My house of state had become infested with the hordes of France and Spain, and its structure was being eaten out like there was a colony of termites. Steadily they spread from province to province, consuming everything as they went. The only hope was to call the exterminator.
So I called Gustav Adolphus's number:
"hey, I need some help. Can I get some Swedes to come over and clean out England?"
"Sure, but you need to schedule an appointment. It takes a while to prepare. How does 1633 sound?"
"1633? What do you expect me to do until then? It's infested with frogs over here. They're making a huge mess"
"Ok, I can push it to half a year. How big is this frog problem of yours?"
"Gigantic. They're covering almost half of England. They've raised frog flags in every city south of Yorkshire, including London, and there's more coming. I need you to bring every weapon you've got".
"I can bring 400 warships and 60k cav, plus about 90k inf. I can do it for 7000 ducats".
"Whaaat? That's ridiculous. I can give you 5000. Anything more would be exhorbitant".
"I can settle for 6000".
"Fine. You'll be here in six months then?"
"Yep, try cooking some frog legs in the meantime, it makes a good soup".
So I made due with the situation for six months, cooked some Frenchmen and Spaniards, lost a little bit of ground but not too much. Checked my clock, went to seven months, then eight, so I called Gustav again and was like,
"Hey, where the heck are you?"
"I'll be there, don't worry. It just takes longer than I thought to get all this equipment together. Just relax".
"Pchah!", and I slammed the phone down. Another three months went by before the Swedes finally showed up and went to work. It was getting close, Spain had begun stabhitting me. Things started to go our way now finally though.
The plan had been to trap Turrene in England, and then use him to blackmail France into signing a seperate peace.
What happened was we killed most of the frogs and had Turrene on the run, retreating to southern England where he no doubt hoped to board the French fleet. Our navies intercepted the Franco-Spanish navy and initially did well, outteching them and outnumbering them, particularly in warships, but then the battle went sour. Random luck. I started frantically splitting my fleet to re-engage the French, preventing Turrene from escaping, but to no avail. My 5-6 attempts were too early, and then Turrene arrived nice and safe.
So, it being somewhat even, and highly unprofitable to pursue the war further, I accepted an overall WP. Quite short of the cot or two I hoped to get from Spain after forcing out the French, but at least England was cleansed.
I only paid Gustav 4 of the 6k. Couldn't pay him in full after arriving so late, and then failing to achieve one of the main objectives, but it was still a good profit for him. You could say it was bittersweet for both of us.
Now that England was free, I wanted to do the things that make freedom worth having. Rebuild England's life and start anew, maybe invade Spain again. The economy blossomed, when income rose to a sufficient level, I paid back Sweden. Then I signed a NAP with France for 25 years, and used it to fight Spain. Took Goa and Sri Lanka from him, after a long struggle.
I signed a NAP with Spain, on his request, as part of our peace, but it left me without an obvious course for the rest of the session. Who to DOW? That was the question. Everything else was straightforward: trade, colonization, things I could do in my sleep, but war is always complicated. I'd had good relations with just about everyone else. Even the French, despite their latent invasion of England.
On the other hand, loner that I am, I was pretty sure I didn't need any of them. Drake dared me to try to sack Paris, and said he'd give me Frisia if I pulled it off. Big mistake, you should never dare me to sack your capital.
Came out of that war with Frisia in my hands, and then figured I should DOW Sweden. If I wasn't going to do it now, when would I? If you're gonna do something, it's best not to procrastinate, and that's what I'd been doing the past 30 years. It was time to go forward.
Cromwell's task force sailed into the sund and beat the Swedish fleet in a very decisive battle, then conquered Denmark. They came back and forced the fleet out, but with reinforcements and Monck in command, the English fleet returned and finished off the rest of the Swede ships. Gustav the exterminator had long been deceased, there wasn't anybody bad ass enough to stop Cromwell, who then landed in Stockholm and sacked the city. This done, it was clear to Sweden that resistence was futile, and that terms had to be accepted. For Jutland and Sleswig. I gave him 2kD to relieve the suffering of all the widows of the war, and then sailed back home
Who knows what adventures lie in wait for Cromwell and myself in general. There are so many places to go. Brandenburg is the closest though, methinks it time to remove the smear of losing the low countries to them not so long ago.
ontime: deflation
AAR money
core: 337 groningen