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I fully expected you to be sent to the Teutonic Knights once they had been brought back to life.

Hungary was a nice rest. You got to see what westernization looks like, annexed what was left of Bosnia, allied with Spain and saw Poland wrecked. it doesn't get much better.

You never did have a million Teutonic Knights, CatKnight in all the times you played them - combined.

I think you had 1526 etched on your brain. I wasn't too sure why you were comparing the eastern tech units available in 1526 with the western units of 1626.

I spotted the absence of advisors right away and knew Hungary was a country that does things differently. Shame you didn't get to take Polish territory. Consider using an average die in future when in a place you want to stay in. Still Hungarian
diplomats weren't really up to it when you did have them. You couldn't even give Kosovo away.

I can understand your desire to stay on the right side of the horsehead nebula. You really wouldn't want to wake up with a horse's head next to you in bed, even if it were better looking than Lajos II's wife.

Onwards to a young colonial nation. Are these any different to old colonial nations? What the h*ll are colonial nations? Sun-drenched isles of the West Indies, except when under a hurricane, is still good, even if you have to be Dutch, with a dusky maid on each arm - better not tell the wife, eh?

What could possibly go wrong?
 
That is an incredibly frustrating roll. Just after getting Hungary westernised as well, which accounted for a significant part of your time there! Nonetheless, there weren't any amazing prospects for expansion...

A colonial nation could be interesting - certainly you'll be a lot safer than a backward country in the heart of Europe!

I hope the doc was on hand with a good supply of meds!
 
As I have just revealed my existence in this forum by posting my 1st in another thread, I've decided to use my second post to admit that I've been lurking for quite a while. Great job so far!

subbed
 
Well done in Hungary. It would have been nice to be around longer, but I am curious to see what you do with your nice* tropical islands.

*Provided you aren't a slave working in the sugar plantations, at least.
 
Good times were had reading that update. :) Seeing the Teutons reborn was nice (you should consider keeping a savegame around, so that you can pick up 1630-ish and play with the reinvigorated Teutons once you finish this tag-hopping AAR) and that Kosovo situation... I guess you would have to pay the Ottomans in order for them to take it off your hands? Not exactly a mark of distinction for that province...

Now for the Dutch West Indies. Since I don't have the colonial expansion, I'm interested in seeing what happens next, purely from a gameplay perspective (and then there's the comedy fodder your writeups provide). Sounds like Spain is the dominant power in your new neighborhood, so I hope you're not on their bad side.

Since I don't know what options you'll have, or how the DWI (that's an unfortunate abbreviation for 'Dutch West Indies') compares to its neighbors in terms of power, I'm anxious to see whether this will be another action-packed romp or a long, leisurely stay in a hammock strung between two palm trees, while pretty native girls wave palm fronds. :)
 
The West Indies War of Independence, anyone? :D
 
This Hingarian endeavor of yours ended rather... anti-climactically. I hoped you would stay there for some time and maybe even deliver a pair of sweet kicks to the light green underbelly of all the Europes.
However, Johan decided otherwise, praised be He for ever.

But hey, seriously, Dutch West Indies? Now I'm 99% sure you're stuck in the middle of nowhere for at least three turns.
Johan isn't very gracious, is he? At least it's not France you've been sent into though.
 
The West Indies War of Independence, anyone? :D

Considering the Dutch were just trampling on Poland (at least, I think so - I saw Dutch troops in the New Ordenstaat), I'm not sure that's a wise decision.

Then again, perhaps the Dutch troops will get lost in Hungary, while they enjoy their military access rights there to... erm... eat goulash? So perhaps it is a great time to declare for liberty etc. Would certainly spice things up a bit. :)
 
I think it would safer be to stay under the protection of The Netherlands for a bit while eating the Portuguese Caraibas.

Pfffffffffff. Safety. Declare independance! What's the worst that could happen...
 
Well dammit, Johan. While I'm all for more mental breakdowns (don't tell the doc), you could have done plenty of exciting things with Hungary. Though I am also curious about the new colonial nation mechanics, so it's not all bad. Haven't had the chance to play EU4 since Conquest of Paradise came out.
 
I have to agree with you: starting over must get old.

And starting over.

And starting over.

And starting over.

And starting over.

And starting over.

And starting over.


*Hit head with hand*. I've lost count... but you keep getting these 'fixer-uppers' and never have a chance to live in them, and I empathize with your frustration. Methinks that if you try something like this again you should weight the odds to give you a longer stay. This is turning into a Paradox remake of 'If It's Tuesday This Must Be Belgium'.

*Long silence*

No one here old enough to remember that... OK. Maybe this is the 'Groundhog Day' remake with CatKnight in Bill Murray's role. Better?
 
Asdfezxcas: Them too!

GreatUberGeek: Your wish is my command!

saintrl: Actually the only reason I know about Equestria is because the Horsehead Nebula shared their maps. The cav bonus IS nice though!

eugene171: Perhaps! I wouldn't mind cutting Caraibas down a little bit.

tnick0225: Yeah, I think we could have done more with Hungary. This promises to be a nice vacation though.

Golladan: Definitely! I'll let Johan know.

Matnjord: I have to assume going bankrupt is HARD in EU IV. I think I've seen the AI do it once. I think bankruptcy also releases all your formable nations, as it was the UK who somehow went down and all of a sudden the British Isles were this pretty quilt design.

Chief Ragusa: You're right. I also had a graphic where I wrote 15xx, but corrected it. Annoying.

I must have had a million knights. We're counting each generation separately, right?

Hm.

Seelmeister: Doc has awesome meds!

I'm not sure what we would have done if we stayed in Hungary. Smashing Poland some more sounds tempting, but really they need to just hold tight for a bit, get their cores/religion/culture in order, THEN look for more adventure.

Hiryuu: It's been a few turns since we won a war! It felt good. Actually it felt like taking candy from a toothless baby. But I'm okay with that.

thedirtygerman: I'm honored! Welcome aboard!

Idhrendur: There can't be that many slaves in this world yet. There simply aren't that many colonies in Africa. We're far, far behind the real world in colonization at this point.

Stuyvesant: Yes, that last turn fed my vengeful little soul. We even strengthened Hungary in the bargain! (Though hopefully not into the Ottomans' waiting jaws.)

Nikolai: Nice idea, but there's a problem. The Netherlands are actually being nice to me.

Vaximillian: I think I would have needed a mighty coalition to do anything to the light green underbelly but make them laugh. They are one of the strongest nations on the planet right now.

Yes, perhaps we'll have some quiet turns. At least it's in the tropics. After this winter, I'm okay with that too.

Stuyvesant: True, there were Dutch in Poland. I think the Spanish did most of the fighting though!

Matnjord: That seems a little more doable.

Asdfezxcas: Well, actually....

Matnjord: That.

Darkath: Our fleet is a little lacking. We'll talk about that more next time.

Blackfish: I haven't played CoP yet either. I'm real curious what happens.

Director: Perhaps, though in all fairness this latest streak is just plain unlucky. On average I should be in each country for three turns, not 1, 2 and 1. Remember the Mughals? That actually went on a turn TOO long I think.
 
INTERLUDE IX
The Colonial Game


Since some of you may not own CoP, and it's my first time playing one, I thought it'd be worth it to take a few minutes and discuss what's different about a colonial nation.

163000DWIGovernment_zps03ed8047.jpg


The first thing I noticed is I have Republican Tradition and no heir, so for all intents and purposes I must be a republic. I do not know if I choose who wins each 'election' or the parent. Supposedly we can increase liberty if the parent doesn't let us choose, but I don't know if that's a random event or built into the system.

Colonial governments get a bonus to stability cost and army morale. It also looks like we inherit all applicable modifiers from national decisions as well as primary culture from our parent.

It makes sense we wouldn't have Imperial Integrity, but the others are a little bit of a mystery. I'm guessing the Netherlands took these after we 'separated.'

163000DWIDiplomacy_zps0383a44c.jpg


We do not like the other two colonial states in our area. You know where Caraibas is. Florida takes up what we would call the US Eastern Seaboard and borders the Iroquois.

I have no idea why we're improving relations with Russia, especially since as you'll see in a moment it won't do us any good for a long time.

We inherited our base tech level from the Netherlands apparently, but now we're independently researching.

We have a Liberty value of 10. Liberty is primarily determined by how much our parent chooses to charge in tariffs. I don't know for sure, but I imagine the value goes up over time as well, otherwise it'd be pretty easy to avoid all the independence wars of the late 1700s/early 1800s.

163000DWIDipOptions_zps0caebeff.jpg


The big chance is in diplomatic actions. We are effectively a vassal - if not even more restrictive than that. I went into 'Observe' mode and opened up a few countries to see what our options are. On the above chart, '???' means I couldn't find any examples to be sure.

So, we absolutely can declare war on another colony, so long as our parents aren't allies as is the case with Netherlands and Spain. From a developer diary I read that such a war does not usually involve the parents, however they have the option to Enforce Peace. For example, if we do go to war with Caraibas, Portugal can tell me to back off. If I refuse, Portugal AND the Netherlands will join the war.

Relations with our parent is interesting. We can only declare war if our Liberty is 50+. Though we seem to have the option to ally with them, I think we're effectively allied against foreign threats anyway. We saw this when a whole bunch of colonies, on paper, DoWed Poland.

Oddly enough, I can grant land (military) access to the Netherlands, but fleet rights are assumed. Again, I'm assuming we have mutual rights anyway unless I learn otherwise.

Ah, I see I missed a footnote. We can declare war on primitives (Iroquois, Shawnee, etc.) ONLY if we border them - which we do not. We can choose to ally with them. It appears I can make one a protectorate, though whether control would revert to the Netherlands or not I don't know.

European (or foreign independent) powers can support my independence. From the developer diary, this is a sort of one-off alliance that kicks in only if and when I DoW Netherlands. It does not appear I can even ask until my Liberty is 50+. As a subject state I cannot DoW them.

Economy, trade and military are identical to the base game, though I noticed if I'm paying any tariff to the Netherlands, it doesn't seem to be showing on my balance sheet. Perhaps it's taken out before I ever see it.

163000DWIIdeas_zpsd84ebaa9.jpg


Here are the colonial ideas. As you can see, they have potential.

We inherited most of our ideas from Netherlands, though it seems we traded out Exploration for Economic. I suppose that makes sense, but it's vexing as we now have no colonists. We also apparently have 0 ideas to start, as we only have Defensive-1 at present.

Lastly, here's the new Subject screen from the Netherlands' point of view.

163000DWINetherlands_zpsde77ec9a.jpg


Each of those columns are sortable. That + sign next to DWI's income efficiency lets them change the tariff rate. Despite the column title, there is not a 10% chance of us breaking away from the Netherlands, that's just counting our liberty.

There's an interesting note under Army Size. It states that if our army size exceeds our parent's, then the desire for freedom will grow. No danger of that however, as they have 24 units to our 11.

As far as I can tell so far, the rest of the game plays straight. I don't know what happens to any land I conquer or colonize: Whether it joins DWI, Netherlands, or (if in the right spot) forms a new colony. Hopefully we'll get a chance to find out.

Next time we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming.
 
Next time we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Thank you for bringing us this educational interlude! Now I know a little bit more, and I also know I don't understand a whole lot more. :) Will be interesting to see your DWI* in action.

*'DWI' is an abbreviation for 'Driving While Intoxicated'. Since I'm a sad person, I find this far more funny than it really is.
 
Thanks for the overview, Catknight! I haven't really got the chance to see or play colonial nations, so that was fun. :)
 
The patch released today fix loads of stuff related to the colonial game, hopefully you'll be able to benefit from it (if not for the first 5 years, maybe the next)