Yeah, while I was reading I was hoping that there is an event in EEP that would make Zygmunt king again, and Sweden a Catholic country. Wouldn've been great
Btw. are you counter-reform catholic now?
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Btw. are you counter-reform catholic now?
Originally posted by juszuf7
Yeah, while I was reading I was hoping that there is an event in EEP that would make Zygmunt king again, and Sweden a Catholic country. Wouldn've been great
Btw. are you counter-reform catholic now?
Yeah it was rather disappointing. No I didn't choose the Counter-reform catholic option, mostly because it gives you -5 innovativeness. Also until I get rid of the last sunni province, stability costs would have it take like 9 years to get back on my feet after switching religion. Besides Sweden would just switch back after a couple years
I thought about fighting towards vassalization but Sweden automatically declares war on Poland during the ToT so it would not have lasted very long
Oh come on! You know you just cant beat high mass in Stockholm!
Asperges me Domine, hyssopo, et mundabor: lavabis me, et super nivem dealbabor. Misere mei, Deus, secundum magnam misericordiam tuam Gloria Patri, et Filio, et Spiritui Sancto, Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in saecula saeculorum. Amen
Originally posted by John Poole
Oh come on! You know you just cant beat high mass in Stockholm!
Asperges me Domine, hyssopo, et mundabor: lavabis me, et super nivem dealbabor. Misere mei, Deus, secundum magnam misericordiam tuam Gloria Patri, et Filio, et Spiritui Sancto, Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in saecula saeculorum. Amen
Go home you papist scum, I got evidense that god is on the protestant side:
Can you see the angel there in the right corner that is clearly a sign from god that god is a protestant.
Originally posted by John F Nordlund
Can you see the angel there in the right corner that is clearly a sign from god that god is a protestant.
Well, I don't know if you realize what Angel's second hand is doing... He's taking away the crown off the GA head! It was order given by A Right One God! And infidel cannot be a king anywhere
Hmmmm you think the "I am very sorry" song would win a Tony Award?
Anyway GA is really going to be upset when he finds out that angel took his crown back to God!!
Well, actually there *is* an event for Sigismund to reclaim his crown... But it is SWEDEN that has to choose it.
If you want such an event then head over to the AGCEEP forums and demand one!
If you want such an event then head over to the AGCEEP forums and demand one!
Well actually no...in 1598 the choice is to whether support the coup and place Karl IX on the throne or go with Sigismund I. If Sweden chooses Karl IX (which it almost always will) Sigismund I is SOL there is no way Poland can place either Sigismund or Wladislaw (Sigismund's son) on the Swedish throne. I think if you take Stockholm as Poland with either Vasa on the Polish throne, you should kick the pretenders off and make Sweden Catholic...with interesting results of course
Originally posted by John Poole
Well actually no...in 1598 the choice is to whether support the coup and place Karl IX on the throne or go with Sigismund I. If Sweden chooses Karl IX (which it almost always will) Sigismund I is SOL there is no way Poland can place either Sigismund or Wladislaw (Sigismund's son) on the Swedish throne. I think if you take Stockholm as Poland with either Vasa on the Polish throne, you should kick the pretenders off and make Sweden Catholic...with interesting results of course
Well, actually yes. I believe that the event you mentioned is a Sigismundian victory at Stångebro, by that time Charles IX had already declared himself King, and Sigismund appeared with an army to fight him.
If you want that then go to the AGCEEP board and say it! I agree! THat should be a viable historical path!
The only event I could find for Sweden regarding this is the event "King Sigismund and Duke Charles" ID # 3229. I cant find any event related to it in the Polish event file. Also I just mentioned it in the AGC-EEP discussion for Scandanavia. I think I will copy my request in he Eastern Europe one as well.
The Time of Great Fun
Narrator: Being a Russian, the man claiming to be Dimitry Ivanovich spoke for four hours, passionately outlining the crimes of the vile pretender Boris Godunov and so forth. All of it was tiresome to say the least but did give Zygmunt III Vasa time to plot and scheme a cunning plan.
Dimitry Ivanovich: All the Rus’ cry for vengeance sire! They cannot bear the cruel injustice this vile pretender who with great pretension struts about in his stolen robes! They dema…
Zygmunt III Vasa: Um right. Anyway I am afraid we cannot help you.
Dimitry Ivanovich: WHAT? But your majesty I thought you were a man of justice!
Zygmunt III Vasa: Yes I am afraid I will just leave the room with a few bags of gold on this table and some of my most trusted commanders. Perhaps when I return this Russian and the commanders and gold will be gone. Naturally Poland condemns any upset of the stability of Russia!
Dimitry Ivanovich: Ah! Gotcha.
Narrator: Dimitry managed to get a few independent Polish nobles to join with him in attempting to regain his rightful throne, despite the Kings refusal to help him on the grounds that the King of Poland would NEVER do anything to destabilize a neighboring country.
Zygmunt III Vasa: It’s our “good neighbor” policy you see.
Narrator: So when Sweden sent an envoy requesting to know what was going on, Zygmunt III Vasa simply told them the truth.
Zygmunt III Vasa: I swear by the Jesuit Order that I told the Russian that I condemn any upset of the stability of Russia and that I could not help him.
Swedish Envoy: Braksucce! You must really be serious since you are the “Jesuit King” and all. But my sources say he has been funded with Polish gold!
Zygmunt III Vasa: I swear by Pope Clement VIII and the Holy Catholic Church that I never saw this Russian take any of my gold.
Swedish Envoy: Well then, since you are an ultra-Catholic nut, I guess you must be telling the truth. Very well, if Poland has nothing to do with this you can count on Swedish neutrality.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Hehe sucker.
Swedish Envoy: What was that?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Err…super! Glad to hear it!
Narrator: Meanwhile, Dimitry attracted many followers in Russia due to Boris Godunov’s rather poor choice to introduce Serfdom into Russia a few weeks after Dimitry’s arrival. With thousands of poor Russians and some adventurous Polish freebooters (who had absolutely no connection whatever to the Polish government), Dimitry achieved many successes against the Russian Government troops.
By 10 June 1605 it was all over, the pretender Boris Godunov was dead and Dimitry Ivanovich was crowned Tsar of all Russia. Dimitry immediately started placing Poles in positions of power and married the daughter of a prominent Polish Aristocrat, Marina Mniszech.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Wow that was an unexpected turn of events, don't you think?
Jesuit Advisor: Indeed your majesty we never saw that coming.
Zygmunt III Vasa: But how dramatic, why they should make an opera of this someday!
Jesuit Advisor: Huh?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Nevermind, random thought.
Narrator: Marina and Dimitry had a huge Catholic wedding in Moscow in 1606 attended by thousands of prominent Poles, this irritated the Muscovites a tad and some vile traitor named Vasili Shuiskii led a counter revolt which killed Dimitry I and installed himself as Tsar Vasili IV Shuiskii. He immediately began slaughtering all the Poles in Muscowy.
Vasili IV Shuiskii, Vile pretender to the throne of Russia (1606-1610)
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well…that’s unfortunate…too bad we have no back-up plan.
Jesuit Advisor: Indeed your majesty, Poland has been caught completely with it’s pants down.
Narrator: Suddenly a Cossack arrived from Poland controlled Ukraine named Ivan Bolotnikov, and rallied the Serfs against their cruel masters and against Vasili IV Shuiskii’s new government.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well except that one.
Jesuit Advisor: Indeed your majesty, a brilliant stroke. Now if they only had a leader for this revolt, to seize the throne from Vasili…
Zygmunt III Vasa: Yes if only somehow Dimitry had not really been killed and had somehow escaped to lead this revolt…
Narrator: Shortly after that, another man appeared in Russia claiming to be Dimitry and rallied the rebels to his cause. Polish and Lithuanian “mercenaries” swarmed across the border to join the insurrection and Russia was swamped in two years of bloody civil war.
Zygmunt III Vasa: That will teach Vasili to slaughter Poles…err…that is to oppress his people to the point that they revolt. Anyway God has once again punished those Orthodox heretics.
Jesuit Advisor: Indeed your majesty. Heresy has once again sewn a bitter crop.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Jesuits have such a way with words.
Narrator: In desperation Vasili IV Shuiskii sent an envoy to Warszawa begging for help.
Russian Envoy: Please your majesty; withdraw your troops from Russia! This war is devastating my country!
Zygmunt III Vasa: My people are acting on their own accord in support of the true Tsar Dimitry I! But considering the pain and suffering happening in Russia I shall use my royal powers to summon my people from Russia.
Russian Envoy: HURRAH! God bless you your majesty!
Zygmunt III Vasa: IF Vasili promises to fulfill these concessions * hands the Russian a list of concessions *
Russian Envoy: Rights for Catholics? A Catholic Bishop in Moscow?! Russia to become a Polish vassal!! The Tsar must dress up in an orange hippopotamus outfit?!! I am afraid these concessions are unacceptable!
Zygmunt III Vasa: Anyway as I was saying the freedom of my people is beyond the power of a Polish monarch to control. Sorry, there is nothing that can be done.
Russian Envoy: DAMN YOU! YOU SWEDISH POLISH-WANNABE!!
Jesuit Advisor: Now be gone foolish heretic! Your kind isn’t welcome at this most Catholic Court!
Narrator: At this point the Swedes finally began to realize what was going on and signed a treaty with Russia called the Treaty of Vyborg on 2 February 1609, guaranteeing Russian independence and sent in thousands of Swedish “mercenaries” to aid Vasili IV Shuiskii’s government. The King had only one response.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well looks like the cat is out of the bag, send me Grand Royal Hetman Jan Karol Chodkiewicz!
Legendary Grand Royal Hetman Jan Karol Chodkiewicz (1605-1621)
Jesuit Advisor: Very good your majesty.
Zygmunt III Vasa: We shall go to war at once! Bring me the head of Vasilii IV Shuiskii!
Jan Karol Chodkiewicz: On a silver or a gold platter majesty?
Narrator: On 20 August 1609 Poland declared war on Russia. Sweden and her allies (England, Magdeburg, Brittany and Orleans) went to war with Poland in support of Russia on 18 September 1609, 9 days after the Wielka Armia Coronna crushed a much larger Russian army outside of Moscow.
Jan Karol Chadkiewicz destroys a Russian army near Moscow, 9 September 1609
Narrator: Meanwhile Hetman Aleksander Lisowski and another Polish Army destroyed the Magdeburg Army in Polish Pommern on 8 March 1610, brushing aside an English army a few weeks later, Magdeburg was under siege by the 3 April and Magdeburg was forced to pay Poland for peace. The Swedes invaded across the frontier from Finland and began besieging the Polish forts there.
Swedes invading Karelia
Little did they know that the Polish fleet was sailing for Sweden proper. The Polish fleet clashed with a large Swedish-English-Breton fleet in the Kalmar Straights. The Poles crushed the allies and Polish troops raided the countryside in Svealand.
The Poles crush the allies at Kalmar on 16 May 1610
Narrator: While this was going on, Jan Karol Chadkiewicz finished the annihilation of the Russian army. Every province of Russia was now under siege. Sweden soon realized they were beaten and surrendered on 1 December 1610. Poland took Moscow on 24 December 1610 and Zygmunt III Vasa celebrated Christmas in the Kremlin. Jan Karol Chadkiewicz sent him a Christmas present: the head of Vasili IV Shuiskii on a platinum platter. Zygmunt III Vasa called for the election of a new Tsar. The Russian Boyar Filaret Romanov managed to rally together enough nobles to form a governing council and held the election for the new Tsar. Amazingly the Russians decided on Zygmunt III Vasa’s own son, Wladislaw Vasa!
Zygmunt III Vasa: I assure you this is a complete surprise to me.
Jesuit Advisor: I know I am stunned your majesty.
Filaret Romanov: There, now what about your side of the bargain?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Um…right in due time.
Narrator: Just a few days after Wladislaw’s election the pretender Dimitry was mysteriously murdered…what a strange coincidence. Anyway, Russia was now a Polish pawn. Unfortunately the Russian peasants didn’t particularly like the idea of a Catholic Tsar so they revolted shortly after his election.
Patriarch Germogen rallied the Russian people at Nizhnii-Novgorod and began to attack Poles across the country. Russia appeared on the verge of complete collapse. Tsar Wladislaw sought to end the disturbance by calling a great assembly of the land, the Zemskii Sobor to formally elect an Orthodox Tsar. The gathering in Moscow in April of 1611 resulted in the election of Alexis Romanov, son of Polish puppet Filaret Romanov.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Wow democracy at work!
Filaret Romanov: Oh I assure you your majesty this is the most free election we have had in Russia in quite awhile.
Zygmunt III Vasa: I bet thats true.
Tsar Mikhail I Romanov (1611-1645)
The Russians stopped their revolution, now having an Orthodox Tsar and Alexis swore allegiance to Poland. Polish power in Eastern Europe was now secure. Alexis immediately selected his father as Patriarch. Wladislaw rode back to Poland, very proud of himself.
Prince Wladislaw Vasa/Vladislav I Tsar of all Russia (1610-1611) and the Polish Army returning from Russia
Narrator: Being a Russian, the man claiming to be Dimitry Ivanovich spoke for four hours, passionately outlining the crimes of the vile pretender Boris Godunov and so forth. All of it was tiresome to say the least but did give Zygmunt III Vasa time to plot and scheme a cunning plan.
Dimitry Ivanovich: All the Rus’ cry for vengeance sire! They cannot bear the cruel injustice this vile pretender who with great pretension struts about in his stolen robes! They dema…
Zygmunt III Vasa: Um right. Anyway I am afraid we cannot help you.
Dimitry Ivanovich: WHAT? But your majesty I thought you were a man of justice!
Zygmunt III Vasa: Yes I am afraid I will just leave the room with a few bags of gold on this table and some of my most trusted commanders. Perhaps when I return this Russian and the commanders and gold will be gone. Naturally Poland condemns any upset of the stability of Russia!
Dimitry Ivanovich: Ah! Gotcha.
Narrator: Dimitry managed to get a few independent Polish nobles to join with him in attempting to regain his rightful throne, despite the Kings refusal to help him on the grounds that the King of Poland would NEVER do anything to destabilize a neighboring country.
Zygmunt III Vasa: It’s our “good neighbor” policy you see.
Narrator: So when Sweden sent an envoy requesting to know what was going on, Zygmunt III Vasa simply told them the truth.
Zygmunt III Vasa: I swear by the Jesuit Order that I told the Russian that I condemn any upset of the stability of Russia and that I could not help him.
Swedish Envoy: Braksucce! You must really be serious since you are the “Jesuit King” and all. But my sources say he has been funded with Polish gold!
Zygmunt III Vasa: I swear by Pope Clement VIII and the Holy Catholic Church that I never saw this Russian take any of my gold.
Swedish Envoy: Well then, since you are an ultra-Catholic nut, I guess you must be telling the truth. Very well, if Poland has nothing to do with this you can count on Swedish neutrality.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Hehe sucker.
Swedish Envoy: What was that?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Err…super! Glad to hear it!
Narrator: Meanwhile, Dimitry attracted many followers in Russia due to Boris Godunov’s rather poor choice to introduce Serfdom into Russia a few weeks after Dimitry’s arrival. With thousands of poor Russians and some adventurous Polish freebooters (who had absolutely no connection whatever to the Polish government), Dimitry achieved many successes against the Russian Government troops.
By 10 June 1605 it was all over, the pretender Boris Godunov was dead and Dimitry Ivanovich was crowned Tsar of all Russia. Dimitry immediately started placing Poles in positions of power and married the daughter of a prominent Polish Aristocrat, Marina Mniszech.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Wow that was an unexpected turn of events, don't you think?
Jesuit Advisor: Indeed your majesty we never saw that coming.
Zygmunt III Vasa: But how dramatic, why they should make an opera of this someday!
Jesuit Advisor: Huh?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Nevermind, random thought.
Narrator: Marina and Dimitry had a huge Catholic wedding in Moscow in 1606 attended by thousands of prominent Poles, this irritated the Muscovites a tad and some vile traitor named Vasili Shuiskii led a counter revolt which killed Dimitry I and installed himself as Tsar Vasili IV Shuiskii. He immediately began slaughtering all the Poles in Muscowy.
Vasili IV Shuiskii, Vile pretender to the throne of Russia (1606-1610)
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well…that’s unfortunate…too bad we have no back-up plan.
Jesuit Advisor: Indeed your majesty, Poland has been caught completely with it’s pants down.
Narrator: Suddenly a Cossack arrived from Poland controlled Ukraine named Ivan Bolotnikov, and rallied the Serfs against their cruel masters and against Vasili IV Shuiskii’s new government.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well except that one.
Jesuit Advisor: Indeed your majesty, a brilliant stroke. Now if they only had a leader for this revolt, to seize the throne from Vasili…
Zygmunt III Vasa: Yes if only somehow Dimitry had not really been killed and had somehow escaped to lead this revolt…
Narrator: Shortly after that, another man appeared in Russia claiming to be Dimitry and rallied the rebels to his cause. Polish and Lithuanian “mercenaries” swarmed across the border to join the insurrection and Russia was swamped in two years of bloody civil war.
Zygmunt III Vasa: That will teach Vasili to slaughter Poles…err…that is to oppress his people to the point that they revolt. Anyway God has once again punished those Orthodox heretics.
Jesuit Advisor: Indeed your majesty. Heresy has once again sewn a bitter crop.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Jesuits have such a way with words.
Narrator: In desperation Vasili IV Shuiskii sent an envoy to Warszawa begging for help.
Russian Envoy: Please your majesty; withdraw your troops from Russia! This war is devastating my country!
Zygmunt III Vasa: My people are acting on their own accord in support of the true Tsar Dimitry I! But considering the pain and suffering happening in Russia I shall use my royal powers to summon my people from Russia.
Russian Envoy: HURRAH! God bless you your majesty!
Zygmunt III Vasa: IF Vasili promises to fulfill these concessions * hands the Russian a list of concessions *
Russian Envoy: Rights for Catholics? A Catholic Bishop in Moscow?! Russia to become a Polish vassal!! The Tsar must dress up in an orange hippopotamus outfit?!! I am afraid these concessions are unacceptable!
Zygmunt III Vasa: Anyway as I was saying the freedom of my people is beyond the power of a Polish monarch to control. Sorry, there is nothing that can be done.
Russian Envoy: DAMN YOU! YOU SWEDISH POLISH-WANNABE!!
Jesuit Advisor: Now be gone foolish heretic! Your kind isn’t welcome at this most Catholic Court!
Narrator: At this point the Swedes finally began to realize what was going on and signed a treaty with Russia called the Treaty of Vyborg on 2 February 1609, guaranteeing Russian independence and sent in thousands of Swedish “mercenaries” to aid Vasili IV Shuiskii’s government. The King had only one response.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well looks like the cat is out of the bag, send me Grand Royal Hetman Jan Karol Chodkiewicz!
Legendary Grand Royal Hetman Jan Karol Chodkiewicz (1605-1621)
Jesuit Advisor: Very good your majesty.
Zygmunt III Vasa: We shall go to war at once! Bring me the head of Vasilii IV Shuiskii!
Jan Karol Chodkiewicz: On a silver or a gold platter majesty?
Narrator: On 20 August 1609 Poland declared war on Russia. Sweden and her allies (England, Magdeburg, Brittany and Orleans) went to war with Poland in support of Russia on 18 September 1609, 9 days after the Wielka Armia Coronna crushed a much larger Russian army outside of Moscow.
Jan Karol Chadkiewicz destroys a Russian army near Moscow, 9 September 1609
Narrator: Meanwhile Hetman Aleksander Lisowski and another Polish Army destroyed the Magdeburg Army in Polish Pommern on 8 March 1610, brushing aside an English army a few weeks later, Magdeburg was under siege by the 3 April and Magdeburg was forced to pay Poland for peace. The Swedes invaded across the frontier from Finland and began besieging the Polish forts there.
Swedes invading Karelia
Little did they know that the Polish fleet was sailing for Sweden proper. The Polish fleet clashed with a large Swedish-English-Breton fleet in the Kalmar Straights. The Poles crushed the allies and Polish troops raided the countryside in Svealand.
The Poles crush the allies at Kalmar on 16 May 1610
Narrator: While this was going on, Jan Karol Chadkiewicz finished the annihilation of the Russian army. Every province of Russia was now under siege. Sweden soon realized they were beaten and surrendered on 1 December 1610. Poland took Moscow on 24 December 1610 and Zygmunt III Vasa celebrated Christmas in the Kremlin. Jan Karol Chadkiewicz sent him a Christmas present: the head of Vasili IV Shuiskii on a platinum platter. Zygmunt III Vasa called for the election of a new Tsar. The Russian Boyar Filaret Romanov managed to rally together enough nobles to form a governing council and held the election for the new Tsar. Amazingly the Russians decided on Zygmunt III Vasa’s own son, Wladislaw Vasa!
Zygmunt III Vasa: I assure you this is a complete surprise to me.
Jesuit Advisor: I know I am stunned your majesty.
Filaret Romanov: There, now what about your side of the bargain?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Um…right in due time.
Narrator: Just a few days after Wladislaw’s election the pretender Dimitry was mysteriously murdered…what a strange coincidence. Anyway, Russia was now a Polish pawn. Unfortunately the Russian peasants didn’t particularly like the idea of a Catholic Tsar so they revolted shortly after his election.
Patriarch Germogen rallied the Russian people at Nizhnii-Novgorod and began to attack Poles across the country. Russia appeared on the verge of complete collapse. Tsar Wladislaw sought to end the disturbance by calling a great assembly of the land, the Zemskii Sobor to formally elect an Orthodox Tsar. The gathering in Moscow in April of 1611 resulted in the election of Alexis Romanov, son of Polish puppet Filaret Romanov.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Wow democracy at work!
Filaret Romanov: Oh I assure you your majesty this is the most free election we have had in Russia in quite awhile.
Zygmunt III Vasa: I bet thats true.
Tsar Mikhail I Romanov (1611-1645)
The Russians stopped their revolution, now having an Orthodox Tsar and Alexis swore allegiance to Poland. Polish power in Eastern Europe was now secure. Alexis immediately selected his father as Patriarch. Wladislaw rode back to Poland, very proud of himself.
Prince Wladislaw Vasa/Vladislav I Tsar of all Russia (1610-1611) and the Polish Army returning from Russia
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I settled for 50 ducats from Sweden
the main objective was to get them out of the war so I could take Moscow and get Russia vassalized as per the event.
Now you just have to keep them as vassals long enough to diplo annex them. What fun all those extra muslim provinces will be. And the BB war it will surely cause.
Yes you deserve a Tony. Heck you deserve two for the same song its so good.
Yes you deserve a Tony. Heck you deserve two for the same song its so good.
Well...I think I just might annex them. I mainly only let Russia be created for the ToT since its sooooo much fun when you are Poland
. However they are only like a six province country and all their provinces are Russian Orthodox.
As you can see Russia is quite small...but actually deceptively strong since those provinces all have massive manpower.
God, Poland is HUGE!
What's going on with the other world countries during this time? Who else is strong?
What's going on with the other world countries during this time? Who else is strong?
The Price of Sin
Narrator: Following this the King settled into a short era of peace and boredom. Brave explorers began to explore the interior of North America, and the Polish America Company continued to turn a hefty profit.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Making money is EVIL! I shall pray for all of our souls!
Jesuit Advisor: So we should stop these stock companies and their disgusting immorality?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well…a little evil surely can be tolerated.
Narrator: However the story of Poland’s oney grubbing spread to the other Catholic nations of Europe and they determined to stop this intolerable evil. In April of 1616, Bohemia, Austria, Bavaria, and Modena went to war with Poland. It was called the War to Teach Poland Morality. Stanislaw Zolkiewski led his army into Moravia to start the action, defeating an army of Bohemians there. Jan Karol Chadkiewicz and the Wielka Armia Coronna defeated a large Austrian force in Kostryzn. But the Bavarians invaded Ruthenia and another Polish army was defeated in Erz by the Bohemians. Both sides were as of yet puzzled to see whose side God was on.
Zygmunt III Vasa: We are doomed * sob * God is going to punish us for our immoral moneymaking!
Jesuit Advisor: So we are going to disband the stock company?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Errrr…but that is a lot of tax ducats you know…torn.
Narrator: Yet despite divine judgment, Stanislaw Zolkiewski’s forces stormed the Bohemian fortress in Moravia in December, controlling the vital Moravian Gate into Poland.
A vital fortress in the Carpathians, now under Polish control
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well maybe God is having mercy on us faithless sinners.
Narrator: But the same day, Bavaria captured Ruthenia from Poland.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Oh forgive us Lord! Spare us from the fires of eternal judgement!
Jesuit Advisor: So NOW are we going to disband the company?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Um…no…we must trust in the mercy of God.
Narrator: And Gods mercy would deliver them. For in 1518, Jan Karol Chadkiewicz defeated the Austrians and stormed the Bohemian capitol at Erz.
Jan Karol Chadkiewicz defeating the Austrians at Erz in 30 April 1518
Narrator: Obviously defying God’s judgments, Jan Karol Chadkiewicz had won the war for Poland. The Austrian Emperor came to sue for peace.
Emperor Mattias: Ok sinner King of Poland. I am ready to give you what you value most: gold in exchange for peace. May God have mercy on your black soul.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well gold is always appreciated…but I do have this hippopotamus costume that the Russians refused to wear…
Emperor Mattias: You Polish truly are a satanic people!
Polish Courtier: Well to be fair, he is a Swede.
Narrator: During he last 14 years of Zygmunt III Vasa’s long reign, the Poles spent their time converting the vile heretics and infidels that still plagues his realm. Meanwhile Poland continued to make vast amounts of money in America.
Zygmunt III Vasa: God forgive us! * sob *
Narrator: So it was with a fearful soul that Zygmunt III Vasa passed away in 1632, knowing that he might have spread Catholicism and punished the heretics and infidel and stayed true to the faith even if it cost him his Swedish throne…but his Godless money making had given him centuries in purgatory at least.
The next election for Polish King took place almost simultaneously with the King’s death. It was an election people would talk about for many years; it would be unlike any that had come before. After all how often do you have an election where there is only one candidate? The King’s son Wladislaw Vasa’s campaign slogan “When There is Only One Candidate, There is Only One Choice” said it all. He was elected with 51% of the votes, narrowly beating out the Krakow Village Idiot write-in campaign.
Wladislaw IV Vasa, Tsar of all Russia (1610-1611), King of Rzeczpospolita Obojga Narodów (1632-1648)
War Banner of Rzeczpospolita Obojga Narodów during the reign of Wladislaw IV Vasa
Narrator: Following this the King settled into a short era of peace and boredom. Brave explorers began to explore the interior of North America, and the Polish America Company continued to turn a hefty profit.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Making money is EVIL! I shall pray for all of our souls!
Jesuit Advisor: So we should stop these stock companies and their disgusting immorality?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well…a little evil surely can be tolerated.
Narrator: However the story of Poland’s oney grubbing spread to the other Catholic nations of Europe and they determined to stop this intolerable evil. In April of 1616, Bohemia, Austria, Bavaria, and Modena went to war with Poland. It was called the War to Teach Poland Morality. Stanislaw Zolkiewski led his army into Moravia to start the action, defeating an army of Bohemians there. Jan Karol Chadkiewicz and the Wielka Armia Coronna defeated a large Austrian force in Kostryzn. But the Bavarians invaded Ruthenia and another Polish army was defeated in Erz by the Bohemians. Both sides were as of yet puzzled to see whose side God was on.
Zygmunt III Vasa: We are doomed * sob * God is going to punish us for our immoral moneymaking!
Jesuit Advisor: So we are going to disband the stock company?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Errrr…but that is a lot of tax ducats you know…torn.
Narrator: Yet despite divine judgment, Stanislaw Zolkiewski’s forces stormed the Bohemian fortress in Moravia in December, controlling the vital Moravian Gate into Poland.
A vital fortress in the Carpathians, now under Polish control
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well maybe God is having mercy on us faithless sinners.
Narrator: But the same day, Bavaria captured Ruthenia from Poland.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Oh forgive us Lord! Spare us from the fires of eternal judgement!
Jesuit Advisor: So NOW are we going to disband the company?
Zygmunt III Vasa: Um…no…we must trust in the mercy of God.
Narrator: And Gods mercy would deliver them. For in 1518, Jan Karol Chadkiewicz defeated the Austrians and stormed the Bohemian capitol at Erz.
Jan Karol Chadkiewicz defeating the Austrians at Erz in 30 April 1518
Narrator: Obviously defying God’s judgments, Jan Karol Chadkiewicz had won the war for Poland. The Austrian Emperor came to sue for peace.
Emperor Mattias: Ok sinner King of Poland. I am ready to give you what you value most: gold in exchange for peace. May God have mercy on your black soul.
Zygmunt III Vasa: Well gold is always appreciated…but I do have this hippopotamus costume that the Russians refused to wear…
Emperor Mattias: You Polish truly are a satanic people!
Polish Courtier: Well to be fair, he is a Swede.
Narrator: During he last 14 years of Zygmunt III Vasa’s long reign, the Poles spent their time converting the vile heretics and infidels that still plagues his realm. Meanwhile Poland continued to make vast amounts of money in America.
Zygmunt III Vasa: God forgive us! * sob *
Narrator: So it was with a fearful soul that Zygmunt III Vasa passed away in 1632, knowing that he might have spread Catholicism and punished the heretics and infidel and stayed true to the faith even if it cost him his Swedish throne…but his Godless money making had given him centuries in purgatory at least.
The next election for Polish King took place almost simultaneously with the King’s death. It was an election people would talk about for many years; it would be unlike any that had come before. After all how often do you have an election where there is only one candidate? The King’s son Wladislaw Vasa’s campaign slogan “When There is Only One Candidate, There is Only One Choice” said it all. He was elected with 51% of the votes, narrowly beating out the Krakow Village Idiot write-in campaign.
Wladislaw IV Vasa, Tsar of all Russia (1610-1611), King of Rzeczpospolita Obojga Narodów (1632-1648)
War Banner of Rzeczpospolita Obojga Narodów during the reign of Wladislaw IV Vasa