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Cockney

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I gaze out of the window on a long hot day in Rome, the Library is always hot at this time of year making it hard to concentrate, as I peer through the Window I see all of Rome’s sites in the distance, The coliseum, St. peters square, the Trevi fountains and of course dominating the skyline the great Mosque, I turn away from its magnificence to continue my work, a history paper focusing on our empires greatest period of expansion 1492-1792, I open the book that I am studying a 19th century text which is drier than a bone in the Sahara I begin to read.

"In order to understand how the Hasfid empire came, from such humble beginnings to become the power that it is today, it is nessercery to look more closely at the man who began them on this long and difficult path. Historians today widely acknowledge that the driving force behind the empire was a good and virtuous man know affectionately as Cockney by the people of Tunis, his arrival was as Mohamed IV said "a most fortunate accident" A trader in Spices and other exotic goods, his ship was wrecked off the coast of Tunisia while heading for a refit in Malta. he was picked up by a fishing boat on the 30 of December 1473, being recognised as foreigner in port he was taken to the Emir, he wanted to throw the unfortunate Englishman into prison in retaliation for the sinking of a Tunisian merchant ship by English forces, but one of his advisors suggested a challenge for the Englishman and the Emir being a kind and generous man agreed, the Englishman was taken to the royal race track and was told that if he could predict the winner of the first race then he would be allowed to go free, he choose his horse and to everyone’s surprise (it had been a 20-1 shot) it won by 6 lengths, the Emir was impressed and he told the Englishman he was free to go the Englishman replied that if it pleased the Emir he would like to stay and predict more races for him, the Emir said it pleased him greatly and the Englishman and he talked for the entire afternoon, it is unclear what was said but by the end of the day the Englishman had a new job in the Trade ministry and a small apartment in one of Tunis' more fashionable districts. He spent 7 years there mostly concentrating on exploiting the ivory trade of Tripoitania which enriched the country greatly, in 1481 he was made Mayor of Sfax and did much to improve the town including its extensive walls, while in this his two sons were born the first in 1480 the second in 1487 he stayed in that post until 1491 when he was made finance minister by the Emir, the Emir had wanted the Englishman by his side as he thought that a time of great change was coming, on the 30th of December 1491 he Emir's chief minister and confident died suddenly, the next day the Englishman was called before the Sultan and given the position of chief minister....."

Its was too hot I stared out the window again and saw children playing in the street, there must a more interesting book I thought and went off to the bookshelf I looked through all the various volumes none of which held the prospect of any excitement, I turned around and bump, a book fell from the shelf and hit my head, I picked it up from the floor, it was covered in dust , I blew the dust off it read "power behind the throne, the dairies of the Cockneys" I hurried back to my place and opened the book, the first page contained a dedication "to all the blagards, thieves and whoremongers who may read this" I turned the page and started to read....
 
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Lol, nice & amusing start Cockney. Of course the AAR will be great.

Come on mate, tell us how the Hafsids came into Rome :)
 

Cockney

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1492-1495

I enter my new office, a lovely space overlooking Tunis' open sewers, I order the windows wheeled shut, even after 28 years in this city I can't get used to that smell. Before lunch I order some underlings to compile a report on the kingdom they return the next day, we have two provinces, Tunisia and Tripoitania a small (5/5/0) army under colonel Ghazi and a small navy (0/15/0) under Minga, on the 3rd of the month I meet with a representative of the Sultan of Turkey and he after a suitable amount of finest, *ahem* Bulgarian wine he told me of his countries plans to attack the Shiite mameluks, I order more troops to be raised in both Tunisia and Tripoli. Bad news reaches us in February as Spain annexes Granada. I put the second army under the command of colonel Arlit and raise more troops, the armies are ready by September 15000 in Tunisia 8000 in Tripoli, on the 4th of September Turkey declares war on the Mameluks, I would do the same but our diplomatic corps are for the moment unable to provide a diplomat willing to tell the mameluks our intentions, however I am informed that we should have one by February next year. In November I order the Tunisia army to board ships to head for Alexandria, and on the the same day my advisors tell me that they have discovered how to make cannon.

1493, a new Emir , Mohammed V, he is a strong ruler but willing to allow me to continue running the kingdom as long as a ready supply of wine for his table and women for his harem are kept up, on the 12th of February I hand a declaration of war to the mameluk ambassador, he does not look very happy, especially as I know he owns an estate in Cyrenacia. I send orders for the troops to disembark and besiege Alexandria and order the troops in Tripoli to march to Cyrenacia, I know a nice little place where they can stay... I also order some more troops to be raised in Tripoli to occupy some unfortified provinces, on the 13th of march our troops are forced back to ship when they catch sigh of a 20k mameluk army heading through there on their way to the Turks, I make a note to build some more ships as attrition will start to set in soon, on the 27th Arlit brushes aside a mameluk force of 2000 and lays siege to Cyrenacia, on the 14th of May we finally besiege Alexandria and send our ships back to port for a refit, in June we defeat a small mameluk army and the following day bring the colony at Quattara under our control, and we await reinforcements 3 months pass and the sieges continue in September we besiege Cataract with 6000 men, on the 15th of October we capture Alexandria and the first major success of the war is celebrated in towns and cities all across the empire. On boxing day I read through the international reports and discover that Russia and its allies Crimea, Ryazan and Pskov have declared war on Kazan.

1494 dawns and a spirit of optimism can be seen throughout the empire, the war has cost us less than 2000 men and people think that the mameluks will be subdued soon, on the second of February we lay siege to delta and 6 days later a most pleasing report reaches me France supported by Savoy, the pope, Poland and Helvetia declares war on Spain who is supported by Milan, Naples, Lorraine, The palatinat and Scotland, a large Turkish force captures Cairo and marches for cataract, I order an assault of the walls so that the Turks cannot claim the siege, we fail but just 1 day later the mameluks buy off the Turks with the surrender of Judea and Lebanon, blasted fools now I can't annex them without acquiring Syria and Aleppo which would leave us vulnerable to a Persian attack and draw our attention eastwards. In May the entire court falls about laughing for 3 days as Russia is forced to pay Kazan 109 in a humiliating peace deal, the Russian ambassador is not seen at court for a month... In July with our sieges progressing slowly the mameluks take advantage of our weakness and besiege Alexandria, the Emir is unhappy and demands results and in September he gets them, Arlit finally captures Cyrenacia and marches on Egypt, in November another success, we capture Cataract and march on the Nile, later in the month the Pope Surrenders Romagna and pays and an indemnity of 103 to Naples, the rest of year is quiet so I take a well deserved rest and enjoy my 60th Birthday.

1495 Despite previous concerns the Emir is now very pleased with my work and in February the third army captures the Nile while the second army besieges Egypt, on the 23rd my foreign minister reports that Milan has been annexed by France, the next few are quiet with siege progressing until in June we capture Egypt, I order the troops to march straight to Alexandria where the mameluks have almost broken the walls, shock news reaches me in July, we are defeated in Alexandria and Arlit is killed, I would have had him executed if he were not already dead... but the mameluks army is reduced to 800 men and pose no further threat to anyone we capture Delta in October and after failing to gain 3 provinces we settle for Alexandria and Cyrenacia in November, celebrations are held all over the kingdom and I am made Skeik of Cyrenacia for my efforts, and now off to bed this war has drained me and at my time of lif..."

the pen dropped from his hand after writing this, wow I thought this is more like it!
 

Cockney

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I turned back to my official history

"The Englishman died at the age of 61 while offering prayer to Allah his death was mourned across the nation and the "hero of the mameluk wars " was given a state funeral. His death caused problems for the king, it was public knowledge that the Englishman’s dying wish had been that his son take his place when he died but how could the king give the chief ministers post to a 16 year old boy! after much deliberation he realised that he had no other choice and the man known as Cockney II was appointed on the 1st of January 1496.

Cockney II was his fathers son, physically weak but mentally brilliant he had an eye for talented people and a certain charm, he was no linguist however and his Arabic was not what it should have been, so much so that he introduced many new English words into the language, most of which now carry 10 years hard labour... A man of moderation in all things he took only 12 wives and caused quite a scandal at court when it got out that he only kept 19 mistresses! still such devotion to his work paid off for the Empire as the next chapter explores..."

I closed the book, I wonder if he kept diaries I thought to myself, I opened the diaries and read on...
 

Cockney

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BLAST

bugger shite bugger I had the second part all written out and what happens the browser crahses! lost the flipping lot and I am busy for the rest of the day, argh! :mad:

I will try to get it up later (stop sniggering in the back ;)) so please bear with me
 

The Danish King

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Noooooooooooooo! *Kills browser*
 

unmerged(3438)

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Re: BLAST

Originally posted by Cockney
bugger shite bugger I had the second part all written out and what happens the browser crahses! lost the flipping lot and I am busy for the rest of the day, argh! :mad:

I will try to get it up later (stop sniggering in the back ;)) so please bear with me

Well, be philosophical, it could have been the computer that crashed...definitively!:D

I like your story although I very much doubt there were many great-great-...-grandson of Carthage to see this happen considering the fate of that city at the Romans' hands.
 

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Not saving often enough, I see. Wouldn't it be better to use notepad, then transfer to the browser. :rolleyes:
 

Cockney

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1496-1501

My father died last night from a rotten liver the doctors said, however my father always a scheming swine has made sure that I take over his job, no bumming around Tunis' seedier side for me, still if I must do this job I may as well make it interesting...

I decide that a change of the guard is required and appoint colonel Queseria to command the first army and a young colonel by the name of Idriss to command the second. In march I receive my first piece of important international news when my spies report that Kazan has declared war on the Golden horde, their victory against the Russians has made them confident it seems... Their confidence is misplaced as 2 months later they are forced to hand over 180 sheepskins to the Golden horde. I meet with my diplomatic advisor in October and it is decided that we must make an effort to improve relations with Turkey, to this end we send a princess to join the Sultans harem, which despite the fact that she looks like she has been run over by a camel pleases the Sultan greatly. In November Helvetia are forced to hand over 250 tonnes of cheese to the palatinat and 74 pairs of leather shorts to Lorraine, however it is all in vain as in December the poor little country is annexed by Spain.

1497 is the kind of year I could get used to, all I can say thank heavens no one has invented licensing laws yet... In June the Palatinat gives 97 tonnes of previously enjoyed Helvetian cheese to France easy come, easy go I suppose. Later in that month Sibir declares war on the Uzbeks and in December Spain signs a white peace with the pope. 1498 makes 1497 look busy , I upgrade the walls in Alexandria and in February 855 men desert the first army, I order men to be raised to replace them, I also reject a Turkish alliance offer, I have a nasty feeling that the Sultan may drag us into wars we cannot win at some point...

1499 begins with a dispatch from our man in Denmark he reports that Denmark joined by its allies Norway and Sweden have declared war on the Teutonic order who are supported by Prussia, Sibir pays a heavy price for its aggression in February when they are forced to surrender Irgiz, Orsk and Tenghiz to the Uzbeks and give up 8 horses to boot! 4 days later Naples sends France 35 barrels of wine for peace. 1500 is another year dominated by international news, on the 10th of January Russia and its cronies Pskov, Ryazan and Crimea declare war on little Kazan, I send the Russian ambassador a letter wishing his country luck, just to annoy him. On the 16th of February the Turks Supported by Wallachia, Oman and Algiers declare war on the Mameluks, I would do likewise but our peace treaty is still in force! I order the army to stand ready. In July Kazan is annexed by Russia and the Russian ambassador feels confident enough to come back to court.

OOC: here is a screenshot of our empire in 1499 http://www.geocities.com/cockney9/ScreenSave136.jpg

IC: 1501 begins and Interrupt the Mameluk ambassador's new years luncheon with the declaration of war, after 10 minuets of calling us treacherous vipers and cursing us we leave him to get on with it and I order the 1st army into to the delta, the second army to cataract and detach 1000 infantry to take Quattara, on the 1st of February we begin a siege of cataract and on the 5th we take Quattara and march the now 980 infantry to the Nile. On the 1st of March we arrive in delta province and begin a siege and on the 22nd of March my foreign affairs minister tells me that Prussia has been annexed by Denmark, I decide that we need to expand our knowledge of the world and so I organise an international cartography faire in Tunis, it is a great success and by the end we have knowledge of lands to our north and the Indian ocean. On the 7th of April the younger brother of colonel Idriss gathers together 1000 men and puts himself and the Kings service [random conquistador] we send him off to join the siege of cataract for now, his bravery has also inspired a group of peasants to present themselves for adventure overseas, I look at our new maps and decide to send them as a trading mission to Mombassa in East Africa to expand out trade at Alexandria which hasn't been looking too healthy of late.

Dragging myself back to the war, we take Nile of the 23rd and the following day Dai Viet declares war on Ayutthya.

OOC: a little screnie from the war itself http://www.geocities.com/cockney9/ScreenSave137.jpg

IC: The Turks capture Cairo in July and march on cataract, but we have nearly captured it, I send a dispatch to Idriss telling him to get a bloody move on and in August we capture just days before the Turks were due to arrive, the Turks however change tact and march on delta which doesn't look like falling, I order an assault and hope for the best while waiting nervously as the battle swings one way or the other I receive news that the trade mission to Mombassa was a success, the month drags on and the assault is looking bad, but on the 19th of September a last ditch attack succeeds and we take the province! two days later The Sultan and Emir announce that the Mameluks are no more, we take Delta, Quattara, Nile and Cataract. That should show those who doubted me....

http://www.geocities.com/cockney9/ScreenSave138.jpg
 

Cockney

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Re: Re: BLAST

Originally posted by T. Fournier
I like your story although I very much doubt there were many great-great-...-grandson of Carthage to see this happen considering the fate of that city at the Romans' hands.

Well I couldn't really think of a better title and I am glad you like the AAR :)

Thnaks to everyone who has posted so far, its great to see that people appricate my work ;) :)
 

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Very nice mate, Mameluks are of course a good first victim :)
Annexing them isn't too difficult and nets quite nice amount of money with Alexandria.
Btw: those screenie URL's dont work mate... :(