Suzdal: All We Really Want is Piece (a piece of Muscovy, a piece of...)

[unmerged(7996)]

1453-1465

I was promoted again. There have been so many promotions and demotions since this game started, I might as well attach my rank insignia with Velcro.

1453 And all’s well

1454 And all’s well

1455 and ruh-roh raggy it just hit the fan. Muscovy declares war on Golden Horde. Sweden dishonors then turns down the invitation to come back. Sweden joins Poland - Lithuania, breaks our RM, cancels military access and declares war on Suzdal.

Now you might say this is bad - really bad - but that would make you a pessimist. I mean what is the worst that can happen? *images of Muscovy bowing out for a few ducats, Suzdal in flames, surrendering provinces and having our coat of arms changed to an opossum because our soldiers play dead at home and get killed on the road flash through my mind* Okay, don’t even think of that. Relax, just be the war, be the war, be the war.
Sweden and Poland send 40K to Novgorod
Lithuania sends 30K to Ryazan
You're not being the war Danny

To the south things are going better. I have received an intelligence report that the Mongols are hordeing their Gold in Samara - gotta be something I can do about that. Suzdal’s armies slowly siege their way through Horde provinces. The heaviest enemy resistance comes from their rebels that pop up before I can take the province - damn annoying.

Up north, nothing I can do about the big armies so I slide two small armies into low traffic area provinces and start countersieging.

1456

Lose Ryazan to Sweden.
Lose Novgorod to Lithuania.
Some event causes 2 revolts and drops my stab a few notches.
Ak Koyunlu’s leader w/cav wipes the plains clean of one 15K Suzdal army.
Unhappiness among the peasantry (-3 stab).
I have12K troops, 0 manpower in reserve and 6 ducats. This is starting to remind me of the time I was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. I fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.

1457
Not the K-Mart manager but someone does come to my rescue. Denmark DoW’s Sweden bringing their allies Brandenburg, Prussia and TO along. Sweden and Lithuania go charging off that way and I’m able to rebuild, kill rebels and siege my own provinces. I’m very grateful for the Law of Thermodynamics - you know the one that states when the heat is on someone else it’s not on you. General Knowledge rounds up the new recruits and gives a motivational speech, “You, you and you…panic. The rest of you come with me.” Somehow it works. I guess it was all in the presentation. Speaking of presentations, the worst one I ever gave was in an engineering class. The thing was 40% of my semester grade and I had to talk for twenty minutes about bridge erection methods in front the the prof and the class (including a few of my drinking buds). Not hard? Well the methods were called the "incremental jacking method of erection" and the "push out method of erection." My wonderful "friends" kept asking leading questions emphasizing certain words - all I could do not to laugh. Prof was totally serious too - didn't get it.

1458
All provinces reclaimed, rebels waxed, control one Swedish province and pay 50 ducats for peace.
The army rolls south.

1460
Suzdal takes Ufa and Samara from Golden Horde in a separate peace.
1461

Agricultural Revolution happened to us. A revolt and it wasn’t bad- need to write that down. Rumor has it that the revolution was inspired by a sighting of Elvis making crop circles.
Fortification effort happened to us.
Renew Suzdal’s RM’s with Autria, Castille, France and England. I’ll need friends some day so I want to keep these guys moderately happy.

1463

Tax collectors everywhere, income is 18.6 ducats/month and inflation is at 11.7%. I am getting a little inflation per month from the gold.

1465
Lithuania, Sweden and Poland want to dance again (almost 5 years to the day). Muscovy is having a lot of revolts since they are still locked in war with the Horde. I give 50 ducats for peace before this gets ugly.

My rep is finally down to tarnished. I need a can of Brasso.

I have been on the computer too long today. How do I know- well I’m thinking things like: Home is where I hang my @
Time to go get a beer.

 

[Amric]

Home is where I hang my @! Now that is funny. Great installment and nicely done getting out of war with Sweden and Lithuania.

 

[Lord Durham]

Change made. Nice to see Trixie getting around, so to speak.

Abby Normal... that reeks of 'Young Frankenstein', IIRC...

[shameless plug]And yes, by all means read Portugal or Bust for more of Trixie. [/shameless plug]

 

[unmerged(7996)]

Amric, Have no fear. more bad puns coming in the future.

LD, Thanks for the change...and you nailed abby normal on the head - so to speak. Young Frankenstein is a great movie. My favorite lines are probably the abby normal bit and "great knockers" when the girl opens the door.

 

[unmerged(7996)]

About three weeks ago I went out on a first date with this hot girl, Kelly. We’re at one of those Oriental places - you know where they make you take your shoes off at the door and sit on the floor. I’m completely twitterpated as we settle in across from one another. I order sushi and she orders some chicken on a long toothpick-like stick. I’d call it a kebob but it has a different name. She tries to pull a piece of chicken off this thing and the stick is bending like a fishing rod with a big bass on the line. All of the sudden it snaps straight and a chunk of bird goes flying across the restaurant landing on a family’s table. A little boy about six or seven picks it up, walks over to us, sets the meat next to Kelly’s plate, turns to her and says, “excuse me ma’am I believe this is yours.” She turns beet red and tries to melt under the table as I erupt into uncontrollable guffaws which she doesn’t find funny in the least. In fact her eyes are shooting daggers at me but I just can’t stop laughing. Needless to say, date two never happened. I guess some matches just weren’t meant to be - like the alliance of Suzdal and Muscovy.

The basic problem with Muscovy is they have Suzdal’s land. I’d looked at attacking them a few times already but whenever the time was good for me, Muscovy had about 70K troops and two leaders - didn’t like those odds. Also didn’t like that they still were at war with the horde and had control of a couple Horde provinces. Who knows how long that could go on messing up any peace deals.

1465

Muscovy accepts ducats for peace with the Horde. They have 7K troops and there are a couple years left before Lithuania, Sweden and co will be coming back.

What’s that? Do I hear a beat down coming? Why yes, I think I do. Suzdal bans Muscovy from the alliance, cancels military access, breaks our RM and declares war.

Temporary insanity of monarch happens to us. Unhappy Suzdalians launch a smear campaign against King Andrei and start circulating petitions demanding a recall election. They consider replacing him with a homeless guy who wants to run “because he needs a job.”

The war is a lopsided affair and by 1467 Muscovy is down to one province after surrendering Kexholm, Olonets and Vologda for peace.

Suzdal, victorious, stands alone in the frozen Steppes and waits for the next chapter of history to unfold.

 

[unmerged(7996)]

notice the Crimea has formed *watches as Storey twitches uncontrollably*

 

[Judge]

Interesting summary, building a low tech, land based, non trading and huge empire are we

 

[unmerged(7996)]

Judge, You got it. Actually I'll start placing more merchants now that my income is okay. I couldn't justify the expense before since getting my merchants to stick in CoT's other than Novgorod was like trying to nail Jello to a wall.


NOTE: No updates coming for the next 3 weeks - business trip to San Diego on Tuesday. I'll take the laptop and hopefully will play/write. Won't have a chance to post before I come back.

Thanks for all of the support to date.

 

[Commandante]

Great AAR, Backpack!

The summaries coupled with your funny anecdotes are wonderful! Keep it up, I'll stick around until you come back... Although it'll be a hard time waiting.

*Subscribe*

 

[e_quality]

Great AAR

Most amusing AAR! I will definitely subscribe to your eloquent thread.

But do watch out for them Swedes… They’re a nasty bunch.

 

[Machiavellian]

Great AAR so far. Got a few questions according to the Map. Whats the Big brown state to your west? Is that Lithuania? And Poland also looks pretty impressive so far as well. No one is stopping them from growing?

 

[Commandante]

The big brown is indeed Lithuania. If Backpack's map is any similar to mine, that is.

 

[unmerged(7996)]

Yup, the brown/burnt orange is Lithuania. Right now the

nasty bunch of Swedes

, Poland and Lithuania are still allied - an anit-Suzdal coalition if I ever saw one.

 

[Storey]

Originally posted by Backpack


notice the Crimea has formed *watches as Storey twitches uncontrollably*

You bastard! I do twitch whenever I read the name of you know what. Hey you're slowing down. There was a time when you'd have most of Eastern Europe by now. And what's all this research into land tech about. Can't beat the AI without help?

Joe

 

[unmerged(7996)]

Originally posted by Storey
Hey you're slowing down. There was a time when you'd have most of Eastern Europe by now.

Just getting a little cautious in my old age...OR....I'm still smarting from separate beatdowns as Albania(too weak and too cocky with 7 provinces) and Lorraine(too much BB racked up with only 5 provinces - 3 annexations in the first 15 years).

Originally posted by Storey
And what's all this research into land tech about?

It's a secret. Got a slide rule I can borrow? I might need one to help calucate how quickly I'm falling behind Sweden in Land Tech. Maybe it'll look better if I plot it on log-log paper.

 

[Machiavellian]

Is this AAR still going to continue? You have not added anything to it in some time Backpack. Hopefully it will continue.

 

[Commandante]

Originally posted by Machiavellian
Is this AAR still going to continue? You have not added anything to it in some time Backpack. Hopefully it will continue.

Posted by Backpack on the 4th of August (see above):

NOTE: No updates coming for the next 3 weeks - business trip to San Diego on Tuesday. I'll take the laptop and hopefully will play/write. Won't have a chance to post before I come back.

So you see? He will continue, just have some patience.

 

[unmerged(7996)]

Commandante,

Thanks for flying topcover.

Good and bad news: The good, I get to spend another week in San Diego. The bad, no updates until I get back.

Th-th-th-that's all folks!

 

[Director]

I'm glad I caught this one! Funny stuff.

A noble gets assassinated. It’s okay. He probably would have just allied with a foreign power anyway.

Ain't it da low-down, rotten dirty trute, man - ain't it da trute.

Still, I imagine you'll be dealing with aristos and serfs for many years to come.


Bridge erections... come from really good hands? Are foiled by your partner's no-trump? Can't wait to see the manual on this:

• Before erection can commence, remove protective cover known as bra (see fig. 7-BB)

 

[Commandante]

Originally posted by Backpack
Commandante,

Thanks for flying topcover.

Good and bad news: The good, I get to spend another week in San Diego. The bad, no updates until I get back.

Th-th-th-that's all folks!

No worries, mate!

Arrgh! Not another week! Ah well, I guess San Diego is a good excuse.