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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

This thread is more than 5 months old.

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naggy

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So is Ratmir more like his father, or is this all down to missing paperwork? How many people called Ratmir have to be injured before he takes the hint? How can Astarte light Harry's barbecue?

Thank god I didn't name any of my kids "Ratmir"...

though I might start calling them that when they get injured...
 

nette001

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So is Ratmir more like his father, or is this all down to missing paperwork? How many people called Ratmir have to be injured before he takes the hint? How can Astarte light Harry's barbecue?

Is it just me, or did you just answer one of your questions yourself?
 

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naggy

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Why do you avoid marrying Russian women? :rofl:

Hrm...maybe we should do a companion AAR about Mail Order Russian Brides?
 

morningSIDEr

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Great stuff. The only thing which puzzles me more than a Rurikovich ruler being able to find anyone willing to take on the role of marshal, is that anyone is willing to marry a Rurikovich.
 

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As far as I can work out, the only person called Ratmir who survived untouched was Ratmir himself.
That's not exactly a strong argument by Astarte to prove that Ratmir is not evil, is it now? I mean, if everyone in your company comes to grief, does that not make you a bad guy?

I guess you could claim it's sheer incompetence - but I think Ratty has shown enough glimmers of more to dismiss that particular line of defense.

Wondering about that infernal grill. I feel sorry for Harry that he seems to be outclassed by all and sundry. :)
 

loki100

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Thank god I didn't name any of my kids "Ratmir"...

though I might start calling them that when they get injured...

of course, I'll know when I've really made in Aar-land when someone writes "... as unlucky as a Rurikovich general"

Is it just me, or did you just answer one of your questions yourself?

read that way, yep, I have indeed

'How can Astarte light Harry's barbeque' is delightful innuendo :D
I thought it was a 'Take That' cover ;)

I must confess, I hadn't actually managed to think of that interpretation ;), and Astarte after all has her status as Queen of the Witches to maintain

Why do you avoid marrying Russian women? :rofl:
Hrm...maybe we should do a companion AAR about Mail Order Russian Brides?

Well just to answer this, I've reread the whole thing and I reckon 4 different Kings have married 6 different Rus noblewomen, of whom 5 were unfaithful and the last one led a rebellion. Also 2 of them have had their Rus mothers rebel against them ... so maybe the Greeks aren't so bad?

"...the traditional mad Greek from Asia Minor"Love it.

except, here we have one mass murderer, one serial rebel, and two unfaithful, oh and one died in a nunnery (after being unfaithful)

so its quite a close call really

You'll be pleased that Suenik just creeps into the edge of the map on the next update. Even better in Vladimir's reign, an incident in Suenik brings the whole Rurikovich empire tumbling down - its dangerous when you cross AARs

Great stuff. The only thing which puzzles me more than a Rurikovich ruler being able to find anyone willing to take on the role of marshal, is that anyone is willing to marry a Rurikovich.

It is dangerous - two have been beheaded, one assasinated, and several have died as things go along, there's roughly a ratio of 2 queens to 1 king so far (& anyone who's read the stushie in my HOI3 AAR will know I don't write that phrase lightly anymore)

That's not exactly a strong argument by Astarte to prove that Ratmir is not evil, is it now? I mean, if everyone in your company comes to grief, does that not make you a bad guy?

I guess you could claim it's sheer incompetence - but I think Ratty has shown enough glimmers of more to dismiss that particular line of defense.

Wondering about that infernal grill. I feel sorry for Harry that he seems to be outclassed by all and sundry. :)

Ah well at least in the next update he has fun ... still fails though
 

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Ratmir 1256-1260, domestic disasters, triumphant in war

Scene 1: Throne Room in Hell

Harry is changing into his best trial robes.

I tell you Astarte, I did my best to kill him so we could get started early on the reconquest of heaven, do you have any idea how many people in his army were called Ratmir?

Still it wasn’t all a waste of time:




still got that part of my mojo working. .... Oh by the way, Astarte, have you seen the pigs recently?

No, not that recently

Shame … they must have drowned in the barbecue pit, problem with trainee demons, they just can’t manage a really good possession, you know they get carried away and forget that other things can't always fly.

Now this is what I call a proper possession







See what marrying Germans does to you









Err, Harry, don’t you think you maybe overdid it a bit?

No, but anyway the plague was a bit painful so I just left him to get on with that bit on his own



Meanwhile Ratmir had problems with other sons too, and that was nothing to do with me, first Vladimir kept up the family tradition of harmonious marriages to Greeks from Asia Minor:



More and more the proper Rurikovich every day



Which was handy as his other two sons went and died




The only real problem was when Ratmir had a bit of a religious phase, had to lie low for a while:



But the war in Prussia was fun, never realised they were so wealthy



and then he got into another Mongol war:







And then when that was over, he decided on a land grab in Armenia:



odd little place just in the corner of the map seemed to really catch his attention

Ok, well I’ll be back with him soon

So was that Harry's finest possession? Will he bring back Ratmir, especially now he seems to have lost the bacon? Just what will Vladimir be like if he comes to the throne?
 

morningSIDEr

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Poor old Dmitrii certainly suffered. Wait...Dimitrii suffering so much due to Harry...Ratmir acting heroically on the battlefield...the characters in this AAR are becoming too competent all of a sudden!
 

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:) Quite funny though I do feel sorry about lone Tao outnumbered 185 to 1. :(
 

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I did my best to kill him so we could get started early on the reconquest of heaven, do you have any idea how many people in his army were called Ratmir?
Ah yes, the Terminator I approach of killing your target. Didn't work in that movie, either. Shame. I know that Harry has a commendable enthusiasm and that he gets carried away by it sometimes, but if that is his best plan, I suspect that he'll keep having lots of room to himself in Hell for a long time. Oh, and a waterlogged grill, of course. ;)
 

loki100

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Tao?
Worth it?
Mountains and goats?
:) Quite funny though I do feel sorry about lone Tao outnumbered 185 to 1. :(

well apart from finding the name rather amusing (keep on expecting to find it stuffed full of Chinese Monks), the current Rurikovich obsession is gaining that sixth kingly title & thus becoming real Emperors. At this stage, Armenia was the best bet ... but plans/mice/men and all that happened later on.

Poor old Dmitrii certainly suffered. Wait...Dimitrii suffering so much due to Harry...Ratmir acting heroically on the battlefield...the characters in this AAR are becoming too competent all of a sudden!

aye it all gets rather confusing, hence my nonsense with the records, the end surprised me when it popped up

Ah yes, the Terminator I approach of killing your target. Didn't work in that movie, either. Shame. I know that Harry has a commendable enthusiasm and that he gets carried away by it sometimes, but if that is his best plan, I suspect that he'll keep having lots of room to himself in Hell for a long time. Oh, and a waterlogged grill, of course. ;)

yep, if its called Ratmir, try and kill it, sooner or later he'll get it right seems to be Harry's logic.

Probably looted his baggage train. :)

I've not had a good baggage train looting incident for at least 3 kings so we are indeed due such a reminder of Rurikovich military prowess,

on which subject, that brings us to ....
 

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Ratmir, 1261, A celestial ending

Scene 1: The Court

Raphael has turned up very early and has the best seat. Harry is trying to manoeuvre his chair so that the exit to Hell is opposite him, minimising the risk that someone else will grab hold of Ratmir.

So Ratmir, maybe you could wrap things up for us.

Well, it appears that having not murdered either my wife or the two bastard sons she’d produced went down really well with the Church:



Anyway, there we were, convincing Tao that its future lay in the Kingdom when:



Returned, and of course, someone had to provoke them:



Well I just couldn’t face it all again, so dreary, another campaign in the Urals, far away from my unfaithful wife, so I just died.

Scene 2: The gates of Hell

Harry enters alone, and very very annoyed, shouting at the doorman:

If you can’t keep that damn dog under control, I’ll …. I’ll …. Well I’ll do something, if I can get the barbecue lit, its first on the spit.

Harry, where’s Ratmir?

Where’s Ratmir, Astarte? He’s on his way to heaven, that is where:



They’ve made him a trainee saint.

No one has any idea how many wars he waged against Mongols, Turks, Poles, Germans, his own vassals. Three of his sons died without any explanation and is he on his way to Hell? No, straight to Heaven, he’s gone, not even that place in Purgatory that Gabi was stacking them up in.

Oh

Oh, indeed. Right for the next one, we’re going back to the ‘make their lives a total misery’ version. If we get the soul that’ll be an advantage but at least it’ll be fun in the meantime.

Just what constitutes fun for the Prince of Darkness? Is Vladimir going to cope with such infernal disaproval? How often would you expect a Rurikovich King to be beautified on the spot?
 

Enewald

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I do not understand the game mechanics, your ruler was not cruel nor vengeful? :p Suspicious? Selfish?
 

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  • Knights of Pen and Paper +1 Edition
I do not understand the game mechanics, your ruler was not cruel nor vengeful? :p Suspicious? Selfish?

Just misunderstood.