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coz1

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I give you much credit for sticking with it. Not quite what you asked for when you Quantum Leaped in. ;) As I recall, Dai Viet at least has some good leaders during this time. I can only hope they leave you with some scraps when it is all said and done. Hopefully it won't be 5 more years of waiting for peace.
 

Stuyvesant

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Your misery is our - erm - pleasantry? No, that doesn't quite work. Anyway, I enjoyed the narration of the curbstomp the AI delivered to you with unseeming delight. ;) Thank you for showcasing your bad luck for a few good grins this evening. :)

Here's hoping that peace will be imposed swiftly and that you can hightail it out of this corner of the world in short order. Question: what will you do with the AAR if you actually get annexed? Will you still have the opportunity to switch to a different nation, or will it be curtains?
 

ben_mit_b

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Hahaha, call me Nosetradamus due to my ROFLstomp-weather forecast ;)

fa79d231bf678457.jpg
 

CatKnight

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tnick0225: If Johan's dice are kind, they'll give me Ming so I can have a chat with Ayutthaya about manners.

rho: THAT would be very interesting.

Chief Ragusa: You're right about Dai Viet, which didn't stop me from saving the game every 2 game weeks or so towards the end (see my response to Stuyvesant.)

On retrospect, I should have let my WE and Stability alone until the war ended. My goal was to prevent rebellions, but I needed to think like a guerilla: Make the land ungovernable. Well, something to remember for next time.

coz1: That was one hell of a leader Dai Viet had. 5 Shock? No matter I kept getting my head handed to me.

Stuyvesant: If I believe I'm in danger of being annexed, I'll start saving much more frequently. If I do 'fall', then I'll use the last available save and 'Quantum Leap' to another country. (And hope the AI doesn't white peace with my former country out of spite.)

ben_mit_b: Now tell Nostradamus to find me a way out of this mess!

keenriser: Definitely! I've never tried DF - it's complexity always scared me off. I've also considered Aurora, which some have called the sci-fi DF due to ITS complexity.
 

CatKnight

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CHAPTER II: LAN XANG
Part 2: Pettiness (1470-1475)


Making Ayutthaya Earn It

It's January 1470. Lan Xang's last province is under siege, and we have no army. I'm rather sore with the AI for not letting me off the floor about two years ago. I want to hurt them.

Well, we know Ayutthaya and Dai Viet both have rebel problems. We have some money, so perhaps the rebels would ike a little help?

147001HelpRebels_zps41b85998.jpg


This, of course, convinces Ayutthaya that maybe we should give peace a chance after all.

147001TruceOffer_zps1f12fa6c.jpg


No dice.

Why? Well, if you look at their offer closely, you'll see it reduces Lan Xang to a OPM. They can't make an offer that's worse for us since they can't forceannex us, so there's no bonus for ending this war early. I'm going to spend my money so they get virtually nothing, and if I can trigger a rebellion or two, all the better.

So, the walls are breached in March. In April my heir, Theng Kham, dies. While the whole nation is mourning, I'm smiling because his replacement is 5 year old Thammkarat (A5 D6 M1), a significant improvement if I can keep him (and his country) alive long enough.

Ayutthayan diplomats are suitably sympathetic and ask if I'd like out of the war for the same terms as before, only 48 ducats instead. Nah, I like supporting rebellions in your country.

In June I learn a loan (accrued during the war) is coming due. I pay it off. Heck, I pay all three loans off! No way Ayutthaya's getting my money! Later that month tragedy strikes.

147006Plague_zps79181d77.jpg


I'd really love to help guys, but 1) I've used up all my money, and 2) You'll soon belong to Ayutthaya anyway. They can pay for it!

By July 1470, my treasury has dropped from 63 ducats to 0.53. I stop supporting the rebels. I don't think it did any good, but I feel better. Ayutthaya asks if I'd like to get out of the war for the above terms plus 5 ducats. No thanks.

Do you remember how it feels when you know the AI is beat, but they absolutely refuse to negotiate with you? Frustrated? Annoyed? I'm hoping somewhere deep within EU4's programming, the AI is seeing red.

In October my pettiness finally ends. The last capital falls, and Ayutthaya imposes their terms. Much as I expected, though throwing me enough into debt to require two loans is a nice touch.

147010Yup_zpsfa0e03fc.jpg


And just in case you don't understand why I'm feeling petty...

147010Map_zpsdc7e65c3.jpg


We are now an OPM stuck between two major powers (once Khmer is diploannexed, which happens in March 1472. At least I delayed them.)


The Doomsday Plan

Peace! Prosperity! Well, except for the two traders returning home, the one because we no longer have any provinces in Siam's trade sphere, and the other because we're now out of range of Canton. We make our nobles feel better by granting export licenses. Ming approves of our minor corruption for +20 points, though our legitimacy drops 10. Somehow I think legitimacy is the least of our problems, especially with +10% National Tax for my one province on the table.

No, my problem is how to survive in this brave new world. I sent a diplomat to Ming to improve their reaction, and get all the way to +6 before they send me home. No one will give me a royal marriage except for Lan Na and Pegu, and we've had RMs since I arrived. A diplomat goes to Dai Viet to convince them I'm a harmless enough neighbor. So harmless that I form a coalition against Ayutthaya in May 1471 and several nations sign on.

Shan, Ayutthaya, Dai Viet and Khmer get into a war with Orissa, Kachar, Garjat and Nepal which I believe solves nothing. Orissa diploannexes Kachar while Khmer falls to Ayutthaya, completing my isolation.

In November 1472 the king finds out he has a naive relative. I think that's some sort of hidden slight against me, but what can I do? Well, I can let the naive relative live. It's not like whatever secrets he's giving away are worth anything, and -25% Spy Defense doesn't really matter at this point.

Lan Na offers an alliance in February 1473 - sure, two OPMs against the world! Dai Viet and Shan have both abandoned Ayutthaya's alliance, but neither one are at all interested in me. By now the Ming ambassador, rather than laughing in my face every time we meet, pretends I don't exist.

This is actually a good thing, because Ming spends March-April 1473 revoking all their guarantees through Indochina. They're up to something, but what that something may be doesn't appear this session.

Then, in June, our worst fears are related. Ayutthayan agents are caught trying to forge a claim on my last province. No.

Let me rephrase that. Hell no.

Our government officials don't approve of my language. I tell them to get stuffed, then recall a diplomat from Pegu who was patiently raising our relations.

147411Armageddon_zpse0fc10a0.jpg


I'm going to diverge for just a moment. In general people don't like playing chess with me. I am not a graceful player. I know just enough of the basic mechanics to beat someone who doesn't know what they're doing, while everyone else is frustrated because I don't mind sacrificing pieces in even exchanges. Your queen threatens me? Fine, I'll chase it around with my queen until we both die.

In other words, I am not afraid of lose/lose scenarios, and that's about what I'm left with. I wish I could warn/threaten the AI, but even if I could it would have no reason to listen to me, so I will tell you gentle readers instead:

Ayutthaya will NEVER own Luang Prabang.

If you don't know how I plan to stop them, stay tuned and learn why people never play chess with me.


Johan's Dice:

Length of reign: 10 years
Roll to continue: 6
Continue? (Y/N): (Need 3+) Yes
 
Last edited:

Stuyvesant

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You're going to declare war on Ming, right?

Exactly my thought - if CatKnight can't have it, then NO-ONE can have it (well, except for the Ming). It's - to put it kindly - a bit of the 'Après moi le déluge' attitude of Louis XV. :)

I'd really love to help guys, but 1) I've used up all my money, and 2) You'll soon belong to Ayutthaya anyway. They can pay for it!

...

Do you remember how it feels when you know the AI is beat, but they absolutely refuse to negotiate with you? Frustrated? Annoyed? I'm hoping somewhere deep within EU4's programming, the AI is seeing red.

The spitefulness is delicious. :D I suspect your time with Lan Xang will be over before the next five years come round. On the positive side, this episode makes all your Teutonic trials look like exemplars of longevity. ;)
 

unmerged(58610)

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You've a much better heir - if you were still Mali and worrying about overextension.

The die wanted you to stay ... to die. Depending on who is in your coalition against Ayyuthaya, you may have a chance. You'll still there and if Dai Viet are in with a 5 shock general, the Ayyuthayan armies aren't going to be around very long. I look on the peace you "signed" as being a saving of 60 ducats on the original offer. I want Pegu in there with you as well. Once the war has started, move off into Ayyuthayan territory and let revolts take you to victory. I'm kidding of course, but some Lan Xang patriots ought to rise up once you're funding them.
 

coz1

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Oof! That was unpleasant. And now even the dice won't cooperate. However, it appears you have a cunning plan. Let's hope it works.
 

hwoosh

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This is very entertaining. I'm going to do a game like this myself now, for my own enjoyment. :D Probably the first and last time I'll turn off Ironman . . .
 

tnick0225

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Ouch! I wonder what the strategy is...looking forward to seeing how it all ends. Too bad you can't secure some sort of alliance with Ming and use them to curb stomp Ayutthaya.

With luck the dice will be kind eventually though :)
 

Seelmeister

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This is a very interesting AAR. Faced with the situation you inherited in La Xang, I would likely have been extremely cautious, but since the Gods of Fate can end your reign after just 5 years playing a long game is not really an option.

Hopefully someone else can intervene to at least distract your enemies. What you really need is some instability in Ayutthaya, which could allow you to sneak a province back. It sounds as though you have a plan up your sleeve though, look forward to seeing what you have in store for us.

I wonder if you'll ever find yourself in a situation where you immediately take control of one of your enemies when you switch countries?
 

BBBD316

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Damn this maybe a problem!

Catknight the theme I was thinking of was the old nWo theme music, Hulk Hogan and crew. Yes I am that much of a loser.
 

CatKnight

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rho: What? We love our Ming brothers! And sisters! And sheep!

Stuyvesant: It's possible I'm taking this a little personally. :laugh:

Chief Ragusa: A very nice plan, and you will even get part of it in this update.

coz1: My cunning plan is to keep Ayutthaya the heck off of me. Everything else is a bonus.

hwoosh: Interesting fact: You CAN change nations randomly in Ironman. I just didn't want to do it for this AAR in case they disable that option while I'm in midgame.

tnick0225: I would LOVE to ally with Ming. Unfortunately, as you'll read, we have a problem.

ArchimedesBird: I hope not! There would be worse choices though: Inca, Aztec, Shawnee and I believe Huron have all settled their private disputes. If I get one of them it'll be x years of staring at random events. Hm, Kongo would be pretty bad also.

Seelmeister: Caution may have been the way to go, but as I wrote at the time I felt I needed to weaken Ayutthaya, especially with Khmer on the verge of being diploannexed. Unfortunately it didn't work out. As for taking over a former enemy, that would be amusing.

BBBD316: Oh, I remember the wrestling NWO! Don't remember their theme, but it was fun watching Hulk since I'd also seen him in his 'good' days. He used to have a cartoon on Saturday mornings - corniest thing ever.
 

CatKnight

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CHAPTER II: LAN XANG
Part 3: Still Alive (1475-1480)


Dancing with Devils

So it is January 1475, and I am watching Ayutthaya like a hawk. They're still forging a claim on Luang Prabang, my last province, and I will not let them have it.

I have one ally; Lan Na. In the event they do attack then, Aceh, Dai Viet and Pegu are part of our coalition to stop them. Speaking of which, I'm not quite sure why, but they're already at war with Ayutthaya!

147510GoPegu_zpscc6286e1.jpg


Dai Viet seems to be doing well in former Khmer/Cambodian territory, so I start cozying up to them yet again. Unfortunately our relations max out pretty quickly. There will be no alliance .... because we don't like them.

It's the same story with Shan and MING. I have them feeling pretty good about us, I am *desperate* for allies, and yet I have a negative reaction to them so my people say no. It's kinda like being single and taking the most beautiful woman you know out to dinner. You've wanted to give in to baser instincts for months and months, and have spent the evening convincing her this is a great idea. Then you find out she eats with her fork in her left hand, and you can't stand those kind of people, so you go home alone to play EU IV. Granted EU IV is an awesome game, but still.

Where was I?

So, my next plan to boost relations with Dai Viet is to convince them to stop treating us like rivals, so I unrival them. It doesn't work: Dai Viet is still threatened by our OPM awesomeness.

I spend most of 1475 maxxing out relations with Shan. I'm also hoping to make Ayutthaya collapse while beset by enemies, and since I'm in no position to do it, I try to hire some Malaccan nationalists to do the dirty work for me. A rebellion actually breaks out. A small, anemic one.

In July 1475 our RM with Pegu ends, so I start a new one. This makes them happy enough to offer us an alliance. Yes, two OPMs and Pegu versus the world!


Tensions Spike

My 5 year truce with Ayutthaya ends in October. I wait for them to attack, but they're still dealing with Pegu/Dai Viet. Pegu's gained a little ground, but Aceh lost one province and Dai Viet's returned troops home to deal with Champani nationalists. Further, Ayutthaya's 11K army seems to be stuck between two provinces: I later find out they're dancing with a large Dai Viet force: DV goes to one province, Ayutthaya tries to intercept, DV cancels their move and tries another province, Ayutthaya cancels their move and chases them, etc. etc. etc.

In November Ayutthaya finally gets their claim on Luang Prabang. Still no attack.

By June 1476, after my spies are thrown out of Ayutthaya twice, I decide to help myself and see if I can get the Laotians to rebel.

147606Rebels_zps886cf307.jpg


Ayutthaya is not impressed. They're so unimpressed, they send a message regarding our mother.

147611Ayutthayainsults_zps03a66c4e.jpg


Lan Xang replies by sending several women into border provinces who claim they've seen the Ayutthayan emperor naked and couldn't stop laughing.

Following the twin insults our relations are at a solid -200/-200. They're still there in April 1477 when the war ends with Aceh paying a minor indemnity to Ayutthaya. I'm not quite sure how the 'alliance' lost, but there we are.

Then Dai Viet and Pegu leave the coalition. I sigh. And wait. Then wait some more.

Through 1478 I keep waiting for a DoW that never comes: Perhaps Ayutthaya's exhausted, or perhaps they're trying to bring down their aggressive relations penalty. Regardless, they're content to chase some Thai patriots around and leave me alone. In November 1478 merchants grimly warn me that our trade practices are heretical. Considering we have no trade practices, I ask them what the hell do they know? (-10 Prestige)

I'm beginning to relax when Lan Na breaks our alliance. Lan Na, the only OPM crap state worse off than I am. They broke our alliance because our relations are negative! How did that happen? THEY DECLARED ME A RIVAL!

As their ambassador explains to me: "There can be only one Lan."

Agreed.


The Lan War

In December 1478 I react to our new rival by breaking our RM. Then gaining military access through Ming, who still likes me and is hoping this will lead to a second date. Then hiring a single mercenary regiment and sending everything to the Lan Na border.

Declare ME a rival will you, you little OPM sack of...

147903LanNaWar_zps4fe18779.jpg


There was never any doubt. Our army cut theirs up in April 1479...

147904Battle_zps45907ae2.jpg


...and now it's simply wait and see if they will surrender before my time's up. Their capital falls on December 28.

148001Vassal_zps2a188604.jpg


Vassalize, not annex. Lan Xang can't afford aggression penalties, and a vassal will be less of a strain for the AI. Plus, having the Lan Na...ans...ites? .... bend their knee to me soothes my ego. Yes, Lan Xang might just be alright without me. Time to leave this cesspool.


Johan's Dice:

Length of reign: 15 years
Roll to continue: 5
Continue? (Y/N): (Need 4+) Yes

Or not.
 
Last edited:

unmerged(58610)

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You're still in Lan Xang. Amazing. Probably not the word(s) you used!

I was a little surprised you didn't join the war against Ayyuthaya. Sometimes breaking a truce is worth it. Having said that you now have a vassal of your own. Keep supporting those rebels. Break Ayyuthaya. Their WE must be high.
 

Stuyvesant

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It's the same story with Shan and MING. I have them feeling pretty good about us, I am *desperate* for allies, and yet I have a negative reaction to them so my people say no. It's kinda like being single and taking the most beautiful woman you know out to dinner. You've wanted to give in to baser instincts for months and months, and have spent the evening convincing her this is a great idea. Then you find out she eats with her fork in her left hand, and you can't stand those kind of people, so you go home alone to play EU IV. Granted EU IV is an awesome game, but still.

Where was I?
You're really starting to get the hang of these Storey-esque rambling diversions. I wholeheartedly approve. :)


Ayutthaya is not impressed. They're so unimpressed, they send a message regarding our mother.

147611Ayutthayainsults_zps03a66c4e.jpg


Lan Xang replies by sending several women into border provinces who claim they've seen the Ayutthayan emperor naked and couldn't stop laughing.

Clearly, Classical diplomacy is not the same as classy diplomacy. 's Effective, though.

As their ambassador explains to me: "There can be only one Lan."

I originally read that as: "There can be only Lan" and I thought it was an awesomely bad Highlander pun. :p

Yes, Lan Xang might just be alright without me. Time to leave this cesspool.


Johan's Dice:

Length of reign: 15 years
Roll to continue: 5
Continue? (Y/N): (Need 4+) Yes

Or not.

Well, shoot. Or fudge. Or perhaps a Joe-Pesci-stabbing-guy-with-fountain-pen-in-Casino impression would be more appropriate.
 

tnick0225

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Haha got a vassal now...to be honest I'm not sure if I am happy Johann's dice is keeping us in Lan Xang or sad that fate is torturing you so...I will say this, you have me dying of laughter with these updates, so I for one look forward to more Lan Xang. And hopefully you can find a way to slap Ayutthaya before you leave :)