Drake Darkwing! All is good. Hopefully the duck warriors do not meet any geese, fore geese are mean! Thank you for the update
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Road of Queens - CKII India AAR
- Thread starter Eurasia
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Tough audience!
Just curious - I assume this tale is from a different custom game you played as a bit of a diversion? (Not wanting to break immersion too much, nor let any ducks out of the bag early)
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Yeah. And no mods needed. Just need Holy Fury DLC and just keep generating random maps. Sooner or later you get animals!Tough audience!
Just curious - I assume this tale is from a different custom game you played as a bit of a diversion? (Not wanting to break immersion too much, nor let any ducks out of the bag early)
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Four : Darn Friendly Humans!
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Four : Darn Friendly Humans!
“By early December the long ships were off the eastern coast of India!” stated the Bard.
“What, this is happening in India?” demanded the Empress.
“Well, yes,” replied the Bard. “I explained this was happening in the future. And the High Chief IS from the Island of Lanka.”
“As I was saying,” continued the Bard, “The long ships had arrived at the point where the duck folks had been replaced by humans.”
“There are humans?” exclaimed the Princess.
“I explained all this at the start,” responded the Bard with a annoyed look.
“Anyway,” the Bard said as he strummed his lute, “The warriors landed. And found that the human populace along the coast were of the same Religious Group. So they could not loot them.”
“As the High Chief pondered what to do next he received news of another baby drake,” the Bard added. “His Concubine gave birth to a duckling she named Dewey. But the High Chief decided that name was overused and sent word back to the island to rename his second son Bill.”
“It was also decided that Bill would be educated in the ways of violence,” commented the Bard.
“At that point High Chief Scrooge ordered the ships to Africa! Surely they could find some infidels there to murder and steal from?”
“But,” the Bard said with a strum of his lute, “by late February it was pointed out to him that he was in DEBT!”
Nobody reacted and the Bard sighed again.
“After all,” added the Bard, “ships cost money to maintain and warriors cost money to feed and equip.”
“So, when the ships arrived off the west coast of India the warriors were landed to raid and loot and try to stop the downward spiraling debt of doom!”
“Sadly while the local humans were at war they were also from the same Religious Group and could not be raided,” explained the Bard. “And the duck warriors found little in the way of fodder to feed on. They needed to quickly move on to Africa to find somebody, anybody, to raid!”
The Bard looked around. With no combat or sex in the story nobody was paying attention.
And so we close with a frustrated Bard and a greedy High Chief in debt.
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Careful, Bard, if you want to get paid and not executed! At least someone was paying a little attention by asking a question.
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Five : Friendly Africa
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Five : Friendly Africa
“By early May,” continued the Bard as he glared at the Imperial Court, “the long ships had loaded up and the duck warriors had left India behind as they sailed on to Africa.”
“As the longboats plowed through the waves the High Chief got a letter via a messenger whale.”
“A whale?” said the Princess in confusion.
“We have messenger otters,” pointed out the Bard.
“Point,” is all she said in reply and went back to nibbling on a candied fruit.
“The letter told him that his Marshal had improved greatly the skills of one of his Commanders, Beaky,” added Bard. “Not that is mattered. All the Commanders were back on the island. They didn’t come looting with him!”
“But then he received more news from a messenger whale!”
The Bart strummed his lute and added, with a deep voice of doom, “the Province of Kotthasara, due to the lack of funds to pay the sheriffs and magistrates, was now under the thumb of the Thieves’ Guild!”
The Bard shook his head sadly. “This meant he would get even less taxes from the province and his debt would grow ever bigger.”
The people kept drinking wine and beer and chatting to each other.
The Bard sighed and continued.
“Off the coast of Africa was a tiny island called Socotra,” said the Bard. “Alone and of a different Religious group it would be the perfect target. Scrooge ordered his troops to land and loot!”
“The island was populated by Red Panda folks!” he exclaimed. “Their Religion seemed to be centered around a board game. The winners of the game became the Priests. Sadly, the lawyers said that because they were friendly they could not be looted. Even though they WERE infidels!”
“Lawyers, always the lawyers,” mumbled the Empress.
“As this was happening,” added the Bard, somewhat surprised the Empress had been listening, “the High Chief was notified by another letter that Blunder, a wife of one of his Councilors, was plotting to kill him.”
“As he tried to decide how to handle Blunder he recalled his troops and decided to land them to the north in the Province of Mahra. Who were also infidels.”
“And when they landed they found the lands populated by cat folks,” he added. “Who ALSO could not be looted because they, also, were friendly!”
“So at this point the High Chief threw up his wingtips and ordered the long boats to return to the homeland,” the Bard exclaimed with a strum of his lute.
Nobody said anything and he sighed giving his lute another strum out of sadness.
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Six : Problems At Home
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Six : Problems At Home
The Bard, Sunflower, strummed his lute and eyed the two powerful women as they ate and drank.
Basilissa Eupraxia and Princess Agathe had barely paid his tale any attention and he doubted they would enjoy the ending of it.
He sighed, shrugged to himself, and continued with the story.
“By late August, as the ships sailed back to home, the High Chief invited his wife to his cabin,” said the Bard with a grin. “He wanted to try to spend some time with her to increase her trust of him.”
“She agreed and soon they were chatting with each other about the meaning of life, how weird other animal folks were, and if dreams meant anything,” he said with a dreamy smile.
“Sadly, it turned out his wife didn’t agree with him on many subjects. He tried to explain to her that, as a female, she should always agree with her husband but she was having none of that,” added the Bard with a shake of his head.
“By October the ships arrived at Lanka. High Chief Scrooge of Lanka thought and thought on what to do next. It had dawned on him that if he had just gone to war with his neighbor, bad opinions or not, he would have been better off,” remarked the Bard.
“But now it was too late to go to war with High Chief Dewey,” said the Bard, “because of all the debt Scrooge was now in.”
“And then there was more bad news!” exclaimed the Bard. “The Thieves’ Guild had spread to the Province of Rohana. Which made collecting taxes even harder.”
“I’ve never had problems with the Thieves’ Guild,” pointed out the Empress to her daughter. “To be frank, I never even heard of them.”
“As the new year came the High Chief decided to deal with Blunder, the wife of his Marshal, who was trying to kill him,” said the Bard, “so he told her to knock it off. As nicely as he could.”
“She agreed but all evidence suggested she still disliked the High Chief,” commented the Bard with another strum of his lute.
“He also decided to recall his Chancellor from Pihiti as he saw it as a waste of time,” added the Bard. “He didn’t have the money to pay for the costs of creating false claims nor could he afford to have a army in the field.”
“Then his Concubine announced she was pregnant again!” proclaimed the Bard. “And the High Chief had mixed feelings about that. If he had another son by her his wife might start to feel threatened by all the extra heirs floating about.”
The Bard looked around the Court, noticed a complete lack of interest, and grabbed a pastry to gobble down.
So this chapter ends with a greedy duck in debt and a Bard wondering if he would get paid?
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All the beer that he has drunk, all the pastries that he has quaffed, and now he wants to be paid. What a bird brained idea! He will be lucky if he is not locked in the coop with a fox guard. Thank you for the update
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Seven : The End Of The Tale
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Seven : The End Of The Tale
The Bard strummed his lute to get the attention of the crowd, which failed, and continued his tale.
“The High Chief was notified of bad news,” he said. “This time from the Province of Rohana where a Smuggler’s Ring had now moved in. Which meant illegal movement of goods into and out of the Realm. And diseases too!”
“Then in the middle of August the Marshal brought the High Chief some interesting news,” continued the Bard. “Seems he had found a new duck who was perfect for one of the Commander positions. Scrooge agreed and replaced one of his old Commanders, Scrooge, with the new Commander, also named Scrooge.”
“The new Commander Scrooge was also a Duelist,” added the Bard. “So that was good.”
“Around the same time,” said the Bard, “the High Chief decided to put in a good word for his wife among the Tribes. He figured this would make her happier with him. And it did!”
“Then in early October his Mother-In-Law died,” the Bard commented. “But he didn’t care.”
“Then there was good news from his Concubine,” exclaimed the Bard with a strum of his lute. “For she had given birth to a female named Chickadee. The High Chief was pleased that is wasn’t another male who would fight over the titles.”
“He decided her education would be about their Culture and Religion,” he added. “After all females were just there to lay eggs and weave. Am I right?”
The Empress and Princess glared at him.
“Eh,” he said. “Anything, this is where we leave the High Chief and his tale for the moral of the story is-”
“What?” said the Empress. “Your story is ending? What happens to the High Chief?”
“The point wasn’t the High Chief,” said the Bard. “The point of the tale was a morality tale. And the message was you can be stupid or you can be greedy. But you can’t be both.”
There was silence and then the Empress said, “GET OUT!”
“But my Liege,” remarked the Bard as the Imperial Guards picked him up, “it’s a perfectly good message!”
“No it isn’t!” shouted back the Empress.
“My fee!”
“You come back with a story without animal folks and a stupid moral and I MAY decide to pay you!” replied the Empress as the Bard was tossed out the Palace.
So this chapter closes with the Tale ending and the Bard trying to think up a tale to get himself paid.
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The Bard is lucky that his head is still attached or that he is not doing his thinking in the 'bliette. Maybe, the Mongols would appreciate a story about tigers eating Greek Buddhists. Thank you for the update.
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Eight : This Is SPARTA!
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Eight : This Is SPARTA!
This chapters starts on the next day, on the 15th of November, with Sunflower the Bard determined to get his fee.
He walked into the middle of the main dining room, strummed his lute, and announced, “I come with another story! This one is duck free. A story from ancient history. No fantasy, no silliness, just pure facts!”
“This should be good,” remarked Princess Agathe with a smirk. “And who is this story about?”
The Bard smiled a devilish smile in return, bowed to the Princess and, her mother, the Basilissa Eupraxia, and said with glee, “Today I will paint a picture of the life of Arkhagetai Eurycrates of the Lakedaimonian League!”
“Who?” asked the Empress
“King Eurycrates of SPARTA!” The Bard looked at the two and added, “You ARE Greek, yes?”
The two Noblewomen glared at the Bard.
“So we will start our tale without ducks or fantasy, but PURE facts about one of the Ancient Kings of Greece!”
“This sounds like it will be a dry story,” murmured the Empress. She then shouted out, “MORE WINE!”
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A valuable lesson from the duck story, even with such an unsatisfying open end.
At least, now, we get to hear a duckless story about Sparta, which will probably still be disappointing, considering the quality of the Bard. But at least, we can hope to get another good lesson out of it.
At least, now, we get to hear a duckless story about Sparta, which will probably still be disappointing, considering the quality of the Bard. But at least, we can hope to get another good lesson out of it.
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Nine : The Man, The Myth, The Legend
Chapter Eight Hundred-Thirty-Nine : The Man, The Myth, The Legend
The Bard strummed his lute and said, “As all educated people know the Greek city-state known as Lacedaemon was founded sometime around the 900s BC. But was named Sparta after its main settlement on the banks of the Eurotas River.”
“It truly came to become the dominant military land-power around 650 BC,” he added with another strum of his lute. “King Eurycrates came to power in the year 665 BC and was of the House Agiad. He is likely the reason that Sparta became the power it is today.”
“He was a strong man,” the Bard pointed out as he walked about the dinning room, dodging servants and dancers. “And, of course, he had been Crowned by a Priest. Religion was a very powerful part of any society back then. Unlike now.”
The Princess and the Empress glared at the Bard.
“He had less than a thousand men in his military but, like most men of Sparta, they were all warriors,” he continued with a strum of his lute.
“And in this year he decided to build up a war chest,” he said. “For he had plans for his military.”
“You see,” remarked the Bard as he made eye contact with the Empress, “he had a de jure Ducal claim on the Island of Kythira. Known as Cythera today it was the Island of the Goddess of Love. Also known as Aphrodite. He had the men but he also needed the money. War wasn’t cheap.”
“It was small and not well defended,” he added, “but it was meant to be a part of his Realm, historically, and he wanted it.”
“And as a warrior he had to prepare himself,” continued the Bard. “So he would train his body and mind for WAR!”
“He also decided to focus his attention on his Capital,” said the Bard. “To help it develop. Increasing his tax income and populace were both important if he planned to help it grow to become a powerful nation.”
“But there was still much he had to do,” responded the Bard, “before he went to war. Ahem….now…is there any beer before I continue?”
The Empress snapped her fingers and the staff brought the Bard the cheapest beer the kitchens had.
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Author’s Notes:OOC: The game uses the AUC dating system because the game can’t count down the years. AUC means Ab urbe condita and was used by Rome if I understand it right. It means ‘in the year since the City’s founding’. According to the game the starting year is 101 AUC but that makes no sense if I am starting with Eurycrates who ruled from c. 665 - 640 BCE. 101 AUC, according to the Romans, would be 409 BC. So I am going to be doing my best to translate this to BCE - though the Bard will use the term BC. The game says the starting date is 653 BC so I will be using that as the starting date and I am ignoring the AUC system. Sorry Rome!
I will also just use the English names for the months as the Greek ones would just confuse the issue as I believe they had different months.
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This is reaching new levels of game combination. Cheap Beer beats No Beer. Thank you for updating
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