Chapter 23: Manchu: pushover or the biggest pushover?*
*I'm a big Stephen Colbert fan -- sue me.**
** Please don't sue me, I'm a graduate student and have very little money.
February 1750: Remember that war against the Mamluks? Already over.
Sinai is one of the few African COTs -- I am hoping it will be quite lucrative. The other two territories connect me with the rest of Russia. We discover (strike?) fish in Guam. We now have a bigger navy than even GB -- this would
never happen with the new beta patch.
March 1750: We get a new mission -- conquer Datong. Manchu has it. Looks like God is spoiling for a fight. More fish in Sumba. Also, the Mamluks lose more territory, this time to Oman (they were at war with them at the same time as me), mostly farther south. Just like the Ottomans, take their COT and the rest crumbles.
May 1750: Hotan converts. A little infamy burn before war is always a good thing.
December 1750: Brandenburg makes a formal request. Russia formally requests Brandenburg to stick this request where the sun don't shine.
As soon as I take Livland out of the HRE, those penalties will disappear.
January 1751: Re-election for Dubenski. His campaign slogan: "Vote Dubenski in '51 -- honestly, you'll probably do worse if you don't."
February 1751: Hamadan cores.
March 1751: Jaisalmer cores.
April 1751: War with Manchu! Objectives: take Datong, and use excess infamy to look for COTs or just really rich provinces. Cripple Manchu as best I can.
Here's the balance sheet:
Superficially impressive numbers for Manchu (that's almost entirely them). I don't even think for a second to call my allies -- I think I can handle this one.
May 1751: Najd warns us.
June 1751: No generals in Europe: Thousands of casualties. No generals in Asia: dozens of casualties.
July 1751: Another Manchu army is Manchu-d up by Russia (it's the strangest thing -- I despise puns unless I'm telling them. Maybe I'm just a sadist
)
August 1751: A line from one of my all time favorite RPGs,
Anachronox, applies here:
Boots: You know what the difference between you and the you from five minutes ago is?
Detta: What?
Boots: The you from five minutes ago had
five minutes to live.
[Seriously, it's a great game, same people that made
Deus Ex. Very dark sense of humor, but it's fantastic. The music is great, the characters are phenomenal, and the story is breath-taking. The graphics are just a bit dated, even for the time it was new, so if you can run EU 3, you can run this. The end will make you mad, because they never made a sequel. Jerks.]
More of the same. Yawn.
October 1751: Majahpit agrees to peace -- the cheeky bastards invaded some of my Pacific Islands, so they get white peace early. Manchu will not be so fortunate.
February 1751: Manchu tries bringing along their friend, Assam -- the result is the same.
There were zero Russian casualties -- a recent ban to prevent Russians from drinking during battle in exchange for twice as much drinking after and before battle seems to be very effective.
April 1752: After a lot of walking, Russia has totally occupied Manchu (except that little island south of the Mainland -- name escapes me at the moment). Now, it is peace.
Jinan is a COT. Heijan connects Jinan to the rest of Russia.
May 1752: Our new mission: Convert Nis. This one is kind of irritating and takes a really long time. Also, we now border Mongol Khanate. Time for another box of Horde Snacks.
November 1752: One of the few non-Orthodox Christian provinces left, Trakai, converts.
March 1753: Some Europeans have a hankering for Indian cuisine, and ask Deccan. After the meal, they won't leave, bust up the restaurant, and generally make asses of themselves. Deccan calls the manager, Russia.
For the first time, Russia's old friend (more like the guy who crashes on your couch every couple of years, eats your food, and leaves in the middle of the night so he won't have to pay you back) Denmark shows up.
This is actually a great opportunity -- I've wanted to throw Austria out of the Balkans for a while. I can't inflict too much damage -- they've got quite a few overseas colonies.
May 1753: Sweden immediately realizes their terrible mistake and offers white peace. I hear they've got some fine game designers, so I accept. There's also some rebel sentiment in Manipur. You know what else is in Manipur? 30,000 Russian troops. Go ahead and try it.
August 1753: The first major battle between Russia and Austria, in Vienna. It's a doozy.
Honestly, these battles would be harder if the PC tried to get the tactics bonus.
September 1753: Judea is now Russian soil, as is Sidon. Denmark decides to leave (white peace), without paying their tab. You stay classy, San Di-- er, Denmark. (Another favorite move -- Anchorman!) We also have a another battle with Austrian forces, and again, it's quite bloody.
This more or less breaks the Austrian Army, and I start occupying their European possessions.
November 1753: Jodhpur converts.
January 1754: Land tech 50 and level 6 forts -- I never build a lot, but I do build some on the Bohemian border.
February 1754: Another battle with Austria -- Castille is in a separate war with them and has landed 25k troops in the Balkans -- I should probably peace soon before Castille takes my war score.
April 1754: Xia asks us to open our markets to their merchants. Certainly! You can try to dislodge my monopolies, but you might find it tricky.
May 1754: We have some epic art, and get 10 prestige. Granted, the only way I ever lose prestige is if I break an alliance, but hey, that's something.
June 1754: Datong converts.
July 1754: Austria peaces out.
Auvergne, alliance leader, signs a white peace shortly afterwards.
August 1754: Two Australian provinces, Wergaia and Woiworung, are now properly possessions of the Russian people. To commemorate this occasion, some unemployed civilians build a workshop for Barguzinsky. Yes! Another Siberian province is slightly less worthless!
September 1754: At some point, there is war with Naples. This is kind of the forgotten war -- I want my core on Abruzzi, and that's pretty much it. However, it is notable for a very rare naval battle, employing the entire Black Sea Fleet.
December 1754: Government 50 and another Idea. I wait on this one -- this is about when we had the discussion about what to take.
January 1755: "Dubenski '55 -- The price Russia pays for a stupid player who doesn't understand that it's diplomacy that burns off infamy faster and will he ever learn?" It's not very catchy, but it does get the job done.
April 1755: Bulgaria converts.
May 1755: After Naples is occupied (the Italian provinces, anyway), we adopt Smithian Economics.
August 1755: With the proper naval technology, we build an Admiralty in St. Petersburg (it's actually very nice -- I never went inside (they were moving a bunch of records or something and it was closed to the public).)
Somewhere between August and November: Peace with Naples for Abruzzi. I told you it was largely forgotten.
November 1755: Bohemia is beaten by Brandenburg again, coughing up Niederlausitz, among other things. Baroda converts.
May 1756: Liaoxi converts.
June 1756: Ordos defects from the Mongol Khanate.
November 1756: Deccan calls us in again, this time against some hungry neighbors.
Apparently Dubenski is quite the libertine -- St. Petersburg gets a little more revolt risk.
April 1757: With a bunch of territories occupied, Bihar immediately begs for white peace -- I don't have any infamy to spare, so I accept.
May 1757: Silistria and Heijan convert.
July 1757: A corrupt governor in Australia gets replaced -- it costs me a little cash, but it nullifies the penalty to revolt risk otherwise.
August 1757: Tsimshian cores.
September 1757: War with Parma. Again.
October 1757: Border Friction with Syria. War with Syria.
Not a terribly impressive group of enemies, is it?
February 1758: White peace with Persia -- I want my provinces from Syria, so they earn a reprieve.
March 1758: Another workshop in Deren for free. Perhaps if I didn't employ anybody, I'd never have to build buildings again! Syria is soundly defeated.
July 1758: Baroda and Surat core.
October 1758: Land 52 and Latin Cuirassers.
December 1758: Baluchistan gets off easy -- they just give up a core. Can't take land, too much infamy, same ol' same ol'.
February 1759: Chinook cores. Yet another new Embassy in Bulgaria.
April 1759: We replace our 5* diplomat with a 5* diplomat, after the old one dies.
And that ends this update! If I'm up to it, perhaps another update tomorrow, if not, this weekend.
