To the Faire ReadAAR:
The tale you are about to read is a strange one, and I will make no pretense of it, despite the pretension currently being generated by this pretentious introduction. But you must understand this AAR's strange history. Suffices it to say it, it is strange, for the history is long, the gaps wide, and the tone and style swings about dramatically, oft intentionally so. And to ease the reading of this somehow-lauded work here, I have assembled these following links to every update in this AAR. Enjoy.
Opening the AARk(2/13/05)
The Half-Lobster in the AARk(2/15/05)
The Half-Lobster that is not in the AARk(2/16/05)
The plans of the AARk(2/20/05)
The...um...meeting that really doesn't have to do much with the AARk(2/20/05)
The shutting of the AARk(2/23/05)
The subtle political commentary of the AARk(3/5/05)
The flight of the cover of the AARk(3/12/05)
The pictures I couldn't really put into the last update but wanted you to see anyway. Umm... AARk(3/12/05)
The newscast of the AARk(3/15/05)
The waffles of the AARk(3/19/05)
The council-meeting-type-thing that is occuring in the room next to the room that contains the AARk(3/26/05)
The insane ramblings of the AARk(4/21/05)
The series of pictures of the AARk(4/22/05)
The...uh...second newscast of the AARk?(4/25/05)
The...um...second council-meeting-type-thing of the AARk(4/28/05)
The Prisoner of the AARk(4/30/05)
Escape from Secrets of the AARk: The Video Game! Coming to stores near you!(5/1/05)
All Your Base Are Belong to the AARk, pt. 1(6/3/05)
All Your Base Are Belong to the AARk, pt. 2(6/3/05)
The Ministry of Truth. I mean, the Ministry of the AARk(7/12/05)
The blatant continuity breach of the AARk(8/27/05)
The re-using of old jokes of the AARk(9/3/05)
The... something... of the AARk. I got nothing(9/14/05)
The Special Guest Appearance of the AARk(9/16/05)
The infinite recursive self-referencing loop of the AARk(9/18/05)
The Last-Minute Non-Update Announcement that Managed to be Humourous of the AARk(9/21/05)
The Shaggy Dog Story of the AARk(9/24/05)
The Insane Ramblings of the AARk - The AuthAAR's Cut(9/30/05)
The bAAR at the centre of the AARk(10/12/05)
The ballots of all shapes and sizes of the AARk(10/14/05)
The New Character Introduction of the AARk(2/4/06)
The Great Crossover of the AARk(2/13/06)
The AARk Where Everybody Knows Your Name(4/15/06)
The Journal of the AARk(4/22/06)
The Dramatic Movie Parodies Of Dramatic Movies Of The AARk(4/29/06)
The Secret Project of the AARk(5/6/06)
The Movie Trailer of the AARk of the AARk of the AARk(5/13/06)
The Plot Development of the AARk(5/17/06)
The Further Plot Development of the AARk(5/20/06)
The Plot Convergence of the AARk(5/27/06)
The Ministers of the AARk(6/03/06)
The Puppet of the AARk(6/11/06)
The Theme Park of the AARk(6/12/06)
The Letters of the AARk(6/14/06)
The Alliance of the AARk(6/19/06)
The Peace of the AARk(6/20/06)
The Replacement of the AARk(6/21/06)
The Return to Abnormalcy of the AARk(6/23/06)
The Promotion of the AARk(6/26/06)
The Superhero Summoning of the Country Next To The Country With The AARk(6/28/06)
The Cabinet Meeting of the AARk...With a Twist!(6/29/06)
The Coin Matrix of the AARk(6/30/06)
The Infiltration of the AARk(7/01/06)
The Firing of the AARk(7/08/06)
Yet Another Council Meeting of the AARk(7/09/06)
The Goats of the AARk(7/14/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 1(7/19/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 2(7/20/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 3(7/21/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 4(7/24/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 5(7/25/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 6(7/26/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 7(7/29/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 8(8/2/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 9(8/4/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 10(8/5/06)
The Best Update
Ever
However, there are certain things in the thread not linked here, such as the Readership OscAARs, the wacky responses to reader comments, and the whiny posts complaining about the lack of replies and/or readership interspersed throughout. So if you wish to get the full experience of this AAR, it might do you well to read the whole thing straight from the beginning, as monumental a task as it is.
Anyways, on to the first update ever!
Emperor Haile Selassie was trembling, which was odd, because he was not the trembling type. Though over the past two months, there had been much to tremble about, such as the imminent occupation of the Ethiopian state by the armies of fascist Italy. Two months ago, the Italians launched an invasion of Tigray from their Eritrea, and a simultaneous invasion of Ogaden from Italian Somaliland, and since then, there had been nothing but defeats for the obsolete Ethiopian Army. Luckily, just before Axum fell, he had had its most important treasure moved here, to Addis Abbaba. The Ark of the Covenant, which was now laying right in front of him.
That was probably the reason why he was trembling. He was about to open the Ark of the Covenant, which was certainly not an every-day event. Who knew what secrets it contained? Perhaps, just perhaps, the power to stop the Italians, somehow…
Should the Ark contain:
a) An Alien Transponder, which immediately sends a message to the alien fleet telling them to invade Earth.
b) An amusing 6000-year old half-crustacean that helps Haile Selassie with his knowledge of the future.
c) The power to call upon divine intervention in the favour of the Ethiopians.
d) Two tablets, a pot of very, very old manna, and a stick. Nothing that affects the military campaign.
(The voting is over. I didn't even take a vote, really. I just decided on b) without any of your input.)
The tale you are about to read is a strange one, and I will make no pretense of it, despite the pretension currently being generated by this pretentious introduction. But you must understand this AAR's strange history. Suffices it to say it, it is strange, for the history is long, the gaps wide, and the tone and style swings about dramatically, oft intentionally so. And to ease the reading of this somehow-lauded work here, I have assembled these following links to every update in this AAR. Enjoy.
Opening the AARk(2/13/05)
The Half-Lobster in the AARk(2/15/05)
The Half-Lobster that is not in the AARk(2/16/05)
The plans of the AARk(2/20/05)
The...um...meeting that really doesn't have to do much with the AARk(2/20/05)
The shutting of the AARk(2/23/05)
The subtle political commentary of the AARk(3/5/05)
The flight of the cover of the AARk(3/12/05)
The pictures I couldn't really put into the last update but wanted you to see anyway. Umm... AARk(3/12/05)
The newscast of the AARk(3/15/05)
The waffles of the AARk(3/19/05)
The council-meeting-type-thing that is occuring in the room next to the room that contains the AARk(3/26/05)
The insane ramblings of the AARk(4/21/05)
The series of pictures of the AARk(4/22/05)
The...uh...second newscast of the AARk?(4/25/05)
The...um...second council-meeting-type-thing of the AARk(4/28/05)
The Prisoner of the AARk(4/30/05)
Escape from Secrets of the AARk: The Video Game! Coming to stores near you!(5/1/05)
All Your Base Are Belong to the AARk, pt. 1(6/3/05)
All Your Base Are Belong to the AARk, pt. 2(6/3/05)
The Ministry of Truth. I mean, the Ministry of the AARk(7/12/05)
The blatant continuity breach of the AARk(8/27/05)
The re-using of old jokes of the AARk(9/3/05)
The Meta-AARk(9/10/05)
The... something... of the AARk. I got nothing(9/14/05)
The Special Guest Appearance of the AARk(9/16/05)
The infinite recursive self-referencing loop of the AARk(9/18/05)
The Last-Minute Non-Update Announcement that Managed to be Humourous of the AARk(9/21/05)
The Shaggy Dog Story of the AARk(9/24/05)
The Insane Ramblings of the AARk - The AuthAAR's Cut(9/30/05)
The bAAR at the centre of the AARk(10/12/05)
The ballots of all shapes and sizes of the AARk(10/14/05)
The New Character Introduction of the AARk(2/4/06)
The Great Crossover of the AARk(2/13/06)
The AARk Where Everybody Knows Your Name(4/15/06)
The Journal of the AARk(4/22/06)
The Dramatic Movie Parodies Of Dramatic Movies Of The AARk(4/29/06)
The Secret Project of the AARk(5/6/06)
The Movie Trailer of the AARk of the AARk of the AARk(5/13/06)
The Plot Development of the AARk(5/17/06)
The Further Plot Development of the AARk(5/20/06)
The Plot Convergence of the AARk(5/27/06)
The Ministers of the AARk(6/03/06)
The Puppet of the AARk(6/11/06)
The Theme Park of the AARk(6/12/06)
The Letters of the AARk(6/14/06)
The Alliance of the AARk(6/19/06)
The Peace of the AARk(6/20/06)
The Replacement of the AARk(6/21/06)
The Return to Abnormalcy of the AARk(6/23/06)
The Promotion of the AARk(6/26/06)
The Superhero Summoning of the Country Next To The Country With The AARk(6/28/06)
The Cabinet Meeting of the AARk...With a Twist!(6/29/06)
The Coin Matrix of the AARk(6/30/06)
The Infiltration of the AARk(7/01/06)
The Firing of the AARk(7/08/06)
Yet Another Council Meeting of the AARk(7/09/06)
The Goats of the AARk(7/14/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 1(7/19/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 2(7/20/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 3(7/21/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 4(7/24/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 5(7/25/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 6(7/26/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 7(7/29/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 8(8/2/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 9(8/4/06)
With Apologies to MacRaith, Pt 10(8/5/06)
The Best Update
Ever
However, there are certain things in the thread not linked here, such as the Readership OscAARs, the wacky responses to reader comments, and the whiny posts complaining about the lack of replies and/or readership interspersed throughout. So if you wish to get the full experience of this AAR, it might do you well to read the whole thing straight from the beginning, as monumental a task as it is.
Anyways, on to the first update ever!
Emperor Haile Selassie was trembling, which was odd, because he was not the trembling type. Though over the past two months, there had been much to tremble about, such as the imminent occupation of the Ethiopian state by the armies of fascist Italy. Two months ago, the Italians launched an invasion of Tigray from their Eritrea, and a simultaneous invasion of Ogaden from Italian Somaliland, and since then, there had been nothing but defeats for the obsolete Ethiopian Army. Luckily, just before Axum fell, he had had its most important treasure moved here, to Addis Abbaba. The Ark of the Covenant, which was now laying right in front of him.
That was probably the reason why he was trembling. He was about to open the Ark of the Covenant, which was certainly not an every-day event. Who knew what secrets it contained? Perhaps, just perhaps, the power to stop the Italians, somehow…
Should the Ark contain:
a) An Alien Transponder, which immediately sends a message to the alien fleet telling them to invade Earth.
b) An amusing 6000-year old half-crustacean that helps Haile Selassie with his knowledge of the future.
c) The power to call upon divine intervention in the favour of the Ethiopians.
d) Two tablets, a pot of very, very old manna, and a stick. Nothing that affects the military campaign.
(The voting is over. I didn't even take a vote, really. I just decided on b) without any of your input.)
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