I very much enjoyed the latest installments. Jan Sobieski is my kind of commander. He has my vote! And the death of Mikhail Korybut was very well done! 
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LOL don't think i've forgotten about this, it looks like your on another roll Poole!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
*soils pants
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
*laughs hysterically
*dies
Keep up the good work
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
*soils pants
LOL love that
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
The fatal cucumber, it was executed for treasonable murder of the King on 2 May 1674
*laughs hysterically
*dies
Keep up the good work
Halibutt: Sweet only 73 conjugations eh? Thank God I have that photographic memory to help me! Oh wait I dont have a photographic memory...oh well maybe it will take me awhile to learn Polish then
jwolf: Well he didn't save Christendom from the * evil * Muslim Infidel for nothing you know? And Mikhail?!! You think I am writing a Russian AAR here?
TriezeV: Thanks but I am sorry about the pants . Congrats on your tres excellent French AAR getting Weekly Showcase btw I hope you being dead isn't going to interfere with you finishing it!
Btw, I am about to leave on vacation to lovely Santa Fe, New Mexico. I will be back on Friday and will continue the saga of Poland as soon as I can!
jwolf: Well he didn't save Christendom from the * evil * Muslim Infidel for nothing you know? And Mikhail?!! You think I am writing a Russian AAR here?
TriezeV: Thanks but I am sorry about the pants
. Congrats on your tres excellent French AAR getting Weekly Showcase btw I hope you being dead isn't going to interfere with you finishing it!Btw, I am about to leave on vacation to lovely Santa Fe, New Mexico. I will be back on Friday and will continue the saga of Poland as soon as I can!
John Poole said:Halibutt: Sweet only 73 conjugations eh? Thank God I have that photographic memory to help me! Oh wait I dont have a photographic memory...oh well maybe it will take me awhile to learn Polish then
And when you after all that the final stuff to learn: Przegłos polski i mazurzenie...
Just learning to spell this takes months John Poole said:jwolf: Well he didn't save Christendom from the * evil * Muslim Infidel for nothing you know? And Mikhail?!! You think I am writing a Russian AAR here?
*Sigh* Westerners... Everything they hear and comes fromeast of Elbe must be Gorbatchov
Great updates! I loved that one with cucamber :rofl: That's way you shouldn't eat cucambers without boozing
BRAVEn: I think you exaggerate, that language is very easy, each Polish child can speak polish, so it can't be so complicated
BRAVEn: I think you exaggerate, that language is very easy, each Polish child can speak polish, so it can't be so complicated
It took me two days to read through this entire AAR, but it was definately worth it. I recently got back into playing EU2 after being gone for a long while, and reading this made me want to start my own Polish game.... but I changed my mind at the last minute and started a Bohemia game last night. I'm taking notes just in case I decide to do an AAR on it as well, but I already know it won't be near as good as this one.
I expect there to be another update before the year ends at the very least.
Do not fail us obi wa.. I mean, John Poole
Do not fail us obi wa.. I mean, John Poole
But it's definitely not so funny concerning an update
Poor Farquharson is he still breathless? Have no remorse, John Poole
Poor Farquharson is he still breathless? Have no remorse, John Poole
Well I was breathing normally so as not to make poor John feel pressurized over the festive season when routines tend to go out the window, but I definitely think the moment has come for me to officially go on Breath Strike. Here goes - HHHHHHHUUUHPH! :wacko:
How'bout we form a "Polaxing Fan Club" in which we try to inpersonate John Poole and write different versions of the same story?
juszuf7 said:How'bout we form a "Polaxing Fan Club" in which we try to inpersonate John Poole and write different versions of the same story?
Ok I will take care for usage of polish and beer drinking. Who else?
ACK! I had no idea my temporary absence would push you guys to such insanity! Hey I had the flu then I started a new job...new update be Saturday I promise
Hey, who is this John Poole character who's started posting in this AAR? Hi Mr Poole, welcome to the forum...
Welcome back, John!...
Good to see ya back, John...hope ya get well soon...so we get to hear more about the wonderous adventures of the Polish nation...
Good to see ya back, John...hope ya get well soon...so we get to hear more about the wonderous adventures of the Polish nation...
Ha! You're back! Last moment as i wanted to write some story instead of you Specially the reign of August "Theboozeandchicks-loving" King is coming up!
Specially the reign of August "Theboozeandchicks-loving" King is coming up!
A Pole in Paris
Narrator: It was late in 1681 and Jan III Sobieski had ruled Rzeczpospolita Obojga Narodów in peace and prosperity for seven years, growing his army and expanding his empire abroad. The century or so of economic irresponsibility since Henri I de Valois started the policy had left the Polish Koronna almost entirely devoid of precious metal and rapid expansion into the conservative east had left the country increasingly backwards compared to her German neighbors to the west.
But all these problems seemed distant when Jan III Sobieski journeyed to the port of Gdansk in late autumn accompanied by his top lieutenant, Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski and an honor guard of 1,000 hussars along with prominent nobles, diplomats and advisors. He and his large entourage boarded the large ships of Polish Commodore Stanislaw Jan Konetspolski and sailed out into the Baltic headed westwards.
A few weeks later the Royal Squadron sailed into the Norman port of Le Havre-de-Grâce, where Jan III Sobieski’s wife and sons awaited him, having spent the previous year with his French Father-in-law Marquis Henri La Grange (Captain of the French Royal Guards) following the birth of Jan III Sobieski’s third son, Prince Konstanty Wladislaw.
Jan III Sobieski’s three sons and his wife (from left to right, Prince Konstanty Wladyslaw, Prince Jakub Ludwik, A Portrait of Jan III Sobieski, Prince Aleksander Benedykt, and Queen Marie Casimire Louise de la Grange d'Arquien)
Jan III Sobieski: Ah Jakub! My eldest son! How are you doing my lad?
Jakub Ludwik: Mon Père! Je ne suis plus Jakub Ludwik! I am the great Frankish warrior Jacques Louis of the noble house La Grange!
Jan III Sobieski: Yes, that would explain the big hair and tights…
Jakub Lud…err…Jacques Louis: Quoi?! These are not tights! They are the finest French hose to show off my powerful manly legs mon Père.
Queen Marie Casimire Louise de la Grange d'Arquien: Oh Jan mon bonbon! Isn’t it wonderful? Daddy and I turned him into a proper French nobleman!
Jan III Sobieski: Um…yes ukochana it’s wonderful…* grabs Jakub * darnit boy! What has gotten into you? You’re Polish not some French maminsynek! Now come have some sausage and beer with me to celebrate our reunion.
Jacques Louis Sobieski: Sorry papa, I am now a man of culture and civilization not some eastern barbarian! I no longer will eat sausage nor drink beer. I only desire cheese and will drink nothing but wine from this day forth!
Jan III Sobieski: Oh dear God what have I done? Erm…so where is Aleksander?
Queen Marie Casimire Louise de la Grange d'Arquien: Here he is! Isn’t he cute? Say “Bonjour papa” Aleksander!
Aleksander Benedykt: Bonjour papa! Je t’aime!
Jan III Sobieski: * cry *
Queen Marie Casimire Louise de la Grange d'Arquien: Look papa is so happy to see us he is crying!
Narrator: After the joy of the family reunion, the Royal court made its way down the Seine towards Paris to spend the winter as guests in the court of King Louis XIV of France for the purpose of negotiating a grand anti-Austrian alliance. The negotiations started well but then there were a few snags to work out.
Louis XIV, Roi de France 1638-1715 showing off his powerfully shaped manly legs with the finest French hose and how big his hair is.
Jan III Sobieski: What about this letter you sent to your Turkish allies? “Dear Sultan Mehmed IV, feel free to attack those Polish barbarians they are of no concern of ours.”
Louis XIV: Oh my poor foolish Polonais that is the careful language of French diplomacy for “Please don’t harm our beloved frères Polonais who we admire and love with undying affection.” If you were as sophisticated as us you would know that.
Jan III Sobieski: Really? Well you can see how that could have been misunderstood…
Louis XIV: Don’t worry we French hold the Poles in the highest regard. In fact if you are ever attacked by those sales Boches you can count on the French to launch an immediate and major offensive in the west to support you.
Jan III Sobieski: Hmmmm…then why are you spending most of your military budget on a great string of defenses called the “Vauban line” on your eastern border?
Louis XIV: Do you Polonais know nothing? The best offense is a good defense!
Narrator: Despite the difficult diplomatic negotiations, Jan III Sobieski greatly enjoyed his time in Paris, but he did miss out on the wonders of the Polish winter.
Some Polish peasants enjoying the pleasant Polish winter
On 16 January 1682, the day came for the festivities surrounding the completion of Louis XIV’s little country estate in the village of Versailles.
Louis XIV’s little country house
Jan III Sobieski: Wow this is a pretty nice little chata you got here. I especially like the cute little chapel.
Louis XIV’s cute little chapel
French Noble: Mais oui votre Majesté, the King takes great pride in his devotion to God.
Jan III Sobieski: Well I really need to go…where is the chamber pot?
French Noble: Um…je suis très désolé votre Majesté but in the house of King Louis XIV no degrading devices like chamber pots can exist.
Jan III Sobieski: So uh…where does King Louis answer nature’s call?
French Noble: You know that little pond out front?
Jan III Sobieski: The one I took a drink out of earlier? Oh no…I think I am going to be sick…
The little pond out front
Narrator: After recovering from a rather vicious disease Jan III Sobieski continued his diplomatic mission. The Treaty of Versailles, creating the new Franco-Polish alliance, was not signed until 16 February thanks to some bickering about the language. Polish diplomats objected to the use of the phrase “perpetual submission of Poland to France” that had somehow slipped into the third article. Further aiding Jan III Sobieski’s joyful mood was the fact his wife was pregnant again after only this short reunion with her husband (knowing how the French court worked it was reassuring she was only early in the process).
The large Polish entourage left Paris with much pomp and ceremony and boarded their ships expecting to sail eastwards to Poland…but to everybody’s surprise except the Kings the ships turned westwards, heading out into the open ocean towards America. A smaller faster ship raced ahead of the main squadron to the colonies to announce the King’s arrival. Just five weeks after leaving France a lone ship appeared on the horizon in the Polish colonial port of St. Casimir.
Polish Captain: Inform Wicekról Konstantynowicz that Prince Jablonowski’s ship has arrived.
Polish Messenger: Yes sir.
Narrator: An hour later an honour guard of Polish soldiers lined the pier as Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski became the highest ranking Pole ever to set foot in the American colonies. He was greeted by Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz, elected leader of the Sejm of the Polish territory of Nowypolski, of which St. Casimir was the capital.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: Prince Jablonowski, this is an unexpected pleasure. All of Nowypolski is honored by your presence.
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: You may dispense with the pleasantries Wicekról, I am here to make sure that everything is proceeding according to schedule.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: * suddenly turns ashen * I assure you Prince Jablonowski, my men are working as fast as possible.
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them. Do you know what we did to opieszały fools like them in the Turkish campaign?
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: I tell you everything will be prepared as planned!
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: Well let me inform you your Król does not share your optymistyczny appraisal of the situation.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: But he doesn’t understand how difficult it is to do what he asks here in the colonies! This isn’t Europe my Prince. The Król’s demands are niemożliwy!
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: Well then Wicekról perhaps you can explain that to him when he arrives.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: * turns white * That’s…impossible…the Król is coming here?!
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: Yes indeed and he was telling me before I departed how displeased he was with your lack of progress.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: * gasps* Panna Maria! We shall double our efforts!
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: I hope so Wicekról Konstantynowicz, for your sake. The Król is not as understanding as I am.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: * passes out *
Footnotes:
Mon Père! Je ne suis plus Jakub Ludwik! (French) My Father! I am no longer Jakub Ludwik!
Quoi (French) What
mon bonbon (French) my sweetie
ukochana (Polish) beloved
maminsynek (Polish) sissy
Bonjour papa! Je t’aime! (French) Hello papa! I love you!
sales Boches (French) dirty Germans (Crouts)
chata (Polish) cottage
Mais oui votre Majesté (French) Well yes your Majesty
je suis très désolé (French) I am very sorry
Wicekról (Polish) Viceroy
opieszały (Polish) lazy
król (Polish) King
optymistyczny (Polish) optimistic
niemożliwy (Polish) unreasonable
Panna Maria (Polish) Virgin Mary (I think)
Narrator: It was late in 1681 and Jan III Sobieski had ruled Rzeczpospolita Obojga Narodów in peace and prosperity for seven years, growing his army and expanding his empire abroad. The century or so of economic irresponsibility since Henri I de Valois started the policy had left the Polish Koronna almost entirely devoid of precious metal and rapid expansion into the conservative east had left the country increasingly backwards compared to her German neighbors to the west.
But all these problems seemed distant when Jan III Sobieski journeyed to the port of Gdansk in late autumn accompanied by his top lieutenant, Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski and an honor guard of 1,000 hussars along with prominent nobles, diplomats and advisors. He and his large entourage boarded the large ships of Polish Commodore Stanislaw Jan Konetspolski and sailed out into the Baltic headed westwards.
A few weeks later the Royal Squadron sailed into the Norman port of Le Havre-de-Grâce, where Jan III Sobieski’s wife and sons awaited him, having spent the previous year with his French Father-in-law Marquis Henri La Grange (Captain of the French Royal Guards) following the birth of Jan III Sobieski’s third son, Prince Konstanty Wladislaw.
Jan III Sobieski’s three sons and his wife (from left to right, Prince Konstanty Wladyslaw, Prince Jakub Ludwik, A Portrait of Jan III Sobieski, Prince Aleksander Benedykt, and Queen Marie Casimire Louise de la Grange d'Arquien)
Jan III Sobieski: Ah Jakub! My eldest son! How are you doing my lad?
Jakub Ludwik: Mon Père! Je ne suis plus Jakub Ludwik! I am the great Frankish warrior Jacques Louis of the noble house La Grange!
Jan III Sobieski: Yes, that would explain the big hair and tights…
Jakub Lud…err…Jacques Louis: Quoi?! These are not tights! They are the finest French hose to show off my powerful manly legs mon Père.
Queen Marie Casimire Louise de la Grange d'Arquien: Oh Jan mon bonbon! Isn’t it wonderful? Daddy and I turned him into a proper French nobleman!
Jan III Sobieski: Um…yes ukochana it’s wonderful…* grabs Jakub * darnit boy! What has gotten into you? You’re Polish not some French maminsynek! Now come have some sausage and beer with me to celebrate our reunion.
Jacques Louis Sobieski: Sorry papa, I am now a man of culture and civilization not some eastern barbarian! I no longer will eat sausage nor drink beer. I only desire cheese and will drink nothing but wine from this day forth!
Jan III Sobieski: Oh dear God what have I done? Erm…so where is Aleksander?
Queen Marie Casimire Louise de la Grange d'Arquien: Here he is! Isn’t he cute? Say “Bonjour papa” Aleksander!
Aleksander Benedykt: Bonjour papa! Je t’aime!
Jan III Sobieski: * cry *
Queen Marie Casimire Louise de la Grange d'Arquien: Look papa is so happy to see us he is crying!
Narrator: After the joy of the family reunion, the Royal court made its way down the Seine towards Paris to spend the winter as guests in the court of King Louis XIV of France for the purpose of negotiating a grand anti-Austrian alliance. The negotiations started well but then there were a few snags to work out.
Louis XIV, Roi de France 1638-1715 showing off his powerfully shaped manly legs with the finest French hose and how big his hair is.
Jan III Sobieski: What about this letter you sent to your Turkish allies? “Dear Sultan Mehmed IV, feel free to attack those Polish barbarians they are of no concern of ours.”
Louis XIV: Oh my poor foolish Polonais that is the careful language of French diplomacy for “Please don’t harm our beloved frères Polonais who we admire and love with undying affection.” If you were as sophisticated as us you would know that.
Jan III Sobieski: Really? Well you can see how that could have been misunderstood…
Louis XIV: Don’t worry we French hold the Poles in the highest regard. In fact if you are ever attacked by those sales Boches you can count on the French to launch an immediate and major offensive in the west to support you.
Jan III Sobieski: Hmmmm…then why are you spending most of your military budget on a great string of defenses called the “Vauban line” on your eastern border?
Louis XIV: Do you Polonais know nothing? The best offense is a good defense!
Narrator: Despite the difficult diplomatic negotiations, Jan III Sobieski greatly enjoyed his time in Paris, but he did miss out on the wonders of the Polish winter.
Some Polish peasants enjoying the pleasant Polish winter
On 16 January 1682, the day came for the festivities surrounding the completion of Louis XIV’s little country estate in the village of Versailles.
Louis XIV’s little country house
Jan III Sobieski: Wow this is a pretty nice little chata you got here. I especially like the cute little chapel.
Louis XIV’s cute little chapel
French Noble: Mais oui votre Majesté, the King takes great pride in his devotion to God.
Jan III Sobieski: Well I really need to go…where is the chamber pot?
French Noble: Um…je suis très désolé votre Majesté but in the house of King Louis XIV no degrading devices like chamber pots can exist.
Jan III Sobieski: So uh…where does King Louis answer nature’s call?
French Noble: You know that little pond out front?
Jan III Sobieski: The one I took a drink out of earlier? Oh no…I think I am going to be sick…
The little pond out front
Narrator: After recovering from a rather vicious disease Jan III Sobieski continued his diplomatic mission. The Treaty of Versailles, creating the new Franco-Polish alliance, was not signed until 16 February thanks to some bickering about the language. Polish diplomats objected to the use of the phrase “perpetual submission of Poland to France” that had somehow slipped into the third article. Further aiding Jan III Sobieski’s joyful mood was the fact his wife was pregnant again after only this short reunion with her husband (knowing how the French court worked it was reassuring she was only early in the process).
The large Polish entourage left Paris with much pomp and ceremony and boarded their ships expecting to sail eastwards to Poland…but to everybody’s surprise except the Kings the ships turned westwards, heading out into the open ocean towards America. A smaller faster ship raced ahead of the main squadron to the colonies to announce the King’s arrival. Just five weeks after leaving France a lone ship appeared on the horizon in the Polish colonial port of St. Casimir.
Polish Captain: Inform Wicekról Konstantynowicz that Prince Jablonowski’s ship has arrived.
Polish Messenger: Yes sir.
Narrator: An hour later an honour guard of Polish soldiers lined the pier as Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski became the highest ranking Pole ever to set foot in the American colonies. He was greeted by Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz, elected leader of the Sejm of the Polish territory of Nowypolski, of which St. Casimir was the capital.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: Prince Jablonowski, this is an unexpected pleasure. All of Nowypolski is honored by your presence.
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: You may dispense with the pleasantries Wicekról, I am here to make sure that everything is proceeding according to schedule.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: * suddenly turns ashen * I assure you Prince Jablonowski, my men are working as fast as possible.
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them. Do you know what we did to opieszały fools like them in the Turkish campaign?
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: I tell you everything will be prepared as planned!
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: Well let me inform you your Król does not share your optymistyczny appraisal of the situation.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: But he doesn’t understand how difficult it is to do what he asks here in the colonies! This isn’t Europe my Prince. The Król’s demands are niemożliwy!
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: Well then Wicekról perhaps you can explain that to him when he arrives.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: * turns white * That’s…impossible…the Król is coming here?!
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: Yes indeed and he was telling me before I departed how displeased he was with your lack of progress.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: * gasps* Panna Maria! We shall double our efforts!
Prince Field Hetman Jan Stanislaw Jablonowski: I hope so Wicekról Konstantynowicz, for your sake. The Król is not as understanding as I am.
Wicekról Piotr Konstantynowicz: * passes out *
Footnotes:
Mon Père! Je ne suis plus Jakub Ludwik! (French) My Father! I am no longer Jakub Ludwik!
Quoi (French) What
mon bonbon (French) my sweetie
ukochana (Polish) beloved
maminsynek (Polish) sissy
Bonjour papa! Je t’aime! (French) Hello papa! I love you!
sales Boches (French) dirty Germans (Crouts)
chata (Polish) cottage
Mais oui votre Majesté (French) Well yes your Majesty
je suis très désolé (French) I am very sorry
Wicekról (Polish) Viceroy
opieszały (Polish) lazy
król (Polish) King
optymistyczny (Polish) optimistic
niemożliwy (Polish) unreasonable
Panna Maria (Polish) Virgin Mary (I think)
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BRAVEn said:Ha! You're back! Last moment as i wanted to write some story instead of you
Supposedly he made love to one woman and later made love to the bastard daughter that resulted...Augustus probably deflowered every noblewoman in Germany