CHAPTER XXV: NETHERLANDS
Part 3: The Unbinding of Isaac
(1810-1815)
For ten years the Dutch, under their intrepid Statist leader Issac van Oranje, has run unchecked over their neighbors. Only one challenge remains, only one blight on the honour of this game.
Religion is Confusing
Yes, it's time to take the world's worst ally down. We might have to wait our turn though.
Vinland is attacking Catalan Canada, while Brittany and Morocco are squaring off versus Spain, Mainz and Hungary. Elsewhere in the world the Oirat Horde woke up and is trouncing Ming China, Caraibas is still picking away at Dutch West Indies, the Ottos want to add to their trophy collection, and the Imperials are showing us what a religious war looks like. It's about 150 years too late, but I suppose it's the thought that counts.
I would have joined the Catholic League, mainly for the giggles, but they can't accept new members while at war. Anyway, as you can see they don't seem to need help.
It does cause a little strangeness though. For example, our Protestants in Champagne are really nervous about Catholic armies right next door and
really don't want to convert.
This temporarily spikes our unrest in Champagne at 12.5%, but they soon settle down.
Then Burgundy gets confusing.
The Catholic nobles of Burgundy ask me for protection from the Catholic League. I can either anger my Catholic neighbors, or the entire Catholic League.
This is a bit of a bug. Burgundy joined the Protestant League and started the Imperial holy war, but then I force-converted them to Catholic. Since they can't leave the League while at war, they're still at war with their fellow Catholics over religion.
This is why I prefer cats. No arguments like this over dog-ma.
Overall this is a quiet period. I've decided that IF we're going after Spain, I want to be fighting by the end of 1813 so we have time to resolve things. I upgrade all our ships to the most modern models, though I'm not expecting any naval combat: Spain has a formidable army, but ZERO navy. I also hire twelve more mercs, which our budget doesn't like but with 15,000 ducats in the bank we'll be okay. Let's fortify Vermandois on the Spanish border, and send 5,000 troops to Hawaii to support our latest colonial effort. The last proves to be a good idea, as natives rise up three times before the end of this turn to no avail.
In April 1812 there are new kids in town.
They get cores on our African provinces and a few from Mali, but otherwise do no harm. I believe the formal term is 'Whatever.'
Later that year it appears the Vinland/Canadian war got out of hand, because now Spain is fighting Norway - though they somehow seem to be manhandling Brittany. Our entire fleet is based in Holland, as when the war starts we're going to blockade as much of the Spanish coast as possible. Our merchants don't like this.
I decide to remind them who's boss by attacking Mainz. Mainz, because their only ally is Spain, while Spain is also allied with Hungary and Orleans. I'm not afraid of either, but they are distractions we don't need. Anyway, this isn't about territory (though I won't say no.) This is about bleeding Spain dry. Their army is at 216K to our 80 or so, and I can only hope most of them are overseas.
Let's roll the dice and see what happens.
The Rain in Spain
So it is NETHERLANDS+ and Russia+ vs MAINZ and Spain+. We split 30K to start sieging down Mainz, obliterating their army in November 1812. The other 50K ... well, plan A was to sit a province back and let them come to me.
That's when 100K Spaniards crossed the border, grew bored, and settled in Barrois (Lorraine) with 50K more friends. Yes, that's 150,000 and the war's barely a month old.
Time to practice our hit and run tactics! We spend the next few months scorching as many border provinces as we can get to. In February 1813 we ambush and destroy 10K reinforcements, and 5K more in March. Meanwhile the Spanish seem confused what to do, milling about in Lorraine and Trier and attriting by the thousands. It's a glorious sight.
No, it's not that simple. Later that month, while ambushing yet another force, the main Spanish army catches ours. We lose 14K to their 20K and rout. They can still afford those kinds of losses, we never could. In May I have to throw our stack against the Spanish again to buy time for our secondary army to thrash theirs. It's not worth it: We take heavy losses in the first battle, and while our secondary army wins the doomstack catches and crushes them. Overall they lost 29K, while we lost 50.
This nonsense finally convinces the Imperial members that maybe Emperor Palatinate is right. They agree with his reform to ban internal HRE wars, but not before one last surprise.
Shall we Dance?
It's bad, but it's not hopeless. More mercenaries, while we have more than enough cash to begin repairing our shattered army. Meanwhile, Spain doesn't pursue: They're at 3.0 war exhaustion and beginning to feel it, so settle for sieging Cambray and Trier. We spend the summer and autumn recovering.
Meanwhile, Spain forces Brittany to release a huge chunk of land as a new Shawnee nation.
By November 1813 our army's recovered a little, so we run over to Mainz to thrash their new army, but a Wurzburg army beats us there. It seems that before the Emperor could ban wars, Wurzburg DoWed Mainz over Frankfurt. Spain honored their commitments, so they are now at war with Norway+, Denmark, Wurzburg, Bavaria, Hesse, Palatinate, Venice, Anhalt, Augsburg, Brunswick, Netherlands+, Russia+, two Eve Online guilds and several Elite: Dangerous players.
All we have to do is keep dancing and we might just come out of this.
Cambray falls to the Spaniards in April 1814. They have two armies left, one of 32K and the other of 45. We're back up to 60K and can take one...but not both, and the Spanish AI very smartly keeps both armies within support distance of each other.
In quick succession we take Military-32, Diplomacy-31 and Administration-29. None really help us, but none hurt either. Our last idea group will be Quantity, as Quantity-1 (Levee en Masse, +50% force limit) would be very useful.
In July some traitor in parliament mouths off.
We kill him of course.
Through 1814 we send our army between Frankfurt and Metz hoping to draw one or the other Spaniard force off. We finally succeed, or they get bored, because the 45K stack splits in two, half enters Lorraine.. and gets swarmed by 71K Imperials.
I really won't have a better chance. On December 1, 1814 Cambray falls. We move our army into the 32K Spaniard stack. They break on December 31, losing 22K to our 9.
It is now December 1814. Spain's war exhaustion is passing 6, and a few of their colonies have maxed out at 20. Their 216K army is down to just under 50K. As I said, we may not actually get any land off of them...
...but we ARE going to make them pay.
