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Fyregecko

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As well as being quite possibly the funniest post section you've ever written, the Casus Belli gained yourself another fan - my partner heard me laughing and wondered what was going on, investigated, and similarly enjoyed it. Permission to borrow? (with references, naturally)

Rumfa's achievement in somehow having managed to suffer more casualties despite hugely outnumbering the broken, demoralised Bavarian force is truly breathtaking.
At last! Too long have your armies laboured to boring, bloodless victories. The Sokoto we know and love is back in business! *raises seasonal glass of mulled mud wine*

The Finance Minister sadly forced to give up his role within the government upon discovery of documents detailing his family's centuries old claim to the gold mines of Witwatersrand, he understandably feels running said mines is far more important a task than running Sokoto's economy. That the ink has not yet dried on these centuries old documents, and that the writing in said documents is exactly the same as the Finance Minister's is clearly a remarkable coincidence.
A dedicated public servant - but family, and the heavy burdens thereof, must always come first. And it's well known that quality ink can take hundreds of years to dry!
 

morningSIDEr

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Thank you profusely for the replies!

NapoleonComple - Onwards indeed! Alas though the perfidious NGF proved most brilliant and able foes in this war, things didn't go too well. As for space, I think we should hope for Sokot conquest of the universe. Having the sky painted pink would be most welcome for a start.

hoi2geek - Indeed, she is! Genghis Khan was sadly lacking when it came to horrifically incompetent prosecution of wars!

Xenophon13 - Many thanks for the kind words (your bribe is en route!).

loki100 - Thankfully just in time too. The great man sadly bows out in this update, mercifully though he goes out doing what he loved best.

alhoward - Of course! Just ready yourself before using it by readying numerous weapons to beat back the many jealous husbands and boyfriends you will doubtless have to contend with!

Tanzhang (譚張) - Exactly so! For font, for pink paint and, most importantly, for alcohol!

The Arch Mede - How right you are to worry about the mighty Belgium. Whilst she thankfully did not join the war directly some of the units she trained did fight against Sokoto, with predictable results!

NapoleonComple - Indeed, one staggers drunkenly!

Ab Ovo - A great many thanks for the kind words (a bribe is in the post!). Fear not for Venice, she enjoys a wonderful pink and incompetence filled existence under Sokot rule!

4th Dimension - Wonderful game and wonderful clips! I've been closely following a lets play for it on YouTube (I have to confess I've not played it myself).

TopGearFTW - I had planned to include a world map with the next update, which will be another of the usual overviews posted at the end of each decade. However due to being a shockingly inept eejit I forgot to take such a screenshot, and I am currently a few years ahead of the AAR in-game, thus I am afraid such a pic will have to wait for now, apologies!

Fyregecko - Thank you profusely for the kind words (another bribe is en route!). Borrow away, of course! I've been stealing countless wonderful ideas from you without having the good grace to ask you beforehand (apologies!).

Sadly Sokoto's incompetence in battle was short-lived, the NGF rather showing Sokoto how a war should be fought, as this update will show. How right you are regarding the Finance Minister too!

Apologies everyone for another break in updates (although as ever I'm quite sure everyone is glad I am not inflicting my nonsense on the forum for a couple of weeks) but the last few weeks have been especially nightmarish at work due to people attempting to finish bits of business before the new year rolls around. Today is the first real break I've had for a while! This is likely going to be my last update before the turn of the year too however, thus to everyone I wish you a Sokky Christmas (or other appropriate seasonal holiday) and a font filled New Year!
 

morningSIDEr

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Chapter Forty - The Hunt of Red Soktober

Whilst Sokoto's forces brace themselves for an attack from the North German Federation (hereafter NGF) now that the war has begun, the government is informed that Zambezi has been colonised.


Pleased by this news, the government instantly next order the colonisation of Kenya following reports that the land is home to a number of fancy dress shops. These the breeding grounds of the extremely rare 'lion' and 'tiger' armed with dynamite and shotguns respectively, said animals looking suspiciously like men dressed in suits.

As countless Sokot citizens begin suffering the hardship involved in creating a colony in Kenya, the horrible conditions they are forced to endure wholly justified as they attempt to secure Sokoto some new safari lands, the NGF launch an attack upon Sokoto's northernmost positions in Germany.


The NGF have planned this attack meticulously, they know full well how effective attacking with demoralised, recently mobilised reservists into entrenched, easily defended Sokot positions with little artillery and cavalary support has proven in the past for Sokoto's foes. Thankfully though against this devastating onslaught Sokoto has spirited bootlickers such as al-Walid to lead her forces.

Whilst Sokoto's forces in Germany desperately attempt to fend off the NGF's daring assault, there are worrying reports from Africa, an NGF army active within this theatre.


In a breathtakingly brilliant move the NGF are marching the army stationed in their northernmost African colonies, which lie scant miles from Sokoto's undefended capital which they have wisely decided against besieging, instead marching said army east into uninhabited and inhospitable terrain, where attrition is ravaging the force. The NGF's decision making in this instance undoubtedly inspired, using these troops to occupy the undefended heart of Sokoto's Empire would clearly have been an act of folly.

As all Sokot forces stationed in Africa grow fearful of suddenly coming under attack by the stupendously led 1st NGF Army, the government is given some dreadful news from the German theatre.


The NGF's audacious attack upon Sokoto's easily defended position fully justified by this battle, there was nothing even the great Kumbari Rumfa could do to stop the NGF force from suffering an impressive amount of casualties.

Just over a month later and the government are forced to admit defeat following the battle of Kaiserlautern, von Arentshildt once again proving unstoppable on the battlefield.


Having led over half of the NGF's army to annihilation in little more than two months, it is clearly not for no reason that von Arentschildt is considered a genius. The NGF's lead in casualties suffered already now unassailable, both the government and army are forced to salute such wondrous skill in battle.

Whilst the government and army are left reeling by the NGF's cleverly executed attacks in Germany there is worrying news once again from the African front over a week later.


The much depleted 1rst Army of the NGF having finally emerged from the wilderness countless miles and countless attrition related casualties to the south in Sokot Angola. The NGF's wisdom in having ordered this army to march from Sokoto's undefended heartlands to the well defended border region of Sokot Angola is quickly made evident a couple of weeks later as the advance of the 1rst Army is promptly halted by a stronger Sokot force.

Two days later and the government is finally given some cheer by reports from Bayreuth, Sokoto at last suffering an appreciable number of casualties in this war, the NGF still sadly suffering more.


There is some shock for both the army and the government as they learn that the NGF's defeated forces at Bayreuth are escaping into Bavaria where Sokot forces cannot follow. Whilst Sokoto does not currently have military access to Bavaria gaining said access is naturally but a formality, Bavaria sure to provide such access to her great friend Sokoto.


The government understandably outraged by Bavaria's inexplicable refusal to grant Sokoto military access, it almost as if Bavaria dislikes Sokoto for some reason, the Sokot army are forced to impotently watch the perfidious NGF forces retreat into Bavaria, entirely unable to follow them.

A few weeks later and the government are informed of a disturbance in West Central Sahara where socialists are causing trouble during a May Day Parade.


Such trouble worries the government for a number of reasons, not least because the citizens involved seem a little slow in thinking October the right month to hold May celebrations. More importantly however with the parade commemorating and promoting the actions of violent socialist agitators in Chicago some years before, the government feel the march need be brought to an end. Commemoration of such unjustified violence entirely unacceptable, the government act hurriedly to set the crowd a good example by sending in Sokot nobles to disperse the gathering and hunt down the rowdy peasant marchers whilst using as much force as possible.

Mere weeks later and the government is left terrified by a report that the NGF has made an amphibious landing.


Showing the same brilliance at sea as on land the NGF has landed a single brigade in Sokot Java. Ignoring more choice targets such as Sokoto's still undefended capital in favour of this daring attack upon the relatively unimportant Sokot Java, the NGF are nearing ever closer to victory.

Four days later and the government is given news which is both welcome and troubling from Kuito, Sokoto's forces emerging victorious there.


Such news welcome as in a remarkable showing of incompetence a thirty eight thousand strong Sokot force was somehow unable to utterly crush an NGF army over twenty five times smaller than itself. And troubling in that the NGF army in question, the redoubtable 1rst Army, seems truly indestructible. Attrition ravaged and defeated in battle numerous times now, the small force seemingly cannot be finished off. Rumours that the 1rst Army received training from the NGF's ally, Belgium, seemingly proving correct.

A few weeks later and research of 'Revolution and Counterrevolution' comes to an end.


As part of the research into this technology the academics have suggested lowering taxes, removing corruption and cronyism from governance, increasing spending in education and healthcare and enforcing a period of peace within the Empire for a few years so as to tackle the still high levels of militancy afflicting the Empire. Such a report enlightening, the government take the findings on board, swearing to avoid all such suggestions so as to lessen militancy within the Empire. These clearly the reasons why militancy continues to rise.

The academics next begin researching 'Military Statistics' following an order from the government. The embarrassingly small amount of casualties Sokoto has suffered in her current war with the NGF having proven to the government that battlefield casualty statistics need be doctored so as to inflate them considerably, lest Sokoto lose yet more prestige from her shameful performance in battle.

With the NGF's remaining forces all safely stationed in Bavaria, Sokoto's troops entirely unable to reach them due to Bavaria's continued duplicity in refusing Sokoto military access, the government is given some confusing news in March.


In a display of unsurpassable greatness the NGF has whittled away her forces by making said forces launch constant attacks from the safe haven of Bavaria, where said forces were entirely impervious from Sokot attack, into Sokoto's easily defended positions along Bavaria's border. Having effectively defeated her own forces in making them launch these attacks from a safe area, the NGF has shown true strategic genius.

The NGF's forces now vanquished, Sokoto's troops begin the much dreaded task of besieging her lands. Many troops quickly succumbing to horrific injuries such as tangled beards due to said siege duty, siege conditions not allowing for the men to carry out their usual personal grooming.

Whilst Sokoto's soldiers suffer appallingly due to siege conditions the government hurriedly enact further social reform.


With government funds running low due to Sokoto's non-stop warring this new reform, which forces the unemployed to begin paying the government a low amount of whatever income they are able to secure, will happily help to solve this problem, whilst also serving to pay for a further reduction in taxes for the richest within Sokoto. The government motivated to pass this reform on the basis that it is only fair that at long last the unemployed begin paying their way.

A month later and the government hurriedly give their assent to the expansion of mining operations in Vinchina.


Such expansion will prove highly dangerous, the ore in question difficult to reach, but the government are more than willing to bravely and selflessly order the peasants within the province to begin such dangerous work.

Several months later and the recent modernisation of Sokoto's aging fleet of barely floating rafts is at last vindicated.


With many having worried that introduction of more modern ships, such as monitors and ironclads, to Sokoto's navy would result in a weakening of the navy, there is relief following the impressive performance in the battle of Tobruk that the navy remains as thankfully inept as ever.

Research of 'Military Statistics' comes to an end in October.


With reports of the recent battle of Tobruk detailing Sokot casualties of 7,602 ships lost, the government are happy with the results of this research, and such manipulation of the figures. Uh, they are happy with the truthful reporting this research has brought, that is.

The academics next begin researching 'Military Logistics' following a request from the army. The army hopeful that Sokoto's current logistical problems can be addressed following such research. The current excellent provision of supplies, equipment and so forth to Sokot forces stationed on the front lines entirely unacceptable, they hope that a worsening of such supply, which this technology will hopefully provide, will lead to a welcome increase in casualties suffered.

Shortly after the start of the new year there is dreadful news for all of the Empire, the great Kumbari Rumfa sadly passing away.


As the Empire is moved to mourn this giant in the field of poetry and warfare, they are left slightly consoled by one last work left by the famous poet;

I am dead,
Likely killed by the husband of one of the many married women I have taken to bed.
My siege lines ever erected before many a door,
Of women, married or not, I must ever have more.*

*If my death is in no way related to an extramarital affair disregard the above and remember me as the brave, never defeated, entirely loyal and morally irreproachable commander of men that I am.

Rumfa having often put his own wonderfully romantic epics to good use, few are surprised by the content of this fantastic new poem.

Months later and war with the nefarious NGF finally comes to an end.


Whilst the NGF emerged clear victors in this war, their performance on the battlefield truly remarkable, the government are able to console themselves with the considerable gains Sokoto has made. Most of Southern Africa now painted pink, Sokoto's font stretches even further over the continent. The Prime Minister in particular is delighted that the bottom of Africa has finally been secured, as he has mentioned to the cabinet he does always enjoy entering from the rear first and foremost.

In Europe too Sokoto has made considerable gains, Crete having been liberated from the NGF once more, whilst the font-blocking area of Sigmaringen has also been secured.


Nonsensical rumours that Sokoto demanded Hessen from the NGF so as to block the NGF's font in revenge for the NGF's previous devious conduct with Sigmaringen are clearly shocking lies, the government would never act so petty. No, Hessen was demanded because she has long been considered a core province of Sokoto, the NGF quite without claim to her, and she has thus long since required liberation from the insidious NGF.
 
Last edited:

LordTempest

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At last southern Africa has been covered entirely in Sokot pink and the Hun humbled; I for one shall sleep soundly in my bed tonight. Next stop Russia!?

The Prime Minister in particular is delighted that the bottom of Africa has finally been secured, as he has mentioned to the cabinet he does always enjoy entering from the rear first and foremost.
Best line of the AAR so far!
 

Ab Ovo

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The Germans ever, ever, shall be slaves...
 

unmerged(95506)

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morningSIDEr said:
to everyone I wish you a Sokky Christmas
Is this something like the Chinese "May you live in interesting times."?


You know you've been reading this AAR too much when...

morningSIDEr said:
there is worrying news once again from the African front over a week later.
... you read this as "worrying news from the African font", and it makes perfectly sense.
 

Selzro

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Such wonderful progress! Now, I wonder what the European font would be like of Sokoto conquered Provence and Savoy, linking its Spanish territories to its German and Italian territories...
 

NapoleonComple

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In this alternative universe where incompetency is valued, the Germans prove to be as competent at military incompetence as they prove at military competence in real life! Got to laugh at German soldiers plodding through Africa straight past the Sokot capital. Maybe they got lost?

Looking forward to more, and great update.
 

alhoward

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In this alternative universe where incompetency is valued, the Germans prove to be as competent at military incompetence as they prove at military competence in real life! Got to laugh at German soldiers plodding through Africa straight past the Sokot capital. Maybe they got lost?.
Don't be too hard on the lads. It's a big place!
 

Fyregecko

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A fine bulletin from the front, my friend (as if it still needed saying.)

Your version of unemployment benefit is a thing of beauty, line of the update. Although you didn't need to give so much detail, as I think that the meaning of Unemployment Benefit is very obvious - how else is it supposed to work? The observation on the Sokot tradition of celebrating May Day in October is also welcome for those unfamiliar with this very sensible practice. Keeps May 1 itself free for fancy dress shopping and 'big-game' hunting!

Received an invitation to visit Germany at some point from the extended family, so I might take the chance to see the ancient Sokot heartland of Hesse while I'm at it!

Glad to see that the perfidious NGF has been booted into the long grass in spite of her brilliant tacticians and dangerously incompetent commanders. I don't want to know how Russia took a chunk out of Africa, but trust that they shall be ejected, henceforth and forthwith (clearly led by foolish Muscowites and Novgorodians, not proper Russians with Polono-Scot advisors!)

Hope that the festive season was as bountiful as a Sokot maiden, and looking forward to your next installment!
 

Remitonov

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Bavaria has proven to not just to be a Belgian puppet, but an insidious font bender. They must be brought to hell!
 

Warlord Skorr

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Huh. I just realized that Sokot Iberia looks like a 16-bit Dragon head.

Despite the probable lack of font inflation involved, I think that all of Africa needs to turn properly pink promptly. Competent government and sheer lack of pink is so great an affront to the humble and forgiving people of Sokoto that even warfare might be justified for so great an end.
 

Sigwald

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I can but thank you morningSIDEr for the hilarious amount of fun this AAR gave me. I'm waiting for the glorious day where you'll bring the glorious and wise rule of Sokoto on the people of Russia.

The diplomats are sent forth.
 

Darkath

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This thread inspired to try a Sokoto AHD - APD game, let's just say i went over the infamy limit, and i had all the GPs disembarking on my shores. Sokoto contained 8 times. Aw.

But anyway this is a great AAr i've been reading with pleasure.
 

Brian Shanahan

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Dear Sokot leaders,

We of the Munsterian Liberation Front demand that you free us from the repressive tyranny of good government, non-pink clothes, tasty beer and freedom which our evil overlords across the water have imposed on us.

We are extremely desirous of incompetence and mud wine here in Munster and would immediately rise en-mass if you landed a liberation force in Kerry, Limerick or Cork. However we do have one stipulation, that you leave the County of Tipperary with the UK when you liberate us, as they are stinky meanie heads who would not appreciate the benefits and joys of Sokot rule.

Mise le meas,

Brian Ó'Seanacáin,
Uacataráin,
Munsterian Liberation Front.