Just be practical then: try to become friends with them (even if it means you have to remain chaste and not raise a lot of bastard children for the benefit of the realm) and use their talents in other courts.
Tales from our Faarthers
- Thread starter loki100
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Ah... Crusader Kings at its best...Reflecting the "good old days"...
aye there is a nice (not quite sure that is the proper phrase) logic to some CK event chains
Aye essentially if in CK your bride comes from Trebizond, it helps to have 'chaste' as one of your characteristics, unfortunately Vladimir tended to the expansive and lustful wing of human behaviour.
Kettu, the pre-trial hearing
Scene: A dark room, fire flickers on the walls, eerie cries are heard in the background, 3 shapes shift in the gloom
“Right, we’re being done here left, right and centre. Gabi’s smuggled out a serial war monger on grounds of incompetence (Mstislav), a child-slayer because he said sorry (Vladimir) and Hel got her paws on a mass-murderer (Boris) merely because he’d also been nice to a few pagans. So we have to get this one, or we're all going to be out of business”
“Well Harry, are you sure … I mean you keep on promising us success and look, we’re still mostly stuck here”
“Look Beezie-boy, you aren’t helping much, you’re meant to be helping out by sowing discord and confusion. In any case, let me tell you - there are no alternative jobs for ex-demons.”
“Yes”
“and when one of them gets ‘confused’, Gabi uses it to get them off … We need less confusion as such and more outright unconfused evil. And you” turns to the third figure, “I put you in charge of accusing people”
“well, “
“No well about it, Asti my girl, at the moment our accusations are so weak we’d end up getting ourselves off. Strewth, as ever, have to do it myself, ok, Beezie, pass us the file”
Sounds of paper being flipped over, the occasional laugh
“so what do we have … had his own sister murdered
Set off a wave of assassinations that meant every ruler in Russia and Scandinavia ended with negative prestige:
No sign of any confusion ...
well except that he trusted his mother
good point, Asti, but I think we'll gloss over that potential problem
Its clearly at least circle IX stuff, just can’t see what can go wrong?”
What can go wrong? Is it really this simple? Why is Anna back in power?
“Right, we’re being done here left, right and centre. Gabi’s smuggled out a serial war monger on grounds of incompetence (Mstislav), a child-slayer because he said sorry (Vladimir) and Hel got her paws on a mass-murderer (Boris) merely because he’d also been nice to a few pagans. So we have to get this one, or we're all going to be out of business”
“Well Harry, are you sure … I mean you keep on promising us success and look, we’re still mostly stuck here”
“Look Beezie-boy, you aren’t helping much, you’re meant to be helping out by sowing discord and confusion. In any case, let me tell you - there are no alternative jobs for ex-demons.”
“Yes”
“and when one of them gets ‘confused’, Gabi uses it to get them off … We need less confusion as such and more outright unconfused evil. And you” turns to the third figure, “I put you in charge of accusing people”
“well, “
“No well about it, Asti my girl, at the moment our accusations are so weak we’d end up getting ourselves off. Strewth, as ever, have to do it myself, ok, Beezie, pass us the file”
Sounds of paper being flipped over, the occasional laugh
“so what do we have … had his own sister murdered
Set off a wave of assassinations that meant every ruler in Russia and Scandinavia ended with negative prestige:
No sign of any confusion ...
well except that he trusted his mother
good point, Asti, but I think we'll gloss over that potential problem
Its clearly at least circle IX stuff, just can’t see what can go wrong?”
What can go wrong? Is it really this simple? Why is Anna back in power?
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Love the interplay between Harry and co, and I like the way you're spacing out the conversations between the demons - makes it a lot easier to read.
Can't wait to see where this one is going. Will Harry get his wish?
Can't wait to see where this one is going. Will Harry get his wish?
Very nice slight change in pace. Kettu seems as if he'll be a very interesting character. Wait...he's Finnish! Are the Finnish more mad than the Russian?
Very good update!
Very good update!
There's a very important precedent to be followed here...
Always Shaft Harry. After all, there is a reason this "rule in Hell" thing never worked out.
Great job with Vlad. Now, let's see how messed up a Finnish king of Finland can be!
Nobody with a goatee like that can be innocent... I mean, murders, wars, that kind of stuff can be explained, justified. But that face muff... There is no excuse, there is no redemption. Harry might finally get lucky, were it not for the important principle Sophilia just pointed out.
Unless his less subtle underlings make a mess of it for him ...
I think Prawnstar has answered for us all there
There's a very important precedent to be followed here...
Always Shaft Harry. After all, there is a reason this "rule in Hell" thing never worked out.
Great job with Vlad. Now, let's see how messed up a Finnish king of Finland can be!
Pretty, by my count, 5 murders, including his own sister in the first 18 months on the throne
Nobody with a goatee like that can be innocent... I mean, murders, wars, that kind of stuff can be explained, justified. But that face muff... There is no excuse, there is no redemption. Harry might finally get lucky, were it not for the important principle Sophilia just pointed out.
Bit like Javier Bardem in 'No Country' was told to play the haircut, well in this case I roleplayed the beard ... I think in this case its a matter of just how far over the top Kettu went, but he may have a 'provocation-defense' in case of real need
Kettu 1146-1147, Starting as he went on
Scene: the same dark room, with disturbing lighting and screaming in the background
“So what do you reckon, will he actually pull it off this time? … not sure but our chances looked good before he went off”
The door swings open, Harry bounds into the room … “got him, we’ve got him, no escape this time” … ummh … “look you two, can the pessimism, there’s no way can he play the idiocy card and he seems to have ordered the murder of most of the nobility of Russia”
“why did he bring Anna back?”
“he claimed {checks notes} that she brought a lot of experience in this sort of thing and that him, her and Dmitri (the spymaster) decided that Boris had wasted a lot of time fighting wars when, and I quote, a discrete bit of murder would have been so much more effective – so it is clear he has no scope to claim to have been an idiot
Though he was claiming that there was a bit of supernatural interference, especially as his father’s ex-bishop became a bit more nutty
Oh,
Beezie, ... what do you mean, oh,
Well you know how it is, these slightly nutty (ex) bishops so like it when you do the voice thing, and it was a bit of a slow period, so I ... well I ... I did the voices, you know you usually like that
Beezie this could have spoiled the whole thing, any sign that we were behind all this and he could get off
But Harry, isn’t our role to … like tempt humans and make them do bad things?
Used to be, but at the moment the big man is on sabbatical and Gabi is trying to fill in the gaps up there … so any excuse and we could lose out again, anyway overall things apparently started fairly quietly:
Till he noticed that most of his realm was in near open revolt
Especially his sister.
So he and Dmitri decided to use this as the test case for their new approach to governance – seems as if they left Anna out of this one – not least as Kettu would inherit her lands on her demise:
After this success, they tried the same trick with the Count of Rostov which seemed to confirm the approach:
But it also led to retaliation:
At which stage apparently most of his court started to run for their lives:
After his partial success with Rostov, he tried the same in Vyazma:
Whilst Rostov were still seeking revenge:
As were Vyazma … of course this means they all have negative piety so we’ll have lots of them down here soon:
All this murder, seemed to have worried his remaining vassals and Karelia and Revel rebelled:
Naturally, he managed to injure his marshall, in the ensuing war:
And then the church got all het up about the murders and whatever, they tried to blame it all on Dmitri, but Kettu stood up for him, seemed with all the assassinations he rather relied on Dmitri to keep him alive:
Oh,
Asti, why the ‘oh’?
Well I was just playing about, you know a bit of witchcraft, some tricks at the crossroads, cows with a couple of heads, winding up the local priest, sort of thing you rather like ... normally ... when you still had a sense of humour ...
Look will you two keep out of this, this is our big chance to get hold of one of this lot. Anyway he was ex-communicated and then Anna found out the truth about the murder of Premislava, seemed that was too much even for her:
Fortunately for our case, the death rate continued even after Anna left, it seemed that all the murder and mayhem was not enough to satisfy some of his court. Nothing to do with either of you two?
[shaking of heads]
Good, well you have to give it to Kettu, he was doing his best not to leave the final judgement in doubt
And, he managed to more or less finish off his marshall putting down some small rebellion or the other:
So what do you reckon? No chance I can fail on this one is there? Unless of course all the various voices, events and unexplained deaths are traced back to us ... which can't happen, can it?
Can it? Is there really any way that Kettu could get off?
“So what do you reckon, will he actually pull it off this time? … not sure but our chances looked good before he went off”
The door swings open, Harry bounds into the room … “got him, we’ve got him, no escape this time” … ummh … “look you two, can the pessimism, there’s no way can he play the idiocy card and he seems to have ordered the murder of most of the nobility of Russia”
“why did he bring Anna back?”
“he claimed {checks notes} that she brought a lot of experience in this sort of thing and that him, her and Dmitri (the spymaster) decided that Boris had wasted a lot of time fighting wars when, and I quote, a discrete bit of murder would have been so much more effective – so it is clear he has no scope to claim to have been an idiot
Though he was claiming that there was a bit of supernatural interference, especially as his father’s ex-bishop became a bit more nutty
Oh,
Beezie, ... what do you mean, oh,
Well you know how it is, these slightly nutty (ex) bishops so like it when you do the voice thing, and it was a bit of a slow period, so I ... well I ... I did the voices, you know you usually like that
Beezie this could have spoiled the whole thing, any sign that we were behind all this and he could get off
But Harry, isn’t our role to … like tempt humans and make them do bad things?
Used to be, but at the moment the big man is on sabbatical and Gabi is trying to fill in the gaps up there … so any excuse and we could lose out again, anyway overall things apparently started fairly quietly:
Till he noticed that most of his realm was in near open revolt
Especially his sister.
So he and Dmitri decided to use this as the test case for their new approach to governance – seems as if they left Anna out of this one – not least as Kettu would inherit her lands on her demise:
After this success, they tried the same trick with the Count of Rostov which seemed to confirm the approach:
But it also led to retaliation:
At which stage apparently most of his court started to run for their lives:
After his partial success with Rostov, he tried the same in Vyazma:
Whilst Rostov were still seeking revenge:
As were Vyazma … of course this means they all have negative piety so we’ll have lots of them down here soon:
All this murder, seemed to have worried his remaining vassals and Karelia and Revel rebelled:
Naturally, he managed to injure his marshall, in the ensuing war:
And then the church got all het up about the murders and whatever, they tried to blame it all on Dmitri, but Kettu stood up for him, seemed with all the assassinations he rather relied on Dmitri to keep him alive:
Oh,
Asti, why the ‘oh’?
Well I was just playing about, you know a bit of witchcraft, some tricks at the crossroads, cows with a couple of heads, winding up the local priest, sort of thing you rather like ... normally ... when you still had a sense of humour ...
Look will you two keep out of this, this is our big chance to get hold of one of this lot. Anyway he was ex-communicated and then Anna found out the truth about the murder of Premislava, seemed that was too much even for her:
Fortunately for our case, the death rate continued even after Anna left, it seemed that all the murder and mayhem was not enough to satisfy some of his court. Nothing to do with either of you two?
[shaking of heads]
Good, well you have to give it to Kettu, he was doing his best not to leave the final judgement in doubt
And, he managed to more or less finish off his marshall putting down some small rebellion or the other:
So what do you reckon? No chance I can fail on this one is there? Unless of course all the various voices, events and unexplained deaths are traced back to us ... which can't happen, can it?
Can it? Is there really any way that Kettu could get off?
You have to feel sorry for Harry. Well, sort of. This goatee - I mean, this man is so clearly evil and deserving of Harry's attentions... It can't but go south for Harry.
Even by the high standards set by your previous Rurikovichs, Kettu is one nasty package. I am impressed.
Even by the high standards set by your previous Rurikovichs, Kettu is one nasty package. I am impressed.
Kettu has taught me one important thing; avoid holidaying in Finland.
Excellent update!
Excellent update!
You have to feel sorry for Harry. Well, sort of. This goatee - I mean, this man is so clearly evil and deserving of Harry's attentions... It can't but go south for Harry.
Even by the high standards set by your previous Rurikovichs, Kettu is one nasty package. I am impressed.
Its going to be hard to get him off, if he was being judged by Calvin I think it would be all over, but there may be an inkling that he was set up ... so if Mstislav could plead idiocy, he might, just, have a provocation defence?
You ask ... I deliver ...
I worked there for a short while, many years ago, last time I was able to ski to work on a regular basis. I'm not actually sure why the Rurikovichs are becoming so Finnish in the game - it must be how the game engine is relating to their primary title as I own very little of Finland most of the time, and Kettu is busily losing what little is left ....
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Kettu, 1148-49, Heresy, murder and war with most of Europe
[“Ah Kettu, could you take us through the next period … not too sure that we have all the events clear”
{door crashes open and Harry comes in} … “Just thought I’d pop in see if you two need any help in sorting this out – you know just to make sure nothing is misinterpreted --- has Gabi shown up?
No he seems to have given up in this case ... must regard Kettu as beyond even his powers of persuasion]
Who is Gabi?
[oh I don’t think you’ll need to worry about that … you really won’t be meeting him]
Ah, ok, well following the Dmitri black magic case, I was already in trouble with the church. Anyway it all sort of started again with arguments about money:
Given everything else with religion and my level of piety this, too, was not a sensible question to ask:
As if I had any remaining doubts as to their usefulness. Fortunately, Hintsa, my father’s old bishop partially recovered. It seemed his dialogue with the voices had given him some new insights
[why are you looking pale Harry? Oh nothing, just having a bit of a daydream … Kettu did Hintsa give you any more information about these voices?]
Not that I can remember, its just as a crazed heretic he fitted in well with everything I needed from a bishop. Anyway, the voices did return pretty quickly as he slipped into depression, again:
[oh no … Harry are you ok? … What, oh yes, must have been something I ate earlier]
Anyway one thing I liked about Hintsa was the way he really offered clear support for my actions:
Such as this sort of thing:
[and, just for information, did Hintsa’s voices tell you do that?]
Oh, now you prompt my memory, yes he might have given us the idea.
[and, just out of interest what was the relic?]
I think Hintsa said it was a relic of mythical loyal Duke Muffin, apparently very important to the Sami way up there in Bjarmia, anyway, amidst all the mayhem, Hintsa wasn’t the only person with a pretty elliptical view of reality:
Of course, myself and Dmitri were so bright, it wasn’t just assassinations we planned, we came up with a brilliant idea to end one rebellion:
In the meantime the wave of assassination attempts continued:
and, continued:
And then Dmitri’s wife decided on a bit of copy-cat action
However, at the same time stage, the wars widened out from Russia, first a weird bit of Hungary declared war on me, Pisa and then Denmark and Norway joined in, together with parts of NE Scotland
If Simeon revolted, then I was in deep trouble, so I kept on backing him in his wars to keep him happy:
This might give you some idea – everybody in red is at war with me
And, to be fair, it sort of got worse after that
Just what can happen that is worse? How secure is Harry's case? Has Beelzebub rather overdone it with the voices?
{door crashes open and Harry comes in} … “Just thought I’d pop in see if you two need any help in sorting this out – you know just to make sure nothing is misinterpreted --- has Gabi shown up?
No he seems to have given up in this case ... must regard Kettu as beyond even his powers of persuasion]
Who is Gabi?
[oh I don’t think you’ll need to worry about that … you really won’t be meeting him]
Ah, ok, well following the Dmitri black magic case, I was already in trouble with the church. Anyway it all sort of started again with arguments about money:
Given everything else with religion and my level of piety this, too, was not a sensible question to ask:
As if I had any remaining doubts as to their usefulness. Fortunately, Hintsa, my father’s old bishop partially recovered. It seemed his dialogue with the voices had given him some new insights
[why are you looking pale Harry? Oh nothing, just having a bit of a daydream … Kettu did Hintsa give you any more information about these voices?]
Not that I can remember, its just as a crazed heretic he fitted in well with everything I needed from a bishop. Anyway, the voices did return pretty quickly as he slipped into depression, again:
[oh no … Harry are you ok? … What, oh yes, must have been something I ate earlier]
Anyway one thing I liked about Hintsa was the way he really offered clear support for my actions:
Such as this sort of thing:
[and, just for information, did Hintsa’s voices tell you do that?]
Oh, now you prompt my memory, yes he might have given us the idea.
[and, just out of interest what was the relic?]
I think Hintsa said it was a relic of mythical loyal Duke Muffin, apparently very important to the Sami way up there in Bjarmia, anyway, amidst all the mayhem, Hintsa wasn’t the only person with a pretty elliptical view of reality:
Of course, myself and Dmitri were so bright, it wasn’t just assassinations we planned, we came up with a brilliant idea to end one rebellion:
In the meantime the wave of assassination attempts continued:
and, continued:
And then Dmitri’s wife decided on a bit of copy-cat action
However, at the same time stage, the wars widened out from Russia, first a weird bit of Hungary declared war on me, Pisa and then Denmark and Norway joined in, together with parts of NE Scotland
If Simeon revolted, then I was in deep trouble, so I kept on backing him in his wars to keep him happy:
This might give you some idea – everybody in red is at war with me
And, to be fair, it sort of got worse after that
Just what can happen that is worse? How secure is Harry's case? Has Beelzebub rather overdone it with the voices?
Now that is a nice euphemism!
The madness continues (literally, too, now that I think about it)! Always nice when it's the Bishop that goes stark raving mad.
And that murder rate is nothing the sneeze at - do you have enough court members to counter the steady attrition?Oh, and nice job continuing the unlucky streak with your marshalls (from the previous post). Do you have to 'coax' the computer to keep up on it, or is your game truly this screwed up?
Heh - very good!
I loved the piece about stealing holy relics too - just the sort of thing your heretical bishop might suggest!
Ahh. You found my cultural item of significance? (To be written up in the aarland thread soon...)