Share particulary ackward ''CK3ish'' moments (real ones) ?

[BaronNoir]

Medieval history is not just about hacking violently people to death or dying of plague. There was a plenty of hilarious moments that did not involved butchered executions.

One such ackward moment of English history occured when the pregnant queen Isabella of France went with her husband Edward II to partake in a traditional late Plantegenet event,'' invading Scotland and failing comically at it''. (The Scots were themselves enjoying another fine ritual, ''raiding the North of England and humiliating Edward''). As Edward II decamped for the South with his ''friend'' Hugh the Despenser, he let Isabella at Tynemouth abbey to the mercy of the Scots. Alongside Hugh the Despenser wife.

We can presume both women exchanged funny stories about their husbands as they desperately fled toward England and that Hugh was gently chided afterward by both women for his role in this glorious campaign.

(A sort of bachelor party involding Hugh le Despenser later on-Queen Isabella was, a bit, shall we say, prone to holding grudges and the Tynemouth affair was featured quite a bit in the trial she set up for Hugh...)

 

[Veldmaarschalk]

The death of Henry II of Jerusalem

Henry died in 1197, falling from a first-floor window at his palace in Acre. There are varying accounts in different manuscripts of the Old French Continuation of William of Tyre, also known as The Chronicle of Ernoul. The majority suggest that a window-lattice or balcony gave way as he leaned against it. A servant, possibly a dwarf named Scarlet, also fell, after trying to save him by catching hold of his hanging sleeve - he weighed too little to pull the king (who was tall and strongly built) back. Another version suggests that Henry had been watching a parade from the window, when a party of Pisan envoys entered the room. Turning to greet them, he stepped backwards and overbalanced. Whatever the exact circumstances, Henry was killed outright; the servant, who suffered a fractured femur, raised the alarm, but later died of his injury. Some accounts suggest that Henry might have survived if his servant had not landed on top of him.

 

[Drakken]

I raise you all with the gruesome (but quite deserving) accidental death of Charles II "the Bad" of Navarre. He got to experience the fire and brimstone of Hell, right on his deathbed.

Charles died in Pamplona, aged 54. His horrific death became famous all over Europe, and was often cited by moralists, and sometimes illustrated in illuminated manuscript chronicles.[33] There are several versions of the story, varying in the details. This is Francis Blagdon's English account, of 1803:[34]

Charles the Bad, having fallen into such a state of decay that he could not make use of his limbs, consulted his physician, who ordered him to be wrapped up from head to foot, in a linen cloth impregnated with brandy, so that he might be inclosed [sic] in it to the very neck as in a sack. It was night when this remedy was administered. One of the female attendants of the palace, charged to sew up the cloth that contained the patient, having come to the neck, the fixed point where she was to finish her seam, made a knot according to custom; but as there was still remaining an end of thread, instead of cutting it as usual with scissors, she had recourse to the candle, which immediately set fire to the whole cloth. Being terrified, she ran away, and abandoned the king, who was thus burnt alive in his own palace.

[34]

John Cassell's moralistic version states:

He was now sixty years of age, and a mass of disease, from the viciousness of his habits. To maintain his warmth his physician ordered him to be swathed in linen steeped in spirits of wine, and his bed to be warmed by a pan of hot coals. He had enjoyed the benefit of this singular prescription some time in safety, but now, as he was perpetrating his barbarities on the representatives of his kingdom, "by the pleasure of God, or of the devil," says Froissart,[citation needed] "the fire caught to his sheets, and from that to his person, swathed as it was in matter highly inflammable." He was fearfully burnt, but lingered nearly a fortnight, in the most terrible agonies.[35]

 

[Veldmaarschalk]

Conan II duke of Brittany

Norman interference[edit]

The Bayeaux Tapestry's Battle of Dinan - Duke Conan II surrenders the Keys to Dinan on a lance
Once enthroned as Duke Conan II of Brittany, he faced numerous threats, including revolts from his nobles sponsored by William, Duke of Normandy, afterwards King of England.[2]

Brittany, an independent Celtic duchy, had a traditional rivalry with neighboring Normandy. The 1064–1065 War between Brittany and Normandy was sparked after Duke William supported Rivallon I of Dol's rebellion against Conan II.[1] In 1065, before his invasion of Anglo-Saxon England, William of Normandy sent word to the surrounding counties, including Brittany, warning them against attacking his lands, on the grounds that his mission bore the papal banner.[2]

Conan promptly informed the duke that he would definitely take the opportunity to invade the latter's duchy. In the history of conflicts between Brittany and Anjou, Pouancé had served as the "Breton March" or border town. During Conan's 1066 campaign against Anjou, he took Pouancé and Segré, and arrived in Château-Gontier, where he was found dead after donning poisoned riding gloves. Duke William was widely suspected.[3] He was also asked to help William the Conqueror on his 1066 conquest of England, but refused, saying that the Normans poisoned his father in 1040.

Conan II died leaving no known issue. It is possible he died because the gloves he was wearing were poisoned, and he swallowed the poison when he wiped his mouth with the glove.

 

[demanvanwezel]

the mother of count louis II of flanders once threatened to cut her breasts off if louis didn't marry his daughter to a son of the french king as opposed to a son of the english king (this was the first stage of the hundred years war and she was a capet princess, so yeah)
"vexed at the ill will of the count her son, had one day said to him, as she tore open her dress before his eyes, "Since you will not yield to your mother's wishes, I will cut off these breasts which gave suck to you, to you and to no other, and will throw them to the dogs to devour." "

 

[JodelDiplom]

the mother of count louis II of flanders once threatened to cut her breasts off if louis didn't marry his daughter to a son of the french king as opposed to a son of the english king (this was the first stage of the hundred years war and she was a capet princess, so yeah)
"vexed at the ill will of the count her son, had one day said to him, as she tore open her dress before his eyes, "Since you will not yield to your mother's wishes, I will cut off these breasts which gave suck to you, to you and to no other, and will throw them to the dogs to devour." "

Yeah don't give titles to your children until after the marriages are all arranged

 

[demanvanwezel]

Yeah don't give titles to your children until after the marriages are all arranged

sadly this was a case of 2 landed characters marying and the one you're not playing dying first

 

[Yakman]

The entire life of Charles the Bad