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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Athalcor

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Who wouldn't want a piece of Madagascar?
 

Stuyvesant

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At home, we learned of land owners plotting to make us remove 'Eh!' from Canadian Catalan, as in "Aquesta és una multa poderosa vaca, eh?" (That's a mighty fine cow, eh?) We certainly can't put up with this and seize their assets.

It's bad enough that these Catalans probably don't know how to play hockey, but trying to crudely censor the 'Eh!' from Canadian is a step to far! I'm glad you stood firm in defense of this inalienable piece of Canadian-ness. And nice to see a reference to good old Peperna. I wonder if Mettermrck ever noticed you still tote that custom title around. :)

That said, if the twin highlights of your update are A) some nonsense about Canada's prospensity to say 'Eh' and B) a seriously-considered-but-ultimately-abandoned invasion of Oyo, then yes, it is emphatically time to move on.
 

Nikolai

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Veto away.
 

Avindian

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I've no objections, personally. If you aren't having fun playing, you won't have fun writing either, which makes for bad updates (if such a thing is even possible from you). Forward!
 

Dr.Livingstone

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Do whatever you want, you are the AAR writer after all. Just be careful with Johan's wrath and all that.
 

LanMisa

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Leave. Leave and never come back. Not even if Johan himself should ask you to do so again.
 

LatinKaiser

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I've no objections, personally. If you aren't having fun playing, you won't have fun writing either, which makes for bad updates (if such a thing is even possible from you). Forward!

THE DEMI-MOD APPROVES!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

Hopefully you'll get Russia and roflstomp everything in sight. Getting Lan Xang would be funny, though. :D
 

Nasakev

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I know I'm late to this thread, but I've finally caught up after stumbling across it a week or two ago. This AAR is really entertaining!
 

Swami

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Well I had exactly the same problem with my campaign, I went from shit country to shit country... :p So I wanted to cheat and trow the dice again several times, but didn't.. I did stop though, I only played as african or indian tribes surrounded by wasteland, vassal / lesser partner in a PU nations and one province minors that got warned almost every time or the only expansion possibilities had huge allies and of course the nation I inherited had done a very bad job at that. To frustating my first attempt, but it was fun though, most powerfull country of the 20 to 25 I played was Kazach or whatever the name of the grey country beneath muscovy is. Made an alliance with the timurids and almost completely occupied the golden horde and that country in the south east :p But yeah having Kazach as the high point of your campaign pretty much means the rest all sucked, allthough I did have a pretty nice playthrough with an Indian 3 province minor, but that only lasted 10 years, while in a row had to throw till 5 or 6 to get out of Africa, America, Africa, America XD Between that I was Orleans, a vassal of France, until I got annexed without any possibility to get out of it.. Pretty much sucked, then the AI went crazy as I saw Spain had formed with Naples still as PU, PU over Austria and somehow they had inherited Burgundy instead of Austria (guess because they PU'd Austria?) and they had apparently beaten the crap out of France 2 or 3 times as both from the south and north France had lost several provinces to them. Much fun going on while I was in Africa and America boring myself to dead xD
 

frankatank109

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Nothing good can ever come from Canada...
 

Sophianumg@mer

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Just read the whole thing. Nice AAR! Can't wait for the next update! :D
 

CatKnight

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Blackfish: I'm generally in favor of keeping viceroys as long as possible because of their stat bonuses.

McGrey: I've noticed on pretty much every version of EU the game deadlocks after awhile (unless you actively give it a nudge.) I think the alliances get balanced and such. This game stayed dynamic longer than usual, and there's still time left on the clock for something big to happen.

Chief Ragusa: That WOULD be fun. (And hard.)

Athalcor: Apparently everyone wants Madagascar!

Stuyvesant: Is Mettermrck even still around?

Andre Massena: Yeah, I felt bad for him. He reminded me of Alexander, who 'wept because he had no worlds left to conquer.'

Nikolai: Thanks!

Avindian: Oh, I probably could have made something fun happen in Canada. Though it might not have had anything to do with the game.

Dr. Livingstone: Yes, one must be careful not to offend Johan.

LanMisa: OK. Let's hope Johan doesn't get angry at us.

Hiryuu: Great idea! Uhm... maybe next turn!

LatinKaiser: Russia would be fun! Lan Xang's gone for the moment. I could really do damage as the Ottomans.

Nasakev: Thanks! Welcome aboard!

Swami: That's part of the fun for me - to come back to an area of the board I haven't seen in awhile and see what happened.

frankatank109: Not even hockey?

Sophianumg@mer: Thanks!

Eeevil: Welcome!
 

CatKnight

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CHAPTER XXIV: MAINZ
Part 1: Here There Be Dragons
(1780-1785)


Apologies

First, I want to apologize that this took a little longer than normal to write. See, my wife is addicted to this Facebook game called 'Dragon City.' In it you... well, never mind. Suffice to say she tends to keep her dragon notes in the same place I keep my game notes, so things got a little confused. I think it's all straightened out though.

178001Hi_zps244b5c4b.jpg


I think.


War in Progress

Welcome to Mainz!

177912Mainz_zps7671328e.jpg


Formal introductions are going to have to wait however, as we're in the middle of a war! Yes, it's one of those pointless Holy Roman Empire wars where we have absolutely nothing to gain. Who are today's contestants?

178001WarDenmark_zps72189097.jpg


The fact my 18,000 men is over half of our team's army gives you a pretty good idea how this war is going. We immediately ask Denmark to peace out, but they'd like us to suffer a little first. We'll see about that.

Our 18K is in Thuringia where we just defeated 11K Bohemians. Almost immediately we learn that our Warriors Don't Read Books (-1 Stability). That's too bad, as I'm pretty sure there was a map in there. As it stands, we chase small armies for awhile only to end up back in Thuringia in March. There our army, reinforced to 20K, runs into 60K Danes. We rout first to Mainz, then Pfalz.

In August we defeat Aachen's army in Pfalz and chase them home to siege their capital. That's when Denmark finally lets us off the hook in exchange for an apology.

178008PeaceDenmark_zps2d00996f.jpg



Settling In

Now then. Let's settle down and see what...

178001Cheezburger_zpsd618c22e.jpg


Huh? Oh yeah, sure. Check the freezer. Frying pan's under the sink. Where were we? Right.

178008Status_zps8bdf5c09.jpg


So... our Archbishop isn't exactly impressive. We have some decent allies including Spain (when they show up), and a few CBs with our heretic neighbors. Unfortunately said neighbors have formed a mutual defense pact against us, while the Netherlands have warned us not to start trouble. We'll have to tread carefully.

We take a mission to insult Munster and complete it about five seconds later. Our next mission is to start building up our manpower. I also want to get our army back up to a decent size before we start any trouble.

Cut to February 1782, when we take Diplomacy-26 (East Indiamen). We also build four infantry and...

Do you smell something burning?

178301Owowow_zps30e1fd07.jpg


Hey! No, not the sink! Look, I have to deal with this. I'll be right back.



Psst.

178302Appeal_zpsbc47bc61.jpg


Hey! What are you typing? Get away from there!

178306Appeal2_zps125a2722.jpg


Beat it!

Sorry folks, I hope to have this under control by next post. Where were we? Ah, the war.

Through the first half of 1782 I'm actively looking for targets, but none of our neighbors are appealing. We have a truce with Wurzburg. Hesse is a vassal of Bavaria, who in turn is connected to Poland. Brunswick is part of the coalition and also has Bohemian and Austrian support. Thuringia, Burgundy and Palatinate would invoke the Dutch. Wurtemberg's still in their personal union with Poland.

I'm starting to think our target has to be Wurzburg once the truce runs out, but Spain's currently in two wars and we know how well they do when they're distracted. Hey, what's this?


Neighbor Stomping

178209LiegeWantsHelp_zps293bd1dd.jpg


Hey, at least it's something to do.

Burgundy is STILL dealing with a Walloonian uprising in Luxembourg. I wonder if it's the same one that I 'summoned' as Bavaria. Regardless, they're helping as well. Liege sieges the heartland, while I siege Aachen. In October 1782 we attack and decimate 1K recruits. At that point it's over except for the fat lady singing.

Still, Liege won't get what they want. In June 1783 Lorraine conquers Barrois, and as I sit pondering what Liege will want in a peace deal Aachen surrenders. I immediately pause the game to impose terms, but Liege is quicker.

178311Aachenpeace_zpsc3570757.jpg


Thanks, guys. No really.

Fine. In August 1783 we invest Bourgogne, the Burgundian capital. Their army dodges mine, unwilling to risk 2:3 odds against. By December they surrender, and this time I get in my terms before the AI.

178312Burgundy_zps533e8e27.jpg


You may ask why so lenient: Well, they had nothing I wanted. I didn't have the war score to vassalize them, and wasn't going to wait around for Liege to get what it wanted after weaseling me out of Aachen. I could have taken Bourgogne, but with no land border they would have never cored. No, a small indemnity is enough. Let Liege fight their own battles.

This is how I like my wars. Token resistance, but ultimately helpless. Just like my....

178206Love_zps31b239cf.jpg


Yeah, close enough.


Dangers of Modernism

With the war settled, we take Administration-29. This leads to our last idea group. None look particularly appealing, but I finally take Humanism as a counter to Mainz's typical hard line religious stance. I can't afford to take any ranks in Humanism yet, but that's okay. Instead we fortify Hesse, let our army build, and eye Wurzburg. We're not badly hurt. Once Spain's finished fighting their wars I think we'll have our chat with them after all.

Humanism may not have been the smoothest choice however, as not everyone approves.

178410Rogue_zps7ae12dc1.jpg


Whatever, guys. Granted I wouldn't want to fight all of you at once, or Netherlands at all, but we all have better things to do. Like stomping Wurzburg. Just don't give me any trouble and there won't be....

What's that rumbling sound?

178401Stampede_zps7066c579.jpg


WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE?


Johan's Dice

Okay, first things first. Are we here next turn?

Years: 5
Needed to Continue: 2+
Roll: 3
Result: Yes

Okay.

While looking around I saw a few things that might interest you. First, Britain's been at war with Netherlands for about 20 years now, and it's taking a toll.

178412Britain_zps4e859e82.jpg


Micronesia is a Charlie Foxtrot.

178412Micronesia_zps60de31e7.jpg


As for Mainz, I think next turn we'll take on Wurzburg, then...

178412Mainz1_zps489ffb24.jpg


Guys?

178412Mainz2_zps1cdcf076.jpg


GUYS?

178412Mainz3_zps1552e88e.jpg


Sigh.
 

unmerged(58610)

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Jul 2, 2006
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Here be dragons! Indeed.

Don't believe there is a government type to enable dragons to rule. Liege weaselled you out of Aachen. There will be payback, assuming you stay in Mainz long enough. As a peace loving Cardinal archbishop, fabricate claims on all your neighbours. I'd suggest a change of government, but there doesn't appear to be any reason to do that. No-one would peacefully accept to become your vassal and those that could are already somebody else's.

You're allied with Spain. Big deal. You already know that no Spanish soldiers will come to help. That army of 60000 Norwegians had me going for a moment. Would they stack wipe you and carve out a new Norway? No, just a late Viking raid. Hope you shake loose something interesting.
 

Stuyvesant

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It appears that, if it's not your Holy Roman neighbors causing you grief, it is your wife's dragon pals. Just threaten them with a Skyrim playthrough, that should keep 'm in line... ("Either you guys behave, or I'm heading to Skyrim to slaughter a few dozen of your relatives.")

Not the greatest exploits in the history of empirebuilding, but you had a war and you won it. I'm talking about the utter humilitation of Burgundy and I'm choosing to ignore the earlier fracas with Denmark. Oh, and Aachen doesn't count either. Darn Liegeois ungrateful victory monkeys...

I like the fact that A) you're a bishopric and B) you were labelled a rogue state. Clearly you are a theocratic sponsor of terrorism. The Ayatollahs have nothing on you. ;)

Stuyvesant: Is Mettermrck even still around?

I've seen him pop in and leave a few comments the last month or so.
 

Athalcor

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Dragons in *my* Mainz? This ugly heresy must be rooted out!

(I wonder if one could have a meaningful conversation using only permutations of PI games' event options)
 

LatinKaiser

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Dragons in *my* Mainz? This ugly heresy must be rooted out!

(I wonder if one could have a meaningful conversation using only permutations of PI games' event options)

The economy, fools!