Read Even More About It! An Ottoman Flavoured Community NewspapAAR

[TheButterflyComposer]

The London Gumption

A Special Message from His Grace, the Duke of Nutwood​

Glad tidings and good hunting, fellow scholars of that Grand Majestic theatre we call Eng-ger-land. I am marching with great energy as I dictate this missive to you all. My mind has been churning of late of the wickedness of our mortal enemies, or as some call them, the Rest of the World.

The French once again have managed to maintain their spectacularly poor pantomime of peace. Yet again our leaders have had the stuffing pulled over their eyes by ridiculous oaths insisting we are not at war and have not been for some time. Bollocks, of course. I go further. Damn bollocks, if you pardon my French filth. The lot of them should be shot and put in prison to work! And I would have done it myself in my tenure as premier, were I not certain the lazy little weasels would have used it as an excuse to loiter about at the British taxpayer’s expense!

What? No, I – oh dash it all, alright.

My secretary has rudely interrupted my important news to insist I disclose what the brownboots at N.O. 10 wanted me to say. What was it? Ah yes.

For too long, the French have managed to-what? I’m getting to it. For God’s sake Hamish, let a man speak! And don’t alter my words. It is a moral crime to adjust the words of a man of quality. Moral, and legal. I’ll have you deported to Swansea. What do you mean, that’s still in England? It isn’t in London though, you dirty little whore! No, I hate you. No. No…no, let me talk-can you just let me talk about the-yes…yes…hmm. Alright. Yes, marmalade please. Hunny? Excellent.

Anyway, as I was saying, the British Government wish to express their deepest concerns with the state of affairs in the Ottoman Empire and would like to strongly urge all involved, with all the seriousness they can muster, that they are looking into things and finding them. We don't want to touch your smelly, rotten sultanate, but we will.

And Napoleon probably is behind everything, short stubby little fu-

Editor’s Note: We bring you this special report, with our profoundest apologies​

 

[El Pip]

As this session reaches it conclusion I note that but a single vote has been cast and that was mine. As luck would have it this coincides with what is probably the general tone of the press, that the Ottomans should pull their finger out and stop conceding everything.

 

[El Pip]

The Consequences of Decision 3;
The Janissaries envoy is satisfied that the Sultan and the Eunuchs understand the gravity of the situation the Empire finds itself in, making the usual pledge of loyalty and returning to his fellows to reassure them of the change in course. The Grand Vizer, Seyyid Ali Pasha, has been put to death as punishment for his mistaken advice that mislead the Sultan and Benderli Ali Pasha has been appointed to replace him.

The representatives of Egypt, Epirus and Greece are quick to petition the palace to confirm that this new harder line will not affect them and have received not entirely reassuring responses.

Decision 4 - Internal Politics - May 1821
Further consideration of those issues is delayed due to further bad news from the 'European' part of the Empire. An uprising has occurred in Wallachia and Moldavia, yet more nationalists looking to 'free' themselves from the wise and benevolent rule of Constantinople. In line with our new policy a force of Janissaries is being prepared to convince them otherwise but a question has arisen. The local commander, Dervish Mehmed Pasha, wishes to use the Danubian Cossacks as part of his force. While they are undoubtedly effective the Cossacks can be... enthusiastic... in their suppression of rebels.

It is understood by the Eunuchs of the Topkapı Palace that the Wallachian uprising may have Russian support and a great many peasants from the Austrian Empire have crossed the border rallied to the rebels. They note that the Holy Alliance is meeting with the UK and France at the Congress of Laibach and it is suspected the "Eastern Question", as they patronisingly term their opinions on internal Ottoman affairs, is a matter of discussion. Should the Cossacks be deployed alongside the Janissaries as show of strength to rapidly put down the revolt and discourage others, or should only regulars be used to lower the chances of an incident that may attract unwanted external attention?

Once he has perused the views of the international press, the Sultan will make his decision.

 

[HistoryDude]

The Loyal Greek Newspaper:

Is using the Cossacks really necessary? If they're very harsh, using them might harm our benevolent Ottoman overlords. That would be bad for the loyal people of Greece - who will defend us from the hungry mouths of the Western European powers if the Ottomans won't? Our overlords have already given in to our, erm, requests. As long as they can defend us, we should be satisfied.

The question, then, becomes what would allow them to best defend our interests. Obviously, they will not attack Greece. Why should they? We are so clearly loyal, and attacking us would only threaten that loyalty. It might be in their best interest to simply abandon lands that they cannot hold. The Ottoman Empire is large - and large empires are hard to govern and rarely last long. One only needs to look at history - Alexander's Empire crumbled with his death, and even the successor empire of the Seleucids gradually contracted. Later, both Rome and our illustrious ancestors that the western powers call "Byzantines" lost land as well. In the natural order of things, empires lose land.

The Ottomans should, therefore, negotiate with these Wallachians and Moldavians. If they are willing to accept a compromise, then find one. If they aren't... then they should be crushed. Given influence to the Russians is the last thing any Greek should want.

After all, the Russian Empire views itself as the rightful successor to the Eastern Roman Empire (the "Byzantine Empire" to the West). They clearly want Greek land, viewing it as theirs by right. That right boils down to what? A marriage from hundreds of years ago and historical connections? That's not a very convincing argument, and it could easily lead to oppression of Greeks. What's to prevent the Russians from viewing themselves as "more Greek" than the actual Greeks and thus view themselves as having a better claim?

Nothing, that's what. At the moment, the Ottomans aren't oppressing us. If they try to change that policy, then they might find that we have very... convincing ways of changing their minds. War is not the only way regime change can be enacted, after all. The Ottomans want our loyalty, and the Russians might not care - the Ottomans are the lesser evil here. We are loyal to them because they're better rulers than anybody else, not because they're good rulers.

Send the Cossacks if you absolutely must, but make sure that you must. Resorting to the worst case scenario will only lead to hatred. Would a ruler that always killed anyone who disagreed with him immediately be listened to? Of course not. Begin moderately and get progressively if it is necessary.

 

[DensleyBlair]

AN ORIENTAL DISPATCH
​

Troubling reports have reached Paris of plans by the Porte to enlist Danubian Cossacks in Turkish efforts to forestall the growth of discontent within the Western provinces of the Ottoman Empire. The French government maintains a keen interest in the integrity of the Empire as a counterweight to Russian influence in the East, which grows daily, but ministers have indicated that they would not be able to excuse brutalities committed against the Christian populations of the Empire.

How fortunate we are, therefore, to be able to publish this timely excerpt from a new epic work in verse by M. le Vicomte de la Roche Saint-Michel, lately France's most celebrated man of letters! The Vicomte has translated his experience in the Orient into a monumental poetic opus, some four cantos in length, documenting his encounters with those good Christians of the Empire persecuted by the harsh treatment meted out by the Porte in its heavy-handed attempts to restore order. Printed below is an excerpt from the Third Canto, which finds our hero lamenting the plight of the Wallachian people, harried by the Cossacks.

Travels in the Land of the Greeks

by

Jean-Maxence-François-Chrétien,
VICOMTE DE LA ROCHE SAINT-MICHEL

~ ❦ ~

BOOK THE NINETY-SEVENTH

"THE WALLACHIAN HORROR"
​

Lo! hear well this account which I recite,​

Brought back from lands known not to Western men,​

Where—though the skies are blue, and dark be night—​

All customs lie quite far beyond our ken:​

I speak of Vlachs beset by proud Turkmen;​

These Christians must attract our sympathy,​

For, now bedevilled by old foes again,​

We must defend their right to liberty—​

And firm, oppose the fell Ottoman tyranny!

Alas! how badly I do suffer yet​

With grief to know their land is still so wracked,​

By pashas unaccustomed to respect​

Those noble friends of Greece: long-suff'ring Vlachs!​

Fast, the horsemen charge onwards in their packs,​

Called forth by angry agents of the Porte,​

Who hear the freedom cry as an attack;​

Onwards charge the horsemen to cut well short​

All august dreams of freedom from the terr'ble Porte!

O! stern policemen of this crumbling realm,​

Loaned cavalry unleashed by foreign hands:​

Think on your conduct ere you overwhelm​

The liberty of long-beleaguered lands,​

Bent low by unremitting fell demands,​

Sapped of their strength by tyrants far and near,​

Gripped only by the thought they must expand​

Their power, wealth—and most of all: the fear​

With which always in subjects' minds they must appear.

 

[El Pip]

High and Mighty
The Official Journal of the Palace Eunuch | Volume 1, No.2​

Concerning Cossacks
European affairs are dominating the gossip of the palace and the Cossack Question is much debated. The most brave and loyal Dervish Mehmed Pasha has requested the Danubian Cossacks be assigned to him and used against the rebels who so foolishly oppose the Empire, he argues that a show of strength is necessary to reassert Imperial Authority in the provinces after recent events. The Reis ül-Küttab however has warned of the dangers of inflaming the passions of the Russians and the Holy Alliance should the Cossacks be too vigorous. Your humble editors do, of course take no view on this and wish merely to present the views of our remaining members.

The harems and court officials are united in agreeing that Dervish Mehmed's request should be granted and the Cossacks unleashed. The majority of Eunuchs were baffled as to why anyone would object to a group of wild, savage, muscular men rampaging through a household, behaving in the basest of ways, sweat dripping from their armour as they are took whomsoever they wished in whatever manner took their fancy.

Grand Vizer Watch
It can be challenging to keep track of all the the intrigues and cabals within the Palace, so as a service to our readers we will be running this regular column of plots and news around the Grand Vizer.

Current Vizer - Benderli Ali Pasha
Time since last Grand Vizer executed by the Sultan - 10 days
Reason for last execution - Poor advice to the Sultan over internal security policy
Most likely reason for current Grand Vizer to be executed - As above
Current Madness Status - At a minimum slightly mad to have taken the job.
Number of active plots against the Sultan at this point - 4
Expected time until next Grand Vizer appointed - Three Months

 

[El Pip]

A strict reading of the rules says the score was Cossacks 1 - No-Cossacks 2. This also reflects the number of articles published which is handy. It also means we can avoid anything so vulgar as taking comments from the floor.

The Danubian Cossacks will not ride out and Dervish Mehmed Pasha will march alone with his Janissaries.

 

[El Pip]

The Consequences of Decision 4;
Dervish Mehmed Pasha was not pleased but rode out into Wallachia to suppress the rebels with only his Janissaries. Sadly the Janissaries have been more focused on expanding their political power than their military might in recent decades and their initial victories were not as overwhelming as may have been hoped. While the Pasha was victorious at Bucharest he was checked at Drăgăşani and forced back across the river Olt. This defeat emboldened more rebels to join the cause, all of whom somehow have acquired arms.

Decision 5 - Russian Influence
The rebels in Wallachia and Moldavia are suspiciously well armed for peasant revolutionaries, there is much suspicious that Russian moral and verbal support has become more practical. Certainly a large number of old model Russian Imperial muskets have somehow found their way into the hands of the rebels. It has also been noted that the 'Austrian peasants' who have flocked across the border to the rebel standard are surprisingly well drilled when on the field of battle and it is understood from prisoners who have been... encouraged... to talk that they hold many of the leadership positions. The Eunuchs of the Topkapı Palace cannot say for certain this is deliberate, they could just be Austrian Army veterans who have becoming mercenaries, but it is highly unlikely that Vienna is not aware.

Evidence has been gathered but now a decision must be made what to do with it. Were our ambassador to demand it we feel it is likely we could gain admittance to the Congress of Laibach and put these accusations to the so-called Holy Alliance, perhaps forcing them to back down but perhaps provoking a further reaction. The alternative would be to remain silent and instead reinforce Dervish Pasha, we can still outnumber the rebels and obtain a victory, it will just be slower, cost more troops and be less decisive.

The Sultan will consider the views of the newspapers and then make his own decision.

 

[HistoryDude]

The Greeks appreciate their autonomy. Perhaps the Wallachians could be granted autonomy? In its absence, they seem to be turning to foreign powers. Dangerous foreign powers. The Austrians and Russians don't truly wish to aid our Wallachian brothers. They care only for themselves.

The Austrians are not as dangerous as the Russians, though. We, the most loyal subjects of His Majesty, the Ottoman Sultan, believe that they might wish to annex or vassalize Wallachia. They do already own Transylvania - and the Habsburgs believe themselves to be the true Roman Emperors, even if they no longer outright claim the title. Clearly, they wish to expand across Italia and the Balkans. They are a threat, but we don't believe that they truly wish to conquer all of that land - they will, but only to counteract Russia. The Roman claim is probably mostly titular.

Russia is more threatening, as they believe themselves the rightful overlords of all Orthodox Christians. They say that they are the rightful successors, ultimately, of Rome. The Byzantine Empire is who they claim to be the direct heirs of, so they clearly harbor designs on Greece and absolutely on Constantinople. This is unacceptable.

Greece should be ruled by Greeks, not Russians or Austrians. Paying lip-service to the Turks is fine, but the Russians and Austrians will be direct rulers. Our autonomy will be revoked - neither Russians nor Austrians grant autonomy. Let Wallachia fall and, soon, the rest of the European portion of the Ottoman Empire will follow. There will be a domino effect - like dominoes, the Ottoman territories will fall - one after another. First Wallachia, then the Balkans, then Greece, then the Holy Land, then Syria, then Egypt, and, eventually, even Anatolia will fall.

Russia and Austria can be called out on their ambitions, though. That is what the Ottomans should do. Austria and Russia should keep each other in check. The Ottomans should then be fine.