Quest: The Spanish Search For Gold

[unmerged(15337)]

So how many trips did Columbus take before striking land? Six? I say fire him and let Steve the Pirate take over! Oh well, at least you got one good island for a base in the Caribbean. With a port there you can explore much more effectively.

Poor Tim will die of drink before he sees any of his gold!

 

[Deus]

Oh I just loved his stereotypical accent. I was actually reading out loud the dialoguge between Chris and JP. (I gave JP a british accent) oH man that was funny. Thanks for a nice start to my morning.

 

[Ciçatrix]

Yes, I must agree with Deus, I too was reading it out. superb-a update-a!

 

[J. Passepartout]

Colubus was the best guest since sliced bread, very funny.

And if Steve the Pirate would like some loot, perhaps he can inform us on the best way to destroy those natives.

 

[Snake IV]

So how many trips did Columbus take before striking land? Six? I say fire him and let Steve the Pirate take over! Oh well, at least you got one good island for a base in the Caribbean. With a port there you can explore much more effectively.

Poor Tim will die of drink before he sees any of his gold!

No-a, you-a can't do-a that, you-a have to-a have-a all these-a accents.
Argh, yes you can't fire columbus. That's like ruin the whole thing. Argh.

 

[Director]

I know what the problem is - Columbus needs glasses! or a telescope! Or... no, he didn't need a seeing-eye dog and cane on the set, so he's not blind.

Ah, well, even a stopped clock is right once a day.

Now for the colonization of the new world! Sugar! Sugar! *Waves threat fronds excitedly* No, wait! That was a different funny AAR!


I agree that you could use some men for a campaign in Italy. Just don't forget Corsica (even COlumbus can find that island) as it's the key to Genoa.

Funny stuff, coz, especially the bit with the announcers.

 

[coz1]

Fb-fb:

JM - Christopher Magoo...I like that! :rofl:

Grundius - I don't know. They didn't always find something. But I admit, my Columbus seemed especially inept.

BBBD - Thank you, sir. In later years, I am considering it. When I get back to playing in 1520, I have not quite decided how to handle Austria, Milan and Tuscany. Friendly or attack? I think I know which way my judges would choose.

Hajji - Sorry about that. And no, I don't like anchovies.

Stuyvesant - The opening banter was actually a theft from Python. There's a bit when they have several BBC announcers talking over one another that kills me. And no, I wouldn't go Begnini like that. I liked him better as an idiot who has no idea that he is an idiot.

jwolf - Six or seven. I lost count. He finally comes through, but I was getting a little annoyed.

Ciçatrix and Deus - Glad you liked it. if you like eye-talian accents, make sure to check out anonymous4401's HoI2 AAR. Hilarious.

J. Passepartout - I have a strange feeling Steve wouldn't know what to do. He is really more bark than bite, unfortunately.

Snake IV - I would never fire Columbus. besides, he meets his own end soon enough.

Director - Glad you liked the announcer bit. I was wondering how that would go over. And is Sugar! Sugar! from Heagerty's? As for Corsica, Genoa is a whole other thing. I'm still waiting on them to lose their Black Sea territory. Plus, they are alternately allied with the Milan group. It's when they are "in" I would like to hit them. It certainly looks enticing though, doesn't it - that little red spot in the middle of my beautiful golden yellow?

And the next update follows, folks. Thanks for reading and commenting!!!

 

[coz1]

Quest: The Spanish Search For Gold

Episode VIIIc: Her Most Catholic Majesty, Queen Isabel of Spain​

Jackie Powers: Hello again, everybody. Thanks for sticking with us during the break. Now let’s get right back to it and bring out our next guest…ladies and gentlemen…Queen Isabel of Spain…

The crowd goes crazy with applause and cheers as Isabel walks out wearing a power suit. She has a wire hanging from her ear like a cell phone, and she is talking out loud

Queen Isabel: No…(listening)…no…(listening)…look, just tell him to wear the orange one. Fernando knows he looks horrible in red. And make sure to tell him not to screw this up. These nobles are very important and if we don’t get their support, then he can kiss his summer manor goodbye. Got it? Right. (she quickly shakes hands with Jackie and sits)

JP: Well, you look wonderful today My…Lord Duke?

Queen Isabel: Please. It’s just My Queen. No need to bring legalities into this. (as an aside) Just make sure you are always facing me while in the room. (she chuckles slightly and Jackie is not sure if it is a joke or not)

JP: My Queen then…how wonderful to have you here.

Queen Isabel: Well it’s about time I got around here, Bob. We’ve just been so busy with the whole integration thing…you know, Spain? The timing couldn’t have been worse. I mean, we had the meeting with the Cortes just two months before we had to have the grand ceremonies for the joining of the kingdoms. A mess and it’s been that way ever since. Scheduling has been horrible. (she is silent for a moment, slightly looking off into space) And not on the fifteenth.

JP: (confused) The fifteenth?

Queen Isabel: (talking past him) Just horrible scheduling. And that Fernando…I mean, could he be any more useless? Oh…I really shouldn’t say that in front of you good people. (as if serious) Fernando is my rock. I would not be here today without him. Spain would not be here today without him.

JP: Well, that’s lovely, My Queen. Perhaps you might allow for some questions?

Queen Isabel: I said no blue! How many times do I have to tell you people? (to Jackie) Go ahead.

JP: Well how about we start with getting your reaction to the discoveries of Columbus? After several long years of hoping for results, he finally delivers with the discovery of Guadeloupe in 1494 followed closely by the discovery of Puerto Rico, St. Thomas, St. Martin, Antigua and Dominica in 1495. That must have felt good to see your investment come through like that, yes?

Queen Isabel: Well of course I never had my doubts. (looking off in the distance) Not Tuesday. Make it Wednesday. ([/I]to Jackie[/I]) He was my number one guy from the get go. I had plenty of faith in Chris…more than Fernando, that’s for sure…but I trusted in the Heavenly Father to guide my hand and choose the best man for the job, and when it came down on Columbus, I always knew he was the one.

JP: Even through the “lean years” let’s call them?

Queen Isabel: Pish posh. They were never lean. There are other things going on in the country, you know? (looking off in the distance) That’s right, I said the orange one…….the orange one, yes……because it looks better on you, that’s why……….fine. Fine, go ahead and wear the red one. See what Don Vega says about that when you show up looking like a big red apple………..because you do…….(to Jackie) Sorry, this will just take a second…(back in the distance)….the show……..the show, Quest? Remember? Had that interview today?………right……yes, he’s waiting………..he’s right here……….no……..No!……no, I won’t…….not now! Now can I do this interview?……..Thank you. Good bye. (back to Jackie and smiling) Fernando says hello.

JP: (getting a little annoyed) Lovely. Now let’s turn to the 3,000 men you sent to the Islands soon after they were discovered. Can you walk us through that, perhaps?

Queen Isabel: Certainly. They arrived in early 1496. I think we have a shot of that…

The first troops set down in the new world​

Queen Isabel: They set to work trying to establish the colony on St. Thomas as the natives were a little less restless, if you know what I mean…..Later, I can’t really talk right now…..thanks…..and they were forced to clear the natives out anyway. Seems one of the soldiers was a little quick on the draw and started a whole mess. I’m just glad they cleaned it up.

JP: Well, that wasn’t forthcoming though, was it?

Queen Isabel: Yeah, well neither was a ring from Richard, Duke of Gloucester when he proposed to me, but a gal has to have faith. I got my ring, and from a better man. And I got my colony too…eventually.

JP: The failure in Puerto Rico was especially troublesome though, was it not?

Spanish troops are driven back to their ship by the natives of Puerto Rico​

Queen Isabel: Look…1496 was just a bad year. Columbus will tell you that. Fernando will tell you that. The little girl down at the fruit cart will tell you that. But it gets better. So a colony failed at first in St. Thomas. We kept after it. So we had trouble in Puerto Rico. We eventually made up for it. There are going to be some bumps in the road….the salad and the roast pork, and make that around four……and when we hit those bumps, we just get right back on course.

JP: You sound rather confident.

Queen Isabel: Well I am. The next year was far better. We paid off one of our loans, and Columbus set off again with more soldiers this time. We were going to get those colonies and find that gold, by God!

JP: Well, the arrival of this man probably helped…

Vespucci arrives to assist in discovering gold for Isabel and Fernando​

Queen Isabel: Certainly. I mean, he was no Columbus, but Fernando liked him and I had to give up on one thing he wanted that year. Vespucci was his. We sent him down the coast to scout what the Portuguese had been doing. And they’d been up to quite a lot, I might add.

JP: 1498 too seemed a good year. Columbus had already dropped off his cargo in Puerto Rico, and then finally discovered the Bahamas in May of that year.

Queen Isabel: And we paid off our final loan in June. Things were sky-high back then, Bob. Shoot, in January we had people lining up around the block to get out on those waves.

More adventurous souls show up to offer their services​

JP: I’m sure that you had plenty of positions to fill as well.

Queen Isabel: You got that right... (she winks at Jackie)

JP: (turning a little red) Well…you certainly put them to good use (getting flustered)…

Queen Isabel: (smiling larger) Keep going…

JP: They…uhm…began discovering places they had never seen before…

Queen Isabel: Oh all right… (she leans over and gives Jackie a big smooch on the cheek) And I’d like to say thank you for having a picture of my mama around. She remembered you fondly.

JP: Yes, well…she was a lovely lady.

Queen Isabel: …You don’t own any socks……..we don’t have any, what are you talking about?……would you just get to the dinner, already? You are late, honey. Please don’t embarrass me in front of them….

JP: (turning to the audience) While she takes care of that, I’ll just tell you that her expeditions did work. Vespucci discovered Senegal and Guinea, and Alonso de Ojeda arrived in Puerto Rico and immediately began setting up a new colony. Combined with the tax collectors sent out into the newly acquired territories of Aragon and Roussillon, Spain and Isabel here were hopefully set for finances when it came to funding more of everything. (taking a quick glance back at Isabel who is still talking on her phone) Including, it seems, the latest gadgets. (to himself) I knew inviting them here would be a mistake.

Queen Isabel: (she is heard shouting in the distance) I told you last night that you had to be at this dinner. Don’t you dare tell me you’re not going……of course they like you!…

JP: And that’s going to do it for this episode of “Quest!” Let’s leave you with a shot of Europe as it enters the new century. Join us next time, right here on ESPN 9699…

Europe, 1500​

 

[Storey]

Thank goodness there aren't any gold provinces in France. They are already starting to look dangerous. A slow but steady start in the new world. Can the Aztecs be far off?

Joe

 

[Grundius]

:rofl: The cellphone thing... very good man, very good. Very recognisable.

 

[J. Passepartout]

I have had the most fortunate honour of never needing to deal directly with people who were aslo talking on cell phones. Looks like Isabela might be looking for a new husband, though.

France does indeed look scary.

Sugar and Threat Fronds were from Prufrock451 and Peter Ebbesen' joint alien mod AAR, WAAR of the Worlds.

 

[Stuyvesant]

<Shovels more sucrose into feeding jaw> Ahh, WAAR of the Worlds. Now THAT's a crazy classic... Thanks for reminding me of that one, Director, I might have to dig it up again, while I'm waiting for other AARs to update.

Speaking of this AAR, I can only echo the others: that the cellphone bit was very well done. Not to mention the overbearing, directing spouse bit.

It's good to see some progress in the Carribean. Do have a question about Europe: does Austria still automatically inherit Hungary in the AGC-EEP, or has that been tweaked? If not, you'd better move fast to stamp out those bad Habsburgs.

 

[CatKnight]

Cell phones are a personal pet peeve of mine. I REALLY felt for Jackie in that last one. And I loved the interview with Columbus.

Though for a good eight years I thought you'd have been better off hiring the detective ColumBO. :rofl:

 

[Director]

Oh, no. Austria found a second provice. AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!

I don't know what to advise. I don't see how you're going to stomp out Austria ('Austriaphobics Anonymous - the twelve step program for kicking the Hapsburg habit') BUT YOU DON'T DARE WAIT.

If you wait they'll grow! First one, then another! Then more! They're coming I tell youthey'recomingthey're comingahahahahahhahhahhahhaaaaaaaaggggghhh!!!!!


*breathes in*

*breathes out*

Kill the Austrians, coz. Do it now. Do it because it's the right thing, the American thing to do!

Kill one...






for the Gipper...

 

[unmerged(24857)]

I second the motion: go kick some Habsburg ass before they start growing like mad. They are like a fungus or something!

And the interviews are just great! I especially like that ambiguous part of the Isabela interview.

 

[Deus]

The voyage of discoveries has just begun. Now on to smash the Aztecs. Then You have a base of operations to start with. Europe is a different matter, though. I suggest letting the European be and then when the time is right, hit the hard with a big alliance. You already have a stepping stone to Central Europe.

 

[Grundius]

It's good to see some progress in the Carribean. Do have a question about Europe: does Austria still automatically inherit Hungary in the AGC-EEP, or has that been tweaked? If not, you'd better move fast to stamp out those bad Habsburgs.

There is still a possiblity they inherit, but there are more problems with the OE. It's my experience that in the AGCEEP, very few nations are just inherited, mostly a nation has to meet certain requirements. Still, I would not let Austria linger for too long.

 

[Snake IV]

Oh, no. Austria found a second provice. AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!

I don't know what to advise. I don't see how you're going to stomp out Austria ('Austriaphobics Anonymous - the twelve step program for kicking the Hapsburg habit') BUT YOU DON'T DARE WAIT.

If you wait they'll grow! First one, then another! Then more! They're coming I tell youthey'recomingthey're comingahahahahahhahhahhahhaaaaaaaaggggghhh!!!!!


*breathes in*

*breathes out*

Kill the Austrians, coz. Do it now. Do it because it's the right thing, the American thing to do!

Kill one...






for the Gipper...

What are you talking about? They've had baden all the time.

 

[unmerged(15337)]

Very good, Coz. People multitasking on conversations are incredibly rude, but then again she's the Queen, so she makes the rules.

Now you're getting a good set of conquistadors and explorers; you should be set for a Golden Age of discovery and exploitation -- ah, excuse me -- colonization in the New World.

Good luck getting rid of Austria, but the odds are very long against you. In my Venice game (vanilla) I tried my best to clean them out in the early 1500s, before they get about 20 free Bohemian and Hungarian provinces. Pure frustration. I beat them soundly, taking 3 provinces. They they beat somebody else and get 3 more. I beat them again, another 3 provinces. Then they diploannex a couple more states and gain back 4. Etc. etc. etc. Eventually I had to concede that it just couldn't be done, so I gave up on Austria and turned my attentions elsewhere. At least they never attacked me the rest of the game; I got a peaceful border out of all that.

 

[coz1]

Fb-fb:

Storey - Well, if there had been I might have been involved to the north more than I was. But I like my border there - a river and mountains with a wellplaced fortressor two should be enough to deal with whatever they might throw in Iberia. And if we come to blows, it will be near Italy that I would want to punish them.

And the Aztecs are coming soon.

Grundius - Glad you liked the cell phone bit. I think people walking around talking on them like that look insane. But then it allows me to talk to myself and no one is the wiser so... :wacko: As for Austria, I am weighing my options but the argument for fast action is heavy.

J. Passepartout - Ah, I knew there was one I hadn't read. I must go back and check that one out. I've heard about it for a long time.

Stuyvesant - Glad you pikced up on Isabel's presence. I wasn't sure how to depict the two of them, so one worked - let's see how the other one does in the update that follows.

As for BWB inheritance type stuff, I believe Bohemia comes first in around 1526 or so and then Hungary follows not terribly long after. I certainly want to have Tyrol from them one way of the other before those events happen (if they happen - my last game as Savoy, Bohemia somehow kept on it's own and took the place of Prussia in northern Germany.) And I will add that Bohemia is still the Hussite faction and thus Portestant. Don't know how that effects things.

CatKnight - Columbo would have been a damn site more helpful. But it al came out OK inthe end. I'll stick with the results.

Director - So you think I should take a small look at the Austrians, is that what you're saying? And just wait, because before I get back to playing, they gain two more.

Wolfhound - Another on the beat Habsburg wagon. Consider it noted. And I'm glad you enjoyed the little bit at the end. I wasn't sure if people would understand that or not. Hell, I wasn't sure if people would pick up on the cell phone stuff.

Deus - I was playing a rather mild game, but I think I will need to step it up just a bit and consolidate in upper Italy at least before totally concentrating on colonization. Three main goals right now are - get into Mexico, take out Tyrol and keep moving towards Siberia. I want to have a colony there by the end of the century if not before.

Snake IV - Actually, they had just the one and then got annexed. When they were reborn under the house of Tyrol, Tyrol had already conquered Baden. But yes, since they came back, they have had just the two.

jwolf - Isabel seemed the type, I thought. And yes, I am afraid of that with Austria. I really don't mind them being around - I just want Tyrol. It was a major bitch having them reappear there.

And the next update follows. However, I have been hit by a real nasty bug and I'm not sure how much I will be able to get done on Episode X. I want to get it up by the weekend though, so hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. Right now, I am going to post the next update and then lie down.