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Chief Ragusa: Rats! I forgot all about Russia!
Will four wars in one turn do?
Strix97: The original trilogy is some of the best stuff I've seen in my life. I realize that sounds like nostalgia - and perhaps that's true - but if you want an epic story, you'll have gone to the right place.
[bLatinKaiser:[/b] Let's go with Blaze of Glory!
Stuyvesant: Ludwig did fit in well with going to Absolute Ruler, didn't it? Bwahaha!
Cyborg Mage: India's starting to get very interesting. I wouldn't mind going there.
GreatUberGeek: Something shall rise anyway!
tnick0225: Yes, when I saw that event I thought 'Wait, I can change government! Won't that annoythem?' Bwahahaha!
Dr. Livingstone: Sorry, I meant 'BOOOOWWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAA!'
Will four wars in one turn do?
Strix97: The original trilogy is some of the best stuff I've seen in my life. I realize that sounds like nostalgia - and perhaps that's true - but if you want an epic story, you'll have gone to the right place.
[bLatinKaiser:[/b] Let's go with Blaze of Glory!
Stuyvesant: Ludwig did fit in well with going to Absolute Ruler, didn't it? Bwahaha!
Cyborg Mage: India's starting to get very interesting. I wouldn't mind going there.
GreatUberGeek: Something shall rise anyway!
tnick0225: Yes, when I saw that event I thought 'Wait, I can change government! Won't that annoythem?' Bwahahaha!
Dr. Livingstone: Sorry, I meant 'BOOOOWWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAA!'
CHAPTER XVII: PALATINATE
Part 4: Triering Too Hard
(1690-1695)
Part 4: Triering Too Hard
(1690-1695)
Getting a Headaache
It is January 1690. Our army's rebuilt, and it's time to go smash something with it. Mainz just conquered Oldenburg to my north, so it's important that the Palatinate grow large enough to stay competitive. Our targets are Aachen and Lorraine. Both have minor allies like France and Armagnac who shouldn't pose a challenge whatsoever.
We need to wait for the Lorraine truce to end, so let's finish off Aachen first. True, they have some allies, but then again so do we.
(PALATINATE, Bavaria, Milan, Savoy, Siena, Trier vs. DENMARK, Aachen, Saxony)
Denmark could be nasty, but Denmark can't get to us. Well, unless they get military access. Or they're already at war with some of our neighbors, which they are: (DENMARK, Aachen, Saxony vs. THURINGIA, Ulm, Wurzburg, Mainz). Oops.
No matter. The Aachen army moves to siege Berg, while Darth moves into Koln with 25K men. Once reinforced, he attacks and destroys the Aachen army in two successive battles.
That's when we notice the Danes have massed 36K in Brunswick and are on the way to talk. By now we have sieging armies in both Koln and Aachen, and I keep moving Darth's army to intercept the Danish advance. They finally get bored and leave, heading eastward.
We celebrate by killing 2K new Aachen troops - artillery.
In April we realize the Savoyards are honoring their alliance by invading Netherlands. Wait - how did they get involved? Well, they are bringing in their colonial states as well. Fortunately the Savoyard army, some 38K, is more than equal to the task of keeping the Dutch busy. It effectively deprives me of a powerful ally, but at least it won't open up any new fronts.
What will do precisely that is Wurtemberg declaring war on Milan.
Logically I probably should have ignored them: Denmark and Netherlands together are enough trouble, however Milan is trying to help me in my northern wars (and has at least 15K tied up in Netherlands), so...let's do it. We'll take you all on!
The Danish army returned in May and tried to sneak into Aachen, but once again we blocked their advance and they left. One month later the British start sending us a generous 7.85d per month, which we use to fund 12K mercs to help subdue Koln.
For several months there's little to report: Savoy and Milan continue working their way through the Netherlands, who can at best slow them down. We siege Koln and Aachen. Something is attracting everyone's armies in the east - I don't know or care what. In December 1690 a wandering minstrel starts playing for the courts. Some think we should keep him around, but I let him wander the country at will. (+1 Stab, now at 3) Later that month the Savoyard deathstack caught the Dutch and won, but just barely and they would live to see another day.
Koln fell to my new commander, Boba Fett (F2 S5 M3 Sg2) in February. He immediately rushed to Heidelberg where a Liege army finally showed interest in us and started a siege. There were no rancors involved, so of course he won.
A rather large Wurzburg army settled in Pfalz, then detached about half to retake Koln. I let Darth explain things to them.
Solid victories, but by June 1691 we're starting to bleed out, and with the second Wurzburg and an equally large Tuscan army in Mainz I don't dare risk buying more mercs: Needless to say our manpower is tapped. I check, and Denmark will accept a 'concede defeat'...but we have 13% warscore, and the Netherlands are definitely suffering. Perhaps we can hold out if we merge our armies.
Through the summer the combined Tuscan/Wurtemberg/Liege army, now some 37K, settle in Elsass, Wurtemberg to rest up. In October they make their move, advancing through Luxembourg (Liege) towards the siege at Aachen.
We try to run west and destroy a small Liege force, but in November they catch us. It's 42K on 13K, and even Darth isn't that good. Our army is annihilated.
Well then.
In December 1691 we surrender to Denmark, and like any good emperor we're not the ones who have to pay for it.
Savoy was 87% of the way towards diploannexing Siena, and they've held Trier since my tenure. Boo hoo.
Initially I have some hopes of holding out against Wurtemberg, and go about hiring 5K merc infantry including the new Caroline type that we're not yet eligible to make on our own. Over the winter of 1691-92 hope fades however: The large Savoy and Milan armies in Netherlands are black flagged and have to go home. Wurtemberg has less distance to travel, and their 41K army smashes 31K Bavarians in Liege. In February 1692, we beg off.
The peace is reasonably generous: Yes, we lose Bavaria and Milan, but we can make up for that. The 117d forces us to take out a loan, which we will also be able to absorb. What it does do is give us a chance to rebuild our army. I expect the rest of this turn to be nice and quiet.
Into the Sienaset
I really want Spain or the Netherlands as an ally. Whoever my 'great power' friend is, he's not very helpful. I don't expect it's Savoy, so probably Poland or Hungary. Poland's alliance broke in the last war, so now we break ours with Hungary then turn around and guarantee Spain. This amuses them enough to agree to an alliance in April 1692.
They're just there to guarantee no one stomps on me while I rebuild though. Then, in September, we need to put our emperor pants back on.
Some days it just doesn't pay to force choke people.
Agreeing to help gives us +5 Imperial authority. It also gives us leadership and we invite Spain and Savoy to the fun. Both agree.
Correction: Both would have agreed, but apparently Savoy answered first - and when they did, they took over leadership of the war cancelling my Call to Arms. Which would be okay, but it turns out the Savoyards are just a little annoyed about losing their vassals.
In October we invade Switzerland to drive them from the war and perhaps even pick something up for ourselves. Since Savoy wants to be leader so badly, we'll let them deal with the Swiss army - which they do with disappointing rapidity.
Sundgau falls in February 1693, and before we can think of imposing terms Savoy makes peace gaining 242 ducats in the bargain.
Thanks fellas.
There's zero point in invading Italy to deal with Mitrehead. yes, they have 9K in Siena, but Mainz is apparently involved and has 15K in Rome and another 5K in Romagna. Our army, now up to 10K (8/0/2 artillery), goes home. In July Savoy forces them to surrender and give Dalmatia to Venice.
In other news, Franche-Comte finally converts to Rheinlander from Burgundian, leaving Metz the only holdout. Shawnee shocks Europe by defeating Brittany in a straight up match taking 88 ducats in the resulting peace.
Triering Times
It's now September 1693, and I notice little Trier. Trier no longer has Savoy protecting it. In fact, their only ally is Burgundy - who is at war with Great Britain, their Argentine colony, and Armagnac. I'll take the 2 war exhaustion (and pay it off) - I should have just enough time to do this before the end of the turn, and the Trier army's just moved off to help their ally....
Yeah, I could have used the 'Revoke Electorate' CB, but that would just anger the other electors, and I still have an outside chance of keeping the crown.
Later in September Darth sieges Trier. They reply by moving their 6K army back to siege Metz. Trier's a heavily fortified city, so Darth ends up leaving half his army behind as he engages the Trier..ans... at even odds. We lose 2400, they lose 3200 and retreat to Lothringen.
In December Wurtemberg finally defeats Milan, and the price is high. Milan gives up their province to Wurtemberg - expected. Hungary gives up one to Poland. Milan gives Parma back to Mitrehead, giving me a CB as Emperor. Perhaps if we get another turn...
Not much happens afterwards until June when diplomats succeed in convincing the Netherlands that we're not that bad.
This raises our relations to +6 (WITH maxed out improved relations), and now they WOULD ally with us if we were the last country in the world.
Maybe. They'd think about it at least.
July sees the Trieran army return to Metz. Darth marches south again, once more at even odds, but this time fate favors the defenders and he falls back with 2600 losses versus 1K.
We later learn it's because of our outmoded weapons and tactics, so we invest in Military-22 (Light Cav) and trade up to Line Infantry (16/16 vs. 16/12 Gustavan), and Coehorn Mortars (12/12 vs. 9/9 Swivel Cannons).
Trier falls in November, and we of course annex it.
Burgundy won't consider peace yet, but considering who they're up against I consider that a non-factor.
It also means we have an open elector seat - but no one to give it to. As it currently stands the vote would be Palatinate 2/Saxony 2/Savoy 1/Bohemia 1. The Imperial countries who actually somewhat like me include Saxony and Bohemia, who already have votes. Savoy loves us (+200 relations), but considering they already have one vote I imagine they'd vote for themselves. I think we'll just sit on it for now.
Lastly, a petition for redress turns ugly in December leading to an 8K peasant rebellion. Darth's on scene in days and smashes them on January 5, 1695. Thus ends our turn.
Johan's Dice
Reign: 20 years
Needed: 5+
Roll: 3
Continue? No
And our stay.
INTERLUDE XII (1695)
After twenty years on the Imperial throne, it's hard to say if we made things better. Palatinate's +3 provinces though, so I don't think we made it worse.
The HRE is a mess, but that's nothing new.
Last time I mentioned focusing on areas that looked interesting. Well, we have plenty of stuff to cover this time.
New World
Colonization is picking up in North America, with Brittany on the 'American' south coast and Portugal looping around the Gulf of Mexico. The Shawnee have Westernized (though they're still about 40 tech levels behind,) while the Iroquois haven't.
As mentioned last time, Portugal did a number of the Aztecs, while Netherlands is taking over the southern part of Central America. The Aztecs have also westernized.
As have the Inca, though relations with Netherlands remain acceptable so far. The big news here is the new kid: Argentine, a British colony.
Africa/Middle East
Netherlands took a small chunk out of Mali. Mali, Kanem Bornu and Kongo haven't westernized. Oyo, oddly enough, has - and they aren't that far behind Europe (10 levels!)
About fifteen years later Morocco and probably the Ottos smashed Yemen, leading to big gains for our favorite North African power. Yemen also released Najd, and for awhile even Oman had grown past their 'natural' borders. Oman's done something to annoy the Ottomans however, and that probably dooms them to a painful death.
Asia
Two takeaways here: First, Russia is taking their colonizing seriously. They haven't appeared in North America, but showed up here in India.
Something destroyed Ayutthaya about ten years ago, whether it was a bankruptcy or a catastrophic loss in war. They are actually showing signs of recovering - they've been much worse. As you see, Lan Na, Lan Xang, Khmer and other states have reappeared. Ayutthaya is westernized and about 20 levels behind Europe. Malacca...I have no idea what their story is, but they are over 40 levels behind making them the most backwards country in the world. Someone's going to take them out in one war.
Not much change here, though I'm still happy for Japan. The big news here is the Phillipines, where Russia's set up shop.
Europe
Lastly, a continent far, far away.
Other than tiny territorial adjustments here, nothing's really changed. Wales is back for another go, we gained our three provinces and so forth, but nothing to really change the balance of power.
Where to?
Okay Johan, where to next? We've had three runs in Europe, perhaps it's time to go back to Asia. I wouldn't say no to trying again with Russia though, like Chief suggested ... get started on some North America colonizing. I'd even take on reuniting the Ayutthayan Empire as a challenge. Where to?
....
....
Really?
....
After this, I consider my debt for Kanem Bornu fully paid.
Najd, eh? Well if you can ally the Ottomans, maybe you could take some chunks out of Yemen (or vice versa)?
Really? You're sticking with an OPM wedged between the two largest powers in the Muslim world? Don't do this to yourself, Cat, we at least need you sane enough to operate a keyboard.
Time to go for the Jihad achievement. You still have 125 years and need 499 provinces... that's a rate of about 4 per year - it sounds doable 
(yes, I know that achievements need Ironman, I was just kidding)
(yes, I know that achievements need Ironman, I was just kidding)
First of all that laugh was perfect! Criminals everywhere envy it for its throatiness!
Second of all, if you get mil. access through Yemen, you could kill off Oman. Other than that...*shrugs*
Second of all, if you get mil. access through Yemen, you could kill off Oman. Other than that...*shrugs*
One of those wars wasn't your fault. Remember when calling to arms, do the one you haven't just stopped its vassals being vassals first.
Might I suggest that as Najd your first war is to be against Russia. Hopefully, that will make a goddamn awful mess of the Ottomans allowing the desert to blossom and go forth and conquer or some such.
You did have an eventful time as the palatinate.
I cheered when I read that Ayyuthaya had been destroyed. Lan Na is avenged. Finally.
Might I suggest that as Najd your first war is to be against Russia. Hopefully, that will make a goddamn awful mess of the Ottomans allowing the desert to blossom and go forth and conquer or some such.
You did have an eventful time as the palatinate.
I cheered when I read that Ayyuthaya had been destroyed. Lan Na is avenged. Finally.
It was fun as Palpatine, although for as bloody as the wars were it seems Europe didn't change much. All that blood spilled just so the cartographers could change some lines a little bit here and there.
I was surprised to see Norway down in South America though, that's kind of interesting. And with Russia in India it seems the cold countries are racing for warmer climes. Also nice to see Ayutthaya beaten and bloody.
Najd should be...quick. Although as someone said if you can ally with the Ottos you may be able to do some damage. Should be pretty interesting to see if you can claw Najd's way out of the desert, or if it'll just crash and burn.
I was surprised to see Norway down in South America though, that's kind of interesting. And with Russia in India it seems the cold countries are racing for warmer climes. Also nice to see Ayutthaya beaten and bloody.
Najd should be...quick. Although as someone said if you can ally with the Ottos you may be able to do some damage. Should be pretty interesting to see if you can claw Najd's way out of the desert, or if it'll just crash and burn.
See how the curses of Kanen Bornu are powerful? The were outraged because you dumped them...
Besides allowing for puerile plays on Najd = 'nads, there really isn't anything to gain there. I hope you can either pull of Chief Ragusa's gambit, or that your demise will be swift and painless. If you actually survive your first turn and it ends up being completely uneventful, I would seriously consider just pulling a Suicide by Ottoman in the next turn. Or perhaps Johan will show mercy... Though, come to think of it, after sending you to Najd in the first place, that seems unlikely.
It's defiantly on my list, although that list that is already way to long...
LordEnglish: Possible, but with a 5K army whoever I fight better be REALLY distracted.
Cyborg Mage: But I'm perfectly sane. Right, doc?
No comment.
Nikolai: Yeah, I saw 'Najd' and just shook my head sadly.
oblio-: Ironman or no, if we pulled off a Jihad at this late date that'd be quite the achievement!
Avindian: Well, you're half right.
Dr. Livingstone: Turns out Yemen doesn't love me.
Homusubi: Actually I think you see a rebellion. Given how those two are both colonial powers spreading through the Pacific though, I expect any eventual war to be moderately epic.
Chief Ragusa: Yeah, I had a bit of a chuckle when Ayutthaya went down. They've actually recovered somewhat, but this definitely falls under 'setback.'
Now that I know how the order of 'call to arms' works, I'll definitely be more careful about who I call in and when.
tnick0225: Yes, that struck me. The same goes for Austria and Mantua - all those runs were pretty bloody, and Europe just hasn't changed much.
On the other hand, I'm impressed there are still even minor changes (and some major ones elsewhere in the world). In all my hands off games, especially with EU3, things usually grind to a halt about now. There are no more real game changing wars. This world feels much more dynamic.
Cake_of_doom: That would be nice.
Hiryuu: Yes, I will never let K-B down again
eternien: Oh, Lan Xang was the biggest pain in the butt! Even those turns where I was crushed and annexed (Bengal, Luxembourg), at least those happened pretty quickly. Lan Xang just lingered.
Stuyvesant: There's definitely a lot of puerile fun to be had with 'Najd.'
Strix97: You and me both. Plenty of movies I keep promising myself I'll see, but between work, EU4, family, EU4, sleeping and EU4 it's just hard to find the time.
Cyborg Mage: But I'm perfectly sane. Right, doc?
No comment.
Nikolai: Yeah, I saw 'Najd' and just shook my head sadly.
oblio-: Ironman or no, if we pulled off a Jihad at this late date that'd be quite the achievement!
Avindian: Well, you're half right.
Dr. Livingstone: Turns out Yemen doesn't love me.
Homusubi: Actually I think you see a rebellion. Given how those two are both colonial powers spreading through the Pacific though, I expect any eventual war to be moderately epic.
Chief Ragusa: Yeah, I had a bit of a chuckle when Ayutthaya went down. They've actually recovered somewhat, but this definitely falls under 'setback.'
Now that I know how the order of 'call to arms' works, I'll definitely be more careful about who I call in and when.
tnick0225: Yes, that struck me. The same goes for Austria and Mantua - all those runs were pretty bloody, and Europe just hasn't changed much.
On the other hand, I'm impressed there are still even minor changes (and some major ones elsewhere in the world). In all my hands off games, especially with EU3, things usually grind to a halt about now. There are no more real game changing wars. This world feels much more dynamic.
Cake_of_doom: That would be nice.
Hiryuu: Yes, I will never let K-B down again
eternien: Oh, Lan Xang was the biggest pain in the butt! Even those turns where I was crushed and annexed (Bengal, Luxembourg), at least those happened pretty quickly. Lan Xang just lingered.
Stuyvesant: There's definitely a lot of puerile fun to be had with 'Najd.'
Strix97: You and me both. Plenty of movies I keep promising myself I'll see, but between work, EU4, family, EU4, sleeping and EU4 it's just hard to find the time.
CHAPTER XVIII: NAJD
Part 1: You Najd, Bro?
(1695-1700)
Part 1: You Najd, Bro?
(1695-1700)
Najdding Off
It is 1695, and we're in Najd, an OPM stuck between a very powerful Yemen and an even stronger Ottoman Empire. As near as I can tell, 'we' were forcereleased by Yemen when the Ottos and Morocco took them down 15-20 years back.
We are allied with the Ottos and have a RM. Our rivals include Yemen, Oman and France(!?). We have a CB on everyone (but France).
Any expansion will therefore be against Yemen, or more probably Oman. That Omanli/Ottoman war looks pretty stable though: Our allies have 46K in 'northern' Oman, and 7K in 'southern' Oman beyond the strip owned by Yemen. The 7K are black flagged though and just sitting there.
My first thought is to DoW Oman, but Yemen won't give me MA to the southern territories, and even if I waited for the Ottos to leave and sieged the north it would be hard to impose terms, especially since Oman still owns Bahrain and we have no way to build ships.
I take that back. My first thought is to stop provoking Yemen. I revoke the embargo, and switch our rival to someone more pertinent like Persia. Perhaps we can go after them? Hm...the Ottos WILL give me MA to deal with them, but the Persians have 30K soldiers to our 5K, and the Ottos won't join in. Never mind.
Yes, 5K - mostly infantry even though we get a bonus to cavalry. The Ottomans also have 28K in our capital just hanging out and eating our food. I guess that's what allies do in this part of the world.
We have 5 merchants, of which only 2 are active. That's not simply the AI making poor decisions - that's simply incorrect. We are able to access four markets, so merchants appear in Basra, Gulf of Aden, Alexandria and Persia.
Other than that, there's simply nothing we can do. Attacking Yemen, while fun, would be a death sentence. Unfortunately I forgot about Russia - that could have been fun as well. I do take a mission to improve relations with Spain (rival of my threat or something like that), but as we're evil Mahomedans that's not going to end well.
There was also a mission to 'free' the holy city of Medina from Yemen, so even though I didn't take it I do fabricate a claim just in case. We get said claim in February 1696, immediately after building a Fort-4 and switching one of our infantry out for cav, because we had nothing else to do.
In March our diplomats make some headway with Yemen (+30 relations), just not enough for them to consider giving us MA. In a pique we back Bedouin rebels who have already risen in rebellion, but in August 35K Yemeni smash the 5K revolt.
Okay. Enough is enough. You win.
In the Najds
In March 1697, the Ottos offer to vassalize us, and you know what? I accept. Two reasons:
First, I think it's what a somewhat sane Najd ruler would do given the impossibility of the situation.
Second, I wasn't thinking too clearly at that particular moment and forgot how debilitating that was.
So, if we want to fight it'll be against the Ottos. Crap. This is going to be a fun chapter.
With the 'threat' of our existence settled, the Ottos peace out with Oman for ducats. Then, just for an extra kick to the najds, I learn the Persians have been fighting Oman all along and peace out taking Bahrain with them.
In other words, now that Oman is prostrate and can't behind their island citadel .... I no longer have the right to declare war.
This is going to be another fricking Lan Xang isn't it? 4, 5, 6 turns of watching the world pass by?
Sigh. Oh well, let's settle in shall we? Pop up. Oh, brigands are killing pilgrims? Not sure why pilgrims are coming here, but of course we'll protect them.
Which gives our army an inflated opinion of itself.
You're kidding, right?
At least 1699 isn't a total waste. We get Military-18 (Carbine), and Diplomacy-17 (Merchantman). The latter extends our trade range to the point we can finally get our fifth merchant going in Indus.
Johan, can we please leave? Pleasepleaseplease? I'll do anything! I'll even buy Wealth of Nations!
Johan's Dice
Reign: 5 years
Needed: 2+
Roll: 1
Continue?: No
Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!
Okay, so where do we go from here?
*CHOKE*
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