CatKnight - it's always a tough situation. When I suggested I had some first hand knowledge of this, I was thinking of my best friend. He and I have known each other since we were 11 or 12. We are very much alike and may as well be brothers (as I have none of my own - alas, three sisters - ugh!) But several years ago - right about the time my step-father died of lukemia and my girlfriend of six years was moving her way out of my life, he decided to take up a herion addiction, not to mention the pot and alcohol that he already craved. We had it out and he left Chicago, where I was living at the time (sharing an apt. with him.)
We did not speak for a time because I had some very harsh words for him when he tucked his tail and left (at least that's how I looked at it.) I was not in a good frame of mind myself to deal with his issues, to be sure. When I returned to Atlanta to live, and where he was back living with his family, I tried to rekindle the friendship. For a time it worked, and he eventually met a good friend of mine whom he came close to marrying. He had dropped the horse and was doing well, by all counts. But then one day he took a heavy amount of Tylonol PM's (with acetomenophene - I have no idea how to spell it) and much alcohol. It put him in the hospital in a coma for a little over a week and it looked as though his life was near an end.
I have no idea why I prayed as much as I did. Certainly because I loved him as a brother and would miss him terribly. But mostly because I just wanted him to get his shit sorted out. And somehow - he came through....only to begin sneaking alcohol behind his fiance's back and against his doctor's orders.
They eventually broke up and he moved BACK home with his parents once more...mind you, he is 32. A year or so back I threatened to have him placed in a rehab center due to the threat that he posed to himself. He went...for a few days. Then it was back home. At that point, I guess I gave up.
I love him very much. There is no other person in this world that I have a relationship that truly means as much to me. You don't get brothers like that often. Which makes your case even harder as yours is an actual blood brother, rather than a perceived one. But I've noticed that once he realized that I was not there to hear his inane rants, his many falls into extreme psychosis, his need for attention and someone to care (that were really only surface level - an extension of his bruised ego) he began to start moving on his own.
Yes, he still lives with his parents. Yes, he works a food prep job at Quiznos (following up on his award winning tenure at McDonalds) and yes, he has much work to be done. But he has grown as a person. He has begun to learn those life lessons we all need to survive the harsh world we encounter sometimes.
And again, when I said I knew first hand of what you speak - I'm not the best individual to speak on it either. I have my good days and bad days as well. Let's just say that alcoholism runs in the family. I don't blame it on anyone but myself, but there are plenty of days that the line between use and abuse gets blurred..and blurry.
In the end, all you can do is show your love, but be careful of the support end. It takes a hard attitude and no little amount of tough love. Further, and it is hard, you have to square away the idea that the person you care about may not make it in this environment. Sometimes, that peace is better. It is not desired in any way, to be sure. But they will live their life as they see fit. There is little that you can do but pray, hope and say I love you. Beyond that and you are only placing yourself in the line for pain yourself.
Not sure if this story helps or not, CatKnight, but I know going through something like this is not easy. Perhaps some words from someone else that has experienced a like situation may help put it into some sort of perspective. Perhaps not. Feel free to email me anytime if you wish to discuss it further, or just need someone to talk with. The line is always open and friends are there to help.
