Johan11

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You never answered my question about what tile factory had burned down.
 

Johan11

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Last edited:

iain_a_wilson

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SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 72 - BOGOWHAT?
(1174-1175)

Hi everyone. I'll be with you in just a minute; there's some pretty important negotiations taking place at the moment.

3038.jpg

3039.jpg

3040.jpg


It's surprising what you can accomplish with a full treasury. For some reason, my ancestors chose NOT to tax their vassals! Can you imagine that? What were they thinking!

However, I'm not so desperate for the love of my vassals, so now the coffers are literally brimming with lovely, lovely gold.

And it's amazing how much people want to be in your gang when you start handing out this lovely, lovely gold.

Who says conquest is the only way to gain new territory, eh?

Oh, and some of you might be a bit puzzled by the last of my new vassals. I found a note from my grandfather the simply read "unite Nubia!" It was underlined in red a couple of times so I think it must have been important.

A bit of sad news now:

3041.jpg


I'm not quite sure who this guy was. I *think* he was one of the many psychopaths that my father chose to surround himself with. Something about a wife throwing herself from a castle wall springs to mind but I can't remember the specifics.

My father had some scary friends.

Hell, my father was scary...

Anyway, back to my grand plan...

3042.jpg


This is 10% of what he's received so far...

3043.jpg


And I think this is the second Toros I've posted his way.

The end result? That the Prince of Novogorod is feeling pretty much like I'm the bested person in the whole world.

It's not limited to him though; some of my current vassals think that I'm doing a pretty good job.

3044.jpg


See? Proof that you don't need to terrify your subjects to keep them loyal. A time of peace and prosperity for all is good for everyone.

Take that detractors!

Still, without random and continual warfare to distract my more savage courtiers you end with situations like this:

3045.jpg


I tell them to knock themselves out (literally). If activity like this ends up culling the violent psychopaths from my realm so much the better!

Speaking of violent idiots vanishing, it seems that my unwillingness to commit to a policy of genocide has upset cousin Mushel, who swans off somewhere more suited to his bloodthirsty ways...

3046.jpg


Yeah. A county with a great big flower as its symbol. Very manly! Get you, Mr Alpha Male...

So, everything's pretty good. The months roll by, the coffers fill up, I host parties, shower people with gold and end up becoming the most popular person in the known world.

Yup.

I know what you're thinking.

This is Suenik.

Something bad is going to happen.

Well, not this time!

Everything really is good!

Everyone really is happy!

There are absolutely NO nutters waiting in the wings to spoil everything!

3047.jpg


Nah - only kidding. No sooner had I convinced myself that everything is alright than these blasted Gnostics show up, preaching their own particular brand of heresy! It seems that the Emperor of Byzantium had enough of them, so he kicked them out.

Over here.

Thanks mate - I'll remember that.

(before any of you get too excited I DON'T have a List)

Oh, and to make matters worse (but to make matters typically Suenik) they choose, out of all my provinces, to set up in the capital.

That'll go down well with the Patriarch...

And just to make sure that things are properly Suenikian it seems that these heretics, with their vision of Gnostic craziness, have made the good people of the capital more productive.

3048.jpg


Mind you, that's not saying a lot - this is Suenik after all and they're still idle so and sos - but it still has my banging my head against my castle wall in frustration.

To make me feel better I take a leaf out of my father's book and hang some villains.

3049.jpg


I get an odd rush out of it. That's a dark little feeling I'll be supressing.

Hey - it works for the Catholics!

So, do I send the troops in to deal with the heretics? Do I make the streets of Alania flow with their blood? To I daub a message in their gore on the castle walls as a warning to others who may try to repeat their feat? Do I line the avenues of the capital with their heads?

3050.jpg


No - I decide to give the clergy a free reign to try and convert the locals. Stop looking at me like that! I know I hung some thieves previously but I am NOT my father and I'm NOT going to start pandering to the violent wishes I know some of you harbour.

Honestly.

What's Krikor planning for the Prince of Novogorod? Will the Bogomils convert? Will Krikor's time of peace and prosperity continue? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Suenik - Land of the Beleaguered!
 

AllmyJames

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Krikor the nice? :eek:

It's kind of funny to think that he gets vassals to join him by raising taxes on the existing vassals! Still, no-one said Mediaeval lords were intelligent!
 

Eams

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It's kind of funny to think that he gets vassals to join him by raising taxes on the existing vassals! Still, no-one said Mediaeval lords were intelligent!

Yeah, Krikor has just invented the Ponzi scheme.
 

Raaritsgozilla

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I like that the culture of Alania is Alan.

Heh. Alan.

Krikor said:
(before any of you get too excited I DON'T have a List)

:(
 

General_BT

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Save Krikor is the law, and thus it's not a scheme, it's "legitimate politics."
 

Cunobelinus54

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@Iain Wilson.
It was very nice, though I went a few years ago, so it may not have been as lovely.

It seems to me that Krikor is going to go the same way that the previous Suenikian monarch that bore his name did: completely insane...
 

Murmurandus

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Bah, Krikor the Peacehippy is just like the calm before the storm, I'm sure...
 

Bingo Brett

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Excellent! I see the seed has been planted. May it sprout the sapling fortelling the black goat mother of the woods resurrection! She who will sing the song that ends the Earth! To lose is to win, and he who wins shall lose!!! Muhahahahaha!!! :D
 

morningSIDEr

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To make me feel better I take a leaf out of my father's book and hang some villains.

3049.jpg


I get an odd rush out of it. That's a dark little feeling I'll be supressing.

Hey - it works for the Catholics!

ah this killed me...litterally. I had just moved to my works new offices in sunny Suenik and this happens (well 'villain' and 'thieves' are two oft used descriptons for my profession...)!

Excellent update!
 

iain_a_wilson

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It's kind of funny to think that he gets vassals to join him by raising taxes on the existing vassals! Still, no-one said Mediaeval lords were intelligent!

Yeah - I don't think any of the new vassals have questioned where he gets all of his money from. Perhaps they just assume that Aboulgharib had a load stashed away?

Yeah, Krikor has just invented the Ponzi scheme.

You're going to have to explain that one I'm afraid!

I like that the culture of Alania is Alan.

Heh. Alan.

I'm glad this AAR manages to amuse everyone in their own little ways ;)

Save Krikor is the law, and thus it's not a scheme, it's "legitimate politics."

With the general election looming here in the UK we're being bombarded with politics and it's hard not to see shades of Suenik in some of it!

It seems to me that Krikor is going to go the same way that the previous Suenikian monarch that bore his name did: completely insane...

Stay tuned citizen!

Bah, Krikor the Peacehippy is just like the calm before the storm, I'm sure...

We should take a look at his spawn sometime soon...

Excellent! I see the seed has been planted. May it sprout the sapling fortelling the black goat mother of the woods resurrection! She who will sing the song that ends the Earth! To lose is to win, and he who wins shall lose!!! Muhahahahaha!!! :D

Three guesses for which one of Suenik's monarchs was Bingo's favourite...

;)

ah this killed me...litterally. I had just moved to my works new offices in sunny Suenik and this happens (well 'villain' and 'thieves' are two oft used descriptons for my profession...)!

Excellent update!

Glad you enjoyed the update. And I think "Soulless bloodsucking leeches" or "morally-bereft, conscience-devoid thresher sharks" are more apt descriptions for your profession ;)

Btw, what of the Armenian population spread?

Wait till you see the next update...

Speaking of which, because I love you guys and I'm super nice to boot, another update will follow right after this post.

Yes - two updates in two days! Just throw flowers...
 

iain_a_wilson

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SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 73 - NEW FRIENDS, NEW TITLES
(1175-1176)

It's cold up here.

In Novogorod I mean.

Really, really, REALLY cold. In fact, I think it's safe to say that I've never been anywhere so cold in all my life. Give me the dry heat of Suenik and its shifting sands any day of the week!

However, it's important that I'm here because, after years and years of crass bribery and extensive fostering of hostag...er...children I am going to cement Suenik's friendship with Novogorod.

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There we go - I am officially the ruler of the largest Empire Suenik has ever seen! And not a single drop of blood spilt in the process!

With the new territory comes new powers and responsibilities, so I decide that it's only fair the I further shower myself in the glory of Imperial majesty.

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Some wit suggests that I crown myself "Emperor of the Bogomils" but I don't find that funny in the slightest.

Put his ass on the List.

I'm also slightly worried as I've not heard a peep out of the heretics since I told the clergy to set to converting them from their evil Gnostic ways. This could be a good sign, but, in my books, silence in Suenik normally equates with trouble.

Then again, lots of shouting and screaming in Suenik also tends to equal trouble.

And bloodshed.

And massive loss of life.

It's a good job I love my homeland.

Someone who is NOT showing a lot of love at the moment is my wife:

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While I've been away it seems that she has forgotten her marriage vows and has spent the whole time cavorting in public with some bearded fool.

Put their collective asses on the List.

Thankfully, she's a shallow, tractable beast, for no sooner have I said "...and because of this trip, I'm now emperor of Khazaria" than she's ditched lover boy and cozied up to me again.

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Yeah. Take that you big haired wierdo! Women love power!

The strangest thing happens though - no sooner has my wife's piece of fluff left her side, than I am sure I can hear the voice of my dead father in my head, urging me to take out any residual anger I feel on Beardy Big Hair's son.

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I refuse such odd impulses - what has the kid ever done to me?

For pity's sake son! Grow a pair of stones, and start raining down on those that have wronged you!

There's that voice again...

Odd.

At around this time I get some sad news - my step mother passes away.

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She was a bit of a recluse (always spending time in her tower) although she seemed jolly enough - she always seemed to like singing loudly in German (at least I think she was singing - it may have been shouting) - and was always really passionate and animated around my father. It's only fitting that I get the whole clan together to mourn her death, and here I make a very interesting discovery.

Anyone remember my youngest step-brother, Ruben?

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Well, these days people have to call him "Mr Holy Roman Emperor Sir".

His Empire's still smaller and more fragmented than mine, but none the less, this was a bit of a bolt from the blue.

I'm happy for him - it's not often that fourth born sons do so well for themselves.

(not without a good spymaster that is!)

He, on the other hand, is suitably aloof with me, and points out that my dislike of conquest has lessened some of the fear that other European monarchs feel when then hear the Gardman-Aghbania name uttered.

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I couldn't care less.

ARGH! All my hard work! Undone!

Speaking of younger siblings, I have to rein in my youngest daughter, who seems to believe that using the battlements of my still-under-construction-fortress-to-resist-the-Bogomils as a climbing frame is a good idea.

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That's it, young lady! You're grounded! Honestly - does no-one else see the danger she might be putting herself in????

So - what's next for the Empire?

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ARGH!

How will the war go? Will Krikor fight? Will he employ a Grigor Defence? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Suenik - Land of the Beleaguered!
 

Eams

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You're going to have to explain that one I'm afraid!

Ponzi scheme = What Bernie Madoff and Ivar Kreuger were up to. Krikor takes money from his vassals and then uses them to gain new vassals, who's money he then takes and uses to gain new vassals, and so on. And everyone's happy with how their steadily growing empire/business corporation increases their might and their security, until Krikor can't find any more vassals, at which point his current vassals will start asking him hard questions about where their money went and why they shouldn't stab him for embezzling their hard-earned cash.

Krikor the Artful Dodger or Krikor the Sneaky Git.

A good update with a nice cliffhanger, though the ghosts have been appearing too often for my liking.
 

AllmyJames

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At least Iberia is warmer than Novgorod.

I like Krikor's description of his mother. :D

An Armenian Orthodox Holy Roman Emperor? Classic!

@Eams - At least there are plenty of vassals left. I think. Maybe? :p
 

Eams

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@Eams - At least there are plenty of vassals left. I think. Maybe? :p

Oh sure, but bear in mind that Krikor is working his way away from one of the richest Christian parts of the world, which means that the profit will inevitably go down as less wealthy and prosperous counts and dukes are the only ones left to be attracted to his bloated, rotting empire.
 

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Oh sure, but bear in mind that Krikor is working his way away from one of the richest Christian parts of the world, which means that the profit will inevitably go down as less wealthy and prosperous counts and dukes are the only ones left to be attracted to his bloated, rotting empire.

Good analysis. Maybe you should be steward?