Chapter Thirty One - Staff for Hire
With the Sokot army still performing at nowhere near an acceptable level, their shameful showing in the war against Britain and the current conflict with Spain understandably continuing to prove a source of acute embarrassment for the government, change need be made. The current war with Peru is a chance for the army to finally recapture some of the brilliance, high casualties, incompetence and glory which has helped make Sokoto's pink clad soldiers mocked the world over. Feared the world over, that is.
There is however one slight problem. In a shocking error of judgement the government has appointed Sokoto's most competent officer, the gifted General Kanajeji Kabe, to command of the forces in Peru.
Despite Kabe facing the hugely able General Gamarra, who Peru wisely appointed to the defence of Lima despite his having no defensive ability whatsoever, it seems likely that Sokoto will coast to victory in this war. It sadly unlikely that Kabe, a veteran with countless years of distinguished service within Sokoto's army having served in campaigns against France, Egypt, Italy, the Ottomans, Brazil and Britain amongst many others, will meet with defeat. With greater numbers, better technology, Peru not even having 'iron' breech loading artillery, superior leadership and, most importantly, fashion on Sokoto's side the battle of Lima is a foregone conclusion, Kabe destined to secure victory whilst suffering lamentably few casualties.
Indeed, as Peru clearly has no chance whatsoever of gaining victory in this battle it would be hugely embarrassing were Sokoto to suffer any casualties at all.
Oh. Yes, it is highly unlikely Sokoto will suffer any casualties whatsoever whilst fighting Peru.
Of course, it need also be said that Peru has a strong army which is cleverly utilising terrain which heavily favours their fighting on the defensive, a skilled general leading her forces in Gamarra, his lack of defensive ability clearly a blessing in disguise, and surprisingly advanced weaponary, using as they do iron breech loading artillery made from actual iron. As such a Sokot victory is far from assured in this battle. The goverment quick to realise this, they hurriedly ready the diplomats to beg Peru for peace in the event of a possible Sokot defeat.
A day later and Sokoto secure a thumping victory over Peru as expected, the government not for one second having doubted Sokoto's chance of success.
Alas though General Kabe, who gained victory in innumerable battles whilst surviving countless friendly fire attacks from his own troops and repeated instances of backstabbing from Sokot officers jealous of his undoubted ability, is one of Sokoto's few casualties. The great man passing away after suffering a dreadful splinter injury whilst stationed in a Sokot fort lying many miles from the battlefield. It is not for no reason that Sokoto's officers regret having demanded a deep defence system, Sokoto's forts truly deathtraps.
Whilst the army mourn Kabe's passing, the soldiers surprisingly distraught at the loss of the one competent officer in the army who inexplicably thought suffering high casualties a bad thing, research of 'Steel Breech-loaded Artillery' comes to an end.
Once again Sokoto's partnership with Argentina in the design of a cannon has proven hugely beneficial. This new artillery piece, made primarily from glass as per Argentina's ingenious design, has thus far greatly exceeded the expectations of both Sokoto's academics and army, the cannon able to fire shells countless miles with a startling accuracy and force. That the cannon usually explodes violently after but one shot, this often causing shocking injuries to all stationed near the piece, is but a small problem.
Following repeated demands from the army's officers the academics next begin research of a 'Military Staff System'. The officers having long complained that Sokoto's current staff system, which consists of wholly unqualified, idiot young sons of the nobility being given military staff positions, is entirely unsuitable. These unqualified, idiot young sons of the nobility clearly wasted in such menial roles, they are badly required as full generals.
As the academics begin research of a 'Military Staff System' the government is given the pleasing news that Sokoto's officers have adapted well to some new training.
Sokoto's officers having begun taking to the battlefield on horseback as this allows for them to more easily flee the field at the first sign of danger. That is, Sokoto's officers having begun taking to the battlefield on horseback as this allows for them to more easily issue orders whilst on the field.
Research of a 'Military Staff System' comes to an end a few months later.
Sokoto's officers are delighted by reports from the academics that a revolutionary new military staff system has been developed for Sokoto's army, one which is sure to affirm Sokoto's position as the foremost military power in the world. There is then slight confusion for the officers when they are told that this revolutionary new military staff system consists of giving each soldier a walking stick/staff to aid their marching, the academics having a slightly different idea of what constitutes a military staff.
The academics next begin researching 'Mechanical Production' following an order from the government. With several rich businessmen, all of them financial supporters of the government, having requested the government consider such technology so that they can further mechanise their factories so as to cut down on the number of common oiks they need employ in order to drive up their profits. Such a request eminently reasonable, the government is more than happy to accede to their wishes.
The government is left astounded a few months later after peace with Spain is at last agreed.
In another rare showing of competence Sokoto's cartographers have acted with intelligence, the font size for 'Sokot Spain' having increased quite considerably following the peace deal. The cabinet instantly begin discussing sacking the cartographers as a result, increased font sizes having become rather unwelcome following the Prime Minister's usual reaction to such enlargements.
There is some troubling news for the government a month later as a pamphlet detailing the plight of the nation's poor gains prominence.
Naturally the government reject all suggestions of introducing a minimum wage as this pamphlet is filled with nothing but lies, the poor currently enjoying a wonderful life within the Sokot Empire. Benefitting as they do from having access to a fantastic health service, which none can afford, enjoying as they do brilliant and affordable housing, there plenty of empty rundown shacks available for them within Sokoto, working as they do in safe and comfortable conditions, most engaged in poorly paid backbreaking work, all of which sits alongside the great democratic freedom offered to them by Sokoto's government and their being forced to join the army or found colonies in dangerous locations at any given time. Clearly the poor are mollycoddled in Sokoto.
A few months later, and with Sokoto's mollycoddled poor suprisingly promoting the overthrow of the ruling Conservative party following their rejection of a minimum wage, peace is agreed with Peru.
The peace deal mercifully brings with it no real increase in Sokoto's font size in the region but instead a slight curving of the font, the once ramrod straight 'Sokot South America' now sadly bent out of shape. Sokoto's Prime Minister is left surprisingly untroubled by this news, explaining as he does to the cabinet that in his experience all that was once proudly straight usually turns a bit floppy given time.