CHAPTER XII: OMAN
Part 2: The Mad Emir
(1620-1625)
Fortress Bahrain
You will have to forgive me. I'm a little unwell. At least that's what the doctors whisper behind my back when they think I can't hear. Fools! I shall crush them all! First Yemen, then Iraq, then my doctors, then that reader in the corner who thinks he can get away without commenting yes I'm talking about you say something goddamnit!!!
And who can blame me for being a little upset? It's those damn Iraqi! And Yemeni! And so forth. They refuse to get the message! How many times do I have to tell them that they aren't getting into Bahrain, and without Bahrain they've got nothing!
Where to begin. Ah yes, I took the wonderful advice to scorch earth the whole country! I took a loan, hired a musketeer, and sent him around burning everything in sight! I'm not sure how you burn a desert, but you know what? We did it!
I also sent Admiral Jomaa to find the Yemeni fleet and SINK IT! But no - their 22 ships hung out at Aden like leeches on the side of their emir's face, may Allah grant him a long and miserable death.
Fine. By June 1620 our fleet was back patrolling Bahrain and daring Iraq's cute little three ship navy to try something! They fear us though. They fear our ships! All 31 of them! We must trick them into coming out though, oh yes, so other than picking up our musketeer/scorcher the navy spends most of its time in Bahrain.
In August the Persians decide to be cute. They send Shi'ite zealots into Al Haasa, the nearest Iraqi province. Too bad Iraq's already Shi'ite! I'm not sure what happens to them, but it happens quickly and makes no difference whatsoever. Perhaps they got bored and went home.
So we spend the autumn of 1620 watching those Iraqi and Yemeni fools trying to eat scorched sands when the British come calling! They've finally decided colonizing might be fun, and would I grant them MA so they can beat on Marathas for awhile? Why not? What could possibly go wrong with a bunch of Brits running around India?
In December 1620 Sohar falls, and this convinces some genius that our naval research is all wrong! FOOL! Our navy is the only thing that's going right in this war! Off with his head!
Where was I? Oh, well 1621 is quiet. We send our musketeers around scorching everything again. Admiral Jomaa checks in on Aden, but the Yemeni are still cowards! Liwa falls, and that's about when the loans begin! Apparently maintaining a full army and navy costs money! Who knew? By the end of this round we will have TWENTY EIGHT loans pending! Not to worry though! Once we figure out how to drill for and refine oil, those loans will be a thing of the past! And if you think we're joining some sort of petroleum exporting organizations that involve Yemen, well they can kiss my scorched sandy tail!
March 1622. Time to patrol! Jomaa catches the Yemeni navy out of port and chases them all the way to Sinai! It's not worth maintaining a blockade though, so he goes home. Our fleet is truly the pride of our nation!
I just said that!!
Never Say Die
Finally the Iraqi do something about the war that, you know, THEY started and seize Beni Yas. Good for you guys. We still have Qatar. More importantly, we still have Bahrain! You will never set one foot on Bahrain, scum! Is it holy! It is uhm...surrounded by water! And boats! Lots of boats! Most of them used to belong to you and your Yemeni buddy!
Hahaha! Thanks for the donation, weasels! Do you want out of the war yet? No? Well to heck with you. And we aren't even going to bother asking your little Iraqi buddies!
In fact, to show our contempt for you, let's take Administration-13 AND Military-14! Does it do any good? Does it matter? Some European 'Men of Science' seem to think so and we invite them in for -25 piety! Don't worry though, we get 10 of it back when we fast for Ramadan!
In December 1623 Qatar falls! Yemen doesn't want peace. I'm not TALKING to Iraq! I have 36 ships, 12 regiments, 20-odd loans and no cash! I am above such petty negotiations. Let it all burn! It's a desert, it's practically on fire anyway!
This appalls the Brits, who cancel their MA in June 1624. Who needs them?
And you know what? Who needs our peasants!? War weary my butt! I'll TELL YOU when it's time to be weary of war! Or wary for that matter! We have our island! We have food, wine, women, oil and a FLEET! I'm the emir! Do you hear me? Get that white coat away from me! I'm the emir! I'm the...
Johan's Dice
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