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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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morningSIDEr

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So will Davyd do something really, really bad? Can Harry keep his band of refugees together? What will Gabi decide? What has the shape forgotten?

I suspect Davyd will end up with half of his courtiers at war with him for some petty reason, as is the Rurikovich way! I rather hope Harry does keep his band together, but is rejected by Gabi and thus made to begin a counter-coup. Or perhaps create a Hell II! Oh, and I rather think the shape has forgotten to spread out some love, tolerance and goodwill to all mankind, alongside the already distributed war and plague.
 

loki100

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Money is good.
You can buy a ticket to heaven.

nah this is a good orthodox community of sinners, none of that Catholic stuff goes on around the Rurikovichs

I suspect Davyd will end up with half of his courtiers at war with him for some petty reason, as is the Rurikovich way! I rather hope Harry does keep his band together, but is rejected by Gabi and thus made to begin a counter-coup. Or perhaps create a Hell II! Oh, and I rather think the shape has forgotten to spread out some love, tolerance and goodwill to all mankind, alongside the already distributed war and plague.

I don't quite think the shape does the peace and love stuff, but as in the next post starts to find that actually formenting evil is a bit of a challenge too
 

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Davyd, 1325-1332, he finally bestirs himself and ends up dead

Scene 1: Harry's asylum and immigration tribunal. Harry's case is being heard by St Peter and St Catherine (the only saint he could round up at such notice despite her volatile reputation).

Look do I get seen by angels?

Oh no, you see this is now just a routine administrative process.

So?

Well we decide and then you can appeal if you want. But till then no entry to heaven even on a limited basis. We have a hell of a job tracking down and deporting those who overstay.

Ok, well I've been evicted from Hell, I'm a refugee, I claim political asylum.

Yes, yes all very good, but before we let you in we need to be sure you are no longer doing evil. So lets have a look at some events from Davyd's reign shall we.

You're still acting as his bishop?

Yes

and was this anythng to do with you?



Harry looks at the document

plague, no thats more Astarte's line than mine ... you know its horrible when you possess someone and they catch the plague ... ugh

anyway, (Harry picks out another document), look at my effect on their morals, you lot like this sort of thing?



all very well, but was this anything to do with you?

Harry looks at the file and fondly chuckles ... before he remembers he's meant to deny all involvement



and this?



No that was Astarte, she felt that Rannveig was just not coming up to expectations, there was some Byzantine princess she'd been grooming for a while who she believed was sooo much more appropriate



anyway it was so boring that even bedridden former marshalls were desparate to get away, I mean if this was the extent of my evil influence then Astarte may have had a point all along?



I mean Davyd really was boring ...



Catherine sparks up ...

well that shows how unsuitable you are ... he seems a lovely man, well suited to life in heaven and I look forward to welcoming him, later ...

and about then, he finally produced a son ...



St Peter intervenes

yes but then there is the mysterious injury to his marshall, I mean he had 7000 men, he was fighting 319 peasants and this happened



Harry looks a bit bemused

So?

Well was it you?

No, I mean you've studied the history of the Rurikovichs? Well, lets keep this simple, he's a marshall, he works for a Rurikovich, just what do you expect if he strays onto a battlefield?

Catherine starts to get agitated

Harry turns to Peter


Look if she starts spinning around, I'll use it as evidence in my appeal

anyway, look I rest my case:



Satan, what about this?



I keep on telling you, female things, go talk to Astarte. Anyway as you can imagine he did nothing.

This?



(Harry shuffles his hooves)

Yes well I was bored, I tried, you can guess his answer.



Nope ... Astarte, she was getting desperate to try and provoke something

which sort of worked ... he stormed into the Council and announced he'd declared war on someone ... ok someone small and unimportant but it was a start



well it seemed to get others interested ... I think most of the Rus princes were bored with 15 years of near total peace



he was so keen now he actually raised the Novgorod regiments and went off to lead the war himself

Harry shakes his head sadly



then in the next battle, he really was so careless



Scene 2

Raphael is speaking to Peter and Catherine

Look I don't care, he's not getting in ... but I may just have another solution, its something we're keen to test out somewhere in any case

Scene 3: Dis

Astarte is musing on recent events. Clearly doing evil is not so straightforward and the Crovan introduction has proved to be a major disappointment. Still where there is life there can always be temptation ....



Just what does Sofia manage to do? Can the next Rurikovich (who is only 4) be this boring again? If Harry's refugee claim is overturned where can store any souls he collects? Is Harry actually still allowed to attend the court?
 

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Ooh, I didn't realize this had resumed! I liked the grumblings from the Angels having to contend with false refugees (I did my thesis on some EU migration issues I won't bore everyone with - you can certainly learn a lot about the mismatch between the spirit and the letter of things by looking at refugee treaties). Oh, don't forget about the safe third country - if Harry passed through anywhere else on his exodus from Hell to Heaven, he really ought to have claimed asylum there (I see references to Hell and Dis, those sound like distinct entities, meaning Harry's claim is already on shaky ground)...

Anyway, I digress. If that shape is trying to come up with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, he's struggling to catch up with the Rurikoviches: after all, Conquest, War, Famine and Death are pretty much the staples of life in Rurikovich Russia.
 

Alfredian

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How many Rurikoviches are still alive? They seem to be a bit thin on the ground. I suppose having assasination as your family party-game will do that. Connect 4 can drive your close enough to murder on its own.
 
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morningSIDEr

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I loved the asylum hearing, really good stuff. The manner of Davyd's pass was excellent, dying in a war against an insignificant country, helping to slightly redeem his shockingly peaceable reign! I look forward to seeing what will happen with Harry, although if he is indeed refused, I don't think a place for souls to be collected will be a worry, has doesn't seem to have collected any recently!
 

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You should move westwards. East is a boring place.

aye it all too calm since the Mongols left ... and I also have v high bad reputation so I attack anyone half my few remaining vassals revolt. My plan with Davyd, as he started so young, was to build up his piety, force down my bad reputation and then go back on the conquest trail ... like many of my plans that was none too great ;)

Ooh, I didn't realize this had resumed! I liked the grumblings from the Angels having to contend with false refugees (I did my thesis on some EU migration issues I won't bore everyone with - you can certainly learn a lot about the mismatch between the spirit and the letter of things by looking at refugee treaties). Oh, don't forget about the safe third country - if Harry passed through anywhere else on his exodus from Hell to Heaven, he really ought to have claimed asylum there (I see references to Hell and Dis, those sound like distinct entities, meaning Harry's claim is already on shaky ground)...

Anyway, I digress. If that shape is trying to come up with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, he's struggling to catch up with the Rurikoviches: after all, Conquest, War, Famine and Death are pretty much the staples of life in Rurikovich Russia.

aye pretty much who'd notice if (or not) all 4 horsemen were out and about at the same time - the mortality rate can scarcely go up

best not to say too much more re migration except I agree. When I was off I reread a biography of Fritdorf Nansen and after he'd given up walking to the north pole etc he got involved in the plight of the stateless in Europe post 1918 - not only were they refugees, the country they'd fled from often no longer existed. So he forced the (usually correctly) much maligned League of Nations to introduce a 'Nansen Passport' - it gave you no rights except to move across borders. So our modern states claim they can no longer afford the sort of solution that was feasible in a Europe recovering from war and facing ongoing chaos.

How many Rurikoviches are still alive? They seem to be a bit thin on the ground. I suppose having assasination as your family party-game will do that. Connect 4 can drive your close enough to murder on its own.

oh I wouldn't worry, there are masses of them, a 3 century long breeding programme combined with a social darwinist approach to culling the weak has certainly seen them spread over Europe. One thing I won't do is to end up with no heirs.

I loved the asylum hearing, really good stuff. The manner of Davyd's pass was excellent, dying in a war against an insignificant country, helping to slightly redeem his shockingly peaceable reign! I look forward to seeing what will happen with Harry, although if he is indeed refused, I don't think a place for souls to be collected will be a worry, has doesn't seem to have collected any recently!

of course if he gets asylum, he'll have to store the damned in heaven ... imagine some po faced south edinburgh lady (who lunches) ends up heaven and there's some demon doing unspeakable things to the damned ... she'll think her chaffeur dropped her off in Craiglockart by mistake (now at least 2 readers of this AAR may just be able to follow that ... ?:cool:)
 

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Andeei, 1332-1340, the nursery years

Scene 1: Outside the Court, Harry and Astarte are arguing

What are you doing here?

Me ... what about you?

I'm here to judge the dead, perfectly fairly ... and drag their soul to hell

So am I

In that case you have a problem

No .... you have the problems

Look Harry, you've got two problems – (a) you are just not very good at claiming Rurikovich souls and (b) the only place you can store their souls at the moment is that refugee camp you've opened outside the Gates of Heaven

temporary problems, typical of you to focus on the unimportant details

Astarte starts to get annoyed

In any case, it says so here in the job description, Harry reads, "... by the Prince of Darkness", nothing in there about the Queen of Hell

We'll see about that, my lawyers will be in touch in the morning

Scene 2: Inside the Court Harry and Raphael are arguing

Look Satan, why must we review his life in a nursery, I mean we tend to concentrate on their lives on the throne

Thats because he inherited when he was 4



It just seems a little unfair, I mean one so young

I wasn't aware that heaven now had an age of criminal responsibility?

Ummh (Raphael consults the official guide to demons), you know this rule following is very odd ... you are (he opens book at p. 666) known as the Lord of Misrule

that was before I was evicted from Hell ... I tell you chaos is less fun when you're the victim

Oh ok lets get on with it, but with one condition

only one?

We interview him as he was when he was 12 ...

Scene 3: The Court, a very young Andrei is led in

Look young man ... we need you to explain some things very early in your reign

Well, I do recall some boring war, but I think that ended soon


Much more important was my problem with Stanislav


Raphael looks accusingly at Harry

Then there was that thing with the blood and the missing axe, my kind bishop, Boris, sorted it all out for me



Then to cheer me up he suggested I go and catch the next sunday roast myself, as he said I was 5 and all that



even better the pork made my sister ill



not that one of the others ever stopped complaining



Then we had those boring boring trials ... though it was fun to be given the official matches to play with





far more fun than Sofia had ... such a soppy girl



Then there was that silly general who was captured by a bunch of peasants



Raphael shows Andrei a picture ... do you recognise this?

No



but Boris, I mean he was my bestest friend

even if he sometimes insisted I studied



then another axe went missing



and just to copy me, one of my sisters also pretended to become religious



which was good as Boris kept on bringing these heretics up to the nursery for us to judge



anyway then my soppy eldest sister spoilt it all by getting married



and then Boris told me that as I was now 12, I had to assume all my duties



So will Astarte displace Harry from the Court? What was Andrei like as a teenager? Will Sofia manage to match Astarte's ambitions?
 

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Who's actually running Hell at the moment - other than a Norwegian local council of course?

imagine some po faced south edinburgh lady (who lunches)
I'm recognising morningSIDEr :rofl:
 

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Andrei certainly seems like he has the right stuff for a Rurikovich. The people in the baggage train must be getting a bit worried.
 

morningSIDEr

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Cracking stuff, Andrei seems a true Rurikovich as a young boy, he's already having Marshal's come a cropper! I look forward to seeing what he was like as a teenager.

I'm recognising morningSIDEr :rofl:

Cheek! I am certainly not po faced. Uhm...nor a woman!
 

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morningSIDEr

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Ah! I've been mislead by the crossdressing, Miss Brodie ;)

Miss Brodie? Crossdressing?! I think you'll find that the kilt is a man's skirt! I mean, no, not a skirt, its uhm...a...an utterly masculine piece of clothing, hence why I make reference to it so often in my AARs.
 

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There are a couple of dedicated kilt-wearers round here. They just seem to wear them out shopping, which pleases the tourists immensely.
 

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Maniac religious nuts advising pliable royals... That would never happen in real Russia! :p

Harry v. Astarte - they're starting to sound like an old married couple. I am reminded of the sig of one wag on the forum: "Never argue with idiots. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." I think Astarte's in trouble...
 

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Who's actually running Hell at the moment - other than a Norwegian local council of course?

I'm recognising morningSIDEr :rofl:
Cracking stuff, Andrei seems a true Rurikovich as a young boy, he's already having Marshal's come a cropper! I look forward to seeing what he was like as a teenager.
Cheek! I am certainly not po faced. Uhm...nor a woman!
Ah! I've been mislead by the crossdressing, Miss Brodie ;)
Miss Brodie? Crossdressing?! I think you'll find that the kilt is a man's skirt! I mean, no, not a skirt, its uhm...a...an utterly masculine piece of clothing, hence why I make reference to it so often in my AARs.

ummh rather oddly I had in mind Elspeth, spouse of Ming the Merciless, wearer of Gingham and dweller of Merchiston ... but who am I to argue

There are a couple of dedicated kilt-wearers round here. They just seem to wear them out shopping, which pleases the tourists immensely.

ah thats Oxford for you ... its too cold up here to risk permanent frost bite --- word of advice, when taking a kilt to a marriage in the Netherlands, leave the knife behind, it seems to upset customs for some reason

Andrei will die.
Slowly.
Andrei certainly seems like he has the right stuff for a Rurikovich. The people in the baggage train must be getting a bit worried.

Ok its good that the commentators disagree? I actually think he indeed has all the requirements (except one - as per the next post) for a true return to Rurikovich genius

Maniac religious nuts advising pliable royals... That would never happen in real Russia! :p

Harry v. Astarte - they're starting to sound like an old married couple. I am reminded of the sig of one wag on the forum: "Never argue with idiots. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." I think Astarte's in trouble...

yep, me too, as per next update, she finds it as hard as Harry did to actually forment any real evil ... other than leaving the Rurikovich's just to get on with it
 

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Andrei, 1340-1345, the teenage years

Scene 1: The Clerks office

Oh oh, we're in for a busy time with these files

Why?

Why, well he's only gone and declared war on Kiev and called up all his vassals ... the death and injury rate amongst his generals is going to horrendous

Ukko?

Just the man

(a little while later)

One

No, you're joking

No, really just the one


(which, by the way should show 1344 but I've just been attacked by one of the cats which was rather distracting)

Scene 2: Dis, Astarte looks a bit dejected, a Harpy wanders in ... and points at the picture

Hey dearie, is that the one that was going to lead them all into Hell as a result of her brilliant but evil schemes



]Astarte looks rather put out

Oh well at least there is some hope with the younger one:



Scene 3: The Court


Well the adults were really annoying ... I mean squabbles over jobs



rampant libidos



just as well I had my school mates to cheer me up



then I had all these extra lessons



but I also made sure they started to realise who was going to be in charge soon

uppity vassals



whinging clerics



So I arranged my own marriage as soon as I could, back to the family's Norse roots:



well to be fair this was bad news for someone



this Bulgarian upstart who had somehow ended up Prince of Kiev, so I put in claims on his titles



conducted a highly efficient war - simply told them at the start anyone who is injured gets the chop ... imagine only 1 of them was killed



and managed to secure the dynasty all at the same time



With that level of death in battle is Andrei really a Rurikovich? How will the realm cope with this apparent competence? Is Astarte any better at ruling Hell than Harry? Will this Boris be any more use than either of his predecessors?
 

morningSIDEr

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With that level of death in battle is Andrei really a Rurikovich?

He is never a Rurikovich! Going to war against a smaller power and managing to conduct the war competently it outrageous. At the very least he should have had the good decency to lose a few dozen Marshals or have himself somehow killed in battle against a small rabble of enemy soldiers. That is the mark of a true Rurikovich!

Oh and I'd keep an eye on your cat, it looks as if the moggy may be being influenced by Harry or Astarte!