Rulers of the Seven Seas: Mar Portuguez, a Portuguese AAR

[Judge]

Anibal, great update, I was surprised that the Spaniards weren’t capable of putting up more of a fight though. Here is a small contribution (couldn’t get that pic to work so you have to write about the later events instead). Happy birthday btw

A great loss and a small victory

In Spain the preparations proceeded. Alessandro Farnese mobilized his soldiers. It was going to be a swift, brutal war. The Portuguese wouldn’t have a chance against well-trained expert soldiers. Alessandro Farnese was certain. "They are only fishmongers. Sure they can fight pagans but now they are up against real soldiers. By the end of this week I will have Crato´s arse suspended on a stake in Lisboa".

Felipe II was still certain that he would be elected and the spy Dom Figo had been sent back to Portugal to gain support for Felipe´s cause.

Don Alfonso

Don Alfonso had already gone to the front with his book of Romanian torture practises firmly tucked under one arm “the joy the joy” he kept repeating to himself while slavering.

However as the war started it turned out to be anything but a pleasure. Alessandro´s forces were beaten back on all fronts and despite heroic efforts to arouse the soldier to make brave resistance nothing could prevent massive defections.

Don Alfonso had hoped to fry the liberal fanatics led by Aruajo but after one day at the front he decided to return to the safety in Madrid. However he couldn’t return empty handed. “Stop the coach, I see a Portuguese traitor over!” The monks that accompanied Don Alfonso couldn’t see a living soul nearby. “There, there” shouted Don Alfonso and threw the book about Romanian torture methods towards a small hedgehog on the ground. “Arrest that man immediately”. The Monks were too afraid of Don Alfonso to disobey. Reluctantly they arrested the hedgehog and brought the enemy before Don Alfonso “he, he you little schismatic, I will fry your arse”. All night Don Alfonso studied some juicy Romanian torture methods and in the morning he eagerly decided to exercise the methods on the Portuguese traitor. His eyes got a mad glow when a small fire was lit. “Sinner, hot iron will make you talk and prepare you to face our Holy Father in heaven”

In the meantime the Portuguese forces had surrounded Madrid and put the city under siege. Alessandro Farnese led the brave resistance.

Madrid

Felipe II was all red in his face when the news of the siege reached him. “Shit, antichrist is here, this is supernatural, the devil is with the Portuguese”.

Alessandro Farnese did his best to explain the miserable outcome of the war but couldn’t come up with a good explanation. “Sire we might have to surrender”

Felipe II took a deep breath. “No it can´t be true, you promised me victory!”

Suddenly Felipe II was interrupted by a triumphantly roar. “Victory, oh the sweet smell of victory. I caught this little traitor close to the Portuguese border”. Without hesitation Don Alfonso threw a little dark piece of coal with some burnt pigs on it on a table beside Felipe II. “Ha, he was preparing a venomous attack on our dear country. I had great use of my book about Romanian torture methods when I questioned him. Hm he was a tad too persistent because he refused to reveal anything of importance to me but I wrote down his confession of being a heretic at least”. Don Alfonso looked happy and slavered while he waved a paper with the confession, a small mark from the hedgehogs paw, in front of him.

Felipe II sighed and shook his head in desperation. There was no hope left. He knew that he had to surrender to the bastard Dom Crato.

 

[Alexandru H.]

Again with the Romanian torture bit, Judge? That's a bit S&M, you know...Maybe I should give some romanians from Sweden a call, to let you experience first-hand what we can do for you

Anibal, you dirty devil, you already announced your birthday in this AAR! Really, now, you didn't think I wouldn't be the first one to say it? I am, still, the Pubaa of this small world and nothing goes without my will (just ask Amric or coz1).

Now, about my HoI AAR...it's currently on-hold until I update it, quite simple! It will be about me, my family, my desires and, of course, world conquest, but I might begin another one, since I was not very satisfied with it...Heck, I have about three abandoned AARs so far!

 

[Judge]

Again with the Romanian torture bit, Judge? That's a bit S&M, you know...Maybe I should give some romanians from Sweden a call, to let you experience first-hand what we can do for you

Alexandru, that is only a small reference to old Vlad Tepes, no need to call Sweden really (its expensive too)

 

[unmerged(24763)]

I've never played EU or EU2 so I wanted to check out what it looked like. I've read some of this AAR and I hope to catch up. This game is a little different than HoI! :wacko:

 

[Amric]

Oh, grand pooh bear, er, poobah, have you written your AARticle yet?

Very nice, and Judge has a real thing about torture...and sex...let's not forget the sex...

 

[unmerged(16363)]

Amric: Let's see what happens to Spain... And about the AARcticle, it's intended for next issue, as discussed.

Coz1: Exactly. Portugal's only problem is extremly low manpower, but it could be solved with womanpower too, right? You know, more women, more men, etc etc etc.

Sgian Dubh: Welcome back to the forum! I'm still running this game with an old 1.07 beta, from nearly one year ago, and an equaly old EEP version, so things might be easier for me taking those facts into account. You know: new betas, less exploits! Thanks for reading!

Judge: But this is great! That brutal Don Alfonso must really be a crazy man indeed! And... it's Araujo, not Aruajo... And Farnese... coward man!

Alexandru H.: Yes... don't hurry to update your AARs. You know, it took me two months to update this one!

Vigilantsldr: I hope you like the EU1 and EU2 AARs, and hope you like them so much that you'll start playing EU2 very soon! HoI is great too and yes, they are a bit different, but just a little bit!

 

[unmerged(16363)]

Chapter IX, part II

(OOC: here comes a small update. I know it's not specially well crafted, but I hope it's at least enough.)


- - -

Chapter IX, part II
Emperor D. Antonio I (February/1580 - January/1600)


The spanish representants, except for Don Alfonso, are very ashamed. D. Felipe II is with his head down and it's clear that he's much more sad than enraged. General Alessandro Farnese is a bit unquiet, but his face is red of shame. Some tears fall from his eyes. The evil Don Alfonso, on the other hand, enters on the reunion chamber laughing somewhat, and smiling.

The other members of the spanish royalty are kept enjailed and were not allowed to take part on the peace negotiations.

And so, they sit on the table. A big table, a circular one. Antonio do Crato and Araujo are there, and so the three representants from the spanish part. The chamber is full of guards.

- D. Felipe II, you have declared the war because you don't acknowledge the claims of Antonio do Crato for the portuguese throne. Of course, you claim that there was a contract signed in your marriage with a portuguese princess (may God keep her soul at peace in heaven) in which you would be the portuguese monarch if no male descendent from D. João III shows. Well, it is already proved that Crato is a descendent from him! He's his grandson. Son of one of D. João III's sons with a woman from the people, but being son of the plebe - not of the nobility - doesn't mean that he isn't grandson of D. João III, right?

- He was only discovered after the death of D. Sebastião and took the power with a coup d'état. I don't recognise his claims.

- That wasn't a coup. It was you that was planning a coup, and we only made a counter-coup. Okay. Then you declared war on the Portuguese Empire, and Alessandro Farnese led your troops. Oh, and by the way, I heard that Farnese died in a battle outside the walls of La Coruña!

- It was another colonel whose surname is also Farnese - the spanish general says. - I was leading the spanish resistence at Madrid.

- It doesn't matter. Now nearly every spanish town is occupied by the portuguese forces - Crato takes the word. - My forces defeated Farnese's and rampaged undefeated into your land. I still can't believe how Don Alfonso thinks Spain wasn't defeated!

- You didn't invade many cities yet! We are not defeated! You'll die, bastards! D. Felipe II will take the portuguese throne! Infidels! Liberal infidels! Libertarian infidels! Enemies of the Church and the Pope! I'll practise more romanian torture methods using Araujo and Crato as "material"! Muahahahahaha!

- Take him out of here, guards! - Crato orders, and it's done - D. Felipe II and Alessandro Farnese, you do recognise that you are losing the war and that your forces can't resist to ours anymore, right? Your army is full of starving recruits and has no weapons and leadership. Your navy was destroyed near Gibraltar. Your colonies south of Uruguay were taken. Your country is occupied.

- I have to recognise. Being the leader of the spanish people, I really have to. The bloodbath of my own people must be stopped. I, therefore, recognise Crato as the legitimate owner of the portuguese throne!

- I don't recognise! - Farnese says. Then he's promptly taken out of the reunion chamber.

- I have a fair proposal for you, D. Felipe II - Araujo says. - You will keep your title of spanish king and you'll keep on being the ruler of your people. Yes, you'll have total domain over your people, your economical resources, your colonies, your army and navy.

- Do you mean a white peace?

- Of course not. You should pay us the tiny amount of 200 ducats as tribute, as a symbolic tribute. And you should recognise the Portuguese Empire as your liege, as the liege of Spain. Yes, you'll be considered from now on as a portuguese vassal. You will pay us an yearly amount corresponding on half of your taxes as tribute, and Portugal shall grant you territorial integrity and protection against external attacks. You shall grant free access to the portuguese army and navy on your provinces and ports, including the colonial ones. You won't sign royal marriages with other countries than Portugal. You won't sign military alliances with other countries. Your ministers and advisors must start learning Portuguese right now, and Portuguese shall be the language we will use to communicate. The title Dom (and Don in Spanish) will only be granted to the portuguese nobility, meaning that the spanish nobility will have to stop using this title. And, to finish, you will put the crown of emperor in the head of Antonio do Crato.

- I fear I have to agree... at least my people will be protected!

Some days after the reunion, there was a big party and celebration at the imperial palace. Felipe II has crowned Antonio do Crato as the portuguese emperor, with the title D. Antonio. Alessandro Farnese was sent to Brazil to work as a slave in the goldmines, and Alfonso (without the Dón now) was sent to Tibet, and he will live among budhist monks to learn the ways of peace, love, understanding and tolerance.

Emperor Antonio of Avis. Emperor of the United Empire of Portugal and Algarve, sovereign of Benin and Atjeh, protector of Alexandria, lord of Brazil, Mexico, Australia and all of the Indies. Liege of the Spanish Kingdom.

 

[unmerged(15337)]

Excellent turnabout -- Portugal as the master of Spain! Wonderful!

And don't worry about the quality of the writing; you're doing very well. Your story continues to be a nice one, to say nothing of your outstanding gameplay! Very well done!

 

[Amric]

Excellent to see the Spanish humbled and now subservient to Portugal! Very well done!

 

[unmerged(15409)]

Just finished reading through the whole AAR... and I must say it rocks. really great stuff, I personally like the way you´ve dealt with the arrogant Filipe II... your income must be skyrocketing with Spain´s money, eh? (A good move, you don´t get the gold inflation YET you get the gold ).

Keep going, and give us some info on income and tech levels
Nuke

 

[coz1]

That was a great meeting. Portugal now has Spain as a vassal. How long before you annex?

 

[unmerged(15409)]

Well remembered fellow... soon he can try to annex Spain!!! Damn... talk about reverse history!

 

[unmerged(16363)]

Jwolf: Thanks! About the gameplay... it's with an old 1.07 beta, the one from 11th of May last year, I think. Many things changed, and the game became somewhat more difficult for the player since then. So... you see. And, about the writing, well now I just wish I had more time to write!

Amric: Yes, reversing history. Historically, on those days the spanish king D. Felipe II became the portuguese king after defeating the forces of Antonio do Crato (and IIRC it wasn't Alessandro Farnese who led the forces, but I don't remember who it was). He considered himself king of Spain and king of Portugal (under the name of D. Felipe) and is acknowledged as a very able king for Portugal. His sons D. Felipe III (D. Felipe II in Portugal) and D. Felipe IV (D. Felipe III in Portugal) actually tried to annex Portugal into Spain. The dutch then attacked various portuguese colonies (well, they weren't portuguese anymore; you could say they were spanish) in Angola and other africa regions, in Brazil, in India, in the spice islands, etc. This was the start of the portuguese colonial decline. Portugal (and colonies) was spanish territory until 1640.

Nuclear Winter: Thanks! Yes, again reversing history here. Well, I always provide info on tech levels at the start of each chapter, but when I get home and write again I'll provide more accurate info, including income, and make a comparison with other countries. The (half of) spanish tax comming to me will hopefully kill my gold inflation, with all my gold mines in Mexico, Brazil and Zimbabwe!

Coz1: Thanks! I don't know... I don't even know if I'll atempt an anexation. Maybe when all Spain starts to speak Portuguese, then I can try.


- - - - - - - - - -


People, sorry for the lack of updates. Now, in the Easter holidays, I'm not at home, so there will be no way to write. On the other hand, I've been very busy IRL and also I have other projects on the forum to take care of.

 

[Judge]

poor Don Alfonso Great update though

 

[Corruption]

Is this AAR abandoned?

 

[unmerged(16363)]

Is this AAR abandoned?

I'd say it's on a loooooong sleeping season. No, not abandoned. I wouldn't dare to do so.

This is it... let me try to explain a little... together with the fact that my schedule has became more tight, I am/was suffering a bit from what they call "writer block". Yes, I simply ran out of ideas to feed this tale with. I wouldn't like to write only for the sake of writing (as I have done in past times... even inside this tale); I want to write good things.

Let me try to explain... I want to write it in a way that it would give me pleasure to read my own work again. This statement might sound a bit selfish, I recognise, but after re-reading this whole tale again, right after publishing the last installment, I felt I could have done it all much better. Yes, I say I like most of what I wrote, I wouldn't change large numbers of installments, but there were some here and there that I read and... uh-oh, no. Too silly, too "empty", to gameish. Too childish, sometimes, or even careless. Fortunately, they are only a minority, but were enough to made me re-think the whole concept of this AAR.

This current format showed to be too strict for me (as a writer), too tight, with practicaly no "breathing hole". I don't know if I could explain it better... But probably, when I come back to write this again, I'll experiment another format of storytelling. Most probably a variation of the current one, since I don't want to provoke an earthquake. Yes, I've just started developing new ideas... They shall come soon, me thinks.

 

[unmerged(15409)]

Bah, brazuca, stop whinning and start writing! We care not for how you feel , we want to see updates!!!!

Serious, take your time, but don´t take too long a time, ok? I know you need something awesome to write about, so why don´t you just annex some minors and give a random reader, say, me for example, a good, *ss-kicking cameo ?

 

[unmerged(15058)]

Almost a year and nothing

 

[unmerged(61957)]

Almost a year and nothing

2 years. :\

 

[Amric]

I'm pretty sure it will not be finished, fellows. He's not on much anymore and he's moved on to HOI2. But he hasn't updated that AAR in quite some time either....He's been pretty busy in RL and it doesn't look like that will change any time soon. Sorry....