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Yay! A Farquharson AAR!

I have to say I loved The Other Big White Blob.
 
P is for Portugal, but P is also for Power, Pereira, Partitions and, why not, Provinces. P can even be for Purchase and, of course, Possession. But P cannot be for Profanity or Piety, I fear... :D

Present us the Perfect Plan, for Portugal will Possess every P Province of the Planet!

By the way, just as a sidenote... I'm sure it won't interest many people here, but here is a short history (albeit written in Portuguese) written entirely with words starting with P. Well, might interest Pereira, who knows... ;)
 
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Grundius: I do know what you mean about "games with wacko goals" - I mean, all that painstaking historical research done by Paradox and the AGCEEP editors and some bozo like me comes along and does something like this with it... :D In my defence though, aside from Portugal for some reason conquering vast swathes of Poland, the game shouldn't actually be too unhistorical for a successful Portugal.

Fiftypence: This of course is one of the sad consequences of the Arab conquest of North Africa. I can't even think of a single place name in the whole region that begins with P, except a few that have the word "Port" as the first word. Let's get to on to the Americas, I say, where they know how to name provinces!

The Gonzo: I'm afraid I don't envisage putting as much effort into this AAR as I did into The Other Big White Blob (which was the hardest AAR I've written so far I think), but I do promise to keep the updates flowing... ;)

Anibal: That's amazing! Clearly a document of paramount precedence that is the perfect partner to this piece of prose. I'm going to try and run it through a translator to see what comes out. :D

Meanwhile here's the next Part...
 
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Chapter 3
A Pile of Presents for a Grand Prince

The Grand Prince of Muscovy ran down the steps of his palace in an ecstasy of excitement, with cries of “Look! He’s here! He’s here!” Never before could he ever remember Father Christmas visiting Moscow in broad daylight, but now a troika drawn by three sturdy reindeer was rushing across the snow straight towards him. And Grand Prince Vasily II was already eyeing with burning curiosity the bulging sack that was stuffed into the troika behind the bearded red-robed figure. Vasily II was after all only ten years old. The sleigh pulled up in a flurry of fresh snow, and it was only then that Vasily noticed the other, less imposing figure seated at Santa’s side. This person now unfolded himself, cast off the thick rug he had been half-buried under, drew out a long trumpet and blew an ornate fanfare.

Herald: His royal highness Dom Duarte de Aviz, Prince of Portugal.

Vasily II, Grand Prince of Muscovy: WHAT?

The herald raises the trumpet to his lips again in preparation to repeat the fanfare.

Vasily II, snatching the trumpet out of his hands: Never mind all that jazz! Who did you say this was?

Herald, in a haughty tone: His royal highness Dom Duarte, Prince of Portugal.

Vasily II: Not... Not Father Christmas?

Herald: Not exactly, no.

Vasily II, crestfallen: Awwww.

Prince Duarte of Portugal, stirring for the first time: I am sorry to disappoint your highness, but I’m afraid I am not Father Christmas, no.

santa.jpg

A simple case of mistaken identity​

Vasily II: Bummer! So - no presents then...?

He eyes the bulging sack longingly.

Prince Duarte: We-e-e-ell, I wouldn’t exactly say no presents. I think there might be something in here for you...

Vasily II: Oh! Do you really think so? Oh please look! Please, please, ple-e-e-e-e-ease!

Prince Duarte, rummaging in the sack: Hmm, yes - this one says “To Grand Prince Vasily with lots of love”. Oh, and here’s another - “Grand Prince Vasily - have a Very Merry Christmas”. And this one as well - “Seasons Greetings to Grand Prince Vasily”. My goodness, I think the whole lot of them seem to be for you, your highness.

Vasily II, starting to rip them open feverishly: But - but - who on earth are they from?

Prince Duarte: Actually they are all from my father, his royal highness King João I of Portugal.

Vasily II: Wow! Must be cool to have a Dad like that, eh? My Dad just died.

Prince Duarte: Yes, your highness, King João was very sorry to hear of your father’s untimely death. That is why he thought of you specially this Christmas.

Vasily II, wiping a tear from his eye: Awesome... Oh my gosh, look - rollerblades! Hey, I’m gonna go and try them out inside. Are you guys coming?

And so relations between the Kingdom of Portugal and the Grand Principality of Muscovy, which could best have been described as neutral up till this point, suddenly became ever so warm and friendly. Prince Duarte stayed around long enough to also arrange a marriage between his sister, Princess Branca, and one of the Muscovite royals, then returned to Lisbon to report on a job well done.

His father greeted him with some rather unexpected news. In his absence, a royal marriage had been arranged for him as well. He was to marry Princess Leonor of Aragon, upon whom he had reportedly made such a lasting impression during his visit to her brother King Alfons V. The wedding was arranged for January 1428, and all the nobility and royalty from Portugal, Aragon and Castile were invited to attend. All went well during the ceremony and the grand banquet afterwards until King Alfons made a toast and wished the happy couple long life, good health and many royal heirs. At this point King Juan II of Castile, who had had rather too much to drink, said in a very loud voice “I think he’s got a couple already - they don’t worry too much about legitimacy in Portugal.”

banquet.jpg

After some nervous titters the hall became suddenly very quiet. King João rose to his feet and demanded an apology from the Castilian King, who refused, saying “Why should I apologize for a joking remark that was probably true anyway?” The Castilian contingent were immediately escorted from the room under guard and sent back to Toledo that day. As soon as they were out of the room, King Alfons of Aragon drew King João aside and slapped him on the back.


King Alfons: Very nicely handled old boy, couldn’t have done it better myself.

King João: How long do you think we have? Everyone heard what he said, after all.

King Alfons: Well, he was drunk so people might find it in their hearts to excuse him pretty soon. I’d say you have six months at the most.

King João: Time to start building up the army then, eh?

King Alfons: Oh, I can’t wait - and you’ve seen that they’re allied to Navarra as well? This should be fun!
 
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Two excellent updates within 24 hours, and we're already set up with a casus belli and ready for action.

That was a great link, Anibal, although I can't understand anything beyond the first sentence.
 
The movement with Muscowy should be an important step towards the conquest of Poltava, Prussia and the other P's in the East. Nice job, though the war against Castille and Navarra seems promising! :D Too bad we don't have the province Pamplona over there.
 
Farquharson, you've got your knack back for wonderfully witty conversation. They were all good, but the brief exchange between the Portuguese and Aragonese kings after Castile's insult was truly top notch. :)

Are you playing with the strait from Gibraltar to Tangiers? If so, it looks as though you'll have a land connection pretty soon. ;)
 
Farquharson said:
A List of the 36 Provinces beginning with P
Western Europe (5): Provence, Piemonte, Poitou, Picardie, Pfalz
Eastern Europe (8): Presburg, Pest, Poznan, Prussia, Podlasia, Podolia, Poltava, Polotsk
Africa (1): Palanas
South America (7): Potosi, Para, Parnaiba, Pernambuc, Parana, Pampas del Norte, Pampas del Sur
North America (6): Pinalero, Pecos, Powhatan, Penobscot, Placentia, Puerto Rico
Asia/Far East (10): Palakimedi, Pondicherry, Palana, Phuket, Perak, Palembang, Palawan, Panjab, Pimsk

Good luck. You'll need it, considering that Provence, Piemonte, Poitou, Picardie will be in a couple of decade in the hands of a powerful France. And all those South & North American provinces seem to be "alloTOTed" to Spain!
 
It would have been kinder to let Vasily believe that Father Christmas had his home at the Azrores rather than the North Pole.

Causi bellorum are very good, for now we can get P... I presume you are aiming for southern Spain at least.
 
The updates are coming thick and fast, quality is great as always too. Can't get much better than this. :D A quick question on the mission: does it include nation names? Would be nice to try that aswell if you get all those P provinces with lots of time to go. :D
 
Why not conquer all provinces with a p in their names, at any position :D. Good luck vs Spain. I hope Alfons does not stab you in the back, though...
 
So Castile's pundit king was patronizing to Portugal's prideful prince? Pishposh! Punish them!
 
Lord J.Roxton: The casus belli was very nice, although I'd have preferred it a bit longer! The amazing thing is that in RH Prince Duarte really did marry Princess Leonor of Aragon in 1428, exactly when the CB from Castile arrived in the game, so the story practically wrote itself!

Anibal: Yes, you got it. I have a rough three-part strategy in mind at the moment: 1) consolidate the Iberian Peninsula as my main base of operations; 2) explore and colonize wherever possible; 3) establish a second base of operations in the Baltic. An axis of friendship with Muscovy should be the lynchpin of this third strand. However, the best laid plans of mice and men don't always go exactly according to plan, of course... :D

jwolf: I just checked and there's no crossing from Gibraltar to Tangiers, I'm afraid. Not to worry - I wasn't planning on expanding into North Africa much.

Hastu Neon: I have a feeling that provinces held by a powerful France will probably have to wait till near the end of the game to be conquered, when even a powerful France will be no match for Pile-Driver Portugal. Well that's the plan, anyway... As for Spain and the ToT - well, we'll see about that! :)

J.Passepartout: My first priority in the coming war was an increase in manpower, so I was aiming first at grain-producing Leon. You can see below what actually happened.

Ciçatrix: Thanks!

Van Engel: Well, by popular demand, if I get all the P provinces under my belt, I will move onto obliterating P nations. Prussia and Poland - beware!

Grundius: No. And what a suggestion - that the worthy King Alfons would betray his ally... :eek:

CatKnight: Hah! I bet you resorted to the thesaurus to write that - I know I have... :D

OK patient people, it's party time...
 
Chapter 4
The Punishment for Pie-eyed Pride

It was July 1428, just under six months since the wedding of Prince Duarte to the Princess Leonor of Aragon where the Castilian King had cast such a slur on the Portuguese Prince. King João had done all he could to fuel a sense of national outrage against Castile, while General Pereira had organized the expansion of the Portuguese Army and its organization into three parts. All was now in place and on July 9th Portugal declared war on Castile in response to King Juan II’s continued failure to apologize for his remarks. Aragon immediately joined their Portuguese allies in the war, while Navarra valiantly stood by Castile. King Juan was about to pay dearly for his fondness for wine and arrogant sense of humour.

While General Pereira led one army north into the mountains of Asturias, King João’s third son Prince Enrique led the bulk of the Portuguese cavalry into the plains of Leon and a third army invaded Estremadura. As General Pereira had shrewdly predicted, the Castilians were far more interested in fighting the Aragonese, and the three Portuguese armies were left pretty much to themselves while great and bloody battles were being fought further east. The first concrete outcome of the conflict was that the Kingdom of Navarra were forced to accept annexation into Aragon in March 1429.

By this stage Prince Enrique was in control of Leon and was advancing into Castilla, while the sieges in Asturias and Estremadura were progressing well. By the time the Castilians realized their danger, their armies were too depleted and demoralized to be able to dislodge the Portuguese. One by one the provinces of Castile fell to the Portuguese and Aragonese invaders until, in December 1430, shortly after the fall of Andalusia, King Juan II sent a peace offer to King João - he was willing to hand over the provinces of Galicia, Asturias, Leon and Andalusia. King João gleefully accepted.


giralda.jpg

The Giralda Minaret in Sevilla, a reminder that most of Andalusia’s population were still Muslim​

Of course, by now King Juan was beginning to regret his failure to apologize to Prince Duarte, but alas for him his humiliation was not yet over. He was still at war with Aragon and by April 1432 the Aragonese were in control of all of mainland Castile - only the Canary Islands remained in Castilian hands. In despair, King Juan signed a peace treaty with King Alfons V ceding Cantabria, Castilla and Murcia to Aragon and the war was finally over, leaving Castile with only Toledo, Estremadura and the Canary Islands.

portugal-1433.jpg

The new slimline version of Castile
Guess who’s NOT going to be colonizing the New World...​

A glance at the preceding map will reveal that, despite the astonishing success of the Castilian War, Portugal had still not succeeded in conquering a single province beginning with P. The other sad event was that General Pereira died shortly after the end of the war. However, the maps the general had brought back to Lisbon from Fez now gave King João an idea. Perhaps some of the provinces as yet unknown to Europeans had names beginning with P. It was imperative that someone should go forth on an intrepid expedition to find out.

Soon, recruitment posters appeared all over Lisbon, inviting would-be adventurers to come forward as volunteers for this perilous but potentially glorious service. Unfortunately the first candidate was an utter crackpot by the name of Gonçalo Velho. He had got it into his head that there were a whole host of islands beginning with P somewhere far out to the west in the Atlantic Ocean. The Portuguese already knew about, and indeed had colonized, the Azores and the Cape Verde Islands, and Velho had obviously taken it into his head that these were just the first of many to be discovered. How Pedro the Cruel could possibly have been writing about them back in 1367 Velho never explained. In any case, King João instructed him to sail south from Cape Verde and explore the coast of Africa. Instead, Velho turned west from there and began sailing across the Atlantic to find what he insisted on calling “the P Islands”.

Ten months out of Cape Verde, Velha had still not discovered a single island whose name began with any letter of the alphabet. His crew, those of the ships that had not already been lost that is, were growing mutinous. Fortunately for Velho, it was at this point that land was finally sighted on the port bow. Soon the fleet had anchored in a bay at the mouth of a river, and a landing party rowed ashore to investigate. Velho questioned them carefully upon their return.


Gonçalo Velho: Well lads, what did you find out?

Officer: Plenty of fruit and fresh water, captain. We should be able to revictual without any problem.

Velho: The name, though? What is the land called?

Officer: Oh - it’s called... what was it again, boys?

Marine: Belém, sir.

Officer: That’s right, Captain Velho. Belém.

Velho: Belém, as in Bethlehem, you mean?

Officer: Yes, captain - I chose the name myself.

Velho: But... but... Belém doesn’t begin with P, you imbecile!

Officer: Oh, er... sorry, captain. I didn’t think of that.

Velho: Why you blithering idiot, why d’you think we’ve been sailing across the Atlantic for ten months?

Officer: Er... to find India?

Velho: NO! TO FIND PLACES BEGINNING WITH P YOU PIN-HEAD!

Officer: Um... sorry, captain. Perhaps we could sail on a bit and find somewhere else.

Velho: No we cannot sail on a bit because we only have enough supplies to get us straight back to Cape Verde. What do you think King João is going to say when I report that all we found was somewhere that my nincompoop of an officer named Belém?

Officer: Er... “Merry Christmas”?

belem.jpg

Velho’s fleet turns and heads for home​

But sadly, King João did not say these words, nor any others, for the fact was that, in August 1433, just three days before Velho’s fleet arrived in the Bay of Belém, he had tragically died of the plague in Lisbon, and his son Duarte was now King of Portugal. A glorious chapter in the kingdom’s history had come to a close, but Portugal’s new King Duarte was determined that he would open a new one.

Some stats in 1433 at the beginning of King Duarte’s reign
Income: 24.1
Supportable Army: 22000
VPs: 182 (#3)
Bad Boy: 7.0/33
Provinces owned beginning with P: 0
 
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You already have a significant number of BB, and no Ps. You may have a delicate balancing act ahead. But congratulations on the "slimming" of Castile. I don't know which was the more impressive: your initial conquest of them, or Aragon's followup. :eek: BTW, does your holding of Madrid keep Aragon from becoming Spain even if hypothetically :rolleyes: Castile is completely conquered?
 
Very nice AAR! Please post more. Good luck though, have to be hard getting all that P. :rofl:
 
Nice trashing of Spain. I've been playing with the idea of a Portugal game for a while now, it looks like a fun nation to play, however I found them lacking funds early on. You did a great job with them, though.
 
I don't think Castille was hit that hard, for they simply don't have P provinces. And no, España doesn't start with a P either. :D

Old Gonçalo (since velho = old) did a good job on finding the Bay of Belém. You didn't like it? Just convince the royal ones that it's just a first step towards more unknown P provinces. :)