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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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PrawnStar

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A trip to the wild west of Paisley (a town where so few shops are open, they've started painting the windows to make it look like there's a real shop there), should help me decide how to put it together.

That sounds like a depressing update on the way.

I was pretty down the day I went to Cowpen and realised Netto was the classiest shop on the main street.
 

loki100

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That sounds like a depressing update on the way.

I was pretty down the day I went to Cowpen and realised Netto was the classiest shop on the main street.

Paisley is a bit like Falkirk, it maynot quite be the end of the world but you can certainly see it from there ...

Now the Divine Comedy set in Paisley would be ... different ;)
 

loki100

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Vseslav, 1312-1317, things wind down

Scene 1: The Nail and Tail The regulars are discussing the latest court case

Davyd?

Seems like.

What like Wales Davyd?

Maybe

The useless one?



Yes

Whow.

Harry enters looking rather peeved (since he wasn't invited to the party)

Come on you lot get on with something more demonic, there's a bunch of useless kids up there just waiting for you






Pick one each and get on with it

So Harry how did it go?

Well I was right, we really didn't want him ...

The first official royal baggage train raid since Mstislav



scared his marshall into religion



who only cheered up when he realised the rebellions were over



I mean I know Astarte was trying her best ... but I do think she maybe getting past it, I mean letting this sort of thing happen



Scene 2: Dis, a very disgruntled Astarte's chambers

He said what

'You're past it'

After all I did to try and enliven Vseslav's reign too





Right thats it, I try to make their boring mortal lives interesting ... past it, well we'll see about that

Scene 3: Purgatory, Vseslav is on the ever popular second spur catching up with his ancestors Ivan and Peresvet

So yes, after the Polish war, I just couldn't convince any of the surviving nobles to attack anyone. It all just sort of ended ...

Can Davyd revive the warlike spirits of the Rus nobility? What will Astarte do to prove she's not past it? Will Harry like it?
 
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Stuyvesant

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It's not quite as spectacular as Alfred Packer's 'sun-tanned' Crovan, but a Welsh Rurikovich is quite a sight to behold. :)

My favorite piece was how you linked the baggage train raid with the Marshall finding God. Considering the ceaseless horrors your Marshalls are subjected to, it's amazing that particular event doesn't fire much more frequently.
 

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Can Davyd revive the warlike spirits of the Rus nobility?

Hopefully, I want to see a new record for marshal injuries! Being Welsh at least Davyd will already be used to weather far worse than that you get in Russia...
 

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Now the Divine Comedy set in Paisley would be ... different ;)

Presumably by "different" you mean that while the original Divine Comedy featured sections for Hell, Purgatory and Heaven, one set in Paisley would only manage detail on Hell and Purgatory...

;)

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, Paisley is a wretched, sullen place that had its heart ripped out by a mega-shopping centre that was developed nearby and which subsequently caused all commerce in the town itself to collapse, leaving in its wake a wasteland of betting shops, pubs and tanning parlours. Walking around there on a Saturday night you could be forgiven for thinking that you had stumbled onto the set of a remake of Dawn of the Dead...

Annnnywaaaaay...

Great update. I love that you have a Welsh Rurikovich!
 

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For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, Paisley is a wretched, sullen place that had its heart ripped out by a mega-shopping centre that was developed nearby and which subsequently caused all commerce in the town itself to collapse, leaving in its wake a wasteland of betting shops, pubs and tanning parlours. Walking around there on a Saturday night you could be forgiven for thinking that you had stumbled onto the set of a remake of Dawn of the Dead...

Thanks for enlightening me (although 'enlightening' has such a positive tone to it, that it sounds wholly inappropriate). :) I can see how this environment would provide ample inspiration for our tale of the Rurikovichs.
 

loki100

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My favorite piece was how you linked the baggage train raid with the Marshall finding God. Considering the ceaseless horrors your Marshalls are subjected to, it's amazing that particular event doesn't fire much more frequently.

It can't be said too often but thats the delight of CK, especially if you're writing up an AAR and stumble over things that you can relate. I'm rather glad the game engine is weak on cause and effect or I'd never get anyone to lead another army again

Hopefully, I want to see a new record for marshal injuries! Being Welsh at least Davyd will already be used to weather far worse than that you get in Russia...

I'm not sure the poor lad is Welsh, his character board comes up as Russian, but am bemused as to where the name popped up from ... but I have been marrying about a bit recently so that may be the reason

It's not quite as spectacular as Alfred Packer's 'sun-tanned' Crovan, but a Welsh Rurikovich is quite a sight to behold. :)

well you'll be utterly delighted to find the next royal bride is indeed a Crovan ...

Presumably by "different" you mean that while the original Divine Comedy featured sections for Hell, Purgatory and Heaven, one set in Paisley would only manage detail on Hell and Purgatory...
For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, Paisley is a wretched, sullen place that had its heart ripped out by a mega-shopping centre that was developed nearby and which subsequently caused all commerce in the town itself to collapse, leaving in its wake a wasteland of betting shops, pubs and tanning parlours. Walking around there on a Saturday night you could be forgiven for thinking that you had stumbled onto the set of a remake of Dawn of the Dead...

Great update. I love that you have a Welsh Rurikovich!
Thanks for enlightening me (although 'enlightening' has such a positive tone to it, that it sounds wholly inappropriate). :) I can see how this environment would provide ample inspiration for our tale of the Rurikovichs.

aye Paisley is almost a text book for what happens when you have a (lets keep on the right side of libel laws and call it) incompetent local authority, a loss of local employment and a relatively prosperous large city less than 15km away. I worked there for 5 years and its only going back do you see it again as the true disaster the local council has generated.

Ok, next update sometime today ... in which Harry has a moment of introspection
 

loki100

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Davyd, 1317-20, early days but it looks worrying

Scene 1: Dis

Astarte is having a girls night in party with the Harpies.

I tell you they did it, I’ve managed not just to get him to marry the usual dodgy Princess from Anatolia, this one’s a Crovan … am I not the Queen of Hell? ... and if not, I'll be soon enough.



the Rus are going places now, unless Harry mucks it all up again. I mean would Harry have come up with such an act of genius, look I mean this was just standard stuff



And this was just a bad idea from the start



And this wasn’t particularly well thought out either



And this just so typical



And no doubt Harry will then present this as some sort of major triumph of pure satanic evil



And then this is the best he can follow it up with



Ok this wasn’t so bad, at least one of my castles was returned the kingdom, all the better to keep an eye on things



A burst of laughter and noise is heard from the Nail and Tail

Right that’s it, I’ve had enough of those incompetents


Scene 2: The corridor back to Hell from the Court

Harry is musing to himself on his role in eternity

He seemed such a nice lad, quite pleasant



Into self-improvement



And briefly things seemed to go well for him



It almost seemed a pity to do the things we did, and some of the younger demons just have no sense of proportion



Obviously something he caught at a party



And given the state he was in, this was so implausible, really need to talk to Astarte about sharpening up the junior demon training programme



But now this was funny



This was predictable, but still quite good



And its scary sometimes how keen these humans are to follow their leaders



Harry has reached the door to Hell, Gabi and some of the demons from the Nail and Tail are clustered at the entrance. They look unhappy.

Hi lads, so …..

We’ve got a problem, Harry

Which is?

Astarte, she’s closed the bar down

So … well … and what are you all doing here?

We’ve been evicted from Hell … not demonic enough

And

We’re now officially refugees

Yes?

So Gabi’s gonna get us all asylum in Heaven

Ah
Is this the start of a new regime in Hell? Can Satan be re-admitted to Heaven as a refugee? Now he's married a Crovan how will things work out for Davyd?
 

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The intermarrying of the Rurikovich and the Crovan clan should spell The End Of All We Know... But wait! That Crovan has suspiciously competent stats! Either she's merely a pseudo-Crovan, or she's an earlier incarnation of Dagmar.

So this is how the male half of Hellspawn react? Astarte closes the bar and tells them to get lost - and they do?!? Not particularly awe-inspiring, eh? But assuming 'the meek shall inherit the earth' also works in Hell, the boys should be a shoe-in for a return to power.

Otherwise, the asylum idea is certainly worth looking into. I mean, if Gabi can get shunted off to Hell, surely Harry should be able to squeeze in an unpaid internship at least?

Looking beyond the AAR, I hope you have a nice (and safe) trip. Five weeks... Nice. :)
 

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Excellent stuff. I've sadly not read the Crovan AARs, but I've certainly heard of them, this joining of Rurikovich and Crovan should prove very interesting. All the more intresting as it seems as if Astarte could finally be making her play for power. Quite brilliant that Harry can seriously be considered as an applicable person to ask for asylum in Heaven.

Oh and curse you for having such a long holiday in so lovely a place! I'm joking of course, I hope you are having a great trip, whilst I suffer due to my inability to stop following the Scotland football team!
 

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It could be worse. Imagine how much worse both of the Liechtenstein fans must feel.

I think Harry should simply set up his own rival hell and compete for the remaining Rurikovich's. This is a bit like when Wimbledon FC moved to Milton Keynes and the fans had to set up AFC Wimbledon. I will leave you to draw your own parellels between Milton Keynes and Hell (lost souls endlessly going round the roundabouts, etc).
 

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I finally got around to starting to read this AAR. I must say it is amazing. It has quickly become one of my favorites, and I can't wait to catch up. :)
 

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That is a Crovan of Morgoth!
Run you fools!

The intermarrying of the Rurikovich and the Crovan clan should spell The End Of All We Know... But wait! That Crovan has suspiciously competent stats! Either she's merely a pseudo-Crovan, or she's an earlier incarnation of Dagmar.

So this is how the male half of Hellspawn react? Astarte closes the bar and tells them to get lost - and they do?!? Not particularly awe-inspiring, eh? But assuming 'the meek shall inherit the earth' also works in Hell, the boys should be a shoe-in for a return to power.

Otherwise, the asylum idea is certainly worth looking into. I mean, if Gabi can get shunted off to Hell, surely Harry should be able to squeeze in an unpaid internship at least
Excellent stuff. I've sadly not read the Crovan AARs, but I've certainly heard of them, this joining of Rurikovich and Crovan should prove very interesting. All the more intresting as it seems as if Astarte could finally be making her play for power. Quite brilliant that Harry can seriously be considered as an applicable person to ask for asylum in Heaven.
whilst I suffer due to my inability to stop following the Scotland football team!

It could be worse. Imagine how much worse both of the Liechtenstein fans must feel.

I think Harry should simply set up his own rival hell and compete for the remaining Rurikovich's. This is a bit like when Wimbledon FC moved to Milton Keynes and the fans had to set up AFC Wimbledon. I will leave you to draw your own parellels between Milton Keynes and Hell (lost souls endlessly going round the roundabouts, etc).

I had to doubt my ability to translate when I came across an old copy of La Gazzetta that implied that not only had Scotland scored their winner 6 minutes after the match was over but that Levein was pleased with this?

I did my PhD through the OU. Ever since Milton Keynes to me means lots of office workers smoking outside buildings, roundabouts and a totally empty campus ... none of which inspires me to ever want to go back.

Now this was my original idea as well, but I think I've come up with an even more bonkers one based on the Tory privitisation of the UK's rail system in the early 90s (this AAR is not really that topical:cool:). But there is a new problem.

(as an edit - I've found my screenshots exactly where they should have been, so hopefully some sort of update soonish!)

I finally got around to starting to read this AAR. I must say it is amazing. It has quickly become one of my favorites, and I can't wait to catch up. :)

glad you like it, as above, I fear you'll have the time to catch up!
 
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Alfredian

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Does this mean that the level of torment in Hell will be increased by 3% above inflation every year?
 

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Davyd 1320-1325, He gets some bad advice (often)

Scene 1: The Gates of Hell

these swing open with a disturbing screech.

An observer would see (if one was to foolish to hang around) a disturbing shape briefly form then disappear into the murk. If the observer was capable of mind-reading they would have heard "I must get someone to repair the gate". If said observer was foolish to hang around, they would also have heard "revolts" and "thats an interesting microbe, I wonder what it does".

Scene 2: The Gates of Heaven

Harry, Gabi and associated demons are arguing with Peter about their asylum application. It seems that since they've been away Heaven has introduced 'tough but fair' rules designed to deter bogus applicants. Peter clearly regards them all as bogus, not least he's always had a thing against people with cloven feet and tails.

So you want asylum

Yes

Peter looks at Gabi,

Ok you, yes you we'll take back

Gabi thinks to himself

In there its all gentle breezes, polite conversations, gambolling furry animals, with Harry ... I get to run the best pub and tanning salon in eternity[1] ... what do I choose?

Peter accuses Harry

Look you used to live here, you left, you know space isn't limitless and some of your demons are rather old, they'd be a burden on the hard working angels. In any case is there any evidence you've changed your ways. I mean here's Davyd, pretty nice lad



We'll ignore your past sins, just concentrate on recent events ...

Ummhh .... not really very subtle?



such excellent advice you gave the lad ...






oh, and you tried to make him greedy?



and I presume you just thought this was funny?



Most of the demons look bemused, just what is wrong with this?

ah, and a murder, and the murderess' husband has panic attacks



Harry perks up

Lets have a look, nah, not our style, you can't pin that one on us

Peter goes back to the folder

Looks like you made sure you were well rewarded for your ... your ... your 'advice'



Well I helped him spot potential problems you know, a bit of consultancy, word in the ear, that sort of thing, earned it all



Peter goes back to the file

I see you even tried to destroy their marriage ... and after they had had a child too



Harry looks a bit pensive

No, that was ... oh that was him
points at the youngest demon present

Peter is back in the sack, looking for more evidence

ah?



always good for a laugh that one ...

Peter doesn't look amused

The thing is Satan, you tried so hard to destroy his character and tempt him into sin, but you weren't really that successful were you?



this causes muttering in the demon horde, all that hard work and no result, it does indeed look like Astarte may have been right all along

Scene 3: The Gates of Hell

The disturbing shape is seen emering from the murk and returning to Hell. Our (rather foolish) mind reader, would have detected

War



Plague



I must have forgotten something

So will Davyd do something really, really bad? Can Harry keep his band of refugees together? What will Gabi decide? What has the shape forgotten?

[1] - if you opened one of these in the East End of Glasgow you'd make serious money.
 

loki100

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Does this mean that the level of torment in Hell will be increased by 3% above inflation every year?

nah sillier than that ... think of a regime where one party owns the demons and the other the pitchforks ...

Please, gentle readaars, wander over and vote in the ACA awards - I'm delighted that one of you (you know who you are) recognises this as the work of historical accuracy I was always aiming for