Steam Store Page Translations

[Shinken]

I skimmed through the german Battletech page on Steam for fun (it's almost there!) and well,
we might have a "Blood Chit Patch" translation 2.0...

I'm still sick and don't feel very well, so I can't help. Maybe @Spartakus can iron out at least the worst and obvious errors? Even then it's not very exciting to read for German eyes for the most part.

This could be the same issue for other languages as well if it's comparable to last time.

I really hope those who did the page aren't responsible for the localization as well or else BattleTech will be known as a comedy game for those who don't prefer/know the english language.

EDIT: Maybe I should've posted this under "Bug Reports"? :grinning:

 

[Spartakus]

I'm not sure if it's too late for me or I'm looking at the wrong page. Because from here that looks like a decent text. For some weird reason mechwarriors are called mechwarrior-pilots but that's it.

 

[Shinken]

Mh. My brain isn't working properly today so it could be that. Also sorry for being grumpy (got the most horrible version of flu)
Anyway I can't sleep so let's correct some parts that a spell checking software should've corrected:

Original text (Vorbestellungsangebot):

Kaufe das Spiel jetzt vorab, um das BATTLETECH - Shadowhawk Pack mit einem alternativen Skin für den den herausragenden Mech Shadowhawk zu erhalten. Dazu erhältsts du einen ab Veröffentlichung des Spiels verfügbaren Bildschirmhintergrund.

erhältsts <- not even a German word. Probably meant "erhälst".

den den herausragenden <- double article (the the). One is enough even in English.

Stylistic choices:
Mech Shadowhawk <- sounds weird in German. We would rather say "Shadowhawk Mech" as in "Kinder(Brand) Schokoriegel(Description)"

zu erhalten. Dazu erhältst <- Kinda cringy to use the same verb two words apart. "bekommst" would be a practically exact replacement for "erhälst" without repeating.

 

[Shinken]

Original text (PVP-MULTIPLAYER & GEFECHTSMOUS)

Bereite eine Reihe von Mechs und MechWarriors auf den Kampf gegen deine Freunde vor, tritt online gegen Gegner an oder stürze dich in dein Einzelspieler-Gefechtsmodus, um deine Strategien gegen die KI zu erproben.

GEFECHTSMOUS <- Again, not a word. You want "Gefechtsmodus". That said, German gamers are almost as familiar with the term "Skirmish" as a mode in strategy games like they know "Multiplayer", so I would even suggest "Skirmish-Modus" as a more helpful description (but it's ok as there's a description in the text ["Einzelspieler-Gefechtsmodus"]).

MechWarriors <- I'm pretty sure it's just "MechWarrior". Hard to say but MechWarriors feels totally wrong in this specific case. Using new English words in German is always tricky (but very welcome here, because of brand recognition). Maybe someone with more knowledge in German linguistics can explain why it feels so wrong to me.

stürze dich in dein <- wrong article. The only logical choice is "den" instead of "dein".

 

[Shinken]

Well, I guess the rest isn't that bad. I had problems reading through parts like this one:

Tauche ein in die Geschichte um eine gewaltsam abgesetzte Herrscherin, die in einem brutalen Krieg mit Hilfe der bunt zusammengewürfelten Söldner deines Unternehmens ihren Thron zurückerobern will.

Because that's a complicated sentence and I don't feel like reading through complicated sentences today.

That said: If I would do the marketing, I would try to avoid complicated sentences in most of my marketing material. Especially on Steam store pages where most people have the attention span of a squirrel when they're browsing for new games. This one in particular could probably be simplified with some restructuring and/or splitting.