could not break through, they continued to starve them out. This, and a harsh winter, took a toll on the morale of Connery’s men, and they were not able to withstand the second advance of the Austrians, and were forced to give up their siege of Vienna.

Rather than force a surrender of their capital, a new strategy was launched. Connery divided his men, sending half to Presburg while he rode to Ostmarch. After initial success the armies that had freed Vienna were able to drive the Bavarians from Presburg as well.

Reinforcements arrived and Presburg was abandoned as a target in favor of Moravia. The king really like the cookies baked there. They were light and airy. Yet no matter how many he ate, he never attained the ability to lighten himself and levitate. He blamed it on bad energies being emitted from the war. He was not a smart man.

The Austrians were defeated in Moravia and the Bavarian siege continued, however they did break the siege of Ostmarch, sending Connery into retreat, temporarily. A demand was sent to the Bavarians that they send generous reparations and perhaps Austria would overlook their many, many transgressions. But by this point, Bavaria was no longer looking for a speedy exit from the war, although given their luck another major European nation could declare war on them at any time. Connery delivered Bavaria’s refusal himself, from the point of his lance. Not that Connery often fought with a lance, but it was much less difficult than trying to deliver it from a musket. The Austrians were defeated and Ostmarch again fell under siege.

Bavaria’s ally, Helvetia, ended their war with Saxony, which they had continued to fight after making a peace separate from Bavaria with their capture of Wurtenburg. This is ironic because in order to end the war with Saxony they had to surrender Wurtenburg to the Saxons.

By 1568, Bavaria and Austria each were besieging enemy provinces: Austria was encamped in Ansbach, while Bavaria maintained sieges in Ostmarch and Moravia.

Another interesting European development, the people of Tago defected from Spain and joined the newly recreated Portugal.

Report from the Balkans:

How Long Has Chaos
Ruled These Very Troubled Lands
Now and Forever

(drums would typically highlight the Balkan report)

As might be expected, events in the Balkan region were very chaotic. Rebels plagued Rumelia. Wallachia was freed from Bavarian control by the impressively outfitted army of Lord Schokora Khan. Bujak continued to rebel. When available, Gluttonic Knights would restore order, but often times chaos ruled the land.

By 1568, Wallachia was back under Turkish control. Bujak remained in the hands of Bavaria, but rebels threatened to return it to Turkish hands.


When the reports were over, King Albrecht V would often reflect upon each as if it were poetry. His advisors all nodded along knowingly at his commentary. When he was particularly moved, he could express himself through interpretive dance. His advisors did not know how to respond to that.

 

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As usual, another great series of updates....

 

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Horde of Plenty

1568 - Samara

Sir Timmy der Teuton stood amidst the wreckage of the palace. In the distance he heard sporadic gun shots and an occasional yell. His prisoners remained silent, bound and hunched over and under tight watch. He sorted through the documents as best he could, not understanding much of the eastern language, but recognizing certain names. The maps he prized most of all, and soon had quite a collection. Sitting at the broken table, he did his best to pen a letter, tired and weary from the battle.



Hail Lord Augustus IV!

Our campaign against the Golden Horde has proven successful! We have beaten their armies and have seized both valuable lands and priceless information. Once Kalmuk fell, and the capital was secured, they readily accepted the terms of surrender that I offered.

The armies of the Horde are dispirited, and the Khan himself appears defeatist and submissive. Not only have they surrendered the land of Uralsk to us, but they have agreed to serve us as a vassal nation. I would have claimed the entire land in the name of the Gluttonic Knights, but apparently roving bands of their army are still at large, perhaps in lands unknown to us at the time of their surrender.

In addition to breaking the will of the Horde, I am sending back valuable maps that will serve us in our mission to reach across the expanses of Asia to conquer Far Cathay. Many wild and fearsome people stand between us, and though we knew nothing of them, our reputation is apparently far reaching, the Chgatai and Uzbek Khanates, and the Mughal Empire have been corresponding with the Horde. All fear and loathe us and have declared themselves our enemies. The lands of Sibir, of which we knew very little, have also been revealed to us. They, too, are pledged against us, despite our treaty of access. Another Indian people (or perhaps simply Asian, I’m unsure of their culture or language), the people of Baluchistan have also heard of us, but their hatred does not run as deep. Rather than transport all of the treasures we have seized all the way back to Bavaria, I have sent a generous gift to Baluchistan in the hopes of improving our status.

An interesting rumor seems to be stirring from the camps of our prisoners, though none of the Horde will speak of it when interrogated. Apparently the disintegration of the Horde seems to follow another event that went unknown to us. Great strife swept through the land here when an item, a relic of some sort, was found missing. Apparently the Horde had erected a shrine to some captured holy item that they believed granted them invincibility. How long it has been missing we cannot tell, but the discovery of its theft, for that is what is being claimed, happened within the last fifty years. Without this talisman, or whatever it is, the superstitious people of the Horde believe they are doomed and their time as conquerors is over. With luck, they will prove easy to rule.

As part of his agreement to serve as a vassal of Bavaria, the Khan requests that a small party of his nobles return to our capital. As these are mostly women and children, I see no objection to this request, and they shall be escorted under guard, with this letter, back to Bayern.

I shall remain in these eastern lands until otherwise ordered. God be with you in your struggle against the Ottomans. If my men are needed, send word, and we shall ride from the east to reinforce you.

For the glory of King Albrecht V and the Gluttonic Knights, I remain,

Sir Timmy der Teuton


“God be with us indeed,” thought Lord Augustus as he read the letter, arrows and bullets whizzing past. The battle with the Ottomans had spilled over into routes previously thought safe and Sir Timmy’s messenger party would have been intercepted if not for the keen eyes of Lord Augustus’ scouts. The Lord of the Knights sent a message back to Sir Timmy, promising lavish gifts to the Khan, to help ease relations between Bavaria and their new, and very important, vassal. The rest of the party, including an enormous woman riding the largest horse Augustus had ever seen, were sent away, under guard to a safer road.

Augustus knew that the Ottomans knew that the Horde threw in the towel, and he had hoped to capitalize on this by offering them peace in exchange for 200 ducats and control of Bujak, but the Ottomans refused. The war, their diplomat claimed, was going quite well for them according to their field marshal, Lord Schokora Khan’s, reports. Attempts to end the war in exchange for military access through the empire had also met with failure.

Augustus sighed, “I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way.” He wondered how Sir Connery fared in the north.

Back along the Bavarian-Austrian border, the war raged back and forth. Sir Connery’s regiment attacked Ostmarch and proceeded to besiege the Austrian territory, defeating Austrian attempts to drive them away. Another regiment rode to Salzburg, and dug in for a siege of that land as well.

Meanwhile the Bal’ Movement was gathering force and applying pressure to the Bavarians from behind. Rebels seized Livland the proceeded to Estland. The Bavarian regiment in Pskov rode to defeat the rebels then to free Livland. The rebels were growing in strength. Perhaps the local nobles were helping to finance the rebellion? They requested aid of King Albrecht V, but with every available ducat going into the multiple war efforts, he refused their petition.

Albrecht V was suffering from conflicting desires, and he hated conflict. His hatred of the Turks and the Austrians burned brightly within him, or so his spiritual advisor claimed, tainting his aura. However, the longer the war drug on the more it sapped Bavaria of its precious resources, resources that could be put to better use now that these new eastern lands had been revealed to him. The king reiterated Augustus’ proposal to the Turks, peace in exchange for 200d and Bujak, but again they refused, wondering why they should surrender when Lord Schokora Khan was camped outside the gates of Bavaria and the king’s defeat was imminent. This claim confused the king, but wrote it off as either a translation error or ignorance on behalf of the “unenlightened warrior nation”.

The Dutch offered the king a trade agreement, which he accepted. That seemed to be an act of karmic balancing and that appealed to him.

The Bal’Movement was getting messy, and staining the map of Bavaria with new nationalist rebellions. It ran deeper into the interior, with Masovia falling under rebel control. Kurland also fell to rebels. The Knights in the northeastern quadrant of the kingdom were more than a match of the rebel troops they encountered, but they were outnumbered and the threat of losing territory loomed very real.

But as Providence, luck, and whatever karmic forces one chooses to believe in, would have it, the pendulum of fate swung back into Bavaria’s favor. Lord Augustus’ scouts came across a solitary, unguarded Ottoman officer, sunning himself on the shores of the Ionian Sea. He was not quite alone, accompanied by a rather disheveled and mangled little man who was wearing matching robes and carried lots of books and charts with him. The prisoner turned out to be none other than Lord Schokora Khan. He was yelling out over the sea, while lounging on the shore. His companion seemed to be passed out, breathing very shallowly and near death. With the capture of their national hero, the Ottomans quickly offered 350d in ransom for their beloved commander, and King Albrecht V accepted.

Lord Augustus was quite disappointed, he really did believe that he could conquer enough territory to secure military access across the Ottoman Empire, or at least demand Bujak, but he knew that Bavaria’s resources were drained, and that the northeastern rebellions were growing out of control. He thought that perhaps the king had been exaggerating the situation until he received confirmation from Connery, who claimed “If the Bal’ Movement continues to spread, we’ll soon be in a world o’shit.”