Chapter Thirty Three - France used to have an Empire, then she took an arrow to the Pyrenees
As the government slowly recover from the horror of realising that Sokoto is now at war with the mighty Belgium they take consolation from the knowledge that at least both Sokoto's citizens and army stand united together, ready to fight valiantly for Sokoto in her toughest war yet.
Battle is met just over a week later.
As feared France is proving a most clever and resourceful foe, attacking as she is with newly mobilised reserves who have little by way of organisation and are without any artillery or cavalry support, in to easily defensible, fortified Sokot positions along the Pyrenees. Thankfully with the incredibly unlucky General Kabe in command Sokoto is sure to withstand this attack. It not as if having luck on your side is important in battle.
With battle met at Lerida, Britain begins her own offensive against Sokoto.
In a repeat of the cunning strategy that Britain employed to devastating effect in her previous war against Sokoto, which ended just over a year ago, she has attacked with another large force across the strait connecting Belfast and Glasgow, into the waiting guns of a large and easily reinforced Sokot army. In a further intelligent move she has wisely refrained from providing this attacking force with any naval support, it not as if the British navy is large enough to provide such support, and assigned but one artillery brigade to this attack force, this despite the commanding officer, General Beresford, being skilled in the use of artillery.
With both France and Britain opening the war with such stupendously effective and brilliant attacks it is all the government can do to stop themselves from instantly begging for peace. Thankfully they are given some cheer by news from the Pyrenees where France has continued her clever strategy of throwing forward disorganised reservists at easily defended mountainous positions.
It clear that France's attacking forces have little chance of victory in any of these battles, led as they are by overly competent and skilled officers such as the disciplined, innovative tactician Dupetit-Thouars, the genius Hamelin and the deeply religious Caillard. With a gallant bootlicker, a ludicrously unlucky general and a shockingly unqualified officer leading Sokoto's forces at least here victory seems assured.
A week later and the government is given some most unwelcome news from Belfast.
Whilst pleased with this victory the government cannot help but worry that this is the start of repeat of Sokoto's last war against Britain in which Britain triumphed comfortably, suffering far more casualties than Sokoto. In truth though the government has to concede that there is little the Sokot army can do but capture and cause as many casualties to British troops as possible in such a battle. This the most humane option available, it saves as many Brits as possible from having to retreat back into Scotland, a far worse fate.
There is little surprise a few weeks later when Sokoto secures a number of victories along the Pyrenean front.
Even with the astoundingly clever strategy France has adopted in this war her forces had little chance of success when led by such competent and able officers, incompetence always triumphant in the end. Unsurprisingly too Britain instantly launched another unsuccessful attack on Belfast with her recently routed troops, said troops greatly preferring the carnage of battle to residing within Scotland for any length of time.
A few days later and the government is left baffled when told of Sokoto's convincing victory at Lerida.
Having noticed that her initial attack with newly mobilised reservists upon Sokoto's easily defended position in Lerida was struggling, France made the intelligent decision to hurry forward yet more disorganised reservists to support the attack, whilst continuing to withhold any artillery or cavalry support. Having employed such an audacious strategy it is a wonder that she has met with defeat.
Whilst Sokoto's forces continue to desperately repulse French and British attacks, all the while keeping a wary eye out for the much feared Belgians, the government is given some welcome news from Niger.
As hoped for Niger is proving a highly useful new colony from which to ruthlessly attack and ravage neighbouring French colonies. Uh, that is, as hoped for Niger is proving a highly useful new colony which has led to a strengthening of Sokoto's relationship with France, France unsurprisingly delighted to share another border with Sokoto.
Having identified a Prussian colony in South Cameroon the government hurriedly order the colonisation of the neighbouring Bangui region. Hopeful as they are that such a colony will lead to a similar strengthening of Sokoto's relationship with Prussia, as the colonisation of Niger has provided with regards to France.
Whilst Sokot citizens begin escaping in their droves to the newly founded colony of Bangui, the risk of starvation, attack by natives and drought experienced in colonial life inexplicably considered preferable to life within provinces ruled by the Conservative party, research of 'Mechanical Production' comes to an end.
Happily the new technology has had the desired effect of making countless thousands of the common riff-raff unemployed, machines taking their place within factories. With the newly passed trinket unemployment subsidy reform now in place, the government stand to benefit considerably.
Research of 'Inorganic Chemistry' begins next, the government convinced by the academics that research of such technology will lead to countless breakthroughs for Sokoto. Breakthroughs such as the creation of an artificial fertiliser, made from rocks, the discovery of how to make nitroglycerin, which can be used to rainproof Sokot army uniforms and the discovery of rubber vulcanisation, for which the Prime Minister has taken a particular interest, wishing as he does to own a number of rubber latex suits for his own personal use.
A week later and the government is left with no choice but to strip the perfidious Abdullah Kabe and Daud Rumfa of their respective commands.
In appointing both men to the front the government had hoped that their supposed bad luck would bring Sokoto an acceptable amount of casualties in battle. It now clear following these recent victories that both are anything but horribly unlucky, the government hurriedly remove both deceitful officers from command.
Whilst Britain continues to make repeated failed attacks on Belfast, correctly having identified such attacks as her only chance of victory, it not as if she has a large fleet with which she could begin landing troops anywhere along Sokoto's long, undefended coast, the government is given wondrous news.
In Sokoto's first engagement with the Belgian behemoth in this war she has somehow emerged the victor. al-Hajj is instantly lauded the Empire over, his managing to secure victory against the Belgian superpower when all he had in his favour was a plentiful supply of reinforcements, an easily defensible, fortified position and a huge advantage in cannon, a truly astonishing achievement.
The government is given welcome news a few days later as they learn that the French people have begun rebelling.
Reports that the rebels have taken up arms in a desperate bid to stave off impending Sokot occupation of France clearly ridiculous lies, the Sokot government are happy that they will be able to work well with the 'Keep the Tyrannical Sokoto out of France' rebel band.
Whilst Sokot forces struggle to defeat repeated French and British attacks, France and Britain's ingenuity in continuing to throw forward disorganised reservists at easily defended Sokot positions unsurprisingly proving difficult for Sokoto to deal with, the government is informed that a colony in Niamey has been established.
With Niamey proving disappointingly lacking in fancy dress shops and resources which allow for the exploitation of common oiks through backbreaking labour, the government is forced to instantly begin the colonisation of Massenya. That is to say, with Niamey proving disappointingly lacking in fancy dress shops and resources which provide for the employment of much cherished commoners through easy and relaxing labour, the government is forced to instantly begin the colonisation of Massenya. They can only hope that Massenya will prove a land more rich in resources.
As yet more Sokot citizens begin escaping to the newly founded colony of Massenya the government is given a welcome report from Glasgow.
Having defeated countless British attacks upon Belfast the Sokot army stationed in Ireland was forced to accept the unpalatable fact that they need advance into the British mainland if they were ever to achieve victory. It was with great reluctance that they thus marched into Scotland, Britain understandably failing to block their crossing the strait from Belfast into Glasgow, her navy busy with far more important matters such as hiding in port.
Battle was soon met just outside of Glasgow with the remaining British forces guarding the Isles. Sokoto's forces were soon able to secure victory over the larger of said British forces as the British army was left rather distracted by constant attacks from drunken Glaswegians who proved a rather more tougher foe than Sokoto's troops.
A few days later and the last sizeable force in the British mainland is defeated.
In a desperate bid to defeat Sokoto's invasion of the mainland Britain appointed her very best officer to command of her troops, the greatly skilled General No Leader. Rumfa only able to defeat his talented opponent due to his enjoying an overwhelming advantage in numbers.
With the last of Britain's forces upon the Isles now defeated the Sokot troops begin the harrowing business of besieging the now undefended British mainland. Many soldiers soon left suffering from grevious injuries such as bruised shins due to their attempting the manly English pursuit of Morris dancing in a bid to alleviate the boredom of siege duty.
Whilst Sokoto's troops suffer dreadfully as they besiege mainland Britain the government is left hugely relieved by reports from France.
Against all the odds Sokoto has somehow survived France's repeated attacks with newly mobilised reserves upon her easily defended positions along the Pyrenees. With the majority of the French army now decimated Sokot troops begin pushing forward into France.
With most of France's troops now defeated, her allies Britain and the mighty Belgium struggling, and with Sokoto's forces advancing all along the line into France the government is suddenly given hugely worrying news. France has apparently been active on the diplomatic scene in the last few days, likely calling upon the aid of another ally in a desperate bid to swing the war back in her favour. The government can only hope that France has not called upon the aid of another monstrously powerful ally such as Luxembourg.
Oh. Instead of calling upon the aid of an ally France has instead declared war upon Italy whilst her lands are under siege and the majority of her army has either been defeated or is in retreat.
But of course.
With such skill in diplomacy it is likely that France will yet emerge victorious from this war.
