Boris 1100-1105, the bid for sympathy?
[voices approach … “mine…no mine…he’s a perfect fit…mine, and why are you dragging all those flies around … will you two stop fighting, we need to make a proper report, then --- he will be properly allocated]
Oh there you are … ah there are all of you … the smelly scaly one, the mad woman … no valkyries … look I demand to speak to someone in authority this is becoming ridiculous and I refuse to be treated this way
[well sir there are rules and procedures … look if it would help, tell us about your pagan thing]
Well as you know, my bishop, Sila, became a heretic, so after a while I replaced him with Itlar, who I had to throw in jail and then exile as even in jail he was carrying on with my wife
[that is not awfully clear ... could you explain why]
Well he disaproved of something or the other,
[I'm not losing another Rurikovich on the idiocy/confusion defense ... Harry please calm down, you know what happens if you get agitated ... anyway -you started favouring the pagans?]
perhaps, but look it wasn’t the first time either
And I was feeling very very lonely, it wasn’t just the incessant revolts and rebellions, all my court either ended up leaving or going to jail
And when I let him out he promptly defected
And my marshall hopped it too (and in this case that is not a metaphor):
Even my 12 year son, Vladimir, who I’d made Count of Moskva and Prince of Estonia (ok I’d lost all Estonia but it’s the title that matters) was becoming disloyal
And even when I heroically won battles, Itlar gave me no credit
[well it does seem as if no one really liked you]
Well yes, exactly, and the pagans kept on being nice to me, offering not to revolt if I let them do their thing, and with my piety score I felt I had nothing to lose.
[not really much of an excuse though]
Well there were also all the wounds and things:
And then whilst I was a bit groggy from the head wound it seemed a good idea to change the inheritance laws:
And that set off a new round of civil wars – to be helpful here’s another table:
[aahh, being helpful - thats nice ... behave Harry and stop drooling]
And that really was that
[so, was that your attempt at the sympathy vote? We notice you’ve skipped over things like this]
No no no, look at all those wars, victories, wounds, I was a hero and deserve to be treated as such, and in wars, well things happen
[except there was no war in Pskov at that stage]
look its clear on the table ... oh
[Harry what do you think … obviously mine – look at the numbers, 666 and all that … I mean I agree with Hel that he belongs somewhere cold … and I’ve got a new ice machine installed in the Tenth Circle … anyway she’s a bit of a has-been … all this Nordic stuff … its sooo not the future … listen scaly I was collecting the damned long before you … so your place is full then … please please stop the arguing]
Yes stop, I demand my proper place
[are you sure?]
Yes
[oh, ok then]
Where did Boris go to? Will Vladimir prove any better?
Oh there you are … ah there are all of you … the smelly scaly one, the mad woman … no valkyries … look I demand to speak to someone in authority this is becoming ridiculous and I refuse to be treated this way
[well sir there are rules and procedures … look if it would help, tell us about your pagan thing]
Well as you know, my bishop, Sila, became a heretic, so after a while I replaced him with Itlar, who I had to throw in jail and then exile as even in jail he was carrying on with my wife
[that is not awfully clear ... could you explain why]
Well he disaproved of something or the other,
[I'm not losing another Rurikovich on the idiocy/confusion defense ... Harry please calm down, you know what happens if you get agitated ... anyway -you started favouring the pagans?]
perhaps, but look it wasn’t the first time either
And I was feeling very very lonely, it wasn’t just the incessant revolts and rebellions, all my court either ended up leaving or going to jail
And when I let him out he promptly defected
And my marshall hopped it too (and in this case that is not a metaphor):
Even my 12 year son, Vladimir, who I’d made Count of Moskva and Prince of Estonia (ok I’d lost all Estonia but it’s the title that matters) was becoming disloyal
And even when I heroically won battles, Itlar gave me no credit
[well it does seem as if no one really liked you]
Well yes, exactly, and the pagans kept on being nice to me, offering not to revolt if I let them do their thing, and with my piety score I felt I had nothing to lose.
[not really much of an excuse though]
Well there were also all the wounds and things:
And then whilst I was a bit groggy from the head wound it seemed a good idea to change the inheritance laws:
And that set off a new round of civil wars – to be helpful here’s another table:
[aahh, being helpful - thats nice ... behave Harry and stop drooling]
And that really was that
[so, was that your attempt at the sympathy vote? We notice you’ve skipped over things like this]
No no no, look at all those wars, victories, wounds, I was a hero and deserve to be treated as such, and in wars, well things happen
[except there was no war in Pskov at that stage]
look its clear on the table ... oh
[Harry what do you think … obviously mine – look at the numbers, 666 and all that … I mean I agree with Hel that he belongs somewhere cold … and I’ve got a new ice machine installed in the Tenth Circle … anyway she’s a bit of a has-been … all this Nordic stuff … its sooo not the future … listen scaly I was collecting the damned long before you … so your place is full then … please please stop the arguing]
Yes stop, I demand my proper place
[are you sure?]
Yes
[oh, ok then]
Where did Boris go to? Will Vladimir prove any better?