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Wonder which painful nation Johan is trying to hand you?
It is impressive that a few of the nations you played are some of the more powerful in the world, as in Morrocco and Russia and Mughals....and Mali holding on even in the face of Portugal.
But wonder which painful fate Johan has given you? I could imagine it being Brittany or France...I'd get a kick out of it being Munster in Iceland though.
I think the Papal States looks like a funner area to land in.
It is impressive that a few of the nations you played are some of the more powerful in the world, as in Morrocco and Russia and Mughals....and Mali holding on even in the face of Portugal.
But wonder which painful fate Johan has given you? I could imagine it being Brittany or France...I'd get a kick out of it being Munster in Iceland though.
I think the Papal States looks like a funner area to land in.
The world has turned out interesting, but there are plenty of painful nations to occupy. I'm looking forward to seeing where you end up.
If I were Johan (sacrilege!), I'd send you to Ulm. Because why not?
On a bit more serious note, Ulm. Squeezed between Megamainz, Superwürttemberg, Batstria and Robhemia, with a nefarious Palatinate at your doorstep, what can be more painful? Only Brittany.
On a bit more serious note, Ulm. Squeezed between Megamainz, Superwürttemberg, Batstria and Robhemia, with a nefarious Palatinate at your doorstep, what can be more painful? Only Brittany.
Chief Ragusa: I did do one reroll, but ended up going with the original choice. (The reroll wasn't any worse, just also painful)
Lamahorse: Not even close! The Papacy would be kinda fun to play right now (though dealing with the Emperor could be a pain.)
Saintrl: Problem being Kilwa has a distinct lack of neighbors, so I'm not sure how much I COULD do with them.
the_evil_one44: Spain is one of the three superpowers, and arguably the strongest. Certainly they have the best opportunity to colonize and continue growing.
Stuyvesant: I'm not sure why 'Catalan' Canada. I think Spain may have formed from Aragon, which would explain it, but then I'd be surprised the save game kept track of who it formed from. Perhaps it's just on their list of names. Ragusa would indeed be a painful choice, but no, that's not it.
ScribleScrable: Hah! No! I dream of being Brittany. I ASPIRE to be Brittany!
tnick0225: France would be pretty painful as well. Munster....Munster's actually in good shape. Not many countries are actually going to bother sending a fleet to Iceland to fight them.
Idhrendur: I do like how the world's shaping up. But yes, plenty of painful nations yet.
RepublicanIV: Excellent guess! Not quite, but close!
McGrey: Also good guesses!
Svip: Hm. You're right. Being Ulm would definitely be more painful than what happened.
Vaximillian: I think with Brittany we'd be pretty bored - unless Spain decided to just finish us off and send a fleet. That's one thing for this country: It's not boring.
Augenis: Welcome aboard!
***
Nice guesses, everyone! If nothing else, you convinced me with your guesswork that what Johan handed to us can't be that bad, so I honored the original RNG choice. If we survived Bengal, Luxembourg, and *shudder* Lan Xang, then surely we can survive the pain that is...
*shudder*
MANTUA
Lamahorse: Not even close! The Papacy would be kinda fun to play right now (though dealing with the Emperor could be a pain.)
Saintrl: Problem being Kilwa has a distinct lack of neighbors, so I'm not sure how much I COULD do with them.
the_evil_one44: Spain is one of the three superpowers, and arguably the strongest. Certainly they have the best opportunity to colonize and continue growing.
Stuyvesant: I'm not sure why 'Catalan' Canada. I think Spain may have formed from Aragon, which would explain it, but then I'd be surprised the save game kept track of who it formed from. Perhaps it's just on their list of names. Ragusa would indeed be a painful choice, but no, that's not it.
ScribleScrable: Hah! No! I dream of being Brittany. I ASPIRE to be Brittany!
tnick0225: France would be pretty painful as well. Munster....Munster's actually in good shape. Not many countries are actually going to bother sending a fleet to Iceland to fight them.
Idhrendur: I do like how the world's shaping up. But yes, plenty of painful nations yet.
RepublicanIV: Excellent guess! Not quite, but close!
McGrey: Also good guesses!
Svip: Hm. You're right. Being Ulm would definitely be more painful than what happened.
Vaximillian: I think with Brittany we'd be pretty bored - unless Spain decided to just finish us off and send a fleet. That's one thing for this country: It's not boring.
Augenis: Welcome aboard!
***
Nice guesses, everyone! If nothing else, you convinced me with your guesswork that what Johan handed to us can't be that bad, so I honored the original RNG choice. If we survived Bengal, Luxembourg, and *shudder* Lan Xang, then surely we can survive the pain that is...
*shudder*
MANTUA
CHAPTER XV: MANTUA
Part 1: In the Dice of Johan We Find Solace
(1645-1650)
Part 1: In the Dice of Johan We Find Solace
(1645-1650)
My Aching Head
So what is it about Mantua that's so bad?
Well, let me draw you a picture.
Okay, you're thinking. We're a one province minor who happens to be under siege. This can't be good. It's like one of those classic movies when some little guy takes several punches at someone much bigger than him (usually the bad guy), who just looks at him funny.
But wait, it gets better.
Yes, we are in TWO wars! War # 1 is with UberAustria and the Emperor! As you can see on the bottom, we lost a good part of our army fighting them in Brescia. We lost the rest fighting the Pope: You know, the guy who almost united Northern Italy before Tuscany slapped them down back when we were with Hungary?
Forget classic movies. This is like an anime show I saw over the weekend. Two heroes use every anime superpowered trick they can think of to destroy the monster in a firestorm. When the smoke clears, the monster thanks them. "I didn't know how I was going to get that crick out of my neck."
THAT is Mantua. We are going to lose. If we don't get annexed, we are going to get humiliated. We have zero army, zero navy, the only country that likes us enough to ally is getting dragged in the mud by Austria, and we don't even have our merchants in the right place. Crimea? REALLY?
Well, first thing's first: Recall the merchant from Crimea. I try to put him in Alexandria, but for some reason it doesn't take so he winds up in Krakow, along with Alexandria, Ragusa and Wien all feeding into Venice where I pick up what trade I can.
Did I mention Venice has us embargoed? No? Well, let's take a look at that:
Those modifiers are after taking Suffragan Bishops and the Witchcraft Act, two decisions I would normally avoid. Why did I take them this time? The AI took six religious decisions: What's two more?
Apparently when we're not fighting the Pope or the Emperor, we took some time off to torque off Bohemia and Anhalt. I started by sending diplomats to improve relations with Tuscany and Venice, but the latter especially looks like a futile endeavor.
Did I mention we have five loans out?
The Pope Is a ****
Almost immediately Siena abandons their siege, which is very nice of them but the Pope moves in days later with 12,000 men. Nice.
We're going to act like the Pope and Austria are both going to get bored and settle for forceconverting us to Catholic and maybe raiding our treasury. This means planning for the post-war era, which means planning on not being a OPM. The obvious target is Modena, who hates us anyway. Naturally, the Emperor is going to be upset if we start annexing Imperial members, but he hates me too so no problem there. We don't want him actually moving his squat mass from the throne however, so we need what in diplomatic parlance is called an 'excuse.' We begin forging a claim.
In April Portugal cancels their MA through Mantua: Only God knows what they wanted it in the first place. Then, in October 1645, with the war score at 56% in their favor, Austria peaces out with Augburg for a concession of defeat.
Uhm...okay...
The same can't be said for the Pope, who imposes terms in May 1646:
You know, if I thought the Pope was going to steal our treasury I would have just paid off our loans with that money. No, I figured he'd settle for forceconverting us and we could begin rebuilding our army. Grr.
So June rolls around, and we still have no army (thanks to the Pope) but we DO have a CB against Modena! This annoys Savoy, who cancels their MA. It scares the Pope, who WARNS us.
Look, Mitre-head. You already won. You stole our money. Now you want to stop us from doing anything? We had enough warnings back when we were with Luxembourg. Plus, you really think I'm worried about protecting an OP Major Headache? Get stuffed. I hope the Tuscan Protestants burn your city to the ground.
Grr.
Well, Pope or not we have a war to prepare for. We Improve some Government Tech in December (+50 Admin, +0.5 inflation) which almost directly leads to Admin-19 (Grand Monument). As we're puzzling out where to put this monument, Modena declares war on us.
Go ahead and read that again. The order of words is important. I can wait. Yes, that's correct: MODENA declared war on US.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So there's our situation in January 1647: We have 2K infantry and are about half way to our third. Modena has 3K. Perhaps this made sense for the AI as at that point in time I hadn't assigned a leader: Theirs, one Cesare Mitelli is F1/S1/M1/Sg2. Not bad.
Ours, Bonifacio Idoni, is F3/S4/M2/Sg1.
There's one other question you should be asking at this juncture: Venice joined in, which is neither here nor there, so...what the heck happened to the Venetian fleet!?!?
Modena immediately begins building their 4th regiment, but not before we build our third. Our armies are evenly matched now, and I don't want to get into an arms race with these people, especially since our leader is far superior. In March we invade Modena.
Their army has nowhere to retreat and disbands. End of war.
We continue building up though, first to get our army back to full strength and second in case Venice figures out how to interfere. By the end of 1647 we're at 4 infantry/1 cavalry/1 artillery, and complete our mission to build up our army. Next? Duh. Take Modena!
Our warmongering self defense really scares Mitre-head, who we discover forging a claim on Mantua. It does him no good however, as in April Modena falls! You know what happens next.
In your face, Mitre-head!
Cruising for Targets
We are now a TPM! This makes it twice as hard to kill us: Whether that's a good thing or not I'll leave to your discretion.
So, what's on the agenda?
1. Begin coring Modena.
2. Tell the Emperor where to stuff his crown when he demands we give up Modena.
3. Begin fabricating a claim on Siena, because they're an OPM.
4. Take a mission to placate Savoy. Fail due to the 'unlawful territory' relations penalty.
5. Stop to get something to eat. Ravioli with meat. A little salty, but yum.
Hm, I'm forgetting something. Well, Modena is actually in Genoa's trade zone, and neither Spain nor Savoy have embargoed me, so we move merchants to Genoa and Tunis from Krakow and Constantinople.
Our warmongering ways frighten the old guard who thought just hanging out in our castle was a bright idea. Time to prove them wrong:
This raises our force limit to nine (5 inf/2 cav/2 art), which is almost on par with Milan (11) and Mitre-head (13). We finish forging our claim on Siena, but Mitre-Head is Siena's ally. It'd be nice if he was distracted before we go after Siena.
As I watch 1648 turn into 1649, waiting for the Pope to get into some pointless war, I still feel like I'm forgetting something important...
Oh!
6. Stop the cat from trying to eat my ravioli.
7. Chase the cat from the room.
8. Get warned by Savoy for chasing the cat. They don't border Siena though, so who cares.
1649 passes quietly waiting for Mitre-Head to do something dumb. It doesn't happen. We do get MA through Tuscany however, so when he does, Siena will be ours.
Still, not bad for what we began with:
Right, Johan?
Johan's Dice
Reign: 5 years
Roll Needed: 2+
Roll: 4
Continue: Yes
Right.
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Hey, Mantua is not as painful as Ulm could have been!
Foolish move by Modena to rush at you. This is what you get for your overconfidence. Never rely on Venice to cover your back.
I'm puzzled as well: where the freak are Venice's ships? Were there the greenskins (erm, I mean Ottomans) to gobble 'em up? Or it might have been the Pope.
Milan may probably be the next target after Siena, eh? That Savoy though, gives me shivers.
Foolish move by Modena to rush at you. This is what you get for your overconfidence. Never rely on Venice to cover your back.
I'm puzzled as well: where the freak are Venice's ships? Were there the greenskins (erm, I mean Ottomans) to gobble 'em up? Or it might have been the Pope.
Milan may probably be the next target after Siena, eh? That Savoy though, gives me shivers.
Well Mantua wasn't too bad, at least you've already doubled its size. Now let us triple its original size 
Seems in your timeline the Pope's have all had the Borgia complex of conquer conquer conquer. Hope the Pope doesn't come a-knockin again as I imagine he's probably the most threatening to you directly at the moment. Savoy and Milan could give you issues, but seems Milan has been pretty quiet most the game, and Savoy is probably entangled in people more important than little ole Mantua.
But best of luck on taking Siena.
Seems in your timeline the Pope's have all had the Borgia complex of conquer conquer conquer. Hope the Pope doesn't come a-knockin again as I imagine he's probably the most threatening to you directly at the moment. Savoy and Milan could give you issues, but seems Milan has been pretty quiet most the game, and Savoy is probably entangled in people more important than little ole Mantua.
But best of luck on taking Siena.
Wow, when I saw the wars I thought you were dead meat for sure. Handled that well though. Still you might want to try to calm down a bit, otherwise we'll have to call the doc again.
You have doubled you territory already, that's what I would call a rousing success! Keep on the pressure! Unite Italy! Reclaim the territory of the Roman Empire! Well, ok, that would be a bit much. But at least tell the Pope to stuff it!
I'm a bit curious, thought. What was the country, the reroll gave you?
I'm a bit curious, thought. What was the country, the reroll gave you?
I thought you said that it was painful. It always helps to have the better general in a war. Alliance with Tuscany, get friends with Savoy and Austria, take lands off Mitre-head, vassalize Milan and Venice and what could go wrong? I'd be concerned were you Tver, but that's not likely. What was your alternative source of pain? mantua has some room for manoeuvre. All those religious ideas. Really? Military would make sense historically.
Not too bad. After taking Siena, maybe you can get an alliance with Tuscany and defeat the Holy See and gobble some more? If this succeeds, Mantua would be good enough to at least survive for some time.
Also, Mantua is not the worst that can happen. I am playing like you too and I once picked Salzburg, which was 10 years wasted on nothing. Literally.
Also, Mantua is not the worst that can happen. I am playing like you too and I once picked Salzburg, which was 10 years wasted on nothing. Literally.
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I always thought Mantua sounded like a marketing name for a remedy for nausea. Or, if I may say, incontinence. No disrespect intended to the fine people who live in that historic and lovely province - I find many place names amusing. But... "Upset stomach? Try new, improved Mantua for relief! Now with extra-fast-acting Modena added to every spoonful!"
You could definitely do worse than an Italian one-or-two province minor (and you have, but let us not dwell). Here's hoping you can find a good, willing ally and go take some of the Pope's lands. He has the kingdom of Heaven to look forward to - unless he's a Borgia, perhaps - and shouldn't begrudge you a province or three.
You could definitely do worse than an Italian one-or-two province minor (and you have, but let us not dwell). Here's hoping you can find a good, willing ally and go take some of the Pope's lands. He has the kingdom of Heaven to look forward to - unless he's a Borgia, perhaps - and shouldn't begrudge you a province or three.