Revanche!
The French Empire in Kaiserreich
The French Empire in Kaiserreich
Bonjour! My name is Thirdfain, and this AAR is a tale of war, revenge, and a terrible personal secret. That secret's shocking revelation will appear in this very post! Prepare for an emotional roller coaster which will cause you to question the most fundamental beliefs you hold about the nature of reality!
As everyone knows, Americans are taught from a young age to detest France. In our school textbooks, the common Frenchman is referred to as a "Baguette-munching surrender snail" and France itself is usually called "an overgrown cheese-farm." Everyone knows that the 15th amendment to the US Constitution explicitly states that "France is a terrible country, and all Americans are forbidden from referring to fried potato sticks as 'French Fries' until such time as France agrees to disband itself and become a constituent slave-state under the rule of the United Kingdom."
Despite this deep institutional bias, one of the pillars of American identity, some Americans still find themselves imbued with francophilia. Since a young age, I have studied France in secret. I have acquired proscribed books on the French language in secret and studied them. I have snuck across the border into Quebec to take unauthorized trips to France. I have attended the International Culinary Center; a school which used to be called the French Culinary Institute before francophobic sentiment forced it to change it's name. I have even dated a Frenchwoman from Issy-le-Moulineaux, despite the strict anti-French miscegenation laws which are in force across the United States. The terrible secret now reveals itself- I myself bear the title of Francophile.
Personal anecdotes are all well and good, but you must be asking yourself "What does all this have to do with Revanche? Where is the war and the revenge?" The answer is simple. With so few avenues available to the common American to enjoy Francophilia (besides french bread, called "Freedom Loaf" in most US states,) I have taken it upon myself to create an AAR which glorifies the accomplishments of the Fourth French Empire in Kaiserreich's Deuxième Guerre mondiale. Until the censors arrest me, I promise to deliver a new post every week, complete with an edifying Fact About France. I only hope you gain some small enjoyment from this endeavor until such time as I am shipped off to Riker's Island for my perverse hobby.
éternellement vôtre,
Thirdfain
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August 1, 1945
They will crush the Syndicalists in Britain and turn the island into an Entente air base, from which to support the grand crusade to fully liberate Europe from the German yoke. It must be realized, however, that the forces arrayed against La France and her Canadian allies are mighty beyond imagination. Their legions are numberless, their ships fill the seas, and the sun is blotted out by their air forces. How can France hope to win her victory and restore the proper order of things? How can Revanche become anything more than a dream?
First, there is the might of France herself. Despite the occupation of most of the Metropole, France-sur-la-Mer has been made powerful by a long process of industrialization and integration at the behest of the pieds-noirs. The deserts have been made to bloom and the people of Africa have learned to become French. The armies which will liberate Europe march under a banner which recognizes no difference in skin color or religion- only the glory that is the French language and the dream of a greater liberal French empire.
The answer is simple- Science. The French are not just an egalitarian and practical people. They are also a logical people, who use the power of the mind to reinforce the strength of the arm.
Vive la France!
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Fun French Fact: Did you know that in France, there is a special institution dedicated to preserving the French language? The Academie Francaise is charged with maintaining the structure of the French language. Often, the Academy invents neologisms to provide the French with home-grown alternatives to foreign words. For instance, the Academy invented the word "ordinateur" so that French people wouldn't have to use the American word "Computer."
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A francophile! How could you?
