CHAPTER 9
1585-1604
ONE KING TO RULE
1585-1604
ONE KING TO RULE
Hello there and welcome back to “Pro Fide, Lege et Rege” - long time no see! And by long time I mean 6 months. Ahem. Anyways, let's dive straight into the AAR shall we?
On 1589 I start the first of many wars in the East using CB Bordergore by attacking Uzbek. In a middle of a war OPM Perm came to be by rebelling against their Uzbek overlords – a big mistake. I attacked tiny Perm on May 1590 and seeing that war is going in my favor I DOWed Kazan too because I already had armies in this part of the map. And why the hell not – by this time the steppe hordes are destined to fail to superior white Christians from Europe. It's embarrassing really.
A shamefur dispray. I end this spectacle in 1591 by forcing the hordes to give up their which happened to be where I wanted my new borders to be. Also Perm is kill. I'm dissapointed to learn that Novgorod decided to leave what little protection they had from me by leaving the coalition – another fatal mistake of the AI.
Sometimes even AI is capable of some decent move – my Muscovite vassal decides to go ahead and colonize another Siberian province in 1594. Although PLC is very tolerant, I would prefer the eastern Siberia to remain Russian-free zone and instead colonize it myself – you have to admit it's stretching things already that in Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth Lithuanians are not accepted. We can't allow Poles to be outnumbered by Russians, amirite?
While I'm waiting for truce with Novgorod to end I decide to DOW Denmark, again using CB Bordergore – if I have to be a blob, I want to at least be a pretty blob dammit!
Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, namely tens of thousands of dead Danish soldiers - vassals gonna eat, you know. Before I tore Denmark to pieces I peace out with Saxony. I don't want anything from them but to leave me alone – keep your useless House Wettin to yourself, little elector!
Of course as soon as the war with Denmark started, my Austrian „ally” called me to arms against – you guessed it – France. Sigh. I don't want to lose alliance with kaiser so I join, though there's nothing to be gained from it. In other news Ming declares me as its rival and swores to destroy the Commonwealth, ravish her cities and burn her women and- wait, what?
But why? I don't even know you.
To punish AI for it's poor prioritazation, strategy and general cluelessness I DOW Novgorod on February 1599 – I'll have you now, merchants!
To make sure that no doomstack of the Blue Blob suddenly attacks me while I'm busy sieging Novgorod, I'm forced to make some concessions however.
I lose monies, dignity and most importantly sweet Western Arms Trade modifier because SOMEONE can't keep order in his Reich – l2play Habsburgs. I swear, as soon as I clean the borders I'm going to go full Sobieski on you useless Germans. If Pink Blob and Blue Blob join forces, not even Lucky status will save your pathetic-
Oh crap. Oh crap oh crap oh crap.
Okay, keep it cool. It's 13 May 1601 and the Royal Struggle event chain has finally fired. Let's see what are my options:
Option #1 – historical route which leads to decay, partitions and two centuries (123 years of partitions + 5 years of joint III Reich and Soviet occupation + 44 years of imprisonment beyond Iron Curtain) of misery or....
Option #2 – fantasy scenario in which I try to beat the Sejm and Senat into submission by – what else – killing lots and lots of people.
Since I'm from
Wow, that's... a lot of rebels. In fact this stack is the size of two-thirds of modern Polish Armed Forces. On the other hand, they are conveniently gathered in one location, so I do what every Polish stereotype from Second World War would do in my place - I gather hussars and charge valiantly and without a second thought against the enemy.
Za mną bracia szlachta, za króla i ojczyznę!
In one glorious battle 85,000 unruly nobles are wiped out but this is just the beginning.
More and more revolts erupt so I quickly end the war with Novgorod and its irrelevant allies to focus on spilling blood of Commonwealthians – wait, this sounds stupid. Polish blood? Blood of my subjects? Whoever they are and wherever they come from, they are quickly destroyed but they just keep spawning.
And so the Royal Struggle continues.
The year 1604 begins and the bloody civil war enters its third year. The revolt risk is high enough for minorities to revolt against my benevolent rule too. The Lithuanians are the first to rise against the throne and I can't really blame them – I mean even Prussian and Byelorussian are accepted cultures in Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth. Russian patriots also rise in rebellion but without support they stand no chance against regular military – you want pull a Crimea this time.
This whole business becomes too exciting for the king however, who promptly drops dead on 19 January 1604.
Stab hit, more rebels and 78 year old Karol I Ferdynand Lancaster as a new ruler of PLC – his 2/4/4 stats are not that bad and his House gives hope for forcing PU on Great Britain but the timing is awful. Especially awful considering that a little more than a month after the old king Whatshisname died, what we worked all his life towards to was finally accomplished.
On 24 February 1604 the Royal Struggle ended. The Commonwealth was reborn, united under absolute rule of House Lancaster and stronger than ever before.
Massive Rzeczpospolita Pięciorga Narodów spanned across the continent, securing peace, tolerance and prosperity from Silesia and Iceland to Moscow and beyond Ural Mountains, almost as far as Lake Baikal.
As a leading power in the East, the future of the PLC was bright. And although it was pink and blobby, as well as suffered from a sever case of bordergore, one thing was certain – I finally got the last Polish achievement.
***
Story of the Commonwealth ends here. And although many wars were waged in the name of tolerance and hundreds of thousands died fighting for peace in the years to follow as PLC grew stronger with every passing decade, this is a tale for another time.
It's been so long since I last played this campaign that despite the fact that I have few hundreds of screenshots saved on my SDD, I don't really want to continue. Considering how many changes were introduced in patches during the last several months and how huge the changes are which will accompany „Common Sense” - btw a really bland name for a DLC – I decided that it would be a great opportunity to start over.
It'll not only allow me to revisit 16th century in the history of PLC but also play the campaign on a revamped map with new mechanics – and by new I mean all those introduced in „Art of War”, „El Dorado” and upcoming „Common Sense”. For instance, we didn't have the opportunity to experience Religious Leagues War in HRE, which is a shame because participation of PLC in 30 Years War is an interesting topic. Plus by starting anew I will be able to write about history of the Commonwealth, play the new campaign and make a short guide for Poland in 1.12 or whatever the new patch number is going to be.
So although I could theoritically continue this campaign, I think it will be much more interesting both for you as readers and me to re-roll the proverbial dice. If you think it's a bad idea, well...
In any case mark my words – „Pro Fide, Lege et Rege” is not yet lost
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