• We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
Cat attacks, undoubtedly more of a problem than the minions of Hell, luck for me only one of my four really enjoys 'typing'.

It seems to be going quite well but I've never quite been able to tell with CK (I don't own it only follow some AARs).
 
He is never a Rurikovich! Going to war against a smaller power and managing to conduct the war competently it outrageous.

He is only warming up. I have faith that with a bit more practice he will be able to do what is expected of him. This is like a bit of work-experience (but with more dead bishops and less photo-copying).
 
Like Alfredian, I choose to believe the boy is just warming up. After all, he's already whining like a pro. All he needs to do is channel all that discontent into a decent inferiority complex, feel like the world is out to get him and presto! Heads will roll, chaos will ensue - and a true Rurikovich will have been forged.

By the way, never mind taking a culturally significant (I assume that's the excuse) knife with you to a wedding, why bring a kilt in the first place?!?*

*I'm trying really hard to come up with some clever remark about kilts, but all I'm getting is an increasing sense of incomprehension...
 
He is never a Rurikovich! Going to war against a smaller power and managing to conduct the war competently it outrageous. At the very least he should have had the good decency to lose a few dozen Marshals or have himself somehow killed in battle against a small rabble of enemy soldiers. That is the mark of a true Rurikovich!

Oh and I'd keep an eye on your cat, it looks as if the moggy may be being influenced by Harry or Astarte!

Cat attacks, undoubtedly more of a problem than the minions of Hell, luck for me only one of my four really enjoys 'typing'.

It seems to be going quite well but I've never quite been able to tell with CK (I don't own it only follow some AARs).

fortunately my new laptop (bought by a cheque sent to me by the person known in my accounts as 'the client from hell') doesn't get as warm as the old one ... which as we all know makes it a very cat attractive place on a cold day. In this case the problem was the cat standing in front of the screen ...

I don't know if I'm doing well or not in game play terms ... this is the first game I've bothered to keep going once I was relatively well established so its a bit of learning as I go along.

He is only warming up. I have faith that with a bit more practice he will be able to do what is expected of him. This is like a bit of work-experience (but with more dead bishops and less photo-copying).

Like Alfredian, I choose to believe the boy is just warming up. After all, he's already whining like a pro. All he needs to do is channel all that discontent into a decent inferiority complex, feel like the world is out to get him and presto! Heads will roll, chaos will ensue - and a true Rurikovich will have been forged.

By the way, never mind taking a culturally significant (I assume that's the excuse) knife with you to a wedding, why bring a kilt in the first place?!?*

*I'm trying really hard to come up with some clever remark about kilts, but all I'm getting is an increasing sense of incomprehension...

Ah, the knife ... well I forgot it comes with the hire stuff in the first place. Of course for a wedding in the east end of Glasgow going well armed is quite normal ... though a wee bitty knife isn't really the weapon of choice.

What is your courts unemployed-percentage? :D

its pretty high, I keep on getting the plague is devastating your court event.

Ok, update tomorrow ... apols was trying to get it down today but things (that pay for my household biils) came up ....
 
Andrei, 1345-1349: The Competence Continues

Scene 1: Heaven- where there are complaints and whinges

Look its that refugee camp that Satan has set up

Whats wrong with it?

Well they are doing demonic things so close to the gates of heaven that the pure and noble of heart are forced to watch

and?

well some seem to think its more fun than coming in, and ...

yes?

it also seems that some of Harry's demons are sort of kidnapping potential entrants to Heaven while they are waiting to be admitted:



Oh, and it looks like Andrei may have rather large ambitions



speak up - I'm getting on and a bit deaf ... he's got a large what?

ambition!

Scene 2: Harry's refugee camp - wherein there is a certain amount of confusion ... and some self-congratulation

Harry has gone to talk to Gabi about the latest court papers

Heh, Gabs, remember when a Rurikovich dealing with 100 or so peasents meant smouldering baggage trains, self inflicted wounds and possibly making themselves into a prisoner?

Gabi smiles ... oh yes, often

Well look at this



and a war meant at least 20 injured Generals?

Yes?

Well what about this?



still at least some things never change, I was really proud I managed to convince someone confined to their bed to commit a murder



Scene 3: Dis, where Astarte is just not sure

this was very much one for the future



Andrei's younger sister showed promise



until he packed her off to her own county (that he first took off someone else)



but this was pure genius



a welcome return to Anatolia, even if this one wasn't actually that Greek

good thing she'd bribed a few of the nannies in advance



[this level of competence can't continue, can it? If Harry is evicted from the Gates of Heaven where will he go next? Does Astarte actually have a plan?
 
well some seem to think its more fun than coming in​

More fun than hymns, prayers and other good deeds? I cannot believe it! A wonderful update, I loved scene 1, good to see that Harry is still up to his old tricks. Acutally considering that he is managing to gain some new recruits, he's doing considerably better camped outside Heaven than he did when running Hell! Andrei is doing well, but thankfully chinks are beginning to appear in his competent and able rule, he may yet prove a true Rurikovich!
 
Astarte's struggling a bit to make events fit her world view, I see. I mean, Yildiz... Not exactly a Greek name, now is it? And how is a "weak-willed, romantic, gregarious" woman supposed to be the scheming hellion that drives her Rurikovich husband to madness and murder?

Harry seems to be doing rather well. Maybe he thrives under adversity? In which case getting back control over Hell might be the worst thing that could happen to him... :)
 
And how is a "weak-willed, romantic, gregarious" woman supposed to be the scheming hellion that drives her Rurikovich husband to madness and murder?

Maybe she will repeatedly make him watch romcoms and try to attach embroidery to his best chainmail.
 
Can I thank everyone who voted for this AAR in the recent awards - very much appreciated, I have now managed to get votes in all 4 categories ... if I had any modesty I'd obviously retire at this stage :cool:

More fun than hymns, prayers and other good deeds? I cannot believe it! A wonderful update, I loved scene 1, good to see that Harry is still up to his old tricks. Acutally considering that he is managing to gain some new recruits, he's doing considerably better camped outside Heaven than he did when running Hell! Andrei is doing well, but thankfully chinks are beginning to appear in his competent and able rule, he may yet prove a true Rurikovich!

Ah you'll be pleased to see the old, rather delusional Harry reappears in the next update.

Astarte's struggling a bit to make events fit her world view, I see. I mean, Yildiz... Not exactly a Greek name, now is it? And how is a "weak-willed, romantic, gregarious" woman supposed to be the scheming hellion that drives her Rurikovich husband to madness and murder?

Harry seems to be doing rather well. Maybe he thrives under adversity? In which case getting back control over Hell might be the worst thing that could happen to him... :)

As above, with Harry the improvement was quickly over. As to Astarte, well Yildiz does starting sending Andrei a bit nutty, she has had the gates of hell oiled, but the plague thing rather gets out of hand ... all in the next episode;)

Maybe she will repeatedly make him watch romcoms and try to attach embroidery to his best chainmail.

correct in part, though he could argue he went to war to escape domesticity - an old Rurikovich excuse

Your marshal is dangerous.
Kill him.
If he is good he cannot be killed.
And then it gets even worse.

scarily I now manage wars with no marshall accidents, even worse an even better one appears (skill 20), is this the march of the Rurikovichs to world domination?
 
Andrei 1349-1352, Plagues, Wars and the Pope gets antsy

Scene 1: The Gates of Hell, which swing open soundlessly

If our, increasingly foolish, observer was still hanging around and had avoided the wolves and leopards he or she (and it really does not matter which) would have seen the shape emerge ... and briefly pause.

If our observer could also read minds (a really not very good idea in this part of the world), they would have heard:

a) the shape congratulate herself on getting the hinges oiled;

b) acknowledge that while this had been a good idea



it had got rather out of hand



c) praise herself that Yildiz was already having the impact to be expected of a female from Anatolia now married to a Rurikovich



and a new hope for the future



Scene 2: The Court

Andrei is being interrogated by Raphael.

But, we can't let you into heaven if you waged needless wars

It wasn't needless, look I am asked him twice, very nicely,



then I took most of his realm from him



Ummh, put like that, it doesn't look so bad

though admittedly this particular solution didn't last long



and also some of the wars I had to join – I mean one must be loyal to the vassals?



Raphael nods his head, clearly Andrei is real heaven material

Scene 3: Harry's refugee camp

Harry is explaining to Gabi just what his current plan is

The problem is he's so able that he has all these wars and loses no generals ... even when I really got the Pope annoyed



Harry stomps off

Gabi looks at the file, again there is evidence that Harry may not actually know what he's meant to be doing ... not least the Pope hadn't actually thought this out very carefully



This particular stunt has almost never worked, but obviously Harry rather likes it



and it looks as if Andrei is doing quite a good job of dumping the less able from his court on other Rus Princes:



Which most of the rest of the population heartily approve of



Has Astarte rather overdone the plague and pestilence? Just what did Harry do to annoy such a saintly Pope? When is Andrei going to have his first dead general?
 
Ah, I see the return of the old "Mine! Mine! Mine!" Rurikovich map. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe those are usually frowned upon by those on the right side of the Celestial Gates...

The various outbreaks of plague... Well, they haven't stopped the Rurikoviches from their usual antics (though I do notice a disturbing lack of fatalities at the court in this segment, Marshall or otherwise), so I think things are still well in hand. Astarte hasn't lived up to her own hype yet, but she also hasn't made anywhere near enough mistakes to fall into the 'Harry' category of underworld rulers. So - in my mind at least - the jury's still out.
 
The "Mine!" maps used to be a sign of impending megalomania.

However, I expect Andrei is just planning the subterranean economic advancement of this part of the world.
 
Excellent stuff from Andrei. Becoming a rival of the Pope, indeed warring with the Pope, grabbing lands with no real justification and doing so whilst his people suffer from the plague. Verily he is proving a true Rurikovich. Or rather, he would prove so but for the lack of injuries for his marshals!
 
Plague is only a problem for the poor ones.
Force them to eat rats.

cruel man ;)

Ah, I see the return of the old "Mine! Mine! Mine!" Rurikovich map. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe those are usually frowned upon by those on the right side of the Celestial Gates...

The various outbreaks of plague... Well, they haven't stopped the Rurikoviches from their usual antics (though I do notice a disturbing lack of fatalities at the court in this segment, Marshall or otherwise), so I think things are still well in hand. Astarte hasn't lived up to her own hype yet, but she also hasn't made anywhere near enough mistakes to fall into the 'Harry' category of underworld rulers. So - in my mind at least - the jury's still out.

I was always suspicious at the lack of dead marshalls, but he does end in a suitably pointless Rurikovich manner so he may have been legit all along

The "Mine!" maps used to be a sign of impending megalomania.

However, I expect Andrei is just planning the subterranean economic advancement of this part of the world.

well he is depressed, which could cover both explanations and it is in the Dombas, and as all followers of my other AAR will know there is a lot of coal there ...

Excellent stuff from Andrei. Becoming a rival of the Pope, indeed warring with the Pope, grabbing lands with no real justification and doing so whilst his people suffer from the plague. Verily he is proving a true Rurikovich. Or rather, he would prove so but for the lack of injuries for his marshals!

The Pope gets quite a few humpings, I didn't get the screenshots but he came out very badly of a war with Norway, as did most of his allies. But even to the end Alexei just kept on failing to generate any dead marshalls ... must have got to him in the end
 
Andrei 1353-1356, more Italian problems, more plague & it all gets too much

Scene 1: Heaven, the noise from Harry's refugee camp can be clearly heard

Raphael bursts into God's personal retiring chamber

Sire Sire

Oh what is it now

We have to do something about Harry and Astarte its all getting out of hand, I mean there's no telling which of them thought this was funny



just because none of them were dieing in battle, and then one of them did this



and the other cured him



God has an angel snap his fingers for him ... pass me the file

well I don't suppose even you think that one of that pair was behind this?



No but my liege, I mean look at this, they just can't agree between them who is plaguing what



Oh ok, we need to consider a reconciliation do we?

Scene 2: Harry's refugee camp, Harry is arguing with Astarte

I don't care if I'm homeless, I'm still the Prince of Hell, I still get to sit in judgement not you

Anyway look at this Italian war you caused



all it led to was even more martial competence



Yes, but Harold, you forget that it was me who introduced Yildiz to the realm



and ...

well it paid off, first competent Rurikovich for centuries and he's mine



what do you mean, 'mine', I collect the damned not you

Yes but I own the forest of Phlegethon[1]

oh

so you have the soul and I have the place of punishment

This isn't going to work is it?

You mean this?



No, I mean I think I need to move back into Hell, fun though it is here

[1] - I'm sure you'll all go and read Canto XIII

(so are, rather wierdly God and Satan in agreement? How long with Boris survive? Can Astarte accept Harry back?)
 
Great stuff. I love the infighting with between Harry and Astarte, the constant suffering and curing of the plague on various people is simply superb. Truly both Harry and Astarte seem like an old married couple, although I fear for any kids that union would bring. Poor Andrei though, driven to death due to a lack of Marshal injuries, that is truly the main measure of a great Rurikovich ruler however.
 
[1] - I'm sure you'll all go and read Canto XIII


Well, no, but I can see what Wikipedia has to say (and Wikipedia only talks about a river, not a forest. But a river of boiling blood - nice).

That bout of plague-fighting really ramps up the old-married-couple vibe ("I did it!" "Oh no you don't" "Oh yes I did" "Oh no you didn't" etc. etc.). :)

So Andrei, the most successful Rurikovich in living memory, offs himself to get an express ticket to Harry's place? Seems ill-thought-out. Of course, after the plague, all the deaths at court, the blindness... Perhaps it's understandable. Not to mention that his wife gives birth to a son named 'Bugger'. That can't be a good omen...

PS: Was it a slip of the keyboard (or overzealous auto-correct), or did Astarte insult Harry by calling him 'Harold'? :)