Chapter Thirty Five - A Lowlands Blow
Three days after peace is agreed with the British led coalition the government hurriedly enact further political reform.
Nonsensical rumours that the government quickly passed said reform out of a desperate wish to stave off rebellion clearly a scurrilous lie, instead, as ever, the government passed this reform out of a desire to further political equality within Sokoto. The reform allowing as it does for trade unions of all political affiliations to be created, provided said trade unions fully support the Conservative party and no other political organisation.
Following Sokoto's recent war with Britain, France and the unstoppable Belgium the government have come to the realisation that Sokoto's closest ally, Argentina, will never be safe from warmongers such as Belgium unless fully protected by Sokoto. Sokoto never a nation to shirk the responsibilities that being an ally entails, the diplomats are sent forth.
They return limping heavily a few weeks later, covered in bruises. Having delivered the deceleration of war to their Argentinian counterparts the diplomats were suddenly and inexplicably attacked by said counterparts after stating, 'Sokoto requires no thanks for proving so indispensable an ally to your nation.'
Whilst Sokoto's army begins providing protection and aid to Argentina by ravaging her lands and violently crushing her small army, the academics report that they have made a number of discoveries a few weeks later.
With the discovery of rubber vulcanisation leading to a great growth in 'wood' within Sokoto, this courtesy of rubber catsuits and bondage outfits instantly becoming far more common within the Empire, there is relief that mechanical saws have been developed to deal with said growth in 'wood'.
It now almost five years since the passing of the great poet Kumbari Kabe, the government is given wonderful news when the army announce that they have finally identified his successor.
The government's pleasure quickly turns to shock when they learn that the successor is not in any way related to the legendary Kabe family. Not only this, Kumbari Rumfa looks supiciously competent a general to be considered Sokoto's new poet laureate. With both the government and the citizens of the Empire thus hugely skeptical as to Rumfa's skill in writing poetry their fears are soon allayed following the release of Rumfa's first stunning piece of work;
I am a poet,
And I know it.
The brilliance of this epic poem having reassured both the government and the people of the Empire as to Rumfa's unsurpassed ability in writing poetry, they are soon treated to yet another of his fantastic poems a few weeks later.
Rumfa writing the poem soon after a successful hunting expedition in Ajdir;
Around Ajdir I stride,
Flowers, plants and insects I ignore,
Shotgun ever at my side,
For I hunt with my twelve gauge bore.
Not for me the rare animal who looks suspiciously like a man dressed in a suit,
Nor elephant, lion or tiger,
Soon a trophy I will have to upon my wall put,
My foe is far more wilier.
There a twig does suddenly snap,
My prey will soon lie beneath the turf,
My quarry spotted I turn it to pap,
Peasant hunting ever the most enjoyable sport on planet Earth.
Whilst Sokot nobles reach for their rifles and Sokot peasants go into hiding, many unsurprisingly inspired by Rumfa's latest amazing work, there is puzzling news for the government a week later.
Naturally the government scoff at these ludicrous claims that Sokoto ill-treats those living within her colonies. With experience of famine, drought, forced enlistment, backbreaking labour and use as prey in hunting expeditions but a few of the many wonderful features of Sokot colonial life, it is clear those residing within her colonies are living a life of luxury.
A few months later and Sokoto's alliance with Argentina is strengthened considerably.
Finally Argentina is safe. She need no longer worry about falling prey to a warmonger such as Belgium, she now enjoys Sokoto's full protection. Following Sokoto's stunning act of kindness in proving the most devoted of allies to Argentina by brutally annexing her, she is left dumbfounded when Argentina repays her kind act by inexplicably failing to increase Sokoto's font size in South America. Argentina's ingratitude truly staggering.
With the government still coming to terms with Argentina's baffling betrayal there is some pleasing news a few months later as the academics, who are proving surprisingly industrious for once, report that another discovery has been made.
The discovery of nitroglycerin coming at a most welcome time as Sokoto's army and navy,
following Italy's lead, have been busy shelling locals in the Ayacucho area recently so as to display the great strength of Sokoto's armed forces to the world. The ability to destroy civilian buildings ever a clear sign of a most powerful army.
Thankfully with nitroglycerin having been discovered the government is able to avoid a rebellion in Ayacucho, residents of the province having proven surprisingly unhappy at being used as target practice, by claiming that rather than the army firing upon the city it was instead tests with nitroglycerin which were being made, hence the explosions.
Two weeks later and the government make an order for a number of magnifying glasses.
Said magnifying glasses required so as to read Sokoto's new acquired font following peace with the Ottomans. Whilst the size of this new font is regrettably small the Prime Minister is surprisingly cheerful about acquiring it nonetheless. As the Prime Minister is quick to remind the cabinet, much to his relief he has long found in life it is not the size that matters but instead what you do with it that counts.
With Sokoto now at peace for the first time in many years, at last war exhaustion begins to drop. The government quickly come to the realisation that peace is quite impossible at present though, with Belgium still terrorising the world no nation is safe until she is defeated. Sokoto would be entirely remiss in her duties as an internationally renowned keeper of the peace were she to simply sit back and watch as Belgium conquers the world. The government feel compelled to thus offer aid to the Netherlands, who have long been menaced by neighbouring Belgium. The diplomats are sent forth.
They return several days later quite terrified. Said terror caused when one of the diplomats, after having delivered the deceleration of war to their Dutch counterparts, rather irked the leading Dutch diplomat by asking if he would be able to explore the 'netherlands' with said Dutch diplomat's wife.
The government is not in the least bit surprised when they are told that Britain has failed to honour her alliance with the Netherlands, Britain doubtless fully realising the danger Belgium pose to the world they have likely realised the wisdom in thus allowing Sokoto to aid the Netherlands. There is some surprise however when the government is informed that the Netherlands are employing a revolutionary new strategy against Sokoto.
Unlike the noted naval powers of Italy, Japan and Great Britain, the Netherlands are actually contesting Sokoto's amphibious landings upon her homelands. This innovative and groundbreaking new strategy is nonetheless doomed to failure of course, the Dutch navy no match for Sokoto's ramshackle collection of barely floating improvised rafts.
A few weeks later and as expected Sokoto's navy has secured a thumping victory over the Dutch fleet at the Coast of Holland, all of Sokoto's soldiers safely reaching shore.
With a Sokot fleet securing a convincing victory at the Coast of Holland, so too at Dogger Bank a few days later.
The junior officer in charge of Sokoto's fleet at Dogger Bank rightly lauded the Empire over for his somehow managing to secure so impressive a result despite greatly outnumbering the Dutch fleet.
The government is left hugely relieved following such a strong showing from Sokoto's navy. As Sokoto's recent performance in wars with France, Brazil, the Ottomans and so forth have been hugely embarrassing, Sokoto suffering nowhere near enough casualties, at last it seems as if Sokoto's army and navy are returning to the right kind of form.
Delight at the navy's securing these impressive successes soon turns to slight dismay less than a week later.
Whilst Sokoto's army has suffered an encouraging number of casualties considering they faced an outnumbered force with no cannon, there is no hiding from the fact that this is still a rather poor result.
As news of this latest lacklustre performance from the army spreads through the Empire there is a sudden surge in the number of men wishing to enlist.
With the Empire suffering from the constant threat of rebellion news of this battle, and reports detailing how few casualties were suffered in it, has led many men to come to the conclusion that life within the army, even with the constant danger of suffering horrific siege injuries and battlefield wounds, is still far preferable, and far less dangerous, than life as a civilian. The addition of a pink cape, with attractive green and gold stripes running down it, to the already irresistible army uniform proving a considerable incentive to new recruits as well.
A few days later and research of 'Interchangeable Parts' comes to an end.
The newly developed self-assembly kits for forts, cannons, trenches and ships are proving as strong and durable as expected. Said self-assembled constructions able to withstand light breezes, gentle taps and beams of sunshine with only a ninety nine percent rate of failure.
Following the Sokot navy's hugely impressive showing in the current war with Holland, in stark contrast with the poor performance from Sokoto's army in said war, the government order the academics to next begin research of 'Clipper Designs'. The government of the opinion that whilst Sokoto's navy is undeniably already strong, no other navy in the world able to boast of having suffered so many inexplicable defeats, it could nonetheless be improved.
With the Netherlands army crushed a few days later, following another abysmal display from Sokoto's armed forces, the army begin the much dreaded task of besieging the Netherlands.
Numerous soldiers soon suffering dreadful injuries such as ink stains on their hands and uniforms caused by their writing letters to home reporting on how horrific war is, due to the lack of casualties and horrendous siege conditions which need be endured.
The government is given some pleasing news a couple of months later.
Sokoto has acquired a new national focus, there now over three million citizens of Sokoto's primary Hausa culture residing within the Empire. That Sokoto's population continues to quickly grow is unsurprising considering the constant advances Sokoto is making in the field of medicine. Introduction of arsenic, mercury and nightshade to the creation of most Sokot medication the latest impressive advance.
The government instantly make use of the new national focus to begin colonisation of East Angola, keen as they are to provide yet more lucky citizens with the benefits of Sokot colonial life.
A month later and the government is informed that some new training for Sokoto's army has proven a success.
The training having taught Sokoto's courageous officers the benefits of delegating responsibility to subordinates. Which has led to many officers now surrendering command to subordinates during battle so that they can bravely defend settlements located miles away from the battlefield itself. With such delegation Sokoto's valiant officers now find themselves with more free time to consider hugely important issues. Important issues such as what they plan on having for dinner.
With Italy having provided Sokoto with invaluable assistance in the recent war with Britain, France and the nefarious Belgium the government have come to the conclusion that it is only right for Sokoto to reward Italy for providing such considerable assistance.
The diplomats are sent forth.