Hey LD...do you remember any of the ideas that we discussed over milk and cookies? I'll confess that I'm hard pressed...
...speaking of hard pressed, how's Trixie doing?
...speaking of hard pressed, how's Trixie doing?
-
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Jack's Condo
"Come on Trixie, suck! Harder! Put your lungs to work. That's it, that's good. You're getting there. Won't be long now. Yes... yes... almost there... almost there... ahh... that's it... there we go. That's my girl. I knew you could do it. Ah, look at honey's face, it wasn't that bad now, was it?."
Trixie sat back, sporting a large smile on her bee-stung lips. "Really, Jack. I had no idea sucking a pimento from an olive would be so hard."
"You think that's hard..."
Pickford's
Dick Steele strode through the door of the darkened bar and stopped, waiting for his eyes to adjust from the blazing light of day to the dull, homey atmosphere of the rustic interior. There were few people inside, and most had stopped their conversations to give the newcomer a caustic once over. Satisfied, they drifted back to their own little worlds.
All except for one particular table. A hand went up and waved, while a voice shouted, "Msr. Steele. Over here."
The Executive Assistant nodded and approached, taking time to stop and order a beer from a rather disinterested bartender. With drink in hand, he sat down in the booth. Three people occupied it. One male, one female, and a third sitting back, so his face was covered in shadow.
The man who had shouted held out a hand. "Msr. Steele, so pleased to meet you."
Dick took the hand and shook it. "Likewise. I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice."
"Au contraire. The pleasure is... how do you say... all ours. My client," the man looked briefly at the shaded figure, "is most interested in this Portugal project from Jacques Merde Studios. He has expressed a deep desire to work under Msr. Scott. Ah, Mon Dieu, but I am remiss. The lovely lady opposite you is Marie, my client's personal assistant."
Dick Steele smiled a greeting. He looked at the shadowed figure.
"I am most curious, Msr. Steele," the agent continued, as he waved his arms expansively, "Why do you name a bar after Mary Pickford, 'America's Sweetheart', up here in Hollywood North?"
Steele grinned. "That's because 'America's Sweetheart' was Canadian."
"Mon Dieu, but we learn something new every day, do we not?"
"We do." A waitress arrived with food. One of the dishes was heavily spiced, it's aroma forcing a sneeze from Steele. "Bless me. I'm afraid I have not met your client."
"But of course, Msr. Steele. Once again, I have been remiss. Allow me to introduce to you, Msr. Reno."
The shadowy figure leaned forward, a slight smile playing at his lips. He held out a large hand, clutching a box. "Bonjour, Msr. Steele. Kleenex?"
Jack Shit Studios - The Dungeon
Sam paced, while Chip, Jim-Bob, and Woody passed around a bag of Frito-Lay. Pansie worked over her nails, and Flo worked over a punching bag with the likeness of Anne Heche taped to it. She punctuated each jab with select, mumbled comments. "Bitch! Turn-Coat! Judas! Man-lover!"
Sam glanced at the heavy set woman with the Marine buzz cut, and shook his head. He clapped his hands. "All right. Where were we?"
Chip held the latest script rewrite. "We're at the part where da Cocilha, the explorer, is talking to his Caribe lover."
Sam made a circling motion with his hand. "Right. Read it back."
Chip began, "Slow fade into a long shot of the Caribbean Sea from the POV of Tailinh's hut. It's morning, with a clear sky bearing a reddish tinge. Cut to hut interior. da Cocilha is pulling on his pants, while Tailinh lays languidly in bed with the bedcovers pilled up to her armpits.
Tailinh: Ready for more exploration, my darling Pero?
da Cocilha: All - in good - time - Tailinh. I - have - a - busy day - ahead - of - me."
Tailinh: That's what I meant, you dirty old man...
da Cocilha: Of - course, my - dear. Tailinh, - I'd - appreciate it - if - you - did not - see - those - other - men.
Tailinh: Oh, don't be so silly, Pero. Those men mean nothing to me. All they want is sex, and that's all I give them. It's you I love...
Sam made a cutting motion. "Chip, why do you have to use Shatner's voice everytime you do Cocilha?"
Jack Shit Studios
"Dick's on line two, Mr. Smithee."
"Thanks, Trixie. Turner here! So, what's the verdict? Uh-huh... yes... yes... uh-huh... right... good... very good... Ok... later."
"Good news, Mr. Smithee?"
"Very good news, Trixie. Dick just signed Jean Reno."
"Oh... that's just wonderful, Mr. Smithee. I'm such a big fan of his."
"Trixie... you can stop jumping now."
Jack Shit Studios - Screening Room
"Gentlemen. Before I begin, Mr. Scorsese asked if I could remind you that his postponed introspective on Ed Wood will be held after today's screening. To ensure attendance, he has ordered in a steady supply of wine, pizza and dancing girls. Lights."
The days rushes flickered to life.
"Just a quick recap, gentlemen. Manuel I, played by Julian Arahanga, is still the King, and Portugal has just won a costly war against Morocco. We pick up the episode in the year 1514 with the establishment of a trade post on Isle Royale."
"Ah, the future home of Montreal."
"Not exactly, sir. Isle Royale is really Cape Breton Island. You're thinking of Mont Royale."
"Of course. Cape Breton's just off the coast of Wales. Continue..."
"Ah... right. Anyway, we have several scenes between the natives and the Portuguese traders, then we cut to the year 1515, and the arrival at court of an explorer by the name of de Cueros, played by George Corraface."
"Wouldn't know him if I ran over him."
"That would make a lot of people you don't know, Carpenter. Carry on, Steele."
"Thank you, sir. After de Cueros sets sail, we fade to a series of weddings with England, Serbia, Hungary and Bavaria."
"Christ. I hope they had separate reception areas..."
"Ha ha ha. Quite the wit, Mr. Penn. After the weddings, we cut to the New World, in time to witness Albequerque's death. By the way, for all those who asked, the explorer was played by Robert Davi. From his death, we jump back to Portugal to witness a group of businessmen as they present plans to King Manuel I for a series of refineries. These refineries are made possible by advancements in infrastructure. After the King gives these same entrepreneurs a speech about money, and the lack thereof, we fade to the year 1516 and the renewal of marriages with Spain and Aragon."
"What kind, Steele?"
"Beg your pardon?"
"What kind of refineries, Steele?"
"I'm not exactly sure, Mr. Scorsese, but given the year I would hazard to guess it wouldn't be for canning Pepsi."
"No? How about Coca-Cola?"
"Possible. It's now later in the year and we cut to a revolt in Granada. At this point we use a montage of scenes to cover off the uprising, and end the event with scenes of peasant bodies hanging from the battlements."
"Oh, goody. Look at them dangle and twitch..."
"Neglected upbringing, Mr. Carpenter? To round off the year we cut to yet another marriage of state with Austria."
"Christ, Steele, is that all these Portuguese ever think about?"
"Could be, sir. We use the years 1517 to 1518 to concentrate on the growing colony of Mobile, then cut to a colony ship landing in Table, on the far southern tip of South Africa. Note how friendly the natives are."
"Is that a ruse to lull the Portuguese into a sense of false security, Steele? Are they really headhunters?"
"No, Mr. Penn. They are just plain and simple, friendly natives."
"Damn. I want headhunters."
"Read the tabloids, then. After a few scenes with the friendly natives, we jump to Lisbon. It is August, and Portugal is undergoing a massive flurry of activity. Genoa, along with her allies Milan, the Papal States, Hungary, the Knights, and Portugal, have declared war on Austria, Saxony, Savoy, Baden, Bohemia and Pommern. Next, we cut to a few scenes of 5,000 young Portuguese soldiers training..."
"Who the hell are The Knights, Steele?"
"I thought you might ask that, Mr. Carpenter. In short, they are a religious order from the days of the Crusades. They were also known as the Knights Hospitalers..."
"Hospitable Knights? Now I know you're full of crap, Steele. Hospitable Knights, indeed."
"I just can't fool the master, now can I, sir? Anyway, while we were having this rather one-sided conversation, we missed the part where the army boarded ship and set sail for Provence. As the fleet sails toward the horizon, we fade to Provence and the opening scenes of a battle between an invading Savoyard army of 3,000 cavalry and the local Portuguese force of 7,000 infantry. After a near gripping ten minutes of relentless action, the Savoyards leave the field in utter defeat. As the local army regroups and waits on reinforcements, we cut to the colony of Mobile as it gains Colonial City status."
"Why's the bearded guy with the gun look so familiar?"
"Don't ask. Now we cut back to Provence, and the training of an additional 5,000 men. It is 1519. We jump cut to scenes of the Portuguese fleet arriving in Marseilles, and the off-loading of the crack Portuguese army. The army marches on Savoie, and as we can see, it faces no opposition whatsoever. They lay siege to Chambery."
"Where they hell is the Savoyard army, Steele?"
"Beats me, sir. I'll ask the writers. As we fade from the siege, we fade into the royal court of Lisbon, just as King Manuel I and his advisors arrange White Peace treaties with the countries of Baden, Saxony, Bohemia, and Pommern. From that point we cut back to Savoie. It's obvious from the heavy clothes and chilled breath that it's late in the year. After several scenes of intense negotiations, Savoie surrenders, and the army marches on Piemonte. It is now 1520, and General Sintra..."
"Sinatra? Sinatra's dead. You can't use a dead man in this! And since when was Sinatra ever a general? I don't care about his links to the Mafia! It's not enough to make him a general!"
"Point taken, Mr. Scorsese. What if I remove a letter from his name and call him Sintra?"
"Very well, but I want no more goof ups!"
"Of course not, sir. It's very early January and General Sintra lays siege to Torino, the capital of Piemonte. As they settle in, reinforcements arrive from Provence. After a few scenes dealing with merchants in Venice, and increased tax measures in Granada, we jump to the year 1521. The Portuguese siege camp is a buzz with news of a huge Austrian army, heading slowly their way."
"What's with the fool holding up the sign that says, 'Insert Army Shots Here'?"
"Well, Mr. Smithee, at this point we will insert some CGI of the enemy army pouring over the mountains of Tirol. It's cheaper than hiring extras. Anyway, we cut to Provence as 6,000 reinforcements hurry toward Piemonte. It's a race to join their comrades before the Austrians arrive. After some touching scenes between the principles, we cut to the outnumbered Portuguese as they face down the Austrian army. As you can see, the battle is fierce, but in the end the Portuguese emerge victorious, thanks to the timely arrival of the reinforcements from Provence."
"Bloody gripping, Steele. Well done. Ridley sure knows how to handle battle scenes."
"Well, in reality, it was his second unit directors who produced these."
"Did they? Well. give 'em a raise, then. Bloody marvelous."
"Very well, sir, though it's what they're trained for. As we fade from the victory, we cut to Lisbon as King Manuel I receives news from his allies that Venice and Georgia has declared war on Hungary, Genoa, the Papal States, the Knights and Portugal. The King agrees to honour the agreement. Next, we cut back to Piemonte in time for a renewed effort by a reinforced Austrian army. They outnumber the Portuguese by a margin of almost two to one. However, they control a very well-defended piece of real estate, and the Austrians throw themselves against the Portuguese like ocean waves crashing on immovable rocks..."
"Steele... puh-lease..."
"Sorry, sir. The Portuguese win, and force the enemy to retreat in utter disarray. After the obligatory congratulations and victory celebrations, we jump ahead several months. Torino surrenders to Portugal, and King Manuel I brokers a peace with the Savoyards. It's a peace that gives Portugal control of Piemonte and allows the vassalization of Savoy. Shortly after, Austria approaches the bargaining table, and offers up 50,000 ducats for the cessation of hostilities. King Manuel I agrees. However, after signing the treaty, he collapses and becomes gravely ill. Days later, the King of Portugal dies. As we wrap the episode, the torch is passed from Manuel I to his son, King John III."
There were a collective gasp from the small audience. Turner Smithee and Dick Steele exchanged knowing looks.
Carpenter pointed and said, "Why, that's...
Smithee said, "Yes, it is."
Steele said, "Lights..."
"Come on Trixie, suck! Harder! Put your lungs to work. That's it, that's good. You're getting there. Won't be long now. Yes... yes... almost there... almost there... ahh... that's it... there we go. That's my girl. I knew you could do it. Ah, look at honey's face, it wasn't that bad now, was it?."
Trixie sat back, sporting a large smile on her bee-stung lips. "Really, Jack. I had no idea sucking a pimento from an olive would be so hard."
"You think that's hard..."
Pickford's
Dick Steele strode through the door of the darkened bar and stopped, waiting for his eyes to adjust from the blazing light of day to the dull, homey atmosphere of the rustic interior. There were few people inside, and most had stopped their conversations to give the newcomer a caustic once over. Satisfied, they drifted back to their own little worlds.
All except for one particular table. A hand went up and waved, while a voice shouted, "Msr. Steele. Over here."
The Executive Assistant nodded and approached, taking time to stop and order a beer from a rather disinterested bartender. With drink in hand, he sat down in the booth. Three people occupied it. One male, one female, and a third sitting back, so his face was covered in shadow.
The man who had shouted held out a hand. "Msr. Steele, so pleased to meet you."
Dick took the hand and shook it. "Likewise. I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice."
"Au contraire. The pleasure is... how do you say... all ours. My client," the man looked briefly at the shaded figure, "is most interested in this Portugal project from Jacques Merde Studios. He has expressed a deep desire to work under Msr. Scott. Ah, Mon Dieu, but I am remiss. The lovely lady opposite you is Marie, my client's personal assistant."
Dick Steele smiled a greeting. He looked at the shadowed figure.
"I am most curious, Msr. Steele," the agent continued, as he waved his arms expansively, "Why do you name a bar after Mary Pickford, 'America's Sweetheart', up here in Hollywood North?"
Steele grinned. "That's because 'America's Sweetheart' was Canadian."
"Mon Dieu, but we learn something new every day, do we not?"
"We do." A waitress arrived with food. One of the dishes was heavily spiced, it's aroma forcing a sneeze from Steele. "Bless me. I'm afraid I have not met your client."
"But of course, Msr. Steele. Once again, I have been remiss. Allow me to introduce to you, Msr. Reno."
The shadowy figure leaned forward, a slight smile playing at his lips. He held out a large hand, clutching a box. "Bonjour, Msr. Steele. Kleenex?"
Jack Shit Studios - The Dungeon
Sam paced, while Chip, Jim-Bob, and Woody passed around a bag of Frito-Lay. Pansie worked over her nails, and Flo worked over a punching bag with the likeness of Anne Heche taped to it. She punctuated each jab with select, mumbled comments. "Bitch! Turn-Coat! Judas! Man-lover!"
Sam glanced at the heavy set woman with the Marine buzz cut, and shook his head. He clapped his hands. "All right. Where were we?"
Chip held the latest script rewrite. "We're at the part where da Cocilha, the explorer, is talking to his Caribe lover."
Sam made a circling motion with his hand. "Right. Read it back."
Chip began, "Slow fade into a long shot of the Caribbean Sea from the POV of Tailinh's hut. It's morning, with a clear sky bearing a reddish tinge. Cut to hut interior. da Cocilha is pulling on his pants, while Tailinh lays languidly in bed with the bedcovers pilled up to her armpits.
Tailinh: Ready for more exploration, my darling Pero?
da Cocilha: All - in good - time - Tailinh. I - have - a - busy day - ahead - of - me."
Tailinh: That's what I meant, you dirty old man...
da Cocilha: Of - course, my - dear. Tailinh, - I'd - appreciate it - if - you - did not - see - those - other - men.
Tailinh: Oh, don't be so silly, Pero. Those men mean nothing to me. All they want is sex, and that's all I give them. It's you I love...
Sam made a cutting motion. "Chip, why do you have to use Shatner's voice everytime you do Cocilha?"
Jack Shit Studios
"Dick's on line two, Mr. Smithee."
"Thanks, Trixie. Turner here! So, what's the verdict? Uh-huh... yes... yes... uh-huh... right... good... very good... Ok... later."
"Good news, Mr. Smithee?"
"Very good news, Trixie. Dick just signed Jean Reno."
"Oh... that's just wonderful, Mr. Smithee. I'm such a big fan of his."
"Trixie... you can stop jumping now."
Jack Shit Studios - Screening Room
"Gentlemen. Before I begin, Mr. Scorsese asked if I could remind you that his postponed introspective on Ed Wood will be held after today's screening. To ensure attendance, he has ordered in a steady supply of wine, pizza and dancing girls. Lights."
The days rushes flickered to life.
"Just a quick recap, gentlemen. Manuel I, played by Julian Arahanga, is still the King, and Portugal has just won a costly war against Morocco. We pick up the episode in the year 1514 with the establishment of a trade post on Isle Royale."
"Ah, the future home of Montreal."
"Not exactly, sir. Isle Royale is really Cape Breton Island. You're thinking of Mont Royale."
"Of course. Cape Breton's just off the coast of Wales. Continue..."
"Ah... right. Anyway, we have several scenes between the natives and the Portuguese traders, then we cut to the year 1515, and the arrival at court of an explorer by the name of de Cueros, played by George Corraface."
"Wouldn't know him if I ran over him."
"That would make a lot of people you don't know, Carpenter. Carry on, Steele."
"Thank you, sir. After de Cueros sets sail, we fade to a series of weddings with England, Serbia, Hungary and Bavaria."
"Christ. I hope they had separate reception areas..."
"Ha ha ha. Quite the wit, Mr. Penn. After the weddings, we cut to the New World, in time to witness Albequerque's death. By the way, for all those who asked, the explorer was played by Robert Davi. From his death, we jump back to Portugal to witness a group of businessmen as they present plans to King Manuel I for a series of refineries. These refineries are made possible by advancements in infrastructure. After the King gives these same entrepreneurs a speech about money, and the lack thereof, we fade to the year 1516 and the renewal of marriages with Spain and Aragon."
"What kind, Steele?"
"Beg your pardon?"
"What kind of refineries, Steele?"
"I'm not exactly sure, Mr. Scorsese, but given the year I would hazard to guess it wouldn't be for canning Pepsi."
"No? How about Coca-Cola?"
"Possible. It's now later in the year and we cut to a revolt in Granada. At this point we use a montage of scenes to cover off the uprising, and end the event with scenes of peasant bodies hanging from the battlements."
"Oh, goody. Look at them dangle and twitch..."
"Neglected upbringing, Mr. Carpenter? To round off the year we cut to yet another marriage of state with Austria."
"Christ, Steele, is that all these Portuguese ever think about?"
"Could be, sir. We use the years 1517 to 1518 to concentrate on the growing colony of Mobile, then cut to a colony ship landing in Table, on the far southern tip of South Africa. Note how friendly the natives are."
"Is that a ruse to lull the Portuguese into a sense of false security, Steele? Are they really headhunters?"
"No, Mr. Penn. They are just plain and simple, friendly natives."
"Damn. I want headhunters."
"Read the tabloids, then. After a few scenes with the friendly natives, we jump to Lisbon. It is August, and Portugal is undergoing a massive flurry of activity. Genoa, along with her allies Milan, the Papal States, Hungary, the Knights, and Portugal, have declared war on Austria, Saxony, Savoy, Baden, Bohemia and Pommern. Next, we cut to a few scenes of 5,000 young Portuguese soldiers training..."
"Who the hell are The Knights, Steele?"
"I thought you might ask that, Mr. Carpenter. In short, they are a religious order from the days of the Crusades. They were also known as the Knights Hospitalers..."
"Hospitable Knights? Now I know you're full of crap, Steele. Hospitable Knights, indeed."
"I just can't fool the master, now can I, sir? Anyway, while we were having this rather one-sided conversation, we missed the part where the army boarded ship and set sail for Provence. As the fleet sails toward the horizon, we fade to Provence and the opening scenes of a battle between an invading Savoyard army of 3,000 cavalry and the local Portuguese force of 7,000 infantry. After a near gripping ten minutes of relentless action, the Savoyards leave the field in utter defeat. As the local army regroups and waits on reinforcements, we cut to the colony of Mobile as it gains Colonial City status."
"Why's the bearded guy with the gun look so familiar?"
"Don't ask. Now we cut back to Provence, and the training of an additional 5,000 men. It is 1519. We jump cut to scenes of the Portuguese fleet arriving in Marseilles, and the off-loading of the crack Portuguese army. The army marches on Savoie, and as we can see, it faces no opposition whatsoever. They lay siege to Chambery."
"Where they hell is the Savoyard army, Steele?"
"Beats me, sir. I'll ask the writers. As we fade from the siege, we fade into the royal court of Lisbon, just as King Manuel I and his advisors arrange White Peace treaties with the countries of Baden, Saxony, Bohemia, and Pommern. From that point we cut back to Savoie. It's obvious from the heavy clothes and chilled breath that it's late in the year. After several scenes of intense negotiations, Savoie surrenders, and the army marches on Piemonte. It is now 1520, and General Sintra..."
"Sinatra? Sinatra's dead. You can't use a dead man in this! And since when was Sinatra ever a general? I don't care about his links to the Mafia! It's not enough to make him a general!"
"Point taken, Mr. Scorsese. What if I remove a letter from his name and call him Sintra?"
"Very well, but I want no more goof ups!"
"Of course not, sir. It's very early January and General Sintra lays siege to Torino, the capital of Piemonte. As they settle in, reinforcements arrive from Provence. After a few scenes dealing with merchants in Venice, and increased tax measures in Granada, we jump to the year 1521. The Portuguese siege camp is a buzz with news of a huge Austrian army, heading slowly their way."
"What's with the fool holding up the sign that says, 'Insert Army Shots Here'?"
"Well, Mr. Smithee, at this point we will insert some CGI of the enemy army pouring over the mountains of Tirol. It's cheaper than hiring extras. Anyway, we cut to Provence as 6,000 reinforcements hurry toward Piemonte. It's a race to join their comrades before the Austrians arrive. After some touching scenes between the principles, we cut to the outnumbered Portuguese as they face down the Austrian army. As you can see, the battle is fierce, but in the end the Portuguese emerge victorious, thanks to the timely arrival of the reinforcements from Provence."
"Bloody gripping, Steele. Well done. Ridley sure knows how to handle battle scenes."
"Well, in reality, it was his second unit directors who produced these."
"Did they? Well. give 'em a raise, then. Bloody marvelous."
"Very well, sir, though it's what they're trained for. As we fade from the victory, we cut to Lisbon as King Manuel I receives news from his allies that Venice and Georgia has declared war on Hungary, Genoa, the Papal States, the Knights and Portugal. The King agrees to honour the agreement. Next, we cut back to Piemonte in time for a renewed effort by a reinforced Austrian army. They outnumber the Portuguese by a margin of almost two to one. However, they control a very well-defended piece of real estate, and the Austrians throw themselves against the Portuguese like ocean waves crashing on immovable rocks..."
"Steele... puh-lease..."
"Sorry, sir. The Portuguese win, and force the enemy to retreat in utter disarray. After the obligatory congratulations and victory celebrations, we jump ahead several months. Torino surrenders to Portugal, and King Manuel I brokers a peace with the Savoyards. It's a peace that gives Portugal control of Piemonte and allows the vassalization of Savoy. Shortly after, Austria approaches the bargaining table, and offers up 50,000 ducats for the cessation of hostilities. King Manuel I agrees. However, after signing the treaty, he collapses and becomes gravely ill. Days later, the King of Portugal dies. As we wrap the episode, the torch is passed from Manuel I to his son, King John III."
There were a collective gasp from the small audience. Turner Smithee and Dick Steele exchanged knowing looks.
Carpenter pointed and said, "Why, that's...
Smithee said, "Yes, it is."
Steele said, "Lights..."
Umm ... 50,000d? Really? That's an awfully big chunk of change.
Great update. The line about the separate reception areas floored me.
Your talent for hardcore double-entendres is coming along nicely LD.
And who plays King John III? Who?? My money's on Keanu Reeves, Woody Harrelson, or possibly Troy McClure.
And who plays King John III? Who?? My money's on Keanu Reeves, Woody Harrelson, or possibly Troy McClure.
It occurs to me LD that maybe, just maybe, you have a low opinion of the intelligence of Hollywood folks....
the next king will be...
...tom hanks! why not... he's in every other movie these days?
great stuff, LD.
...tom hanks! why not... he's in every other movie these days?
great stuff, LD.
...and proud of it too!
You're not out to help our American friends with their geography lessons, are you?
LOL!
It's hard to get Charlton off (without Trixie's help
) a set isn't it?....and many other hysterical lines.
I see you're subscribing to the hook-of-the-week club now, like several of the rest of us.
Alan Smithee's daydreams of Trixie are rudely interrupted...
*ring, ring*
"Smithee here. Haven't got all day. I'm a busy man. Send it."
Doug Daft here, CEO of Coca Cola. Love the Portugal series. I heard you guys are building refineries in the upcoming scenes. Just how much would it cost for us to insert a 15 second long scene of King John III drinking a Coca Cola Classic outside of the newly built Coca Cola bottling plant in Tago?
*ring, ring*
"Smithee here. Haven't got all day. I'm a busy man. Send it."
Doug Daft here, CEO of Coca Cola. Love the Portugal series. I heard you guys are building refineries in the upcoming scenes. Just how much would it cost for us to insert a 15 second long scene of King John III drinking a Coca Cola Classic outside of the newly built Coca Cola bottling plant in Tago?
Sharur: Thanks. Hmmm, what other products can I hawk?
CR: Yup. Changed strategies...
LJ: Welcome back. Glad you got a chuckle or two... hockey at 3:00 in the morning, where do you think you are, Canada?
MrT: Of course I remember what we discussed. Unlike you, I wasn't drooling all over the table... now, where's my notes... As for Hook of the Month Club, I suggest you read some of my earlier stuff...
Roland D: What's wrong with 50,000d? I like to add zeros to make it sound more impressive. It's like Canada offering the States $50 to end the soft wood trade war. After conversion into American greenbacks, it's worth about $4.95
Carligula: Glad you like the Double Es. MrT want's me to go hard-core, but he's like that... I like your choices for actors. None of them are it, but I will definitely work them in.
SM: Low opinion of Hollywood folks? Whatever do you mean?
Peter E: Your welcome. I couldn't resist.
Rictus/KoN: More good choices.
Backpack/KoN: What a great idea, especially when you see who plays King John
There will be an update this evening. Thanks all.
CR: Yup. Changed strategies...
LJ: Welcome back. Glad you got a chuckle or two... hockey at 3:00 in the morning, where do you think you are, Canada?
MrT: Of course I remember what we discussed. Unlike you, I wasn't drooling all over the table... now, where's my notes... As for Hook of the Month Club, I suggest you read some of my earlier stuff...
Roland D: What's wrong with 50,000d?
I like to add zeros to make it sound more impressive. It's like Canada offering the States $50 to end the soft wood trade war. After conversion into American greenbacks, it's worth about $4.95 Carligula: Glad you like the Double Es. MrT want's me to go hard-core, but he's like that...
I like your choices for actors. None of them are it, but I will definitely work them in.SM: Low opinion of Hollywood folks? Whatever do you mean?
Peter E: Your welcome. I couldn't resist.
Rictus/KoN: More good choices.
Backpack/KoN: What a great idea, especially when you see who plays King John
There will be an update this evening. Thanks all.
I've been away a while, I just poped in to read a few AARs and this just had me laughing so much I almost fell out of my chair, classic stuff LD
OOC: Cockney! Always good to hear from you. Hope all is well. Thanks for the comments.
-------------------------------------------
Jack Shit Studios - Boardroom
"So, how far over budget are we?"
*sniff* "Well, Mr. Smithee, it all comes down to a case of metrics."
"Metrics..."
*sniff* "Metrics."
"These... ah... metrics... are they related to degrees Fahrenheit, or kilograms to a pound?"
*sniff* "Ah, humour. I recognize that."
"I wasn't being funny, you grubby little bean-counter. Now, what the hell are metrics?"
*sniff* "Our department has undertaken a series of metrics utilizing variable core competencies, role specific competencies, due diligence and chaotic theory modeling to design and enhance the usage of incremental investments as a precursor to the development of a high level expectancy toward the probability and optimization of revenues and goal oriented deliverables. These will be grand-fathered in parallel with a subset of Boolean parameters designed to provide a ratio of generated high-level trends which shall establish..."
"Shut up, for Chrissakes! Why in God's name can't you little worms talk normal?"
*sniff* "Harvesting and retirement of proto-venture ancillaries are key to generating a primary legacy based on the application of core procedures designed to facilitate..."
"Get this waste of flesh out of here before I shoot him! Trixie?"
"Sir?"
"Take a memo. From now on the mere utterance of words such as core competency, role specific competencies, metrics, due diligence and other such Human Resource nonsense will result in immediate dismissal."
"Yes, sir."
After the cheers died, Turner Smithee wiped his brow, "Good. Now, who wants a beer?"
On Location
"Mr. Raimi, sir, what a pleasure it is to meet you."
"Leave me alone. Where's Campbell?"
"Bruce Campbell?"
"No, moron, Campbell Soup! Of course 'Bruce Campbell'!"
"Well, Mr. Raimi, the last I heard he was at a convention in Boise showing some flick called Army of Dankness, and answering questions from the audience."
"What did you call my movie? A flick? YOU CALLED MY MOVIE A FLICK?"
"Er... Army of Dankness, sir..."
"DANKNESS? Right. You're out of here."
"But, sir..."
Sam Raimi spun around, leaving the forlorn ex-assistant behind. He spied a lone figure standing near a buffet, and shouted. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! Yeah, the guy stuffing his face at the chow table. I need an assistant. You game?"
"Wha...? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? Huh?"
"Christ, is everyone around here cracked?"
"Let me tell you something. You're in a hell, and you're gonna die in a hell, just like the rest of 'em!"
"Oh, crap. The looney train should be here shortly, buddy." The new Director stopped a young lady rushing past. "Excuse me, Miss."
"Yes?"
"Who's the idiot at the buffet?"
"Oh, don't you recognize him? It's De Niro. Good makeup, eh? He's playing King John III."
"Swell. Just... bloody swell."
Jack Shit Studios
"What a pleasure it is to meet you, Mr. Reno."
"Où est Natalie Portman?"
"What?"
The agent stepped up. "Msr. Smithee, it is such a... how do you say... honour, to meet you, too."
Turner Smithee extended his hand. "The pleasure is mine." He held it out to a rather bemused Jean Reno, who decided to snoop around the desk until he came up with a cigar. He pointed at it, and Turner smiled. "Of course. Dick, light it for him."
"Merci, Msr. Steele." Reno mumbled, drawing in a healthy lung full of smoke. He regarded his agent with wide eyes. "Où est Anne Parillaud?" The agent raised his eyebrows and shrugged.
Smithee looked at Steele. "Is there a problem?"
The Executive Assistant scratched his chin. "Well, Mr. Reno will take the role if he gets to work with Portman and Parillaud."
"Who's Parillaud?"
"Don't worry, Mr. Smithee, leave it to me," Dick said as he headed for the door.
Turner smiled nervously at the two Frenchmen.
The Agent said, "Impressive place, this Jacques Merde Studios..."
Jack Shit Studios - Screening Room
The Suits staggered into the screening room, moaning, whimpering and looking downcast.
Steele was chipper, "Rough night at the Ed Wood Revival, boys?"
"Shut up."
"Stow it."
"Knock it off."
"My head hurts."
"Right. Kindly take your seats. Barf bags are on the left. I've been asked to remind you that breakfast will consist of greasy bacon, runny eggs and dried toast... ugh, was it something I said? I'll wait." Steele inspected his fingernails as the room filled with sudden movement and frantic retching. "There now, that's a good bunch. Got everything out of your system? No? No problem, I'll get the cleaners."
Sometime later, when things had settled, Steele shouted, "Lights." There was a chorus of grumbling and moans as hands went to ears. "For those of you who are mildly coherent, we have reached the year 1522. The episode opens with King John III discussing some improvements to the military with a handful of scholars."
"Say, isn't that..."
"Yes, it is. We cut to one of the key islands of Greece, Ionia to be exact, as the Portuguese army lays siege to the capital. From there we jump to Piemonte. Everyone remember where Piemonte was? No takers? Oh, well. Based on the impaled corpses, you can surmise that a peasant revolt has been suppressed. You will note the missing limbs and mangled... oh, dear, did I say something? Here, I'll go bring back the cleaners while you folks finish heaving."
A short while after, Steele re-entered the small room to face some icy glares. He turned up his nose. "Whew! Who had the borsch last night?"
"Can it, Steele. Let's get on with this."
"Of course, sir. Lights. Wrapping the revolt in Piemonte, we return to Ionia in time for its surrender. After a few scenes of the army resting and doing what armies do, we cut to it marching back to Hellas. It is now December, and we fade to the sunny island of St. Thomas where we witness a massive influx of settlers. Now we jump back to Greece and witness the recruitment of several thousand soldiers. It is 1523. As the camera lingers on the fleet setting sail for parts unknown, we return to Lisbon where King John III secures a White Peace with Georgia."
"Georgia? When did the States get involved? Isn't this a little early for them, Steele?"
"I imagine so, Mr. Scorsese. Perhaps they're referring to the country that lies on the east bank of the Black Sea."
"Huh? What country's that? When did the States ever colonise the Black Sea? That's another historical goof-up, Steele, I think it's a bout time that we fired the writers."
"Er, well, I could pass the recommendation on up to The Boss, if you want."
"Never mind that for now, Steele. Scorsese, shut up!"
"Thank you, Mr. Smithee. With Georgia out of the way, Portugal concentrates on Venice. Note the Portuguese army invading Ragusa and laying siege to the main city."
"But, Ragusa is..."
"Yes, Mr. Carpenter, Ragusa's not only a rich, thick and zesty spaghetti sauce, but it's a small, rocky country, too. Probably a thick, rich and zesty country, at that. Anyway, after the army settles in, we cut back to the fleet as it disembarks troops on the rocky shores of Corfu. Here we have some rather tense scenes as the local Venetian militia defends itself against the invaders, but in the end the Portuguese prove victorious."
"Why are they standing around scratching their crotches, Steele?"
"Well, apparently the victory had its price, sir, and they didn't have enough men to prosecute the siege."
"Huh? Then have the writers add more men."
"That could certainly be done, but don't you think that this is much more realistic?"
"Steele, are you nuts? Realism? On TV?"
"Isn't Survivor reality TV, sir?"
"Heh heh...yeah... right! They go out and audition all the pretty people who have an axe to grind, or excel in back stabbing..."
"Hmm, those hiring practices sound pretty familiar. Anyway, we fade into the year 1524 as additional troops are raised in Greece to augment the war effort. The extra troops are dispatched to Corfu so a proper siege can be undertaken. For the balance of the year we bounce around the Portuguese possessions of Piemonte, Granada, and Fez as they pass through the various stages of revolt and reconquest. Finally, we return to Ragusa in time to witness its fall. The following scenes deal with a rather tardy Venetian relief army that engages the Portuguese in Ragusa, only to lose and retreat in ignominy."
"What's 'ignominy'?"
"It's Latin for 'I'm a vapid Suit'."
"Really?"
"As we enter the year 1525, the Army of Hellas advances into Dalmatia."
"Isn't Dalmatia..."
"Yes, Mr. Penn, that's where the spotted dogs come from. All 101 of them. At this point we cut back to Lisbon, and the arrival in court of Francois Xavier. Here he greets King John III."
"I still can't believe you got him to play King John, Steele! And is that that French actor playing Xavier?"
"Reno? In the flesh, sir. Or, at least, on celluloid. We have several scenes of these two great actors, then finish up with Xavier boarding ship to undertake a journey to begin his teachings. At this point we jump cut back to Dalmatia as its capital, Zara, comes under siege. Next we hop around the known world to cover off revolts in Gibraltar, Mobile and Tangiers, then cut back to Lisbon in time to witness the Portuguese Admiralty present King John III with the latest navigational marvel."
"I still can't believe you got him..."
"Try to control yourself, Mr. Scorsese. It is now 1526, and we fade to Nova Scotia as it becomes a Colonial City under Portuguese dominion."
"Bet the Canucks won't like that! Teach them for winning hockey gold!"
"Er... right. We jump to the year 1527 as the territory of Acadie is successfully colonised, then cut to the deaths of both Correos and Cocilha."
"What? Kirk's dead? That can't be! I just saw him on that American rip-off cooking show based on the Iron Chef!"
"It's just his character who died, Mr. Carpenter. Never fear, we have some endorsements lined up for the old boy. He's used to hawking stuff at this stage of his career. In fact, he wants to cut an album of Portuguese ballads. Now, we fade back to Dalmatia in time for its fall to the crack Army of Hellas, then in 1528 the island of Corfu follows suit. We cut back to Lisbon as the Venetian envoys approach King John III with hat in hand..."
"It's simply amazing. You actually got..."
"Yes, sir, we did. Shall I ask the cleaners to bring you a Depends? No? OK, the Venetian delegates offer Ionia, Ragusa and Dalmatia to Portugal to end the war. King John accepts, and Portugal is at peace. As you can, or cannot see, depending on the size of your hangovers, the following celebrations are marred by continued revolts. The end of the year finds the King presented with the gift of a Naval Academy in the province of Algarve."
"How the hell do you present a Naval Academy as a gift, Steele?"
"Not sure, sir. Tie a bow around it? We reach the middle of 1529, and the Papal States declare war on Tuscany. Genoa and the Knights join in. Portugal pays lip service to the alliance, as King John is weary of war. See how weary he is? By the end of the year he signs a White Peace with the beleaguered country. Next, we jump to 1530 and the introduction of a conquistador named Martine de Sousa, who is played by John Malkovich. Finally, to finish off the episode, we have the death of de Quoeros and the construction of a warship in Lisbon. Any questions?"
"I'm still can't believe you got Al Pacino to play King John III."
Steel and Smithee slapped their foreheads. "Lights."
Production Still From Portugal: A Legend in its Spare Time, circa 1530
-------------------------------------------
Jack Shit Studios - Boardroom
"So, how far over budget are we?"
*sniff* "Well, Mr. Smithee, it all comes down to a case of metrics."
"Metrics..."
*sniff* "Metrics."
"These... ah... metrics... are they related to degrees Fahrenheit, or kilograms to a pound?"
*sniff* "Ah, humour. I recognize that."
"I wasn't being funny, you grubby little bean-counter. Now, what the hell are metrics?"
*sniff* "Our department has undertaken a series of metrics utilizing variable core competencies, role specific competencies, due diligence and chaotic theory modeling to design and enhance the usage of incremental investments as a precursor to the development of a high level expectancy toward the probability and optimization of revenues and goal oriented deliverables. These will be grand-fathered in parallel with a subset of Boolean parameters designed to provide a ratio of generated high-level trends which shall establish..."
"Shut up, for Chrissakes! Why in God's name can't you little worms talk normal?"
*sniff* "Harvesting and retirement of proto-venture ancillaries are key to generating a primary legacy based on the application of core procedures designed to facilitate..."
"Get this waste of flesh out of here before I shoot him! Trixie?"
"Sir?"
"Take a memo. From now on the mere utterance of words such as core competency, role specific competencies, metrics, due diligence and other such Human Resource nonsense will result in immediate dismissal."
"Yes, sir."
After the cheers died, Turner Smithee wiped his brow, "Good. Now, who wants a beer?"
On Location
"Mr. Raimi, sir, what a pleasure it is to meet you."
"Leave me alone. Where's Campbell?"
"Bruce Campbell?"
"No, moron, Campbell Soup! Of course 'Bruce Campbell'!"
"Well, Mr. Raimi, the last I heard he was at a convention in Boise showing some flick called Army of Dankness, and answering questions from the audience."
"What did you call my movie? A flick? YOU CALLED MY MOVIE A FLICK?"
"Er... Army of Dankness, sir..."
"DANKNESS? Right. You're out of here."
"But, sir..."
Sam Raimi spun around, leaving the forlorn ex-assistant behind. He spied a lone figure standing near a buffet, and shouted. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! Yeah, the guy stuffing his face at the chow table. I need an assistant. You game?"
"Wha...? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? Huh?"
"Christ, is everyone around here cracked?"
"Let me tell you something. You're in a hell, and you're gonna die in a hell, just like the rest of 'em!"
"Oh, crap. The looney train should be here shortly, buddy." The new Director stopped a young lady rushing past. "Excuse me, Miss."
"Yes?"
"Who's the idiot at the buffet?"
"Oh, don't you recognize him? It's De Niro. Good makeup, eh? He's playing King John III."
"Swell. Just... bloody swell."
Jack Shit Studios
"What a pleasure it is to meet you, Mr. Reno."
"Où est Natalie Portman?"
"What?"
The agent stepped up. "Msr. Smithee, it is such a... how do you say... honour, to meet you, too."
Turner Smithee extended his hand. "The pleasure is mine." He held it out to a rather bemused Jean Reno, who decided to snoop around the desk until he came up with a cigar. He pointed at it, and Turner smiled. "Of course. Dick, light it for him."
"Merci, Msr. Steele." Reno mumbled, drawing in a healthy lung full of smoke. He regarded his agent with wide eyes. "Où est Anne Parillaud?" The agent raised his eyebrows and shrugged.
Smithee looked at Steele. "Is there a problem?"
The Executive Assistant scratched his chin. "Well, Mr. Reno will take the role if he gets to work with Portman and Parillaud."
"Who's Parillaud?"
"Don't worry, Mr. Smithee, leave it to me," Dick said as he headed for the door.
Turner smiled nervously at the two Frenchmen.
The Agent said, "Impressive place, this Jacques Merde Studios..."
Jack Shit Studios - Screening Room
The Suits staggered into the screening room, moaning, whimpering and looking downcast.
Steele was chipper, "Rough night at the Ed Wood Revival, boys?"
"Shut up."
"Stow it."
"Knock it off."
"My head hurts."
"Right. Kindly take your seats. Barf bags are on the left. I've been asked to remind you that breakfast will consist of greasy bacon, runny eggs and dried toast... ugh, was it something I said? I'll wait." Steele inspected his fingernails as the room filled with sudden movement and frantic retching. "There now, that's a good bunch. Got everything out of your system? No? No problem, I'll get the cleaners."
Sometime later, when things had settled, Steele shouted, "Lights." There was a chorus of grumbling and moans as hands went to ears. "For those of you who are mildly coherent, we have reached the year 1522. The episode opens with King John III discussing some improvements to the military with a handful of scholars."
"Say, isn't that..."
"Yes, it is. We cut to one of the key islands of Greece, Ionia to be exact, as the Portuguese army lays siege to the capital. From there we jump to Piemonte. Everyone remember where Piemonte was? No takers? Oh, well. Based on the impaled corpses, you can surmise that a peasant revolt has been suppressed. You will note the missing limbs and mangled... oh, dear, did I say something? Here, I'll go bring back the cleaners while you folks finish heaving."
A short while after, Steele re-entered the small room to face some icy glares. He turned up his nose. "Whew! Who had the borsch last night?"
"Can it, Steele. Let's get on with this."
"Of course, sir. Lights. Wrapping the revolt in Piemonte, we return to Ionia in time for its surrender. After a few scenes of the army resting and doing what armies do, we cut to it marching back to Hellas. It is now December, and we fade to the sunny island of St. Thomas where we witness a massive influx of settlers. Now we jump back to Greece and witness the recruitment of several thousand soldiers. It is 1523. As the camera lingers on the fleet setting sail for parts unknown, we return to Lisbon where King John III secures a White Peace with Georgia."
"Georgia? When did the States get involved? Isn't this a little early for them, Steele?"
"I imagine so, Mr. Scorsese. Perhaps they're referring to the country that lies on the east bank of the Black Sea."
"Huh? What country's that? When did the States ever colonise the Black Sea? That's another historical goof-up, Steele, I think it's a bout time that we fired the writers."
"Er, well, I could pass the recommendation on up to The Boss, if you want."
"Never mind that for now, Steele. Scorsese, shut up!"
"Thank you, Mr. Smithee. With Georgia out of the way, Portugal concentrates on Venice. Note the Portuguese army invading Ragusa and laying siege to the main city."
"But, Ragusa is..."
"Yes, Mr. Carpenter, Ragusa's not only a rich, thick and zesty spaghetti sauce, but it's a small, rocky country, too. Probably a thick, rich and zesty country, at that. Anyway, after the army settles in, we cut back to the fleet as it disembarks troops on the rocky shores of Corfu. Here we have some rather tense scenes as the local Venetian militia defends itself against the invaders, but in the end the Portuguese prove victorious."
"Why are they standing around scratching their crotches, Steele?"
"Well, apparently the victory had its price, sir, and they didn't have enough men to prosecute the siege."
"Huh? Then have the writers add more men."
"That could certainly be done, but don't you think that this is much more realistic?"
"Steele, are you nuts? Realism? On TV?"
"Isn't Survivor reality TV, sir?"
"Heh heh...yeah... right! They go out and audition all the pretty people who have an axe to grind, or excel in back stabbing..."
"Hmm, those hiring practices sound pretty familiar. Anyway, we fade into the year 1524 as additional troops are raised in Greece to augment the war effort. The extra troops are dispatched to Corfu so a proper siege can be undertaken. For the balance of the year we bounce around the Portuguese possessions of Piemonte, Granada, and Fez as they pass through the various stages of revolt and reconquest. Finally, we return to Ragusa in time to witness its fall. The following scenes deal with a rather tardy Venetian relief army that engages the Portuguese in Ragusa, only to lose and retreat in ignominy."
"What's 'ignominy'?"
"It's Latin for 'I'm a vapid Suit'."
"Really?"
"As we enter the year 1525, the Army of Hellas advances into Dalmatia."
"Isn't Dalmatia..."
"Yes, Mr. Penn, that's where the spotted dogs come from. All 101 of them. At this point we cut back to Lisbon, and the arrival in court of Francois Xavier. Here he greets King John III."
"I still can't believe you got him to play King John, Steele! And is that that French actor playing Xavier?"
"Reno? In the flesh, sir. Or, at least, on celluloid. We have several scenes of these two great actors, then finish up with Xavier boarding ship to undertake a journey to begin his teachings. At this point we jump cut back to Dalmatia as its capital, Zara, comes under siege. Next we hop around the known world to cover off revolts in Gibraltar, Mobile and Tangiers, then cut back to Lisbon in time to witness the Portuguese Admiralty present King John III with the latest navigational marvel."
"I still can't believe you got him..."
"Try to control yourself, Mr. Scorsese. It is now 1526, and we fade to Nova Scotia as it becomes a Colonial City under Portuguese dominion."
"Bet the Canucks won't like that! Teach them for winning hockey gold!"
"Er... right. We jump to the year 1527 as the territory of Acadie is successfully colonised, then cut to the deaths of both Correos and Cocilha."
"What? Kirk's dead? That can't be! I just saw him on that American rip-off cooking show based on the Iron Chef!"
"It's just his character who died, Mr. Carpenter. Never fear, we have some endorsements lined up for the old boy. He's used to hawking stuff at this stage of his career. In fact, he wants to cut an album of Portuguese ballads. Now, we fade back to Dalmatia in time for its fall to the crack Army of Hellas, then in 1528 the island of Corfu follows suit. We cut back to Lisbon as the Venetian envoys approach King John III with hat in hand..."
"It's simply amazing. You actually got..."
"Yes, sir, we did. Shall I ask the cleaners to bring you a Depends? No? OK, the Venetian delegates offer Ionia, Ragusa and Dalmatia to Portugal to end the war. King John accepts, and Portugal is at peace. As you can, or cannot see, depending on the size of your hangovers, the following celebrations are marred by continued revolts. The end of the year finds the King presented with the gift of a Naval Academy in the province of Algarve."
"How the hell do you present a Naval Academy as a gift, Steele?"
"Not sure, sir. Tie a bow around it? We reach the middle of 1529, and the Papal States declare war on Tuscany. Genoa and the Knights join in. Portugal pays lip service to the alliance, as King John is weary of war. See how weary he is? By the end of the year he signs a White Peace with the beleaguered country. Next, we jump to 1530 and the introduction of a conquistador named Martine de Sousa, who is played by John Malkovich. Finally, to finish off the episode, we have the death of de Quoeros and the construction of a warship in Lisbon. Any questions?"
"I'm still can't believe you got Al Pacino to play King John III."
Steel and Smithee slapped their foreheads. "Lights."
Production Still From Portugal: A Legend in its Spare Time, circa 1530
Last edited:
Just wondering, LD, is there any particular reason you decided to annex all that land in the balkans? Or were you just doing it to be pain in Venice's arse?
Hey I know this guy!
He taught statistics at my college. The college that I bailed out of mainly because of statistics. Great writing as usual LD. I'm starting to worry that you’re going to run out of actors before the 1700's. But then most games are won by then anyway.Joe
"In fact, he wants to cut an album of Portuguese ballads. "
which would be in the words of Billy Joel:
Lost in the back on the discount rack.
Excellent update LD. Very easy to follow the gameplay.
which would be in the words of Billy Joel:
Lost in the back on the discount rack.
Excellent update LD. Very easy to follow the gameplay.
It must be a pain to have to follow around all those scattered provinces. Colonies are bad enough, but old world provinces, ugh...
Nice self dig at the Canadians
Nice self dig at the Canadians
LD,
Just another 'atta boy' post, but wanted to echo everyone's sentiment that this is truly great. The idea was inspired, and the execution amazing.
And self deprecating Canadians? How out of national character
Just another 'atta boy' post, but wanted to echo everyone's sentiment that this is truly great. The idea was inspired, and the execution amazing.
And self deprecating Canadians? How out of national character
LOL! They are quite easy to confuse, aren't they?
That's a nice mixture of green the east is coloured in, I must say. Splendid work, LD, comedy surely is one of your (many) talents.
the map looks like a christmas tree with all that green and other colors.
good job. but where's britney?
good job. but where's britney?