You would think, of all the beautiful damsels there are in the realm, that my moron earl would find somebody other than the emperor's wife to get it on with, but no. Sure enough, when I learn that I had been cuckolded, I check the man's learning level: low.
Well, it was exceedingly unfortunate for him that the realm employs a rather brilliant spymaster who adores his emperor and was more than willing to assist him in a murder plot. End of lustful earl.
While I was admiring his skull (not the literal one but the icon indicating that he was dead), I happen to espy his own wife, now widow. "By Jove, not bad. Not bad at all. Wouldn't it be ironic ..."
It sure would. So to get back at my wife, I proceed to try to seduce the widow. Halfway through, however, I realize that I "love" her so I switch to romance.
I give her gifts, cash and trinkets. I patiently wait and wade through all the trick questions in which you are supposed to guess what response would appeal to her most (I aced the tests).
Wouldn't you know, though, that she turns me down in the end? Something about "I'm not that kind of girl." (She's 38 and I'm 39.)
Then, d'oh! (Talk about my own level of learning.) I'm still married!
So I apply for a divorce which the Pope readily grants. Apparently my wife's reputation is well known in Avignon or wherever the papacy resides in this century.
This woman was fecund; I had chosen her on that basis because I wanted to produce offspring that would help build up my alliances. Life lesson: Never marry just for babies!
She gave birth to nine children. With the seventh and eighth, I got the "I'm suspicious of my wife's fidelity" message. Naively, I answered "I trust her." It took another earl to smack me upside the head and enlighten me: the ninth child was definitely not mine.
Anyway, getting back to romance, when I realized my wooing errors and divorced my unfaithful wench, what a difference. "Drop the nonsense. Forget the flowers and incense. Just ask her to marry you, stupid!"
She said "Yes" with a positive score of well over a hundred! And now we are living happily ever after. In my mind, she keeps telling me how much of a better man I am than her former husband who abused her. Even her kids like me.
Well, it was exceedingly unfortunate for him that the realm employs a rather brilliant spymaster who adores his emperor and was more than willing to assist him in a murder plot. End of lustful earl.
While I was admiring his skull (not the literal one but the icon indicating that he was dead), I happen to espy his own wife, now widow. "By Jove, not bad. Not bad at all. Wouldn't it be ironic ..."
It sure would. So to get back at my wife, I proceed to try to seduce the widow. Halfway through, however, I realize that I "love" her so I switch to romance.
I give her gifts, cash and trinkets. I patiently wait and wade through all the trick questions in which you are supposed to guess what response would appeal to her most (I aced the tests).
Wouldn't you know, though, that she turns me down in the end? Something about "I'm not that kind of girl." (She's 38 and I'm 39.)
Then, d'oh! (Talk about my own level of learning.) I'm still married!
So I apply for a divorce which the Pope readily grants. Apparently my wife's reputation is well known in Avignon or wherever the papacy resides in this century.
This woman was fecund; I had chosen her on that basis because I wanted to produce offspring that would help build up my alliances. Life lesson: Never marry just for babies!
She gave birth to nine children. With the seventh and eighth, I got the "I'm suspicious of my wife's fidelity" message. Naively, I answered "I trust her." It took another earl to smack me upside the head and enlighten me: the ninth child was definitely not mine.
Anyway, getting back to romance, when I realized my wooing errors and divorced my unfaithful wench, what a difference. "Drop the nonsense. Forget the flowers and incense. Just ask her to marry you, stupid!"
She said "Yes" with a positive score of well over a hundred! And now we are living happily ever after. In my mind, she keeps telling me how much of a better man I am than her former husband who abused her. Even her kids like me.
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