Berlin
17 June 1492
I awoke this morning to one of my servants announcing a messenger from Kaiser Friederich. He has asked me to prepare a state dinner this evening. The Hannoverian leader, King Heinrich VII, Hessian King Wilhelm I, Emperor Tieffen of the Teutonic Order, as well as Friederich III of Thuringen would all be in attendance. I prepared an enormous 12 course meal, with each monarch being served his favorite dish and a special brew concocted by me, the Prussian Beer Meister. Everyone sat down to dinner at around 3:00 in the afternoon and after some initial chitchat, the drinking began. By the end of the evening all 5 monarchs were totally and completely drunk. The topic of conversation had turned to military and economic affairs and Emperor Tieffen suggested that all 5 nations join in a grand Germanic Alliance. Everyone exchanged looks as they realized what the Teuton King did not…the Teutons were not Germanic. But in their drunken stupors, the seemingly insignificant event went unnoticed. At my suggestion, Kaiser Friederich of Prussia agreed to take the lead in the alliance and all 5 nations agreed to sign the documents as soon as they could be prepared and delivered.
To complete the evening, Kaiser Friederich suggested a massive royal wedding between members of all the allying states to further enhance relations with each other. Ironically, King Heinrich VII, fast approaching 70 years of age agreed to be married to Princess Anna, the 13 year old niece of the Prussian Kaiser. It has long been rumored that the Hannoverian nobility enjoyed the spoils of young women, but I never believed it until this night. However, Anna sucked it up and married the old man about a month later.
With the first Prussian state dinner concluded and a new major German alliance in the works, Kaiser Friederich confided to me that this evening went completely as he had planned and that soon Prussia would take her place among the great powers of Europe. I wasn’t sure whether it was the Kaiser of the beer talking, but I am just a mere chef…affairs of state should be left to men of higher birth.
* * *
The next years was fairly boring. I prepared food, and the Kaiser ate it. Nothing too exciting happened. Oh, there were the Royal Marriages with France, England, and Spain, and I so enjoyed the Spanish cuisine served in Barcelona for the marriage of Prince Benz and Princess Mercedes of Spain.
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Vienna
22 January 1494
The Vienna Register
WAR!!!
Poland, Hanseatic League, and Scotland have declared WAR on Austria and its allies Denmark, Sweden , Bohemia, and Hungary. In a backstabbing move, Bohemia and Hungary have declined the Holy Roman Emperor’s call for assistance, leaving Austria with Denmark and Sweden to hold off the Polish dogs and their minions.
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Berlin
28 May 1494
Die Zeitung
WAR!!!
Our glorious nation of Prussia has today declared war on the ignominious Bohemians. It has been revealed that one week ago the Bohemian ambassador walked unannounced right into the stateroom of Kaiser Friederich and demanded that he cede the province of Kustrin to its rightful owner, Bohemia and that if he did not, the Bohemians would take it by force. The Kaiser immediately sprang from his bedside, grabbed his sword and decapitated the Bohemian ambassador with one swing. He then mailed the man’s head back to King Vladislas II of Bohemia with a note stating that a state of war now existed between Prussia and Bohemia.
Our armies have been conscripted with 12000 new recruits in Berlin who will soon join our glorious General Gluck who is marching on Silesia at this very moment. Stating that it was a matter of personal honor, the Kaiser has refused the offers of assistance from our allies.
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Mecklenburg
2 August 1496
PEACE!!!
Today peace was reached between our glorious Hansa and the Danish and Swedish infidels. Unfortunately, we will have to cede to the Swedes Western Pommerania in return for their Danish masters to recognize our legitimate claim on Jylland. In all circles, the move has been hailed as a diplomatic success…one rich province for a mediocre one…and more importantly, very little bloodshed.
Secondarily, the government of Hansa has lost contact with the city of Bremen, last known to be under siege by the Austrians. We have unconfirmed reports that the Austrians have captured Bremen and consider their war with Hansa closed. As of now, there has been no official reaction from our government on that issue.
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Berlin
12 October 1497
Die Zeitung
Today marks the conclusion of our war with the Bohemians. General Gluck will lead the victory parade of our glorious armies today right here in Berlin. General Gluck had risen from a lowly Major to supreme command of all Prussian armies and in his battles with the Bohemians, proved why he had been entrusted by the Kaiser to handle such immense responsibilities. It is rumored that the size of Prussia will amost double as a result of the peace arrangement. Silesia, Erz, and Sudeten are all rumored to have been ceded by Bohemia to Prussia.
