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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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iain_a_wilson

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How many 'Russian' monarchs has Russia had so far? :p

CK is great like that. In my Scottish mega campaign I stopped having Scottish kings about four monarchs in.


Sent from my HTC Wildfire using Tapatalk
 

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Egads! Has it been a year already?!? Well, congratulations are in order. And my, has the little tyke grown. From a sickly little backwater to a sickly bloated backwater. :p

That was a nice little memorial. Ah, the memories... Baggage train raids, dead and maimed marshalls, pagan uprisings... My eyes are getting a little misty. ;)

Is that the Big Yin himself coming in for a night cap (following the motto 'If you can't beat them, join them')?
A year - congratulations! Feel like a proud father yet?

I'll echo Stuyvesant's remarks, it's nice to look back on the rulers of the past. Reading that update I couldn't help but cast my mind back to all those poor marshals wounded in amusing ways...

Keep up the good work!

yes this bunch have grown from being a small kitten only capable of shredding the curtains to a large, rather delusional, usually fairly lazy, tom with the ability to shred the neighbourhood ... such is progress :cool:

Is the part where "all the gang are together again" when we get a Rurikovich song and dance finale?

ok, just for you, I've tweaked the next update, its not a song as such more a drunken post-match celebration, but these are the Rurikovich's after all

A year already. I started posting on the forum regularly just as this was beginning and this is, without any doubts, one of my favourite AARs and threads, in which I've been lucky enough to follow and contribute to throughout the last year. Congratulations on the anniversary and hopefully a year from now there are still Rurikovich/Harry and Astarte/some member of this AAR's antics being reported on (I rather hope the M&B plan proves a success!). Many memories from this short review, this line though definetly caught my attention;

The poor, poor Marshals in this AAR have ever suffered, thankfully in relatively comedic ways though (although typing that, I'm not sure how being severely wounded is comedic, but oh well)!

I must admit I don't know why I had so many injured marshalls. Have played other CK games and it only happens sometimes, other AARs aren't filled with the flower of chivalry (tm) hurling themselves to ther deaths, but here we are.

MnB project is moving slowly, I've become addicted to RoP in my limited spare time - its a really frustratinly clever game, can only strongly recommend a trip to the AGEOD AAR sub-forum.

How many 'Russian' monarchs has Russia had so far? :p
CK is great like that. In my Scottish mega campaign I stopped having Scottish kings about four monarchs in.

About 60% were Russian according to their character board but some such as Dafyd had very un-Russian names. Of the rest, split about 50/50 Finnish and Turkish ... unless something dramatic happens my guess is that they will be more and more Turkish now to the end of the game.

update later today ... featuring some entertainment for the party guests
 

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I must admit I don't know why I had so many injured marshalls. Have played other CK games and it only happens sometimes, other AARs aren't filled with the flower of chivalry (tm) hurling themselves to ther deaths, but here we are.

Being a marshal is sort of like being a henchman, and what henchman expects a long, healthy retirement.

Recently I seem to be sufering more from rulers with a deathwish.
 

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Being a marshal is sort of like being a henchman, and what henchman expects a long, healthy retirement.

Recently I seem to be sufering more from rulers with a deathwish.

I must admit I could do with Bugra dieing, he's running through my massive gold reserves due to having to constantly bribe everyone, plus all the wars and rebellions that do break out in any case.
 

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Bugra 1415-1418, its all rather violent, & that is just the party

Scene 1: The Party

... as Odin and Frejya walk in and join Harry and Astarte at the bar.

"well if we can't beat you, we may as well join you ... and in any case don't forget that some of that lot"

Odin points to the collection of Rurikovich kings drunkenly (except of course for Ukko, Ivan, Peresvet, Davyd and Boris the Second) arranged around the room.

"belong to us in any case"

as the various Rurikovichs become more and more drunk (except of course for the ones who can't get served) the noise level steadily increases.

There is a further disturbance at the door, the sound of pain being inflicted can be heard.

Harry wanders out to join the fun, only to find the door-demons beating up several Cherubim who had been sent to complain about the noise.

"let them in boys, they can keep Raphael busy"

Looking at the near riot at the party, he decides something needs to be done to calm them down. After deep thought [1] he decides that live updates of Bugra's current activities are all that is needed.

A hush falls as the first images are shown on the big screen:



cries of "pathetic" from Vladimir I and Tuokki, heated debates break out about how embarrasing Bugra is ... various mutterings about this is what the realm has come to, is he a man or a mouse etc ...



cry of 'and .... what about the rest' from Ratmir, who then turns to Kettu to point out that in his day a special rusty, blunt, axe was kept just for this sort of thing



a huge cheer breaks out



"go on Bugra, de-frock 'em all" (from the more 'pagan' end of the room) to "oh no, they are men of god" (Boris II)



big cheer, well done Bugra, he's been milking you dry for years



a hush falls, comments such as 'he's not up to it' are drowned out in a chant along the lines of:

"we're on our way to Byzantium, the Rus are gonna do it again, we're the Rurikovichs, the boys from Russia ... and we're gonna be the Emperor"[2]



cheering, sounds of glasses being smashed, chants of

"1-0 to the Rurikovichs" can be heard



Shout of 'no ... we want the Empire ... not a few provinces' die away when its clear the Emperor agrees with them (in part)



commentary seems to think this is not a bad idea but the boy may just be a little young [3]



Mstislav announces to no-one in particular – that happened to me too



Scene 2: Heaven


Three rather dishevelled but merry Cherubim (the fourth decided to stay) are being told off by Michael.

"well if that is what Harry plans to do .... we need to act quickly"

so will Michael act before a Rurikovich is Emperor of Byzantium? As this party has now lasted 3 years, will the departed ever return to their proper places? Just what did the fourth Cherubim do to the big demon in the corner?

[1] deep for Harry that is
[2] it scans if you know a certain Chaz & Dave song celebrating Spurs' 1981 FA Cup Final appearance – well all apart from the last phrase that is
[3] – 3 at the time
 

Enewald

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How many times have the Rus so far sieged Constantinople? :p
 

morningSIDEr

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a huge cheer breaks out

From me too!

"we're on our way to Byzantium, the Rus are gonna do it again, we're the Rurikovichs, the boys from Russia ... and we're gonna be the Emperor"[2]

"1-0 to the Rurikovichs" can be heard

Why support a football team when you can back a warmongering tyrant?! Loved the constant comments and mutterings from the assembled Rurikovichs with regards to Bugra's actions, really great stuff.
 

iain_a_wilson

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I too cheered at the cheering remark :)

And the general atmosphere does remind of being in the pub during the opening game of the 1998 World Cup when Scotland were gloriously defeated by Brazil.

For those of you unaware, just before half time Scotland were awarded a penalty kick. A great hush fell over the pub. John Collins stepped up, winked at the camera, took the penalty and - BOOM - it was 1-1 with the mighty Brazil! The entire place went completely MENTAL (in fact, I think the entire nation went completely mental) apart from one poor soul who came out of the bathroom, looked at the unfolding chaos and asked someone next to him "What just happened?"

Cue a dozen stares of "REALLY?!?!?" from people all around him before someone yelled "They've just picked a new f&*!ing Pope - what the f$%k do you think just happened?"

That guy was a bit like Boris II ;)
 

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a huge cheer breaks out

I think I've made this observation before, but it bears repeating: sometimes, this stuff just writes itself. :)

So, is this a preview of the end of this AAR? Unable to definitively assign the Rurikovichs to Heaven, Hell or one of the various pagan underworlds, the whole lot gets carted off and quarantined in this no-man's land, in the Bar Harry Built (tm), with Harry himself serving as barkeep, for the rest of eternity?

Apart from the celestial embarrassment if the raunchy Rurikovichs get their grubby mitts on the Emperor's Crown of the self-styled 'Vice-gerent of God on Earth', I don't really see how this squabble over the remains of Byzantium have Michael so worried. I guess it's just the instinctive reaction of one who reflexively, unthinkingly, opposes everything Harry does...
 

loki100

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How many times have the Rus so far sieged Constantinople? :p

that was my very first time, at least in this AAR. There is some sort of feeling of satisfaction when you loot Constantinople for the first time, sort of a rite of passage

From me too!
Why support a football team when you can back a warmongering tyrant?! Loved the constant comments and mutterings from the assembled Rurikovichs with regards to Bugra's actions, really great stuff.
I too cheered at the cheering remark :)

And the general atmosphere does remind of being in the pub during the opening game of the 1998 World Cup when Scotland were gloriously defeated by Brazil.

For those of you unaware, just before half time Scotland were awarded a penalty kick. A great hush fell over the pub. John Collins stepped up, winked at the camera, took the penalty and - BOOM - it was 1-1 with the mighty Brazil! The entire place went completely MENTAL (in fact, I think the entire nation went completely mental) apart from one poor soul who came out of the bathroom, looked at the unfolding chaos and asked someone next to him "What just happened?"

Cue a dozen stares of "REALLY?!?!?" from people all around him before someone yelled "They've just picked a new f&*!ing Pope - what the f$%k do you think just happened?"

That guy was a bit like Boris II ;)
I think I've made this observation before, but it bears repeating: sometimes, this stuff just writes itself. :)

well you'll like the next update then, we go beyond injuries ...


So, is this a preview of the end of this AAR? Unable to definitively assign the Rurikovichs to Heaven, Hell or one of the various pagan underworlds, the whole lot gets carted off and quarantined in this no-man's land, in the Bar Harry Built (tm), with Harry himself serving as barkeep, for the rest of eternity?

thats an idea, I was planning to let the party run to the end and then have it broken up and them all properly assigned

Apart from the celestial embarrassment if the raunchy Rurikovichs get their grubby mitts on the Emperor's Crown of the self-styled 'Vice-gerent of God on Earth', I don't really see how this squabble over the remains of Byzantium have Michael so worried. I guess it's just the instinctive reaction of one who reflexively, unthinkingly, opposes everything Harry does...

yes, very much in the line of if Harry wants it, we don't. Also if I get my mitts on the Emperor I get a very large demesne and can get rid of most of my rebellious vassals.
 

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Bugra 1418-1421, he gets no younger but the vassals keep revolting

Scene 1: The Party carries on

Boris I is being marched out the room, having been told by Vladimir I that IF he had died in battle by now he'd have his own personal group of Valkyries. His state of sexual tension increased when Vladimir teased him as to what, if anything, they wore anything beneath their breastplates.

Cries of outrage as:

"Damn Greeks"



"oi, some of us have Greek mothers"

at which another brawl breaks out and they mostly miss this



Once a small degree of calm has been restored, Bugra's performance in the war is being discussed and analysed

'big mistake that', 'should have gone for ... ', 'that attempt to play at Alleppo, match too far if you ask me'



".... and yet another daughter .... whats up with the man?"

Alexei is trying to explain that this is rather clever statecraft



Odin turns to Harry

"so is that it"

"nah, this just gets better ... keep watching"



Alexei is trying to explain to Ivan that this is quite clever, let the smaller bits on the edges go and use the money to bribe the more important princes back into line.



Roman suggests that his solution was just to kill anyone who tried it on. Alexei points out this almost led the kingdom being destroyed. Roman tries to hit him but misses and badly harms Ivan instead ... Astarte cackles in the corner.


A shout of "yes ... two of them ... well done Bugra" is heard from Vseslav and Vladmir II



Harry just shrugs, who needs us when they can't even count how many provinces they own



Roman points out that everyone thinks he was useless, but even he never had this many rebellions.



Mikula starts an argument by pointing out the reason was that Roman just lost every time.

will the Rurikovich after life party ever end? Will Andrei kill himself again in shame at his relatives? Will Boris I be allowed back in? Will Bugra die before the whole kingdom falls apart?
 

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I love how Rurikovich Russia is like an iceberg in warm waters: sure, bits are falling off left and right and there's no way the thing's going to survive, but it damn well is going to send that Titanic of a Byzantium to the bottom of the sea before it happens. :)
 

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Boris I is being marched out the room, having been told by Vladimir I that IF he had died in battle by now he'd have his own personal group of Valkyries. His state of sexual tension increased when Vladimir teased him as to what, if anything, they wore anything beneath their breastplates.

Loved these lines. Poor Boris being taunted cruelly by Vladimir. I also had to chuckle when noting that with a warscore of 500 a Rurkovich is audacious enough to attempt a 2,000 point peace deal. Hopefully all of these rebellions do not slow things down too much, the Byzantines must be defeated! Very good stuff.
 

loki100

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I think if I were alive in this alternative world I would most certainly be a spear carrier. Your war leaders just seem to be built to suffer!

ach, don't worry they die in large numbers too, just they don't get nice little pop-ups to announce their demise.

Civil war, what was the number? 289th?

ever since Bugra decided to solve the inheritence problem by trying to murder his wife, I've had constant civil war. Every now and then it calms down (usually someone has paid a disgraceful amount to be let go and I use that for a round of bribes, when the cash runs out a load go nuts, otherwise its just one of two), so in a way 1401-1426 is one single civil war.

I love how Rurikovich Russia is like an iceberg in warm waters: sure, bits are falling off left and right and there's no way the thing's going to survive, but it damn well is going to send that Titanic of a Byzantium to the bottom of the sea before it happens. :)

ah, you've missed the same message as the drunken Rurikovich nobility -- I've peaced out against Byzantium, it was proving too hard to keep a large army down there and handle all the domestic revolts. A better film analogy is the Castle at the end of 'Howl's Moving Castle' where it runs off with bits falling off as it goes - that is a good summary of Bugra's final years.

Loved these lines. Poor Boris being taunted cruelly by Vladimir. I also had to chuckle when noting that with a warscore of 500 a Rurkovich is audacious enough to attempt a 2,000 point peace deal. Hopefully all of these rebellions do not slow things down too much, the Byzantines must be defeated! Very good stuff.

As above, had to let them off, but never fear once you've sacked Constantinople once its so much easier to do it again. I'd missed that they had a province off down in the Middle East, so since Bugra is really stripping everything off those who really annoy him I went not just for their titles but also their claims.
 

loki100

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Bugra 1421-26, his end doesn't match his means

Scene 1: The Party

The assembled Kings are getting a bit bored with Bugra ...



"look all he does is .... ", "is this what my inheritence has come to", "in my day we used to ...", "what an idiot", "no, no, no"

are all heard from different parts of the room

"oh no, not the bishop"



"oh hang on, looks like he's out of cash ... This should be fun"



"got to give it to the boy, thats an impressive rebellion"



"and he's running out of money"


"ah well one in, one out it seems"



"oh its ok lads, the war is back on"





"yes ...... thats the way to do it"



Scene 2: The Trial, Michael is trying to force a clear conclusion, Harry is too drunk/hungover to really care

"well I repeat it was not my fault ... I mean there were even people trying to kill me"



"thats because you ignored all the omens and warnings ... we tried everything to make you change your ways"



"you're ignoring all the good stuff I did"

"such as?"

"The cheese factory?"

"yes, well, ... and yet, rather incredibly you seem to have died of natural causes ...



Anyway, what do we have ... murdering relatives, murdering your wife, murdering your grandchildren, wars ....

only one place for you Bugra, Circle X, the icy bit, you'll appreciate the peace and calm"

Michael turns to Harry

"that seems to the right answer"

Harry, rather bleary eyed, looks up

"to what"

"for Bugra"

"well if you insist, but he'll have to wait ... I've got a party to go back to ... Astarte and Freya are going to do some sort of performance ... I'm not getting my hooves all cold just to store Bugra next to Cocytus"

"you will take him in the end?"

"of course, you know you can trust me"


are there any good theological reasons why Michael should not trust Harry? Will Yakut turn out to be different? Just what does Freya and Astarte's dance routine consist of?
 

Stuyvesant

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Just what does Freya and Astarte's dance routine consist of?

Oo-er! Hot girl on girl action? That's bound to get the collective Rurikovich attention! :p Then again, knowing who Freya and Astarte are, this would probably be an excellent time for the assembled Ruris to start shuffling inconspicuously towards the nearest exit, followed by a mad dash towards any place that is not Harry's bar...

The fact that Bugra dies of old age, after all the bloodshed in and around his court, seems fitting in a 'doesn't-fit-at-all-how-the-eff-did-this-happen?!?' kind of way. You just never know what'll happen with Rurikovich rulers. At least Bugra didn't get beatified. ;)

Stunning amounts of money you were able to extort from those wayward princes. I guess you had to bribe them so often with Bugra the Kinslayer as ruler, that they never found an effective way to get rid of the glut of cash?